53. EXCERPT OF THE ‘CONVERSATION’ OF MR & MRS DOE – AFTER THE WEDDING
(The Courting or Engaged Series – Batch 2)
On the 9th February, 2018, as a single woman, I wrote:
This morning, I opened my Bible randomly and was shocked to be greeted with some awesome words being uttered by a man, obviously enamoured by a woman.
It was not the first time I had read the book of the Song of Solomon or expressed amazement at the lyrical content used by the couple featured in it. However, this morning, I decided to spend some time extracting and retyping some of the beautiful words exchanged between the man and a woman who were obviously in a love relationship.
So impressed was I by the content, that, (given that I love fun), I soon came up with the idea of putting the most beautiful pieces into a ‘conversation’, as a melodious description of what happens between a husband and his wife (hopefully), after their wedding.
As I typed the words, it became more and more clear to me, that the world sells itself short when it enters into sexual relations without God’s approval and outside of the parameters that he has laid down. He intended this special experience to be enjoyed by a husband and wife and I think the beauty of lovemaking done God’s way is highlighted in the Song of Solomon.
As someone who is not yet married and that has never experienced being joined physically as one with a man, the ‘conversation’ I extracted, got me all worked up and excited and I thought to myself, one day, in God’s perfect timing, I want that! I want to experience what this couple experienced and I believe that once I wait on God and on HIS choice for me, I will.
The words uttered by both the husband to his wife and the wife to her husband, reflect the desire of my heart, if I should ever get the privilege of being married one day to a deserving gentleman. To me, the words expressed represent the height of the lovemaking experience, in terms of what God intended between a man and a woman. It mirrors the relationship between Christ and the Church beautifully and I want nothing else and no other experience but one just like this!
Of course, I have to wait on HIS timing.
After creating the ‘conversation’ from the scripture verses, the content of the verses provided me with twelve (12) lessons, which I think are useful for the honeymoon and married life. I have therefore listed the ‘conversation’ and then the lessons I learned, below.
THE ‘CONVERSATION’ OF MR AND MRS DOE – AFTER THE WEDDING
WIFE: “I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots. Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold. We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver…A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of En-gedi.” (SoS 1:9-14)
HUSBAND: “Behold thou art fair, my love: behold thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead. Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them. Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of pomegranate within thy locks. Thy neck is like a tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men. Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies. Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense.” (SoS: 4:1-6)
WIFE: “As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” (SoS 2:3-4)
HUSBAND: “Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck. How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! How much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon. A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard. Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense;; myrrh, and aloes, with all the chief spices…” (SoS: 4:9-14)
WIFE: “Awake O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant and eat his pleasant fruits.” (SoS: 4:16)
HUSBAND: “I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.” (SoS: 5:1)
WIFE: “I sleep, but my heart waketh: it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night.” (SoS: 5:2)
HUSBAND: “How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince’s daughter! The joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman. Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins. Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus. Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries.’’ (SoS 7:1-5)
WIFE: “My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. His head is as the most fine gold, his locks are bushy and black as a raven. His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk, and fitly set. His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: his lips like lilies, dropping sweet-smelling myrrh. His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: his countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.” (SoS 5:14-16)
HUSBAND: “How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights! This thy stature is like a palm tree. And thy breasts to clusters of grapes. I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples; And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak.” (SoS: 7:6-9)
WIFE: “I am my beloved’s and his desire is toward me….Come my beloved, let us go forth into the field…Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my loves.” (SoS: 7:10-12)
TWELVE (12) WONDERFUL LESSONS I GLEANED FROM THE ‘CONVERSATION’ OF THIS COUPLE
1. This is a married couple.
The husband refers to the wife as his “spouse” in chapters 4 and 5. They were therefore within the covenant of marriage which is honourable in the sight of God and recognized by him.
The foundation for their lovemaking was therefore the correct one. Hebrews 13:4 states: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
2. They are equally yoked in the Lord.
The husband refers to the wife as “my sister” in chapters 4 and 5. They were therefore operating from a place of obedience to God, as they were both children of God, members of his royal family of faith and in a union that was sealed with his approval.
2 Corinthians 6:14 commands all genuine Christians who believe in Jesus Christ and have confessed him as Lord: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
3. The lovemaking is not rushed.
Instead, they both took their time in discovering everything they could possibly learn about each other, likening their observations and the exploratory journey, to a garden with pleasant fruits, spices, fragrances, wine, milk and honey. The use of such terms also denoted a place of bliss, contentment and happiness.
