(The Single Woman Series – Batch 2)

Are you in a relationship? Dating? Courting? Engaged or even Married?

If so, can you confidently say without a shadow of a doubt, that the one in your life was sent from God? You may be head over heels in love with him at the moment but was he sent by God?

For your sake and the sake of your future, I hope so.

I overhead a lady today, conversing with someone about the ordeal another lady had experienced with the man she had married and called husband. The lady explained that this man appeared to be so charming, mannerly and sweet-natured, that no one would ever remotely suspect that he had a dark side…no one, except the poor woman who went home to live with him after a beautiful Marriage Ceremony.

The lady explained that this man was the sort of guy that would hit his wife and then sincerely apologize for it afterwards and would do such evil, manipulative things to you in secret, that nobody would dare guess that he was even capable of same.

As I traveled home that evening, I thought of the difference between a God-sent man and a devil-sent man, reflecting on a time in my life when I had tried to figure out whether a man I was interested in (and who appeared to be a Christian) was sent from God or commissioned by the devil, to derail my purpose.

Based on my contemplations, this is what I concluded:


A man sent from God will not be perfect because then that would be a mismatch as you are not perfect. However, his underlying quality trait would be, that he is a BUILDER.

By that I mean, that despite the fact that you two will have problems, disagreements and arguments at times, you would realize that for the most part, he builds, supports, encourages, promotes, praises, respects, constructively and lovingly criticizes, leads and cultivates you, to be more than you ever thought possible and all that God created you to be.

You would find that he is committed to ensuring that you are made better, that you achieve your fullest potential and that you grow both personally and spiritually each day. You would find that he seems to care more about you than his own self, often willing to sacrifice his time, his money, his comfort and his own happiness, to make sure that you are fine and treated like the royalty you are.

He will not spoil you but he will love you selflessly for the most part. You would find that he has embraced you as an investment, knows that you are not perfect, does not love some of your ways and attitudes but is determined to see you realize your full potential. You would find that he cherishes and adores you and that he wants you to experience the best life that you can in Christ, under his loving and patient guidance, care and leadership.

You would find that although you have your ways and your quirks and your flaws and your weaknesses, that somehow, he comes built with the capability to handle it, as if he had been tailor-made by someone wise, just for you! You would find that there is a fit between you and him that is so perfect (despite both of your imperfections), that it leaves you in awe because you KNOW God did it.

The Bible states that the Lord Jesus came, so that we as human beings could have life and not just have it but more abundantly. It is my belief that this verse was referring mainly, if not totally, to the everlasting life that God freely offers to all those who would accept his Son Jesus as Lord over their lives.

The issue though is this: If Jesus wants us to have life and to experience it more abundantly, then any man that he sends into a woman’s life while here on earth, would be for the SAME purpose.

A right pick in the area of boyfriend, who is then promoted to fiance and finally to spouse, can leave a woman glowing from cheek to cheek. Such a woman would find that, through her husband’s loving support and strength, she is overcoming more than she thought she could and doing greater exploits than she ever envisioned. This is because her marriage is founded upon the ROCK of Jesus Christ and God has sent her a backbone and loving coach, in the form of a man. In short, God has graced her with not just a cold-blooded male but a gentleman.


On the other side of the spectrum, there is the devil-sent man.

Now the devil-sent man may not appear to be that in the beginning and many women throughout time have been deceived into marriage by a devil-sent man, disguising himself as a God-sent. The Bible states that the devil has disguised himself as an angel of light and that we should beware of wolves in sheep clothing (2 Corinthians 11:13-15).

There are many wolves prowling around today and believe it or not, you may not find them just in a Bar or at a reckless party or some other non-christian function. Many times, that wolf is sitting right in the pews, he’s in the choir and he volunteers for charity work. The devil is cunning and he has certain people in the churches on assignment, to derail Christians, through destructive and painful relationships or otherwise.

This brings me to the characteristics of a devil-sent.

Well, as the saying goes, the apple never falls far from the tree. So, if the Bible says that the devil’s purpose is to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10), then without mixing words, that is undoubtedly the purpose of the devil-sent man in your life. He has come to BREAK you.

