291. CAN A NARCISSIST BE A CHRISTIAN?

(The Faith Forum Series – Batch 4)

If this is the first time you are hearing the term ‘narcissist’ or you have heard it bandied about loosely but are not sure what it means, then before you proceed to read the rest of this Article, I would recommend that you first read Note 270 entitled: ‘DID YOU IMAGINE THE ABUSE?’

Today, in this Article, I have listed sixteen (16) reasons why I believe that a person who is a full blown narcissist (not someone who merely exhibits narcissistic tendencies from time to time) is not a genuine believer in the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ and therefore, not a genuine disciple. I’m aware that some people may disagree and ultimately, God is the ultimate Judge. However, I’m merely sharing what I believe and why I believe it to be so.

When I look at the scriptures, what Christianity is to be based on and what it is to represent and then I compare that with the characteristics that are common to a narcissist, I come to the conclusion that a full-blown narcissist is still unregenerate and does not have the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus, indwelling him or her.

I will leave you to come to your own conclusions but my list of reasons are as follows:

REASON 1 – NARCISSISTS THRIVE ON LIES, NOT TRUTH

The Bible tells Christians:

“Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him.” (Colossians 3:9-10)

The Bible therefore admonishes us not to lie to one another and to dwell in truth.

Yet narcissists are skilful liars. They distort and deny truth, fully embracing lies and deception, even self-deception, where they seemingly believe the lies they tell themselves. They live their lives in denial, refusing to admit or acknowledge that they have a problem, pretending that all is well, even when it is not and that nothing is wrong with them. They cannot handle truth and much prefer to dwell where lies are. They therefore lie to themselves and others, that they have done nothing wrong, when they have and distort the facts of a situation so that they emerge glowing, while putting the blame or the burden of the problem on somebody else.

They are master projectors, as they project whatever they are on others. That is, whatever they are guilty of, they accuse others of it. This is definitely a trait of the devil. In Genesis 3:4-5 for example, when the devil, operating through the serpent, spoke to Eve, he accused God of lying to her and of doing it with an impure or selfish motive. God had told Adam that if he ate of the tree of good and evil, that he would surely die, yet the devil opposed, telling Eve, “Ye shall not surely die:For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”

He therefore accused God of (1) having lied and of (2) doing so for his own self-serving purposes, which entailed keeping mankind restrained and limited.

Yet, God is truth. There is no lie in him whatsoever. He is also pure. It is the devil that lied and it was he who had the impure motive. For, through deception, he sought to get mankind to sin, so that they would be cursed by God. He therefore used projection and narcissists do the exact same today.

The whole concept of narcissism is founded upon lies and narcissists thrive by perpetuating lies: Lies about who they really are and what they have done and lies about what others have done and who others are. This suggests to me that such persons do not have the Spirit of God which is the Spirit of truth indwelling them but are being led by another spirit, that is not from God.

REASON 2 – NARCISSISTS ARE PROUD AND SEE THEMSELVES AS A GOD

The Bible tells Christians:

“For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” (Romans 12:30)

“I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love…” (Ephesians 4:1-3)

“Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.” (Romans 12:16)

“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.” (1 Peter 5:6)

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” (Romans 12:1)

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21)

The Bible therefore admonishes us to be humble, not to think of ourselves as too important but instead, to submit ourselves and our lives to God, which is our reasonable service and then to one another, in humility.

Yet, narcissists are anything but humble. They are very proud, self-important, see themselves as a god and expect to be admired, reverenced, praised and worshiped as a perfect one. They do not live a life of submission to God, nor do they try, as in their mind, they are a god and therefore do not need to submit to anyone, not the true and living God above and certainly not other people, who they consider as inferior to their deluded sense of grandiosity.

They see everyone, including God, as a tool to control and manipulate for their purposes but because God is no respecter of persons, nor can he be manipulated, hoodwinked, bribed, mocked or used for their selfish purposes, they may have a hard time coming to terms with this and develop resentment against God. For, they want God himself to step in line, go along with their false narrative where they are so special and have been so good and to serve them, do whatever they want, reward them and honour them, as they feel they rightly deserve.

