(The Called To Be A Wife Series)
I wrote in a previous Article about the devil-sent versus the God-sent man. However, I have come to realize that not every person that is wrong for you or not intended for you, can be classified as a counterfeit or as someone entering your life on a mission from the devil to destroy you.
As we indicated previously, the counterfeit tries to pass himself off for a season, as your God-sent and therefore, aims to deceive. Technically speaking, a counterfeit is not the guy you knew from the start was not saved and tried to make a relationship work with him. That was plain disobedience to God’s Word which says to stay away from unsaved men (2 Corinthians 6:13 KJV).
The counterfeit is however, much more subtle and tries to make you think that he is saved, a good man and the answer to your desire to be covered by a man of God. He is the devil-sent trying to deceive you into believing that he is your God-sent.
There is however, a third category which you hardly ever hear about, called the God-ly.
This simply means that it is possible for you to be interested in someone, who is a good, decent, attractive, godly Christian man but he could still be wrong for you. Whereas he may be someone else’s God-sent, he is not yours unless he approaches you with definite interest and God confirms that he is the one that he wants you to court and marry.
You may not be unequally yoked if you enter into a relationship or courtship with such a man in that he is a believer, has faith in Jesus Christ and genuinely loves him. He may even have noble intentions in relation to you or whichever of God’s daughters he were to end up with. He may be a really nice person, of admirable character and have traits that make him marriage material but he may still be wrong for you if he is not your God-sent.
Many Christians marry godly people but few, in my view, truly wait on God to send their God-sent.
It is not that a marriage with a godly person cannot work and be successful but I think the greatest success in any relationship and the one that will bring the most glory to God, is one that is approved, encouraged and orchestrated by him from the beginning.
To me, there is nothing sweeter or more romantic than a being in a relationship that God deliberately put together and is therefore invested in keeping together.
Marrying someone you love, who loves you back and hearing God whisper,“This is what I want. I am pleased with this union and it was brought about by me” is so much more beautiful, in my view, than the idea that God should not have a problem with the union because you both are saved and abided by his rules.
The issue is therefore much wider than ensuring that you do not settle for a counterfeit. If you want the one that is God’s best for you in terms of his divine knowledge of who would be most compatible for you today, a year from today and thirty years into your marriage, you need to avoid settling as well for someone, simply because he is godly and you share an attraction. You need to question further if he is God’s perfect will for your life, that is, if you want and value his perfect will.
It is possible for two Christians to be interested in each other and begin to pursue a relationship that is not sanctioned by God, due to weaknesses in each other or not seeking God’s face at all or enough on the issue. In some cases, one Christian, in finally seeking God and listening to his answer, wakes up out of his or her slumber and ends things with the other, which can be painful. This could have been avoided from the get-go if both Christians were where they should have been spiritually in Christ and were sincerely and soberly seeking his guidance on a life partner.
Other Christians may realize that they were not the best of matches for each other, after they walked down the aisle but in such a case, their choice makes that person the one that they must work with for the rest of their lives. Marriages, based on God’s permissive will, can work, although it may take more work than if they had waited on God’s perfect will.
Some people believe that once the person is godly, that is sufficient for a marriage union because the both persons are equally yoked in Christ. However, I believe that God wants us to acknowledge him in every stage and step of our lives, especially with something as big as choosing a life partner. Seriously, how can you claim to be walking with Jesus and loving him and not even care to include him in the selection process or not bother to wait around for his answer?
The Word of God says that we should acknowledge God, not in some of our ways but ALL of them and that he will direct our paths. It also says that we should not lean on our own understanding and this highlights the fact that our understanding is limited, flawed and can be deceptive at times, so much so, that we need Jesus to guide us through his Holy Spirit in every walk of life, especially on the altar walk.
It is often said by different Christian speakers, that the counterfeit usually comes before THE ONE. While this may be the case in some situations, it is not true of all, so you always need to be on your guard.
I have learned that, not because a counterfeit came and you survived (thank God!) does it mean that the next person that you meet and are interested in must be THE ONE. The devil can be relentless so do not underestimate him. The one you think is THE ONE could be counterfeit no. 2 and if you let your guard down simply because you already encountered one before, you will be easy bait for the devil the second time wrong. As I said once, until a thing is confirmed, it is but a distraction.
Dear Christian women, every guy you meet that you are interested in therefore, will fall into one of the three (3) categories. He will either be a counterfeit (sent by the devil to try to derail you), a god-ly (serving God but not God’s perfect will for you) or a God-sent (serving God and assigned by him to you for the purpose of marriage).
I have also learned that not because you meet a godly, decent, attractive (and maybe even single guy), does it mean that he is God’s will or his God-sent for your life. You must therefore pray, always pray, ask God to guide you and to help shield and protect your impressionable heart, not just from wolves (the counterfeits) but also from his Godly sons who you may find highly attractive but are not his God-sent for you.
I’ve also learned that you can’t tell these different types of men apart based on how they dress, how they look, speak or conduct themselves. You can only do so by hiding your heart in Christ, trusting him, praying to him, waiting on him and allowing him to reveal which of the three, if any, is your God-sent.
If that man you’re eyeing is assigned by God to you, don’t worry. He will come forward (he is the one that is supposed to take the risk), he will be available, he will pursue you honourably and I believe that God will give you confirmation (once you pray) that he is in the midst of this union and a peace in moving forward from stage to stage, which passes all understanding.
I speak to myself as I write this: Wait on God to reveal THE ONE he wants you to entrust your fragile heart to. Do not go ahead of him. Do not worry or be anxious. If you find yourself preoccupied in wondering if a particular guy you see that you like is THE ONE, you are going ahead of God. The guy hasn’t even approached you with any definite interest yet and he may never do so!
To be cautious, think of every guy you meet that seems decent, godly and attractive, as having a significant other, even if they are not yet married. Only let this presumption be removed if a guy approaches you with definite interest and therefore represents himself as available. If you don’t, you could get hurt.
As someone who has gotten hurt twice in placing my hope in someone I consider to be a counterfeit and someone who appeared to truly be godly and decent, my advice to you is to slow down. Re-fix your eyes on Jesus. When he is ready, the ONE he wants for you (if it is his will for your life) will leave the crowd and come forward. He will identify himself as a prospect by indicating to you with words, that he is interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
After that, don’t just assume that he is THE ONE. Remain guarded and prayerful while you let God do the work of examining his heart, suitability and motives.
Stand still and allow God to orchestrate your love story how he pleases.
(Written on 19th July, 2017)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be beneficial, you may also be interested in the following:
- Note 5 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-Sent And Not Just God-ly’