You cannot identify him by his clothes, how he looks, how he walks, how he talks, who his family is, how many years he has been in Church attendance, the kind of job he has, how much money he makes or his house or his car type or anything else that is natural for that matter. You are able to identify him only through a close relationship with your heavenly Father, prayer, fasting, reading the Word and spiritual discernment that God gives, as you seek HIM.

The devil is walking about, seeking who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8), so you have to ensure that you stay covered in Christ Jesus so that you do not become an easy target. The wrong marriage can have lasting consequences and some women have even paid for their poor choice with their lives!

Yes, this is serious.

Having a man in your life and walking down the aisle in a white dress is nice but don’t let a fantasy or a desire, make you forfeit your right to patiently and prayerfully ask God for guidance and for His will to be done in the area of spouse selection. Don’t you dare make a move to change your status or to even court (date) someone, without seeking God from the inception. Get his permission before you make any decisions and if he says NO then trust your heavenly Father and walk away…quickly!

A devil-sent man, whether he is aware of it or not is on assignment to make your life a living hell (no pun intended). He may not do it at the beginning but some women get a shocker as early as their honeymoon night, when the man they thought was charming, turned on them and turned into something or someone that they had never met, that was sinister. By then, it was too late, as they were already married.

I remember viewing a Wedding video online, of a Wedding Reception where the bride and the groom were lovingly cutting the Wedding cake together (or so it seemed). The groom gave his new wife a piece and then she turned to give him a piece as well. However, to be a bit playful, every time he bent forward to eat the cake from her hands, she would pull her hand back jokingly. She did it about three times but the fourth time, he was so enraged, that, forgetting that he was around people and not being able to control himself, he violently and aggressively knocked the cake out of her hand.

Wow! What a happily ever after! NOT!

Some women, unlike that poor lady at her Wedding are fortunate though, in that God, in his mercy, allowed the man’s true colours to not just be shown but to to be seen, before the relationship reached engagement or marriage stage. This is like a woman I know, a family member of mine, who professed Christianity and was seeing a guy who also attended Church and was supposed to be a Christian. One day when he visited her at the Apartment she was renting, they were both watching television and she commented on how good looking a guy who appeared on the screen was. The guy erupted, allowing her to see a side she had never seen before, accused her of disrespecting him in front of his face and in defending herself (she is an intelligent, opinionated woman), she suddenly received a slap to her face.

Had it been me (God forbid), I would have given God the praise. For, God was kind to her, allowing her to end things and get him out of her life for good, before he trapped her in a marriage or ruined her life.

Others though were not as fortunate. They were led as blind sheep to the slaughter and as they exchanged vows with a ring to die for, the devil chuckled because he knew all that he had planned for that poor unsuspecting victim.

As Christian women, we are too precious to have invested in ourselves all these years, been through all that we have been through, to just let a stranger come and destroy everything God has done in us thus far. We want a man that will take us further, not backward. I have always said that any man that I marry must be coming to BUILD me, not BREAK me.

We have no time at this juncture in our lives to entertain self-esteem issues because we have gone beyond that. We have become confident in our worth and our beauty and we have embraced God’s wondrous purpose. We have no time to be degraded or to deal with someone that has anger or jealousy issues or paranoid and psychotic tendencies. We have no time to play the games of the players or to spend our lives running after men that never will understand our worth and do not want to be caught but enjoy the chase. We are done giving our pearls to swine, as I wrote about in Article 21, entitled, ‘WHEN HE DOESN’T SEE YOUR WORTH’.

We are about PURPOSE and we need to be prepared to wait prayerfully on God while he sets up a meeting for us with THE ONE he intended. It may not be according to our timing but God knows best and we should trust him enough to let go the reins completely.

I have.

Since 2013, I have vowed not to go looking for any man and to allow God to bring him to me when HE is ready. I have said it before and I say it here again, that if God doesn’t send me a husband, I will never get one. When you see me become a wife therefore, know that it was GOD that did it.

When I consider some of the traits I need in a man in order for me to respect him, submit to him and be in love with him, I know that only the true and living God can pick for me. I can’t pick for myself without him, as only he alone knows the heart of a man and I need a man of good character. I need for example, a man that is humble, that is highly considerate of others, that doesn’t just talk faith but walks the walk, that wants only enough money to provide for his family, to enjoy some of life and to invest in God’s Kingdom work and therefore, is ambitious, hardworking with a good work ethic but does not love or chase after dollars. I need a man that puts the Lord first in everything and loves him above everything and everyone else, even me.