One writer noted:

“A narcissist will ultimately end up mad at God because (he or she) will feel God is supposed to serve (him or her) but God won’t do this. Eventually God will put every narcissist in his or her place. The root issue in the heart of someone who struggles with narcissism is that they want to be God themselves. They want the one true God to use his power to serve them. But God will never do this, and those who seek to serve themselves, always reap what they sow. Thus, one sign of all narcissistic people is that eventually they get mad at God because he will not do what they want.”

REASON 3 – NARCISSISTS ARE COMPLETELY SELF-CENTRED, OBSESSIVELY SELFISH, COMPLETELY INCONSIDERATE AND THEREFORE SEE NOBODY ELSE BUT SELF

The Bible tells Christians:

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5)

“Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)

“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works” (Hebrews 10:24)

“…If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)

The Bible therefore tells us to esteem others better than ourselves, to consider other people and to not be self-centred or self-seeking.

Yet, narcissists care about nothing and nobody but self. They live for self, self-promotion, see only themselves on their radar and are convinced that life revolves around them. To them, other people are not really people in their own right with their own thoughts, feelings and rights but are merely objects to be used, manipulated and controlled for their own self-aggrandizement. Simply put, a narcissist is not just selfish, he is self-obsessed, to a level that is highly abnormal, even in today’s society where people are generally selfish.

Even when they do things that seem kind and caring, it is usually self-serving. Self is usually at the core of the motivation and what they do is simply an opportunity (in most cases) to bring self attention, recognition, praise, worship (which the narcissist loves and expects) or some other kind of benefit. This is clearly revealed sometimes, where, after having done the ‘good deed’, the narcissist does not get praise or the level of praise he anticipated he would get, for it. The true colours come out after that and ugliness is on display, the narcissist resenting those that did not give him what he deserved or felt entitled to, which is praise and adulation.

Due to the narcissist’s extreme self-focus, he is completely inconsiderate, never truly considering or caring for how his behaviour and decisions may impact on others or on what others may be going through or how they may feel. The narcissist lives in a world where whatever the narcissist wants, the narcissist gets, irrespective of how this may impact on others and a world where only the narcissist matters or at the very least, the narcissist matters the most.

REASON 4 – NARCISSISTS ARE NEVER TRULY INTROSPECTIVE AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO CHANGE

The Bible tells Christians:

“Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ…” (2 Peter 3:17-18)

“If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

“Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?” (2 Corinthians 13:5)

The Bible therefore admonishes us to examine ourselves, to improve our character as we grow in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and to humble ourselves and turn from our wicked ways. As Christians, we cannot repent (which is necessary for growth) without first being truthful and honest about the ugliness we see within ourselves and that we are responsible for it and that it needs to change.

Yet, narcissists are seemingly blind to their own flaws (which are many), have zero self-awareness (although they are extremely critical of others who they see as flawed and love to accuse or defame to others as wrong), refuse to examine themselves for failings and are not at all interested in accepting that they have any flaw. They are not at all interested in improving their character or changing, as they see nothing to change within themselves. In their deluded view, they have come to believe their own lies, that they are the epitome of perfection and the perfect example which others should emulate. Narcissists therefore remain very proud and do not humble themselves before God. They completely dismiss or excuse away the ugly side of themselves and the ugly fruit it produces and are content to simply pretend to be nice so as to preserve their public image, while remaining the same.

REASON 5 – NARCISSISTS DON’T ENCOURAGE, UPLIFT AND COMFORT BUT DISCOURAGE, PULL DOWN, PROVOKE AND STRESS OUT

The Bible tells Christians:

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29)

“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works“ (Hebrews 10:24)

“Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.” (Romans 12:9)

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

“We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification. For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me. For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus” (Romans 15:1-5).

