21. WHEN HE DOESN’T SEE YOUR WORTH
(The Single Woman Series)
Most of us women have been through it. We know our worth, we see our value, we know that we have so much to offer but yet, he doesn’t see it.
Recently, I wrote about the bad boy syndrome some of us women suffer from, where we like the idea of having a guy with a bit of rebel in him. This Article sort of continues where that left off because today, I want to emphasize that bad boys will never see and appreciate your value.
This morning, I was reading my Bible while traveling to work and I came across Matthew 7:6 which states:
- “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”
This scripture is loaded!
I thought to myself, that is it! That is why so many beautiful Christian women end up being hurt and heartbroken! They have affiliated or placed themselves into relationships with men (some of whom have not even professed Christianity and are therefore unbelievers), when God never sanctioned it. Then they work and sweat and sweat and work, trying to get that man to see their worth and to take them down the altar but the more they love him, the more he takes them and all that they are offering for granted.
It just does not work. Even if he does eventually marry them, most times they end up in miserable, unsatisfying and unfulfilling marriages because they gave their pearls to swine.
The term swine is not intended to be derogatory. The verse is simply demonstrating how absolutely useless it is, to take something holy and valuable and precious and give it away to one that does not even possess the capability to receive it graciously.
Let me give you an illustration of this. Imagine someone, wanting to do something special for a dog, decides to write a one million dollar cheque out to the dog and then places that cheque next to the dog in its dog pen. What’s a dog going to do but be true to its nature?
It is ridiculous to expect that dog to treat that cheque with the special care it deserves. Simply put, it is not going to be elated at the gift that has been dropped into its lap, so to speak, free of charge. Ironically, that cheque holds the key to a grandest future that dog could have ever imagined but all that dog sees is a useless piece of paper with which to play with for a while, get bored and then shred to pieces with its mouth or paw.
When Christian women enter into relationships with the wrong men, the same thing happens. They take their time, their youth, their value, their hearts, their love, even their very bodies and give it to men who are either not saved or not who God wants for them, expecting those men to return their sacrifice with love and devotion. However, he does not.
If a woman hooks up with a man that is not a Christian, then the foundation is wrong to begin with. She is taking what is holy, given that she belongs to Christ and giving it to swine. And what does that swine do? It tramples on all that she has sacrificed to give and gives not an ounce of appreciation in return. If she is not careful, that very swine could turn on her and destroy her as well, as many Christian women who did not live to tell the tale have experienced.
Pearls are expensive, very valuable and are to be treasured. Therefore, they must be entrusted into the hands of the right person. Anything else spells disaster.
Only a God-sent man will know what to do with pearls and only a God-sent man will see your extreme worth. This is because God opens his eyes to see all the beauty he has placed in you and all that you have to offer and the umpteen ways that you can be of service to him and enrich his life.
A bad boy who the Lord did NOT send is not going to be able to have that vision. All he will be concerned about is using you to serve himself, even if that results in your being destroyed in the process. Remember, whatever is not of God, is of the devil and whoever the devil sends into your life, it is for one purpose: To kill, steal and destroy your dreams, your hopes, your vision, your purpose, your future, your sense of worth, your testimony and your relationship with your Lord.
Now to those ladies out there, who, like me, made the mistake of aligning themselves with the wrong man, hopefully, it is not too late for you. If you are a Christian and you are in a relationship with a man that you know is not saved, you know what you need to do.
You will only be delaying your future by remaining disobedient to God’s Word and I warn you from now, that try as you might, it will not end well! You don’t want to be looking back when you’re aged 50 with a tonne of regret and wishing you had done things differently.
NOW is the time to repent.
I got over my bad boy syndrome years ago, repented and I know that God has a good man reserved somewhere for me. This will be a man I can safely give my time, my worth and all that is precious about me to, without fear of him trampling on it, taking me for granted and attacking me in the process. I will be able to safely put my hands into his, knowing that he is in the hands of God.
For those who have been or are currently in relationships with men that don’t seem to get your worth, whether they say they are saved or not, maybe they can’t see your beauty because God has hidden it from them. Maybe your pearls are not appreciated by that man because he is not THE ONE, meaning, he is not the one that God wants for you.
