(The Single Woman Series)
Today I attended day two of an office workshop and paid closer attention to a guy I had observed for the first time on day one. He had attended as an employee of the place I was working but I had never seen him before. He caught my eye but it wasn’t in the usual excited manner as I would be when I saw a guy I found to be highly attractive.
I would usually rate guys that I found to be highly attractive on a scale of 1-10 with an 8, 9 or 10. With this guy, it was different. He was not someone I was highly and immediately attracted to upon first sight but yet, there was something about him I found to be attractive.
As I explained to my brother some time back, we women tend to put men into one of three (3) categories when we meet or observe them, as follows:
- CATEGORY 1 – You are one of the most gorgeous guys I have EVER laid eyes on and you are so hot/attractive, that I DEFINITELY want to get to know you better;
- CATEGORY 2 – It is not personal but I am NOT attracted to you at all and definitely don’t ever imagine myself becoming attracted to you. In fact, the mere thought of us being an item is offensive to me. However, depending on your ways, I may consider putting you in my friend box but I don’t EVER want anything more than a possible friendship;
- CATEGORY 3 – I am not super attracted to you and in fact, in a room full of men you are probably not someone I would notice or stand out. However, there is something there (though faint). I feel something, although I can’t pinpoint what it is and I feel that MAYBE if I got to know you better, (although I am quite fine if I didn’t), if your character is enough to blow me away, I’d be willing to give it a chance.
The guy I saw fell into the third zone. We did not converse at all over those two days and I barely remembered that he was there but whenever I did look at him, I could tell that there was something about him that I found attractive. When I was leaving the building on the second evening, I muttered a goodbye to the lady who was standing in an empty reception area with him. He answered with a “bye” and I did not think much of it or anything else for that matter but I did find myself wondering whether he was a Christian or not.
There was a strong possibility I would never see him again and I would never find out and I was perfectly okay with that. After all, the attraction was beyond a pass rate but it wasn’t super high to get me all excited and hyped, as I usually get when I see a guy I really, really, like.
Admittedly, when I see a guy I really, really like is a rare occurrence but whenever it happens, I feel like explosions go off in my mind, literally!
I thought of the rating I would give the guy at the office workshop in terms of what I did feel. It wasn’t the 9 1/2 I gave to a guy I observed at my Church or the 10 I had once given to a guy at another Church some years ago but I would probably rate him at a 6 1/2.
Then the question came to me, “But what if God was to recommend him?” And I thought, with a rating of 6 1/2, if God were to give his personal recommendation for him as my spouse, then that would CERTAINLY go a long way to getting him the job!
Then I thought of doing an Article entitled, ‘When God Recommends Him’ and so I did.
When we’re looking for a job, references or recommendations are very important. It is so important, that a person with a Resume that has not been perfectly typed up and laid out but yet that person has excellent references from well established sources, would tend to get the job over someone with a flawless and impressive Resume but no recommendations.
What does it mean when God recommends someone as spouse material and what weight can we place upon such a recommendation?
First of all, I am a firm believer in being attracted to the man you marry. Attraction is important because at the end of the day, you need something exciting to spur you on, to look forward to, to keep the flame alive and there is intimate relations within a marriage which I believe can only be truly satisfying, when the parties are attracted to each other. Of course, love is more important than mere physical attraction but it is impossible, in my view, to be in love with someone and not be physically or sexually attracted to them.
I do not believe that God is in the business of forcing people together who are not attracted to each other. I believe that he will take care of the attraction part so that it will exist. As to whether it begins as a 9 or a 10 solely based on how a person looks and walks and talks is another matter. He may or he may not exceed your physical attraction expectations.
However, once there is SOME element of physical attraction, enough so that you COULD pleasantly imagine the possibility of wanting that person to perform the physical role of spouse in your life one day, then, even if the rate you give that person on attraction is about 6 or 6 1/2, if God recommends him, then he comes highly recommended and you should take note.
I for one am hoping for a husband that I am highly attracted to as on a scale of 8 1/2 to 10. However, even if the rating is lower, once there is an element of attraction, I think that I would be prepared to give the guy an opportunity to prove himself, if the Father recommends him.
