37. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO WAIT WITH A GOOD ATTITUDE?

(The Called To Be A Wife Series – Batch 2)

So, if you are single, you’ve not been given the job of being a wife yet (which you may want badly) and you are waiting on that ‘promotion’ of marriage from the Lord. You’re on this particular Page most likely because although you are not yet courting or engaged, the thought of having a beautiful Wedding and an inspiring Marriage one day, gets you so excited, that you can hardly wait.

Yet WAIT you must because God hasn’t sent Prince Charming yet. So, how do you WAIT with a good attitude? If the above applies to you, how do you WAIT on God to bring about that longed for presentation, in a way that pleases and brings glory to Him?

Well, one thing we have learned from the example with the Israelites in the wilderness is that God hates it when we wait with a poor attitude. This often times hinders our blessings and keeps us from moving forward into the Promised Land.

Waiting with a good attitude, for that day when the one you are to marry arrives or you get that proposal and get to walk down that aisle and embark upon married life, requires you to avoid at least four (4) main behaviours.

These are as follows:

1. Waiting with a good attitude means that you are NOT COMPLAINING

You’re not waking up every day depressed and fretting and feeling sorry for yourself and thinking woe is me and complaining to people about all of your problems and how hard being single is and that life is not fair and that God is not fair and that you don’t deserve this and seeing everything in life through a negative, sour lens.

Numbers 11:1-4 speaks of the Israelites when they were in the wilderness. They did not like being there, hated waiting and wanted to get into the Promised Land immediately without any suffering, deprivation or hardship. So what did they do? They complained and God was so displeased with their poor attitude (which was fueled by faithlessness), that he destroyed some of them from off the face of the earth.

The scripture reads:

• “And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it, and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.”

1 Corinthians 10:5-10 speaks in more detail of all the wicked ways in which the Israelites had behaved, the things that they had done while waiting (which led to God’s judgment as a consequence) and complaining or murmuring was one of them.

The scripture reads:

• “But with many of them God was not well pleased: for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted. Neither be ye idolaters, as were some of them; as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play. Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand. Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents. Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.”

It is important to note that the Israelites’ sins of lust, idolatry, fornication and tempting Christ were placed into the same category as their sin of complaining or murmuring, all of which resulted in their destruction. This tells us that God regards complaining or murmuring as a grave sin.

It is therefore not good enough for us to say that we are waiting well because we are not having sex or engaging in idolatry. If we are complaining while waiting, we are equally as culpable as the Israelites. In fact, our constant complaining about our singleness and feeling constantly depressed is an indication that we are lusting after and idolizing marriage, which, although marriage is good, lust and idolatry are sins.

To wait with a good attitude means to have a spirit of thanksgiving to God for all that he has done in your life thus far, where he has you at the moment, where you are trusting him to take you in the future, in his own time and in his own way and for the fact that he is all powerful, all knowing, knows what is best for you (even more than you know what is best for yourself) and that he is a God that can be trusted, even when you don’t understand what he is doing in your lives and why the wait is taking so long.

Waiting with a good attitude requires you to just trust God through your pain, your discomfort, your loneliness, your confusion, your destitution and your frustration. Trust him, not necessarily that he is going to work things out the way you want them or give you what you want but that he is working out his purposes in your life perfectly, whatever they may be, for your good and His glory.

As we wait, we should be consumed with praise, not complaints because no matter what we go through or what season of life we find ourselves in, the Lord is worthy to be praised.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 sums it up perfectly when it states: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

2. Waiting with a good attitude means that you are NOT COVETING

You’re not obsessively eyeing that ex or person you had once been interested in (Yes I know this can be hard) and how they are doing and if they have someone new or being envious at that sister in the Lord or co-worker or sibling or other family member or friend because she has someone or is engaged, while you are still in the same position you were, two, three, four or more years ago.

Waiting with a good attitude means that you are not wishing it was you and not her and thinking that you deserve that kind of blessing more than her because in your mind, you are more worthy than her.