The Bible therefore encourages us to love, support, build and edify each other.

Yet, narcissists are not about building, encouraging, edifying and comforting others but about doing evil, breaking down with their words or actions, destroying, hurting, provoking, disturbing and leaving as much damage in their wake as possible. Simply put: Their motto is to kill, steal and destroy the happiness, self-esteem, sense of worth and peace of their victims, their toxicity making those they target feel, like if the very life is being sucked or drained out of them.

This brings me to my next point.

REASON 6 – NARCISSISTS ARE TROUBLE MAKERS AND LOVE ANYTHING BUT PEACE

The Bible tells Christians:

“I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”(Ephesians 4:1-3)

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

The Bible therefore encourages us to be unified in the Spirit with other believers and to pursue peace with all men.

Yet, narcissists are not interested in unity or peace but in being divisive, abusive, creating as much drama and conflict as possible and spreading pain and suffering. This gives them a warped sense of satisfaction.

They are skilled at creating this mayhem from seemingly harmless words or scenarios they create, where, on the surface, it seems that they mean well or are pursuing a noble cause but really, it is intended and calculated to create trouble, pain, discomfort and as much drama as possible. This is the level of spiritual wickedness at work. Narcissists are experts at playing psychological mind games, so that you can’t help but feel as if your mind is being messed with, your buttons are being pushed and your emotions controlled and manipulated, while the narcissist looks on innocently, as if he or she has not been doing anything out of the ordinary.

REASON 7 – NARCISSISTS HAVE NO JOY

The Bible tells Christians:

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” (Romans 15:13)

“Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:8-9)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

“…For the joy of the Lord is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)

The Bible therefore tells us that Christians have a joy within them that comes from God.

Yet, narcissists don’t have this joy. They are miserable inside.

They may put on a good show (as they are Master Performers) and pretend to be joyful but they are completely devoid of this because joy comes from the Lord. Inside, they nurse depression, resentment and other negative emotions and as the saying goes, misery loves company. They therefore feel the need to spread pain, trouble, stir up drama and conflict all the time, even if they have to achieve this through subtle and indirect means. They will complain incessantly for example, on a perfectly sunny day, even where there is so much to give God thanks for. For, they see all of life through a depressive lens, blame everyone else for their problems and how they are feeling but themselves and are secretly upset at the world for not giving them enough attention, praise and worship, as they feel they rightly deserve.

They hate peace and discourage, pull down, provoke and stress out others (especially those who live with them or who they have targeted for their abuse) because deep down, they have no God-given joy within.

They may say they have joy and sing that they have joy but their actions on a day to day basis, reveal otherwise.

REASON 8 – NARCISSISTS COMPLETELY LACK EMPATHY AND FEEL ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WHEN IT COMES TO OTHERS

The Bible tells Christians:

“Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” (Romans 12:15)

“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

“For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother’s righteous. We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?” (1 John 3:11-12, 14-17)

Yet, narcissists have no bowels of compassion. The level of coldness and lack of concern they have are shocking but the truth is they care about nobody else but themselves.

Ironically, narcissists will project their lack of empathy unto their victims, accusing their victims and trying to convince others, that their victims have no empathy. For, it is normal for the narcissist to take whatever ugliness he or she sees within himself or herself and try to pass it on to somebody else, accusing that person of what really exists inside of him or her.

He or she will therefore completely blank how you feel, what you’re going through and how he or she is continuously hurting you with his or her words and actions. When you’re dealing with life’s difficulties in general, other than when they decide to pretend, they will offer no words of comfort or consolation whatsoever (only words of insult, attack and ridicule).

However, if the tables are turned or even if you are still going through your tumult for which you received no support from the narcissist, if he or she is going through something or something has happened that has bearing on or is important to him or her, he or she expects you to be absorbed in his or her issue and to give it your full attention. If you don’t, he or she accuses you and tells others that you lack empathy. What the narcissist means is that you lack empathy when it comes to issues that pertain to him or her because you have failed to give him or her the amount of attention that he or she feels entitled to.