Did you seek God’s will at all before you jumped into that relationship? And don’t tell me you prayed once or twice. Did you purpose in your heart to seek God’s face in continuous prayer and fasting? And were you truly prepared to accept whatever he answered?
Of course, if you knew he was not saved when you hooked up with him, then you already knew that your actions were outside of God’s will. You are simply bearing the fruits for what you sowed or if you haven’t yet, you soon will.
If you’ve been down the wrong road with the wrong guy and you finally came to your senses and repented like the Prodigal son before God your heavenly Father, then thank God!
There is hope for you yet! (Hopefully).
Even if he gave your self-esteem a beating by the things he said and how callously he treated you, never forget that once you are a child of the King, you are of great price. The devil simply used him while you were living in disobedience, to get you to doubt your worth and to make you think you have no value.
Not because someone doesn’t see it, does it mean that there isn’t beauty to be seen. The right man, the God-sent man, will certainly see it because God will reveal it to him. All you need to do is wait patiently and prayerfully on God in faith, to bring this man to you in HIS perfect timing, if it is within his will.
There are many accounts in the Bible of people who God saw great worth and value in but those around them did not. If you are a child of the King therefore and you’ve been rejected, then you are in good company.
For example, the man who was supposed to marry Ruth after her husband died and she had had a hard life, declined to do so, stating that he did not want to mar or mess up his inheritance. He did not see Ruth’s worth, only the baggage of her past but Boaz, the man she eventually married and no doubt a man far honourable than the one who rejected her, did. Boaz gave her the highest compliment a man could ever pay to a woman, telling her, “For all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.” (Ruth 3:11)
Joseph was also rejected. His brothers did not like him and thought for certain that he would amount to nothing. So did David’s siblings about David. Yet these were men that God was with and in whom God had placed high value. In his perfect timing therefore, thy both amounted to something substantial, occupied high office and were exalted by God to significant positions of authority and influence.
Jabez, who God valued as more honourable than his brethren, also probably felt like a reject with no future and destined for failure, due to the circumstances of his birth and the meaning of his name, which back then, held great significance. Yet, despite how he may have been perceived by those around him, he humbly poured out his heart to God, asking him to bless him and to be with him and to keep him from evil and God changed the trajectory of his life. He enlarged his coast and his hand was with him and so his life was a resounding success, even if others had regarded him as having no worth.
1 Chronicles 4:9-10 reads:
- “And Jabez was more honourable than his brethren: and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, Because I bare him with sorrow.And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested.“
Even Jesus was rejected and he was the Son of the true and living God and part of the Godhead. Yet, those he loved and came to earth to sacrifice his life for, did not see his worth.
Isaiah 53:2-3 states in prophetic reference to Jesus Christ being born and living on earth, that he did not have the beauty that made people want him to be a part of their lives. Instead, he was rejected and accounted to be worthless by many. It states:
- “For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.”
Nevertheless, it did not end there. Thank God ladies because it did NOT end there!
Jesus died but God rose him again and set him on high, so much so that in Psalm 118:22-23, it states prophetically, “The stone which the builders refused is become the head stone of the corner. This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.”
Philippians 2:9-11 states:
- “Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
And so, having considered the true stories of Ruth, Joseph, David, Jabez and Jesus the Son of God, all of whom faced rejection and people who did not see their worth, know that not because a man does not see your worth, does it mean that you are not of high value.
Not because the wrong guy refused or rejected you or abused you or ridiculed you or took you for granted or did not value you, does it mean that that is it for you and that no man will ever truly love you.
The greatest man that ever lived (Jesus), who is also the Son of God and God the Son, loved you enough to include you in the list of those he died for, so that all of your sins could be paid and you forgiven and reconciled with God. If he, a thrice perfect God, could love you THAT much, then what makes you think he can’t send an earthly gentleman, a decent, godly, high quality man, to blow your mind with the love he has sent him to pour on you?
God is able to give you beauty for ashes still, if you would only be obedient. Keep your pearls well preserved for the right one. Nobody but the right ONE deserves it.
(Written on 22nd August, 2016)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be informative, interesting, edifying or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 3 – ‘Are You His Plan A?’
- Note 18 – ‘You Cannot Change Him’
- Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever?’
- Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God’