Given that so much is at stake and that the right pick could be so rewarding and fulfilling, I cannot afford to get it wrong because the wrong spouse will undoubtedly lead to a lifetime of regret.

Women should take time to get to know the person they are dating/courting/interested in, seek God, pray, fast and ask him for wisdom to make the right choice. He sees immediately what we cannot but if we ask him, he will open our spiritual eyes to discern what is truly before us. And make no mistake, that which is before us will either be a blessing or a curse. There is no middle ground. That man either came to build you or to break you, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, financially or all of the above.

We should not let our desire to marry, make us rush recklessly into things that we should not. Time doesn’t just heal but it REVEALS as well. If you take the time to get to know someone, you may never know everything before marriage but patience pays off, big time! At some point, if you give it enough time and are in serious prayer mode, the true colours (of whatever hue they be), will come to the surface, much like a dead fish floats at sea.

I always say that every human being has some good, some bad and some ugly. For, we are all flawed. Nobody is so good and so perfect, that they don’t have some really bad and even some really ugly ways and habits. You owe it to yourself to give yourself enough time to see these three aspects of a person. If you haven’t yet seen his ugly, it is not that it does not exist but that he is hiding it well. The idea is for you both to know the good, bad and ugly about each other, so that you both can decide what can be fixed with time and if the ugly is something that God has graced you to tolerate (in which case, you can move forward) or not (in which case, you should seriously consider ending that relationship or the idea of a relationship.

There is a saying that fools rush in where angels fear to tread. This is not biblical but it is a wise saying, so please, take your time.

Devil-sents tend to want to move quickly, so as to trap you in sin or in a torturous marriage. This does not mean though that a devil-sent would not cunningly take his time to woo you into his bed or down the aisle, so always be on your guard.

On the whole therefore, we need to be careful as women, especially when we know that God has a great purpose and plan for our lives. We should seek him, seek him, seek him and at all times. We should ask, even as I did several years ago, that he keep ALL the wrong men away from us and to only allow the God-sent to approach us.

I believe that we were destined to soar and if we marry the one that God sends, he will assist us in building the wings that we need to take flight. If however we make the mistake and marry the one that the devil sent, instead of soaring without limitation, we will find ourselves stuck at ground level and kneading the dough that the devil made. We would find that sadly, our wings have been clipped and that all of our wonderful dreams and aspirations have been killed, stolen or destroyed.

Much is at stake dear daughter of the King. Take your time and choose well.

(Written on 16th August, 2016, added to thereafter)


I’ve been giving the sort of man I want and need further thought and if I were to summarize, I would say this:

I want somebody decent, somebody honourable, somebody who has dignity and deserves me.

I want someone that I can look up to (although imperfect) and who I truly admire.

He must be principled, have integrity, love his Lord and have a faith in Jesus that inspires me to be the best Christian, woman and human being that I can be.

I want someone that is generally selfless, humble but yet has God-given confidence, who derives his wisdom from the Word of God, loves truth and takes his cues from Jesus, as to how to love, how to lead and how to live.

He must be non-materialistic, non-political, non-obsessed with the world’s allures and be chasing after nothing but Christ.

It is this kind of man for me or nothing. I simply CANNOT compromise. This is the only kind of man that I can respect as a husband.

To some, this may well mean that I will remain single. After all, so much time has passed already.

Maybe they’re right, maybe they’re not.

My life is in God’s hands and I know that He is able, to present me to the only kind of man worth any of my time. I’ve resolved since 2013, to not look for anyone and to just let go and let God do whatever he wants to do in my life. I will keep on waiting therefore, even at this late hour and see what He does.

Five (5) remarkable things about my God that I’ve observed from the Bible, people’s lives and my own experiences are these:

1. Time spent alone with God is NEVER time wasted;
2. Those that wait on God will NEVER be ashamed;
3. God’s power has no limits and NO time restraint;
4. God’s too late is always ON TIME; and
5. God may take his time but he DOES come.