Mind you, narcissists may do a lot of kind things, smile with you and put on a grand show of caring but they don’t. Whatever you are going through, they could care less. They may therefore pretend to be sympathetic so as to preserve their image and then laugh at your situation with someone else they feel confident, will never rat them out. They are often filled with envy because they feel that life has not given them as much as they are entitled to or elevated them to the level they belong and therefore, bad news from others are reasons for them to secretly rejoice.

I am not referring here to someone who ordinarily engages in gossip and lets out to friends about how he or she honestly feels about a situation but someone who acts as if he or she completely lacks a soul.

If you are in a relationship with a full-blown narcissist, irrespective of how many flowers he sent you, jewellery he bought you or dinners he carried you to, no matter how many times he faked the ‘I love you’ that he knows you want to hear, he does not. He does not possess the ability to love anybody but himself. He only knows how to hate.

Irrespective of what a person goes through, the narcissist is incapable of sharing in his or her pain. If someone dies for example or gets a diagnosis of cancer or breaks his or her foot or suffers a miscarriage or is dealing with heartbreak from an unfaithful spouse or whatever, all the narcissist knows to do is to ‘act’ like he or she cares. The narcissist is completely devoid of sympathy and is so consumed with self, that he or she genuinely does not know how to feel for others. He or she may play the part so well, that he or she may hug you, cry with you, talk with you on the phone and give you the words he or she thinks you need to hear but deep down, all the narcissist sees is himself or herself and he or she can’t wait to get back to the norm, which is to focus on self.

REASON 9 – NARCISSISTS TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR WRONGDOING WHATSOEVER

The Bible tells Christians:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:9-10)

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” (James 5:16)

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13)

The Bible therefore expects us to confess our sins before God and to one another, when we commit them and to repent.

Yet because this requires introspection, humility and honesty (all of which the narcissist hates), narcissists do not have a repentant life and never seem to apologize for their multiplicity of wrongs. If they do, this is rare and usually not sincere. They may, for example, couch it in terms of what you did to cause them to do the wrong. For, they accept responsibility for nothing and those they have wronged, as they see nothing wrong with themselves, only everybody else.

If confronted with something that they have done wrong therefore, they will quicker play the victim, try to turn the table on you, reframe the facts based on fabrication and accuse you of having wronged them. They may even cry tears to make you feel guilty and to get others to sympathize with them. They will usually do anything and use every manipulative trick in the book, other than admit that they are in the wrong and that they have a serious problem, no matter how bad they have messed up.

Narcissists never take ownership for how they feel. They don’t ever think for example: I am feeling miserable and I need to address this issue within myself. No. They project, by blaming someone else or even the whole world for how they feel. They will be prone to think instead: I am feeling miserable because you made me feel this way or I am feeling miserable because of you. It is always the blame game with the narcissist. It is always about pointing the finger at anybody else but themselves.

REASON 10 – NARCISSISTS LOVE PROMOTION, ATTENTION, LIMELIGHT, ELEVATION, PRAISE, LORDSHIP AND CONTROL AND WILL COMPETE TO WIN THESE PRIZES

The Bible tells Christians:

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5)

“But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28)

The Bible therefore dissuades us from competing with others, seeking to have the pre-eminence and lordship over others and doing things for strife and vainglory but instead, to have a servant’s heart that is selflessly devoted to the interests of others.

Yet, narcissists thrive on competition, the limelight, outdoing, outshining, winning and getting one-up on another person. They do not have a servant’s heart (although they pretend to for attention) but a proud heart that elevates themselves to the level of a god and expect others to serve them from their self-appointed, lofty place.

They are not content for others to shine but will try to dull it or to re-assert themselves in the minds of those looking on, as the one that shines brightest. For, the narcissist hates it when the attention is on anybody else but him or herself. He or she wants people looking at him or her and thinking about him and her all the time.