You are not showing up at her Wedding (because you were invited and so feel compelled to go or because you get the opportunity to find things to criticize to make yourself feel better, like whether her dress looks good, whether the man looks like someone respectable, whether the décor is a fail and the food is a flop). You are not being sour throughout the whole Ceremony (as I have witnessed with my own eyes at someone’s Wedding I attended) and inwardly resenting the bride (and God) because everything came out so beautifully and she looks so happy and they look so good together and she is moving on in life, while you remain stuck.

No. You are content in the season that God has you in and you refuse to covet other people’s blessings. You desire more yes but you know that God’s timing is best and so you can rejoice with others that have found their special someone and be genuinely elated for them, knowing that what the Lord did for them, he can most certainly do for you as well.

Covetousness which is birthed from selfishness, a sense of entitlement and envy is a serious sin in God’s eyes, one which he equates with sexual sin and idolatry.

The Word of God states:

• “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” (Exodus 20:17)

• “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5)

• “For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Romans 13:9)

• “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.” (Ephesians 5:3)

• “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”(Colossians 3:5)

• “For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” (Ephesians 5:5)

3. Waiting with a good attitude means that you are NOT CONTENDING

You are not using your single season to go around like a busybody and a talebearer, creating discord (which God’s Word condemns) and confusion and trouble and sowing seeds of malice (which you will soon find out is self-destructive), in the lives of others.

You are instead, using your mouth wisely, not to pull down that brother or sister because you are hurting or because they hurt you or simply because you know what you’re saying is true, so you feel justified in saying it.

Not everything that is true needs to be said or spread. Season all of your words with salt and know that sometimes, your opinions, even if factual, need to be kept to yourself.

On the whole, you should not be using your free time to create as much mischief, mayhem, conflict and drama as possible, by gossiping as much as possible and thriving on the bad news of others because this makes you feel better. You should not be considered by others to be a storm but should have a peaceable spirit, as you wait patiently on the Lord in humility and quietness.

Contending and stirring up trouble (most times with our lips), while it is something that we consider to be cultural and the norm is an evil practice that God detests. Even if we did not mean to do harm, if something we said about somebody else hurt them, we must take responsibility for our wrong, as we should have kept our views to ourselves.

I learned this the hard way, when I was chastened severely for such behaviour. I have since learned from my mistakes, repented of this evil way before the Lord and to a large extent (although sometimes I slip), generally stay far away from gossiping, badmouthing, people that love strife, drama and contention and from giving my opinion to people about others, on matters that don’t concern me, even if my take on the issue is a wise perspective.

The Word of God says:

• “These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.”

• “Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work, to speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.” (Titus 3:1-2)

• “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.” (James 1:26)

• “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:16)

• “Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer.” (Psalm 101:5)

• “Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” (1 Timothy 5: 12-13)

• “He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool.” (Proverbs 10:18)

• “What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it…The face of the Lord is against them that do evil…” (Psalm 34:12-14, 16)

4. Waiting with a good attitude means that you are NOT ‘CHILLAXING’

‘Chillaxing’ is not a word but a term that I either made up or observed somewhere. It means chilling and relaxing.

Waiting with a good attitude means that you are not using your single season, which is a precious season in God’s sight, to just sit around doing nothing or wasting time on the non-productive behaviours mentioned above. Instead, while you wait on the Lord, you are up and about and busy working for him, where he would have you to be.

Too many women sit around doing nothing for the Lord, thinking, that when he sends them someone, then they will get involved in Ministry or they do a little something now (the bare minimum) but tell themselves that they will only give Jesus their all when Mr. Right arrives.

This is waiting with a bad attitude for more reasons than one. Firstly, it is idolatry. If you are a Christian, you are called, first and foremost and above the possibility of getting married, to go into all the world and preach the gospel. That is not a request but a command. You are also called, as part of Christ’s body, to edify the Church, based on whatever God has gifted you with.

If you are not using the opportunities that God is giving you every day therefore and your gift and talents, so as to reach people with the gospel of God’s saving grace through faith in Jesus and to edify the saints, then you are truly wasting time and dishonouring God while you wait.

