(The Called To Be A Wife Series)
Are you in a relationship? Dating? Courting? Engaged or even Married?
If so, can you confidently say without a shadow of a doubt, that the one in your life was sent from God? You may be head over heels in love with him at the moment but was he sent by God?
For your sake and the sake of your future, I hope so.
I overhead a lady today, conversing with someone about the ordeal another lady had experienced with the man she had married and called her husband. The lady explained that this man appeared to be so charming, mannerly and sweet-natured, that no one would ever remotely suspect that he had a dark side…no one, except the poor woman who went home to live with him after a beautiful Marriage Ceremony.
The lady explained that this man was the sort of guy that would hit his wife and then sincerely apologize for it afterwards and would do such evil, manipulative things to you in secret, that nobody would dare guess that he was even capable of such behaviour.
As I travelled home that evening, I thought of the difference between a God-sent man and a devil-sent man, reflecting on a time in my life when I had tried to figure out whether a man I was interested in (and who appeared to be a Christian) was sent from God or commissioned by the devil, to derail my purpose.
THE GOD-SENT MAN
A man sent from God will not be perfect because then that would be a mismatch as you are not perfect. However, his underlying quality trait would be, that he is a builder.
By that I mean, that despite the fact that you two will have problems, disagreements and arguments at times, you would realize that for the most part, he BUILDS, SUPPORTS, ENCOURAGES, PROMOTES, PRAISES, RESPECTS, CONSTRUCTIVELY AND LOVINGLY CRITICIZES AND CULTIVATES you to be more than you ever thought possible and all that God created you to be.
You would find that such a man is committed to ensuring that you are MADE BETTER, that you ACHIEVE YOUR FULLEST POTENTIAL and that you GROW BOTH PERSONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY each day.
He will not, due to pettiness, jealousy, competition, male ego or maliciousness, suppress and discourage your gifts and talents, so as to keep you from being all that God intended for you to be (which includes shining for HIS glory) but will give you leeway, propel you forward and upward because he is invested in your holistic success.
You would find that he seems to care more about you than his own self, often willing to sacrifice his time, his money, his comfort and his own happiness, to make sure that you are fine and treated like the royalty you are.
You would find that he has embraced you as a precious investment, so that although he knows that you are not perfect and that he does not love some of your ways, he is determined to see you realize your full potential. You would find that he cherishes and adores you and that he wants you to experience the best quality of life that you can, under his loving and patient guidance and leadership.
You would find that although you have your ways and your quirks and your flaws and your weaknesses, that somehow, he comes built with the capability to handle it, as if he had been tailor-made by someone wise, just for you! You would find that there is a fit between you and him that is so perfect (despite both of your imperfections), that it leaves you in awe because you KNOW God brought you together.
The Bible states that the Lord Jesus came so that we as human beings could have life and not just have it but more abundantly. It is my belief that this verse was referring mainly, if not totally, to the everlasting life that God freely offers to all those who would accept his Son Jesus as Lord over their lives.
Think about it: If Jesus wants us to have life and to experience it more abundantly (John 10:10), then any man that he sends into a woman’s life, would be for the SAME purpose.
A right pick in the area of boyfriend who is then promoted to fiancé and finally to spouse, can leave a woman glowing from cheek to cheek. Such a woman would find that, through her husband’s loving support and strength, she is overcoming more than she thought she could and doing greater exploits than she ever envisioned. This is because her marriage is founded upon the ROCK of Jesus Christ and God has sent her a backbone and loving coach in the form of a man.
THE DEVIL-SENT MAN
On the other side of the spectrum, there is the devil-sent man. Now the devil-sent man may not appear to be that in the beginning and many women throughout time have been deceived into marriage by a devil-sent man disguising himself as a God-sent. The Bible states that the devil often disguises himself as an angel of light and that we should beware of wolves in sheep clothing (2 Corinthians 11:13-14; Matthew 7:15).
There are many wolves prowling around today and believe it or not, you may not find them just in a bar or at a reckless party or some other non-Christian function. Many times, he’s sitting right in the pews, he’s in the choir and he volunteers for charity work. The devil is cunning and he has certain people in the churches on assignment, to derail Christians through destructive and painful relationships or otherwise.
This brings me to the characteristics of a devil-sent.
Well, as the saying goings, the apple never falls far from the tree. So, if the Bible says that the devil’s purpose is to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10), then without mixing words, that is undoubtedly the purpose of the devil-sent man in your life.
You cannot identify him by his clothes, how he looks, how he walks, how he talks, who his family is, how many years he has been in church attendance, the kind of job he has, how much money he makes or his house or his car type or how much he makes you laugh or anything else that is natural for that matter. You are able to identify him only through a close relationship with your heavenly Father, prayer, fasting, reading of the Word and spiritual discernment that God gives, as you seek HIM.