As one writer wrote:

“A Narcissist will often be marked by false humility, especially when (he or she) claim(s) to be a Christian. Rather than truly be humble, narcissists will try to portray themselves as humble to actually gain more praise from people. Narcissists hunt for adoration and praise and then try to pretend like they are just a humble servant doing their job. But they reveal their true character when they refuse to serve unless other people praise them for it and by telling everyone how much they have done for God…”

Yet, as the writer pointed out, in Matthew 6:2-4, Jesus said:

“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.”

Narcissists are intent on rising (in importance and people’s estimations) and they conclude that in order to rise, whoever they regard as competition or have targeted for their attacks, must fall. They don’t therefore just do things calculated to make themselves look good (which is bad as is) but even worse, they do things calculated to make you look bad. This is one of the reasons why narcissism is such a diabolical thing. It is not simply a mental matter (as the medical world tries to make us believe) but a spiritual one. For, the narcissist is not someone that just has extreme love for himself or herself but also someone that has a wicked and devious heart, plotting malicious and evil plans and strategies to take others down, even if subtly, while advancing themselves.

REASON 11 – NARCISSISTS SOMETIMES EVOKE FEELINGS OF FEAR IN US BY THEIR ACTIONS

The Bible tells Christians:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-29)

The Bible therefore encourages us to rest in Jesus and not to fear but instead, to operate with power, love and a sound mind that God has given.

Yet, the narcissist wants us to be restless, anxious, scared, worried, frustrated, depressed, fearful, to feel powerless, to have low self-esteem, to be self-loathing, to not aspire to anything great and to not at all be at ease in our minds. Unlike Jesus, our perfect example, their purpose is to stress us out, not to soothe and to also make us fearful.

REASON 12 – NARCISSISTS ARE UNFORGIVING AND VENGEFUL

The Bible tells Christians:

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” (Colossians 3:13)

“…forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

Yet, narcissists don’t usually forgive but hold things against others (especially those who refuse to go along with their delusion and insist on holding on to the truth) and secretly find ways to exact revenge.

REASON 13 – NARCISSISTS GLORIFY THEMSELVES

The Bible tells Christians:

“But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.” (2 Corinthians 10:17);

“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

The Bible encourages us to live for the glory of God. Yet, narcissists see themselves on a throne and live for the glory of self because in their minds, they are a god.

They try to take away your focus from God (sometimes in subtle ways) because they want it squarely placed on them. They therefore compete with the God of heaven and earth, for glory.

The Word of God states “Let them praise the name of the Lord: FOR HIS NAME ALONE IS EXCELLENT; his glory is above the earth and heaven.” (Psalm 148:13).

Yet, the narcissist thinks that his name is also excellent and that he too is worthy of glory. He therefore accepts worship and like the devil, in pride and extreme self-importance, his actions reveal a thought process whereby the narcissist states in his heart:

“I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.”

REASON 14 – NARCISSISTS HAVE NO FEAR OF GOD

The Bible tells Christians:

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

“The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.” (Proverbs 8:13)

“By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.” (Proverbs 16:6)

“Wherefore my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12)

“Be not highminded but fear: For if God spared not the natural branches, take heed lest he also spare not thee. Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God: on them which fell, severity; but toward thee, goodness, if thou continue in his goodness: otherwise thou also shalt be cut off” (Romans 11:20-22)

Yet, narcissists do not seem to have a fear of God. They may attend Church services, know how to pray and engage in ‘ministry’ activities but while they may have a form of godliness, they don’t seem to ever experience conviction or guilt for their sins. For example, they have no problem lying to save their own hide, fabricating or reframing the facts and no problem wrongly blaming other people for their own wrongs.

They don’t ever consider, seemingly, that God is looking on and that while people may be fooled by their excellent performance, that God knows the whole truth. In short, they live their lives unto themselves and are only concerned, not with how God sees them but with how they appear to people in general. They are all about their brand, their image and their reputation and care nothing for their character. They operate as if God does not exist and are therefore not concerned that he sees the double life they live. They therefore continue on without remorse, repentance or fear for the consequences they may reap from the Lord, for their actions.

