(The Courting or Engaged Series – Batch 3)

Whether it is within a romantic relationship context, a Church context, a friendship context or a family context, the same is true. I have said it before and I’m going to say it again: There is no such thing as secret love. Love demonstrates itself.

It does not put itself on vain show for appearances sake or with ulterior motives but it always ends up in the spotlight because it is impossible to hide itself.

Out of a heartfelt desire and motivation, to give, to help, to sacrifice, to do what it is, which is love, it always reveals itself, no matter the circumstance. It demonstrates itself, so that those that are the subject of the love, have no skepticism or doubt, as to whether they are really loved.

By the person’s actions, they KNOW they are loved. While wrong may not be tolerated, they have a confidence, a peace, an assurance, that there is safety here, there is concern here, there is genuinely looking after my best interest here because I am loved here.

It thereby follows, that if you feel the need to search to find love or wonder if indeed you are loved by any person or group of persons, this is most likely because wherever you are, there isn’t love. Wherever you are, the love is not really there. It is non-existent, even if people say it on their lips and try to convince you with words, that you are loved. Words mean nothing if the actions don’t coincide.

Love doesn’t walk around with a trumpet but wherever it is, people know its there. They see it, they hear it and they feel it. Love is powerful and it is impossible to disguise its presence.

You can be duped into believing that someone loves you when they don’t but where you are genuinely loved, you are cared for, you are sacrificed on behalf of and so you know in your heart, that you are loved.

Although love demonstrates itself, this does not mean that once a person does a whole lot of stuff for you or gives you things or seemingly goes out of his or her way for you, that that person really loves you. Sometimes people make visible demonstrations with ulterior, selfish motives. Some people give simply because they love to give. It has nothing to do with you really. They will even give you something when you don’t want it because the giving is not about you really. It is about them and how giving makes them feel. That is not love.

Sometimes people do things with an impure and self-serving heart, so as to get something or to have themselves seen, glorified and regarded in a certain way. That is not love. That is manipulation, deceit and exploitation. That is all that love is not. Love thinks of the recipient and always has the recipient’s best interest at heart, even before self-interest. Discernment is needed sometimes to tell the difference, as not every visible act or demonstration, is from a heart that loves.

There are other characteristics of love. In addition to the fact that it demonstrates itself, that it is no secret agent and cannot hide, is the fact that love sees and is convinced of the tremendous value and worth of the one loved, whether that one is truly deserving of it or not. It therefore, loves unconditionally and is prepared to pay the price, to suffer or to sacrifice on that one’s behalf and with a willing attitude, no matter what has to be given up or the discomfort brought to self. This is because love motivates and inspires selflessness.

This is demonstrated with women who carry a baby for nine months and then go through extreme pain and suffering to deliver it naturally into this world. As soon as the baby is born, they forget about the pain. They reason that, given the high value of what was delivered, it was all worth it and they would gladly do it again!

John 16:21-23 states of this: “A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.”

It is also true generally of parents in relation to their children. They would gladly give up a meal or something for themselves or agree to suffer in some other way, so that the child can benefit. They feel no way about this because they are motivated by the love they have for that child.

That love sees the recipient’s high worth and value and is prepared to selflessly sacrifice to go the distance on behalf of the one loved and unconditionally was evident in the story with Jacob and Rachel in the Bible. Jacob loved Rachel so much (although she seriously lacked good character when you study her life), that he worked seven long years for her and joyfully because of the extent of the love he had for her. He then worked seven more years when his father-in-law deceived him and gave him Leah in marriage, instead of Rachel, as had been agreed.

Genesis 29:20 states of the initial seven years that Jacob worked for Laban without wages, for Rachel (the payment he himself volunteered to make to have her hand in marriage when asked what would be his wages): “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.”

The Lord Jesus Christ also demonstrated his love for the world by his great sacrifice, coming down to earth and taking on the form of a man, to die for sinful men and women, paying that ultimate price of death, for our wrong and on our behalf, though he was sinless, so that we could be saved from eternal damnation.

He did not consider the price to be too high or the cost too much but although he despised the shame, he went to the cross willingly, in obedience to his heavenly Father and out of love for us, who, although we were undeserving, he valued highly. God the Father loved us so much, that he gave his Son Jesus Christ, so that in us believing on his death and resurrection and confessing with our mouth that he is Lord, we could be saved. Jesus loved us so much as well, that he willingly allowed himself to be captured and put to death in a painful and shameful way, knowing that by his blood, human beings who believed on him would receive remission or pardon of their sins.

That is love! Love gives, love is selfless and love sacrifices. Love does not stand by dormant but acts, in the best interest of the one who is loved.

John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Philippians 2:6-8 states of Jesus, God the Son and what he gave up for our sakes, although we were undeserving:

  • “Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

Hebrews 12:2 says of him: “…who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame…”

Isaiah 53:5-11 states, of the extent to which he sacrificed for us and of him regarding it as all worth it because of the fact that people, who God loved, would have access to salvation and some would be saved, by reason of his sacrifice in the end:

  • “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.

(Written on 10th June, 2023)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following under the ‘SINGLE Daughters’ page:

  • Note 145 – ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You’
  • Note 266 – ‘What Is Romantic Love?’
  • Note 281 – ‘The Sufferings Of Christ – He Did It For You!’
  • Note 303 – ‘What Is Love Really?’
  • Note 311 – ‘How To Make A Man Love You’
  • Note 319 – ‘Can He Love Me If He Does Not Respect Me’
  • Note 321 – ‘A Love Like None Other’

Additionally, under the ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters’ page:

  • Note 15 – ‘Does He Love You Fervently?’
  • Note 33 – ‘How Much Should He Love Me?’

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