(Addendum written mainly on 01st May, 2021) 


If you are interested in someone but you want to make sure you really know who he is and more importantly, WHO sent him, God’s Bible is available to help you. The scriptures give you guidance in unearthing the true character and motives of a person and in your trying to determine whether he is sent from God or the devil.

Stick close to the Word therefore and don’t ever underestimate the beauty of it. As you seek to make the right decisions in life, like who to let into your life, who to court (date) and eventually marry, let God’s Word make you wise. In it is sound counsel, which if you follow, you will never get it wrong.

One example of the beautiful guidance provided is in John 10:1-2. In this scripture, Jesus was speaking about the relationship between sheep and the shepherd. the Shepherd was someone that the sheep could trust to lead, that genuinely had the welfare of the sheep in mind and loved the sheep. On the other hand, there was the Thief or Robber, that would try to get to the sheep, not for the good of the sheep but for his own selfish purposes.

Jesus said, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a THIEF AND A ROBBER. But he that entereth in by the door is the SHEPHERD of the sheep.”

Jesus was not referring to love relationships between men and women. However, there is great wisdom that can be gleaned from what he said, the principle of which I believe, can also apply within the context of love relationships. For, it gives one valuable indicator, in helping us to determine whether the man who has appeared in our lives is honourable in motive or not and in determining who he really is.

Based on the verse, my question to you in relation to that guy that is showing you interest or who says he likes you or has feelings for you and who you really like is this: Does he like to take shortcuts and go down illegal, forbidden routes?

Does he skip over meeting your parents and asking them permission to court you and does he regard going through legal, respectful channels as not important? Does he consider the point of view of your parents as important or does he try to impress upon you that seeking their approval in moving forward and getting their blessing is no big deal, once the two of you have made up your minds to be together?

Does he prefer hiding with you when you get together and expect you to behave as two secret agents? Does he seem to like the idea of your so-called ‘relationship’ remaining in the dark, unknown to your family and maybe even friends and not ever exposed to the light?

If any of these things are true of this man, then he is refusing to use the door, prefers dishonourable means and is trying instead to climb in through the wrong entrance. This reveals that he is a Thief and a Robber. He has not come for your welfare but to kill, steal and destroy your happiness, joy and testimony in the Lord. This is not of the Lord. It is the devil’s agenda.

The Thief and Robber passes through other means than by through the door because he wants to remain undetected. He wants to remain hidden because his motives are not good. He is not sincere. Whereas, the Shepherd who passes through the door, has no qualms in doing so and it matters not who knows or sees him in the process because he has good and noble intentions, the Robber or Thief has an issue with this because his motives are not right. He prefers to be clandestine, to remain undercover and relishes in stealth and secrecy.

Based on this example, the same is true of love relationships, where a guy is showing some level of interest in one of God’s royal daughters. His actions and the decisions he makes in terms of his approach in dealing with you and those around you, gives you insight as to his motives and whether they are noble or just plain selfish.

Be wise therefore. Stick close to the scriptures. Ask God for help in unmasking what is before you and he will.

(Further Addendum written on 15th June, 2021, added to thereafter)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be informative, edifying or interesting, you may also be interested in reading the following:

  • Note 8 – ‘My Quick Ten Point Checklist – Is He The One?
  • Note 10 – ‘Characteristics Of A Counterfeit’
  • Note 18 – ‘You Can’t Change Him’
  • Note 21 – ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth’
  • Note 57 – ‘Who To Marry’
  • Note 58 – ‘To Tell If He’s The One Put On Your Spiritual Glasses’
  • Note 128 – ‘God-sent Or Just God-ly?’
  • Note 130 – ‘Ladies, How Long Are You Prepared To Wait?’
  • Note 144 – ‘Before You Say ‘I Do’
  • Note 145 – ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You?’
  • Note 147 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-sent And Not Just God-ly’
  • Note 149 – ‘Making The Wrong Decision Can Be Costly’
  • Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God’
  • Note 260 – ‘Common Sense Tips For Choosing The Right One’
  • Note 271 – ‘Not Just Any Man Will Do – My Top Ten (10) Pet Peeves In A Man’
  • Note 275 – ‘How God Wants Us To Treat With Our Idols’

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