The devil is going to and fro, seeking who he can destroy, so you have to ensure that you stay covered in Christ Jesus so that you do not become an easy target. The wrong marriage can have lasting consequences and some women have even paid for their poor choice with their lives!
Having a man in your life and walking down the aisle in a white dress is nice but don’t let a fantasy or a desire make you forfeit your write to patiently and prayerfully ask God for guidance and for his will to be done in the area of spouse selection. Don’t you dare make a move to change your status or to even court someone without seeking God from the inception. Get his permission before you make any decisions and if he says NO then trust your heavenly daddy and walk away…quickly!
A devil-sent man, whether he is aware of it or not, is on assignment to make your life a living hell (no pun intended). He may not do it at the beginning but some women get a shocker as early as their honeymoon night, when the man they thought was charming, turn on them and turn into something or someone that they have never met, that is sinister. By then, it is too late as they are already married.
I remember viewing an authentic Wedding video online, of a Wedding Reception where the bride and groom were lovingly cutting the wedding cake together. The groom gave his new wife a piece and then she turned to give him a piece as well. However, to be a bit playful, every time he bent forward to eat the cake from her hands, she would pull her hand back jokingly. She did it about three times but the fourth time, he was so enraged that, forgetting that he was around people and not being able to control himself, he violently and aggressively knocked the cake out of her hand.
Wow! What a happily ever after!
Some women, unlike that poor lady at her Wedding are fortunate though, in that God, in his mercy, allowed the man’s true colours to not just be shown but to be seen before the relationship reached engagement or marriage stage. Others were led as blind sheep to the slaughter and as they exchanged vows with a ring to die for, the devil chuckled because he knew all that he had planned for that poor unsuspecting victim.
As women, we are too precious to have invested in ourselves all these years, been through all that we have been through, to just let a stranger come and destroy everything God has done in us thus far. We want a man that will take us further, not backward.
We have no time at this juncture in our lives to entertain self-esteem issues because we have gone beyond that. We have become confident in our worth and our beauty and we have embraced God’s wondrous purpose. We have no time to be degraded or to deal with someone that has anger or jealousy issues or paranoid and psychotic tendencies. We have no time to play the games of the players or to spend our lives running after men that never will understand our worth and do not want to be caught but enjoy the chase.
We are about PURPOSE and we need to be prepared to wait prayerfully on God while he sets up a meeting with THE ONE he intended. It may not be according to our timing but God knows best and we should trust him enough to let go the reins completely.
I have vowed not to go looking for any man and to allow God to bring him to me when HE is ready. I have said it before and I say it here again, that if God doesn’t send me a husband, I will never get one. When you see me become a wife therefore, know that it was GOD that did it.
Given that so much is at stake and that the right pick could be so rewarding and fulfilling, I cannot afford to get it wrong because the wrong spouse will undoubtedly lead to a lifetime of regret.
Women should take time to get to know the person they are dating/courting/interested in, seek God, pray, fast and ask him for wisdom to make the right choice. He sees immediately what we cannot but if we ask him, he will open our spiritual eyes to discern what is truly before us. And make no mistake, that which is before us will either be a blessing or a curse. There is no middle ground. He either came to build you or to break you, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, financially or all of the above.
We should not let our desire to marry or pressure from others make us rush into things that we should not. Time doesn’t just heal but it REVEALS as well. If you take the time to get to know someone, you may never know everything but patience pays off, big time! At some point, if you give it enough time and are in serious prayer mode, the true colours (of whatever hue they be) will come to the surface, much like a dead fish rises to the surface and floats at sea.
There is a popular saying, that fools rush in where angels fear to tread so please, take your time.
Devil-sents tend to want to move quickly so as to trap you in sin or in a torturous marriage. Of course this does not mean that a devil-sent would not cunningly take his time to woo you into his bed or down the aisle.
On the whole therefore, we need to be careful as women, especially when we know that God has a great purpose and plan for our lives. We should seek him, seek him, seek him and at ALL times. We should ask, even as I did several years ago, that he keep ALL the wrong men away from us and to only allow the God-sent to approach us.
God wants to help us make the right choice if only we would allow him. In Proverbs 3:5-6, it tells us: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
I believe that we were destined to soar and if we marry the one that God sends, he will assist us in building the wings that we need to take flight. If however we make the mistake and marry the one that the devil sent, instead of soaring without limitation, we will find ourselves stuck at ground level and kneading the dough that the devil made. We would find that sadly, our wings have been clipped and that all of our wonderful dreams and aspirations have been killed, stolen or destroyed.
Much is at stake dear daughter of the King. Take your time and choose well.
(Written on 16th August, 2016)