42. MAKING THE WRONG DECISION CAN BE COSTLY – WHEN YOU DON’T WAIT ON GOD TO INTRODUCE YOU TO YOUR SPOUSE

(The Courting or Engaged Series – Batch 2)

Despite how serious marriage is in God’s eyes, that it is a permanent and irreversible covenant and therefore, that those who are considering entering into this honourable institution designed by God should do so cautiously, wisely, carefully and prayerfully, many women today, including those who have professed to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour, feel pressured by peers, co-workers, aunts, people in the Church, their biological clock, their desire to have sex, their desire to project a certain image of success and other reasons, to rush into marriage.

They do not exercise faith and wait on God to have his way in their lives, whatever that may be or look like. Instead, due to desperation, they jump headlong into a relationship with just about anyone willing to give them the time of day and then marriage (if he proposes), without taking the time to seek God’s will as to whether this man is the one they should be marrying or not. As a result, many of these women end up in relationships with men that were never saved although they thought they were or with men that don’t love or respect them or in otherwise failed or sour marriages.

When we don’t wait on God to provide a spouse for us (if it is within his will to do so), we end up making the wrong decision and this can be very costly. The price for making the wrong decision and aligning ourselves with the wrong man is very high.

To explain what I mean, let’s list some examples of women (including Christian women) who rushed into marriage with the wrong man and then was called upon to pay the price. I am sure that as we examine their situation, you will be able to think of one or two women who found themselves in a similar fix, both inside and outside the Church.

A and her DISAPPEARING husband

A is a woman who got married in her early twenties. The man pursued her, wooed her, came from a good and seemingly respectable Christian family and was involved in the Church ‘ministry’ activities. However, despite how lovely the Wedding had been and how lustily he had sung on their Wedding Day to his bride about how happy and blessed he was to have her as his wife, five (5) years into the marriage, shockingly, they separated and rumours surfaced that he was having an affair.

A had no children as yet. She will not ever initiate divorce proceedings against her husband but if her husband should choose to divorce her, A understands that God hates divorce, prohibits remarriage and still considers that man to be her husband until he dies. In such a situation, she therefore intends to remain obedient to God and not remarry or enter into any other relationship. If her husband never comes to his senses, does not repent before God and they never reconcile therefore, this would sadly mean that for her, the decision of who she married, robbed her to a large extent of a bright future and from a very young age.

For, although she has always loved family life and wanted to raise a family, she is now permanently single (unless her spouse dies), can never look forward to having children and will therefore never experience the joys of motherhood, ever. She will also no longer be able to enjoy physical intimacy for the rest of her life and will not have that wonderful security that a woman craves when she gets married to a man.

When she goes on vacations, no matter how beautiful the place, there will be no significant other to accompany her and to appreciate the experience with her, she will have no one to call her own, no one to whisper sweet nothings in her ear (which she loved to hear) and no more sense of belonging to someone on earth.

As a Christian woman, she will get by, as she knows she is complete in Christ no matter what but alas, she must resign herself to the consequences of her poor choice and to a life of perpetual singleness, which at times, can prove difficult. Plus, if her husband divorces her, she knows that she will be subjected to the stigma that is usually associated with being a divorcee, although she was faithful in the marriage.

B and her UNBELIEVING husband

B, a woman who professed to know Jesus Christ, disregarded God’s command and married a guy who she knew she wasn’t equally yoked to. He was not a believer of Jesus Christ and did not know him as Lord and Saviour, yet, she loved him so much, that she mistakenly thought that the strength of her love for him could conquer all, including the Bible. She thought her relationship would be the exception to the general rule that one can only expect curses for disobedience to God.

A few years in, she soon regretted what she had done, as she lacked real intimacy with her husband, which she so badly desired. For, real intimacy only comes through a connection on all three levels (spiritual, emotional and physical). However, her husband was spiritually dead as an unbeliever and therefore could not cater to her spiritual needs. He was also too selfish to build deep emotional intimacy and this also affected the quality of their physical relations.

When her husband did wrong, he did not care what God thought as he had not submitted his life to the Lordship of Christ. He did not therefore consider himself to be accountable to anyone but himself. He was his own boss. He did not go to Church with B at all, despite her umpteen requests but frequented the bar (which she did not bargain for), came home drunk and cursed her. There was also a rumour that he had started to take illegal drugs and that the Police were looking for him. If they ever search their home and find anything, she could face a jail term along with him!

Their children don’t know God and have adopted daddy’s ways. They don’t want to go to Church and don’t see why they should, if daddy is not going. They consider him to be more of an influence on their lives (although he is headed down the wrong path) than B is, so her decision to marry this man cost her not just a happy marriage but also her children’s salvation, unless God intervenes in his mercy to draw them to himself.

