(The Courting or Engaged Series – Batch 2)

On 2nd April, 2016, as a single woman, I wrote:

I’ve been thinking of love and marriage lately and the beauty of doing things God’s way.

After all, he is the one that created us and he IS love, so the best love story we could ever hope to have with anyone is the one that he has orchestrated.

I’ve also been thinking lately, of the awesomeness of when a man proposes and I thought in particular, of that blessed time in my future, when my husband-to-be will propose.

“What kind of proposal would I want?”

When I ask this question, I don’t mean expensive restaurants and a ring and fancy frills. I mean, what should be at the core of such a proposal? What should it mean, coming from the one I love dearly?

I know what I do not want it to mean. I don’t want him to be doing it because his friends are getting married and he feels he should join that line or because he is getting older and losing his appeal or because he feels pressured by family, friends or even me to put a ring on my finger.

I don’t want it to be something that he does because he is bored or because it seems like the next step that people usually take. I don’t want him to propose out of guilt or fear or insecurity or because he knows I expect a ring and does not want to hurt my feelings.

I do not want him to do it because he is mindful of my age and my ovaries and that the biological clock is ticking (although this should be a factor he considers in terms of timing) or because the thought of bedding me drives him crazy, so much so that he feels that he absolutely cannot wait any longer.

Finally, I do not want him to propose to me to prove a point to anyone, to obtain accolades and attention or because I gave him some sort of ultimatum and he is afraid of losing me to another.

I want it to be something that he has given much thought to and decided with God’s guidance, that he wants to do and in God’s perfect timing. I want it to be a proposal that he is excited about because he is genuinely excited about my becoming his wife for a lifetime and he, my husband. I want him to be absolutely sure that I am who he wants at his side and nobody else and that when he proposes, he understands the significance of the commitment of marriage.

In essence, I want it to be something that HE wants and not something that others (not even myself) have influenced him or advised him or cajoled him to do. In summary, I want when a man kneels on the floor to propose to me, that he is saying in his heart:

  1. This is who I want to be with and I have absolutely no regrets or uncertainty at the moment.
  2. This is who I love.
  3. This is who I believe God has approved of to be my wife.
  4. This is who I see in my future.
  5. This is who I see my Ministry tied to.
  6. This is who I want at my side through the ups and downs of life.
  7. This is who I want to be the mother of my children and the manager of my household.
  8. This is who I do not need (because Jesus is all I will ever need) but who I really, really, really want and badly.
  9. This is who I would be honoured, humbled and privileged to marry, were she to accept.
  10. This is who I see myself growing old with and spending the rest of my life with.
  11. This is who I value the most in my life, after Jesus.
  12. This is who I want as my best friend and confidante.
  13. This is the person I feel comfortable being vulnerable with and in whom I feel I can safely place my trust.
  14. This is the person that inspires me to be more like Jesus and to grow as a person.
  15. This is the person I want to invest in and help cultivate and bring out the best that she can be.
  16. This is the person that enhances and aids in improving my overall life experience.
  17. This is the person that I feel excited about and anticipate sharing fun times and the rest of my life with.
  18. This is the person that I care about selflessly, want to always give my best to and help her continue to grow in the Lord Jesus Christ.
  19. This is the only person that I am attracted to ON ALL THREE dimensions, namely spiritually, emotionally and physically.
  20. I understand fully what I am doing, what an engagement and marriage will mean and that in marrying her, I am undertaking before the Lord to cover her, protect her, respect her, cherish her, be faithful to her, lead her lovingly and selflessly and guide her forward in life’s journey, for as long as we shall both live.

Given that I know the kind of proposal I want and need, I am prepared to wait therefore, confident that once God sends the right man into my life, he will give him the right timing.

I will not have to manipulate the situation, issue an ultimatum, make a suggestion of marriage or any such thing because once God sent him to me, he will see and be convinced of my high value. He will therefore know that he cannot propose too quickly (because he needs to take the time to properly court me), nor can he wait too long (because I am destined to be somebody’s wife).

(Written on 02nd April, 2016)

Dear Reader, if you found this Note to be interesting or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:

  • Note 17 – ‘What Makes A Good Proposal’

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