When I say element of attraction, I mean attractive to me, not everybody else. I mean that he secures at least 5 on my 1-10 scale, so that he passes! Maybe not with flying colours but he passes!
I trust my heavenly Father and he does not recommend garbage. If he endorses someone as the man I need to get to know and be courted by, I am willing to give him a chance. For, if God recommends him, that must mean that there are qualities about this man that would blow me away and strengths in him that I can benefit from and a divine purpose that is aligned to my purpose and that the attraction meter will grow as I get to know more and more about him.
I can’t tell anybody what to do in situations like this. However, my advice is this:
If you’re not attracted to a guy at all, then it is your choice if you want to give him an opportunity to pursue. I believe if God wants you with him, he will take care of the attraction part. Of course, because God is God, there can be exceptions to the rule. However, I would not blame a sister if she did not want to be courted by a guy that she is not at all attracted to and is repulsed by the very idea of him one day being intimate with her. That his how she feels and one cannot be upset with her because of that.
I would advise though that if there is some level attraction to this person, even if faint, then if the person makes the first move and expresses an interest in you, you should not discount it but take it to your Lord in prayer. If after your seeking God’s face in prayer and even fasting, he recommends this man, then you may want to consider getting to know him better and if as time progresses, you realize that you really like his personality and ways, then why not give him an opportunity to court you?
When God recommends someone, you know that that person comes highly recommended because God is a God of high standards and quality. He knows which guy would treat you as a lady, respect you, get you, love you, have the ability to cover and protect you and lead you.
You should consider as well that, once there is some level of attraction and God has given his endorsement and the person’s ways woo you, it is highly likely that in time, you WILL find that you are in love with such a guy. His ways alone would most likely drive the attraction meter up from 6 1/2 to 10! And even then, you may question the scale for being too limited because you’re in love and think your boyfriend deserves at least an 11!
If on the other hand, you meet a guy and there is a high level of attraction from the get go, don’t get carried away. Command your brain to calm down and your heart to stop fluttering!
If he approaches you first with definite interest, don’t jump straight into his arms. Ask him for some time to think about the possibility of you two getting to know each other better and go straight to your heavenly Father in prayer and fasting. You don’t want to pick the wrong one solely because he excited your hormones!
Yes you can see him performing the physical role of husband in your life one day and yes the very thought excites you but what else is there to him? Physical relations is only one part of marriage and a marriage cannot thrive on this alone. Yes it may be certain that you would look good on his ARM but does he know about the ARMOUR of God?
If God says no, he is not THE ONE then obey. If he says nothing, then stay away. Silence is not consent. Don’t let your hormones deceive you. Calm down and walk away.
If God says yes, you may feel free to seek confirmation from him because you want to be extra careful that you are not hearing yes simply because he is soooo hot! If you feel for sure though, that God is recommending this man to you, then ask him for strength because you will certainly need it. It will not be easy getting to know and eventually be courted by a man that you are highly attracted to. If he feels the same way about you, then both of you would need to exercise endless patience and self-control while you wait until marriage to become physically intimate with each other.
In summary, it may not be a good idea to reject someone solely because the attraction meter is not high enough. If it is at 0 then I admit that that is an issue. If the tables were turned, I would certainly not want a man to be courting me if he was not at all attracted to me.
If the attraction is there however, even if it is not as high as you envisioned it would be, perhaps you should still give the brother a chance, once you’ve prayed about it.
The good thing about attraction not being too high is that it enables you to approach the relationship with a level head. When it is really high, this can make things difficult because to you, he is so gorgeous!
All and in all, make sure you keep God in the midst of everything. I certainly intend to. I suspect that the man God will send me will be someone I am super attracted to, so I will need his strength. However, even if this were not the case, once there is some level of attraction there (hopefully at least a 6 1/2), I think I would be willing to give him a chance to woo me.
(Written on 24th August, 2016)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be informative, edifying, beneficial or interesting, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 2 – ‘I Desire To Be Married’
- Note 20 – ‘Equation For Relationship Success’
- Note 249 – ‘Spiritual Benefits Of A God Approved Marriage Union‘