As Psalm 36:1-4 states:

“The transgression of the wicked saith within my heart, that there is no fear of God before his eyes. For he flattereth himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity be found to be hateful. The words of his mouth are iniquity and deceit: he hath left off to be wise, and to do good. He deviseth mischief upon his bed; he setteth himself in a way that is not good; he abhorreth not evil.”

REASON 15 – NARCISSISTS ARE TOXIC, BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, SANITY AND PEACE OF MIND

The Bible tells Christians:

^“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

Yet, if you are targeted by a narcissist or living with one and therefore have insight into who he or she really is, feeling calm and at peace are out of the question. You will instead be feeling as if the narcissist is spreading or giving off something that threatens to undermine your very sanity. You will be feeling exhausted, drained and as if you are being poisoned, as a result of all that the narcissist is doing.

In short, narcissists are highly toxic to be around. Unless God helps you to overcome or delivers them from the devil’s clutches, they will disturb your very psyche and leave you feeling down in the dumps, extremely sad, guilty for no justifiable reason, confused, stressed out, anxious, nervous, worried, fearful, overwhelmed, tense, insecure, a failure in life and frustrated.

They are like a storm. They are always stirring up trouble and are never content when all seems calm. They thrive on drama and trouble, so if there are no problems, they will try to create one. They will push your buttons, try to find ways to accuse or insult you of something, make a fuss about something or throw a tantrum about something. They will always be trying to find ways to guilt you and no matter what you do, they will conclude that it is not good enough, that you have failed to reach their ‘standard’ and that you are a horrible person as a result. They will create the mayhem and then accuse you of disturbing their peace.

Proverbs 4:16-17 seems to describe them perfectly, when it says of wicked and evil persons, “For they sleep not, except they have done mischief; and their sleep is taken away, unless they cause some to fall.For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence.”

Of such people, Proverbs 4:14-15 rightly warns, “Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men.Avoid it, pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away.”

The Lord Jesus came that we might have life and more abundantly (John 10:10) but the more time you spend around a narcissist, the more you will feel as if your very life is being sucked out or drained from you. You will feel like who you are, what God created you to be and all of your aspirations for the future are becoming increasingly a blur. As a mere caricature of your former self (if there was a time that the narcissist was not in your life), you may feel that the usual quality of your existence, your values, your standards and everything that defines you are being lost, killed, stolen and destroyed. For, you have entered and are living in a world where it is all about the narcissist. Your feelings don’t matter. Your opinions don’t matter. Only the narcissist matters.

They also mistakenly think that, once they have dismissed you and left you in the dust, that that is it for you and that there is no continuation for your story, only failure. They are in for a rude awakening. For, although they see themselves as god, they are not supreme and not the ones in control, praise God! They can declare you finished all they want and behave as if you are but thanks be to God, He has the final say. Even when they discard and reject you therefore, once you submit to the Lord and obey him, he is there to help you, to build you, to heal you and is capable of giving you not just a future but to the shock and dismay of the narcissist, a beautiful one at that!

REASON 16 – NARCISSISTS HAVE NO LOVE WITHIN

The Bible tells Christians:

“And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” (Romans 5:5);

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” (John 13:35);

“Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.” (Philippians 2:2).

Yet, all that the full-blown narcissist does, reveals that he or she has no love within him or her. Narcissists only spue hate, mayhem, trouble and misery and when these are not present, they are not content. They go out of their way to find ways to create them, even if passive-aggressively.

Make no mistake, sometimes God’s children, who have love, do unloving things and reap for it because God chastens them. However, If a person does not have the love of God in him at all, then that person is not indwelled with God’s Holy Spirit and is therefore, not of Christ. He or she is still unregenerate.