Some women who have professed to know Christ are busy working a secular job or business and they think that God is pleased with them because they have such good work ethic and work so hard, around the clock. Yet, they do nothing or very little work for God’s Kingdom. Every Christian should have the mentality that God’s work is the main job and priority and the secular (even if they have no choice but to spend eight or so hours at it) is the side or part time position.

Working for God doesn’t guarantee you will get that husband but let me tell you a little secret: God has a tendency of providing spouses for his children (if he is minded to do so), when they are already busy working in his vineyard. Remember Ruth?

God expects all of his children to work for him and his Kingdom, based on the gifts, talents, abilities and means he has given to them. When we don’t work for Him we are being rebellious and lazy and should not expect God to bless us with our heart’s desires.

When King Darius reigned, God’s children in Judah were guilty of the same thing. They were devoting all of their time to their own affairs and secular jobs and interests and ignoring the work of the Lord.

In Haggai 1:1-11, it reads:

• “In the second year of Darius the king, in the sixth month, in the first day of the month, came the word of the Lord by Haggai the prophet unto Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest, saying, Thus speaketh the Lord of hosts, saying, This people say, The time is not come, the time that the Lord’s house should be built. Then came the word of the Lord by Haggai the prophet, saying, Is it time for you, O ye, to dwell in your cieled houses, and this house lie waste? Now therefore thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways. Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes. Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways. Go up to the mountain, and bring wood, and build the house; and I will take pleasure in it, and I will be glorified, saith the Lord. Ye looked for much, and, lo it came to little; and when ye brought it home, I did blow upon it. Why? saith the Lord of hosts. Because of mine house that is waste, and ye run every man unto his own house. Therefore the heaven over you is stayed from dew, and the earth is stayed from her fruit. And I called for a drought upon the land, and upon the mountains, and upon the corn, and upon the new wine, and upon the oil, and upon that which the ground bringeth forth, and upon men, and upon cattle, and upon all the labour of the hands.”

Thankfully, the people of God obeyed the Lord when he spoke through his Prophet about their misplaced priorities. They considered their ways, repented of how they had neglected what was most important and began to do work for God.

Haggai 1:12-14 reads:

• “Then Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, and Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest, with all the remnant of the people, obeyed the voice of the Lord their God, and the words of Haggai the prophet, as the Lord their God had sent him, and the people did fear before the Lord. Then spake Haggai the Lord’s messenger in the Lord’s message unto the people, saying, I am with you, saith the Lord. And the Lord stirred up the spirit of Zerubbabel the son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and the spirit of Joshua the son of Josedech, the high priest, and the spirit of all the remnant of the people; and they came and did WORK in the house of the Lord of hosts, their God.”

As the people began to work on God’s house, they were encouraged by the Lord to be strong and work, him letting them know that he was with them.

In Haggai 2:4,8-9 it reads:

• “Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, saith the Lord; and be strong, O Joshua, son of Josedech, the high priest; and be strong, all ye people of the land, saith the Lord, and WORK: for I am with you, saith the Lord of hosts…The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, saith the Lord of hosts. The glory of this latter house shall be greater than of the former, saith the Lord of hosts: and in this place will I give peace, saith the Lord of hosts.”

A little over two months later, as God’s people continued to work on the Lord’s house, God asked them to consider how bad things were before they pursued after his agenda and did work on his house, when they were busy seeking their own self-interest and working on secular things. He asked them to take note of how things were going to change from that day onward because he would bless them.

In Haggai 2:15-19, he stated:

• “And now, I pray you, consider from this day and upward, from before a stone was laid upon a stone in the temple of the Lord: Since those days were, when one came to an heap of twenty measures, there were but ten: when one came to the pressfat for to draw out fifty vessels out of the press, there were but twenty. I smote you with blasting and with mildew and with hail in all the labours of your hands; yet ye turned not to me, saith the Lord.

• Consider now from this day and upward, from the four and twentieth day of the ninth month, even from the day that the foundation of the Lord’s temple was laid, consider it. Is the seed yet in the barn? yea, as yet the vine, and the fig tree, and the pomegranate, and the olive tree, hath not brought forth: from this day will I bless you.”