C and her NARCISSISTIC husband

C is another woman whose wrong decision as to who to marry, cost her her peace and sanity. Sad to say, she ended up with a narcissistic husband who delights in abusing her physically, emotionally, financially, psychologically and spiritually, so much so, that she feels like she is close to losing her mind. She is nothing like her former self, gets paranoid, feels guilty all the time is highly insecure, feels inadequate, depressed, has become easily agitated is ageing prematurely, stressed, has high blood pressure issues and keeps poor health overall. All of this decreases her quality of life. Oh how she regrets not waiting on God to choose for her and rushing into this relationship because she was so desperate to be called a married woman!

D and her STRESSFUL husband

D is another woman paying dearly for her rash decision. It has cost her her health. She is bedridden because the man stressed her out so much. During the marriage, he emptied the savings account they held jointly, on recklessly large purchases and after losing his job after his involvement in some kind of dishonest practice or another, he refused to look for another, content to sit on the couch and watch television all day. She slaved to bring home the bacon…and then bake it.

At one point, after she helped him finally to get another job and things seemed to be looking up, she received sudden news of his infidelity and although she thought she was being the perfect wife, he informed her that he wanted a divorce, when all she had done was love on him and help to build him. All this stress gave her a stroke which left her bedridden and having to be taken care of by her family members. The man who is the cause of her medical ailment is long gone, having divorced her and moved on to what he considers to be greener pastures with another woman.

E and her VIOLENT husband

E is the woman who’s poor choice of a spouse cost her her life. The man who promised to love and protect her all the days of his life, abused her physically and eventually killed her. This is happening ever so often in the country where I live and in the world. Men who promised to love and cherish the woman at their side are beating them mercilessly and then seeking a way out, by trying to end their lives. This kind of violence occurs because the foundation to that relationship was flawed from the get-go. These men said the ‘L’ word yes but they never truly loved these women. They lusted them and these women mistakenly thought that lust was love (SEE Note 145 on my ‘SINGLES Daughter of God’ page entitled: ‘DOES HE LOVE YOU OR LUST YOU?’)

SUMMARY

In closing, the above examples illustrate that making the wrong decision (as usually happens when we refuse to wait on God and his pick for our lives) is costly.

I have a motto when it comes to relationships. I maintain that the man I marry (should the good Lord will), must be coming to build me, not break me. I have enough issues and problems on my own as a single person and therefore can do without a man coming for the sole purpose of adding more burdens to my load.

The reality of the situation is that the man who enters your life will do one of the above: He will either make you better or bitter. He will either build you up or break you down. It is up to you to take the time to properly assess that prospect with God’s help and through discernment, to determine if he is who God wants for your life.

(Written on 1st July 2018, added to on 09th October, 2020)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following under my ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters of God’ Page and my ‘SINGLE Daughters of God’ Page. Simply type the name of the Article in the search bar provided and click ‘enter’.

COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters of God Page:

Note 62 – ‘Who To Marry?’

Additionally, under the ‘SINGLE Daughters of God’ Page:

Note 8 – ‘My Quick Ten Point Checklist – Is He The One?
Note 18 – ‘You Can’t Change Him’
Note 19 – ‘You Are Not Perfect – Can He Handle That?’
Note 20 – ‘Equation For Relationship Success’
Note 21 – ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth’
Note 25 – ‘When Loneliness And Impatience Set In’
Note 51 – ‘Characteristics Of A Counterfeit’
Note 53 – ‘God-sent vs Devil-sent – The Difference’
Note 58 – ‘To Tell If He’s The One, Put On Your Spiritual Glasses’
Note 60 -’Send Me Such A Man’
Note 65 – ‘It Is Such A Privilege To Be Presented’
Note 67 – ‘Will There Ever Be Such A Man?’
Note 70 – ‘Has He Forgotten Me?’
Note 73 – ‘Wait For Your Ice Cream’
Note 74 – ‘The Devil Is A Liar’
Note 75 – ‘The Danger Of Impatience – He’s Taking Too Long’
Note 126 – ‘Will He Make It?’
Note 128 – ‘God-sent Or Just God-ly?’
Note 129 – ‘Single Daughters Of God- Wait!’
Note 131 – ‘What I Need In A Spouse’
Note 144 – ‘Before You Say I Do’
Note 145 – ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You?’
Note 146 – ‘Three Idols In The Church – Getting Married, Having Children & Working A Secular Job’
Note 147 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-sent And Not Just God-ly’
Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever?’
Note 252 – ‘If You’ve Had Sex, Does That Mean That You & The Person Are Married In God’s Eyes?’
Note 257 – ‘Looking For A Husband? God Will Not Send…’
Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God’
Note 259 – ‘How We Let Our Guard Down As Women’
Note 260 – ‘Common Sense Tips For Choosing The Right One’
Note 266 – ‘What Is Romantic Love?’