IN SUMMARY

Narcissists always spin the story to make themselves look good, to make themselves look like the victim and the other person the aggressor, the ogre and the offender, when this is not the case. They therefore embrace lies and deception (often by telling only half the story). They run from truth, avoid truth, ignore truth, reject truth, dismiss truth, pretend they don’t know the truth or convince themselves of everything other than the truth and ultimately, seek to undermine truth.

When it comes to peace, they hate it because they don’t have it within and are therefore always doing and saying things to incite drama, trouble, conflict and to harass others. They do things that will cause a person to be angry, to feel provoked, to retaliate, to feel upset, hurt, disturbed, insecure and not good enough for their unrealistically high standard and then when the person reacts or responds, they play the victim and say, “Woe is me. The person is so awful.”

They are the aggressors (even when they are passive-aggressive) but after creating the situation, they try to disown this title completely and hand it over to their victim, thereby flipping the roles. Whatever they are guilty of, through projection, they hand it over to the victim and accuse the victim of the very things. They also love to pull the guilt trip, although unjustifiably.

They also have absolutely no joy within but walk around miserable, angry, upset, complaining, fretting, irritated and in a foul mood on most days, even when they pretend and put on a happy face for the public. Given that they are not happy or joyful, they seemingly want those around them, especially the person they have targeted with their narcissism, to be miserable as well, them getting visibly upset when such people insist on being joyful.

If you insist on the truth, which makes them look bad, they often plot revenge and hatch ways to get back at you. They are therefore usually unforgiving, unmerciful, vengeful and vindictive.

They do not genuinely feel sorry for or sympathetic to the plights of others (although they pretend in an artificial way that they do) and only see themselves. Indeed, they don’t usually consider anyone but themselves and even when they do kind deeds, it is usually for self to benefit in some way. They are never genuinely interested in reconciliation and resolution to conflicts, unless it is on their terms, which means that you must agree to avoid the truth of what has really been happening, embrace the lie that they have been promoting and agree to continue to be controlled and manipulated by them.

They also insist on controlling and lording over others (who they consider to be their subjects and who must just do what they tell them to do without any opposition or dissension) and work hard to control the way you think about them and situations. They completely reject the fact that people have a right to their own opinions and insist that those they target, see things only in the way that they see it or have pronounced it to be. In the narcissist’s world therefore, there is no such thing as individuality, difference of opinion or being your own person.

In the narcissist’s world, only the narcissist matters, only what the narcissist thinks and how the narcissist feels and what the narcissist wants to do is important, nothing else and nobody else. In the narcissist’s world, there is only the narcissist and you exist only to support and promote their existence, what they want and to feed their egos or constant need for attention, compliments and glorification. They practically expect complete allegiance, adoration (meaning admiration without any criticism) and adulation. In short, they want to be worshipped and will concoct ways to make those who refuse to do so, suffer their wrath.

Their actions and complete lack of remorse for when they do wrong, also reveal a very troubling fact: They have no real fear of God.

They have come to kill, steal and destroy and they specialize in making the life of their targets a living hell.

Ultimately, their host of actions reveal that they have no love within. No love from God has genuinely been shed abroad in their hearts, even if they fake it at times for their own reasons, like preserving their image as beacons of society and as kind-hearted, thoughtful, generous people.

CONCLUSION

Narcissists therefore thrive on lies and deception, project what they are guilty of, on others, have no peace and continuously create trouble. They keep trying to make others feel guilty, while completely dismissing their wrongs. They have no joy within and are usually vindictive, unforgiving, vengeful and lacking genuine empathy. They are also very proud, controlling, manipulative and love to play mind games. They are rebelliously stubborn and set in their ways, giving not a thought, seemingly, to repentance and they love promotion, exaltation and glorification and always want to shine the brightest.

These traits perfectly fit those that belong to the devil. It is therefore safe to say, that a narcissist displays the characteristics of the devil. He or she behaves like him and looks like him, not Jesus Christ.