This is consistent with the rest of the Bible where God calls his children to work for his Kingdom. This is far more important than working a secular job and making money for self. The two can be done simultaneously but God’s work is far more important of the two.

For example, in the Parable of the rich man who died as a fool, as he lived only for himself and did not even think of giving to others or seeking after God’s business, Jesus stated that any person that displayed similar conduct by giving priority to himself and his own advancement and having no time for God and His agenda was just like that rich man. Jesus stated: “So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”

On the importance of making God’s work a priority, the Word of God also states:

• “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33)

• “I must WORK the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.” (John 9:4)

Whether we are waiting on the Lord for a husband or not, if we are Christians, God has left us here to WORK for His Kingdom. Far more important than getting that good catch and starting a family is to promote the gospel and edify the saints. If we become lazy, distracted and unproductive and take the attitude while we wait, that we will do nothing or very little until we get that man, we can expect nothing but punishment from the Lord, as we are outside of his will.

Additionally, when we work, we ought not to do it as a chore or a duty but as something we enjoy, something that we are honoured to be a part of and pleased to do because we love the Lord and realize that he has given us specific gifts and talents so as to equip us for this very work. We also ought to do it because we realize the seriousness and urgency of the commission, something far more important than us getting husbands and walking down that aisle to the man of our dreams.

I can speak of this because as I write this very Note on this Page, I am STILL single. No Prince Charming has yet arrived so I am waiting…but WORKING.

In Luke 12:42-47, Jesus said:

• “…Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his lord shall make ruler over his household, to give them their portion of meat in due season? Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find SO DOING. Of a truth I say unto you, that he will make him ruler over all that he hath. But and if that servant say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming; and shall begin to beat the menservants and maidens, and to eat and drink, and to be drunken; The lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that servant, which knew his lord’s will, and prepared not himself, neither DID according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.” (Luke 12:42-47)

CONCLUSION

There are other points that are important in terms of how to wait with a good attitude while single but these are all I will mention in this Article. I will however recommend that you read the following Notes on my ‘SINGLE Daughters of God’ Page, which provide additional information that is very useful and edifying, along this idea of waiting for that special someone:

• 164 – Seven (7) Mindsets That Will Keep You Stuck In The Land Of Sterility
• 222 – Suffering? Bad Attitudes That Will Only Make It Worse
• 263 – Seven (7) Ways To Do Single With A Good Attitude While Hoping To Be Married
• 56 – Rebekah, Zipporah And Ruth – How They Got Found
• 52 – Bringing God Glory On The Road From Being Gloriously Single To Gloriously Married
• 72 – Qualities That Got Women Noticed And Eventually Married To Good Men In The Bible
• 136 – How I Used My Single Years To Pray, Preach, Plan and Prepare
• 137 – Serve God Wherever And In Whatever You Are Called
• 253 – Seven (7) Practical Things You Can Do While You Wait On Your Prince Charming
• 255 – Seven (7) Reasons Why You May Still Be Single
• 59 – Nine (9) Tips For The Single Woman Hoping To Be Married
• 14 – Feeling Depressed? Realign Your Focus!
• 101 – Attitude Is Everything – I’ll Bless Him Anyway
• 135 – Are You At A Low Point In Life And Feeling Depressed?
• 175 – I’ve Got No Time To Mind Anybody’s Business
• 187 – Could It Be That You Don’t Like Her Because…
• 224 – Symptoms Of A Person Outside The Favour Of God
• 251 – God Will Not Send You A Man To Love If You Do Not Love The Brethren
• 257 – How Envy and Jealousy Blinds
• 43 – Claiming The Promises Of God (Part One)
• 44 – Claiming The Promises of God (Part Two)
• 45 – I Know The Plans I Have For You
• 46 – The Sins Of The Tongue (External Author 1)
• 47 – The Sins Of The Tongue Reloaded (External Author 2)
• 48 – Taming the Tongue – What The Bible Says About Gossip
• 49 – Self-Inflicted Wounds
• 57 – Comparison And Competition

(Written on 10th September, 2020, added to thereafter)