The Bible admonishes Christians to walk a certain way but narcissists do exactly the opposite. They live a life that is in blatant contradiction to the life of a Christian and without being apologetic about it.

For example, although no Christian is perfect, there are a long list of breaches when it comes to what Jesus commands and how the narcissist lives. These blatant contradictions can be seen clearly in many scriptures, for example, Ephesians 4:17-32 which states:

“This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” ((Ephesians 4:17-27)

Galatians 5:22 states: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 also concludes that:“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

Although Christians are not perfect, they will be marked by a desire to change and improve and resemble the Lord Jesus Christ and to obey God’s Word. Such persons will not be content to stay in wickedness, while pretending to be something they are not but will cry out to God to change them and to heal them of the ugly ways that they see and acknowledge exists, inside of themselves.

Having been sanctified by their faith in terms of positional justification and righteousness in Jesus Christ, however long the process of sanctification (progressive) takes, as Christians submit to the Lordship of Christ and as he works on them, they will be transformed into his likeness.

Given all of the traits of a narcissist as listed above therefore, I am of the firm view that a full blown narcissist (not someone exhibiting tendencies here and there) is not a true believer in the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ. Such people too closely resemble satan in their operations (their actions simply revealing the level of wickedness in their heart), leading me to believe that they do not have the Spirit of Christ.

Romans 8:9 makes it clear that: “…if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.”

In fact, the narcissist is identified in 2 Timothy 3:1-5,7-8, where he strongly possesses not just one or two or a couple of the wicked traits there, as a typical ungodly person will have but SEVERAL. This sets him apart from the average unregenerate person and although he too is unregenerate, puts him in a category of his own.

2 Timothy 3:1-5,7-8 warns:

“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away…Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, REPROBATE CONCERNING THE FAITH…“

It is noteworthy, that an ungodly person demonstrating one or a couple of the traits identified in the scripture above is referred to as “…reprobate concerning the faith”. Moreso the narcissist that demonstrates and embraces MANY of those traits, without shame! To my mind, this underscores the fact that such a person is NOT saved. Think about it: The traits listed in 2 Timothy 3:1-5,7-8 are so bad, that it is really a sobering thought if a person is found to be guilty of one or two and a point for introspection. Yet, with the narcissist, he or she has MOST of the traits identified and is NOT REPENTANT about any of it!

Also, John 16:13 states of the Spirit of Christ, who is also referred to as the Spirit of truth and his function in the lives of Christians:

“Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.”

However, when a truth is clear as day, narcissists wilfully resist it and when it is not and needs to be studied or worked out, they do not come to a knowledge of the truth but embrace error. In wilful rebellion and a refusal to submit to God, they “…resist the truth…” (when it is clear) and are “…never able to come to the knowledge of the truth…” because the Spirit of truth is NOT in them.

As I pointed out earlier in the summary above and I think it is worth re-mentioning here, when it comes to narcissists: They embrace lies and deception (often by telling only half the story). They run from truth, avoid truth, ignore truth, reject truth, dismiss truth, pretend they don’t know the truth or convince themselves of everything other than the truth and ultimately, seek to undermine truth because they HATE truth.

To learn more about narcissists, how they think, the source of narcissism, how to handle narcissists and why you should run if you are not yet married to one, I strongly recommend that you read Note 270 which I referred to earlier, entitled: ‘DID YOU IMAGINE THE ABUSE?’

(Written on 22nd May, 2020, added to thereafter)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, edifying, eye-opening or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:

Note 51 – ‘Characteristics Of A Counterfeit’
Note 53 – ‘God-sent v Devil-sent – The Difference’
Note 58 -‘To Tell If He’s The One, Put On Your Spiritual Glasses’
Note 131 – ‘What I Need in a Spouse’
Note 208 – ‘Signs That That Work Colleague, Relative Or Church Member May Be Toxic’
Note 270 – ‘Did You Imagine The Abuse’?
Note 277 – ‘When Family Disappoints’