4. It is much more than a pleasant or pleasurable physical experience between a man and a woman.
It was intimacy to the highest level, between lovers who were also friends, so much so, that they felt the need to resort to the use of fruits, spices, fragrances and that which is pleasant to the taste bud, in an attempt to describe the beauty and depth of their intimacy. Such was the emotional, physical and spiritual depth of their experience, that even when they did use these literary devices, one gets the feeling that these terms did the experience no justice. (SoS 5:16)
5. He is not just attracted to her outward appearance.
This husband was obviously very attracted to his wife physically. However, the attraction did not end there. There were things about her intellect that he too found fascinating. In admiring her attributes which were not purely physical, the husband tells the wife that her speech is comely. He is in awe, not just by how she looks but what she has to say.
6. They are unashamed in their exploratory journey of each other.
There is no hiding, no guilt, no secrets. They make no apologies and don’t try at all to hide their sheer pleasure, joy, excitement and happiness, as they engage in their lovemaking. It is clear that they are rejoicing in what they are partaking of and what has been presented before them.
7. The pervading theme of their lovemaking is appreciation.
There is nothing about the experience that they take for granted and in addition to showering compliments on each other throughout the process, they are determined to savour every single moment.
As stated before, this speaks of intimacy to the highest level. The husband lets his wife know that he appreciates every God-given inch of her, as is particularly evident in chapter 7:1-5.
It is a woman’s dream that her husband consider every inch of her to be precious and valuable and to handle her in that way, lovingly, gently, appreciatively and with great care.
In chapter 7, this appreciation is very evident. For, the husband starts, unrushed, from his wife’s feet and takes the time to observe, reflect, study and compliment, as he moves up to her thighs (which he acknowledges must be the work of a wise Creator), then to her navel which he devotes equal time to admire, then her belly, then her breasts, then her neck, then her nose, then her head, then her hair. In this intimate moment because he is appreciative of what is before him, no part of her is neglected. The husband devotes time to every aspect, to every detail that constitutes her body, then compliments her entire structure in verses 6-7.
Without a doubt, this is a man that is deeply appreciative of his wife and of her body. After he takes the time to properly compliment, pay tribute and admire every inch of her, he then takes his God-given possession, one that was previously “…a spring shut up, a fountain sealed”, thereby alluding to her virginity. After having likened her stature or body to a palm tree, he then says in verse 8: “I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof…” This is such a beautiful picture of lovemaking, that I have no words…
8. In appreciating all of what has been presented before him, the husband acknowledges God as the one who created all of what the woman is now offering and from which he, as her husband is now enjoying.
In complimenting the beauty of the woman’s attributes, he said, “The joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.”
9. The husband has eyes for no other.
So captivated was he by what his wife had to offer, that nobody else came close to catching his interest. She was more than enough for him. The wife therefore says confidently, having been duly appreciated, “I am my beloved’s and his desire is toward me.”
The husband does homage therefore to Proverbs 5:15-20 where the advice was given by a parent to a son: “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?”
10. Love, not lust is at the core of their lovemaking and it is clear that they love each other dearly.
They have endearing names for each other with the wife referring to her husband on one occasion as her ‘love’ and many occasions as her ‘beloved’. On more than one occasion, the husband refers to his wife as his ‘love’ and places greater price on the love he receives from her than on wine. He says “Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart…How much better is thy love than wine!” The wife also states, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.”
11. The wife feels secure by the extent of her husband’s love for her and willingly submits to him as the head in the marriage.
She receives so much love, that she feels secure, protected, cherished and covered, so much so that she refers to the husband’s love for her as a ‘banner’ that was over her. It also demonstrates that the wife understands, submits to and appreciates his leadership role over her.
12. There is no need to force or to cajole any one of the parties into the lovemaking journey.
There is no reluctance and no boredom on the part of either, neither is it an activity where only one party benefits from the service of the other. It is a mutual giving of self and a willingness (if not eagerness) to please the other.
The husband refers to his wife’s body (she is a virgin), as a garden that is enclosed, shut up and a fountain sealed, as anything of high value should be, until the right timing for it to be opened. He refers to it as containing fruit and having chief spices. In response, the wife encourages her husband (because the time had come) to “…blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out.”
It is a mutual exchange and a mutual enjoying. It is not just the wife serving the husband and attending to his needs but the husband serving the wife as well and catering to her needs also. In this love story, we see selfless lovemaking at its finest between two people with mutual respect for each other.
Having invited her husband to “…blow upon (her) garden, that the spices thereof may flow out”, the wife spurs her husband on further by telling him, “Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits.” This implies that the woman is convinced that her husband is a man worthy of reaping the fruits of his labour, that he has earned his reward and is worthy therefore of access to her most prized, well-guarded and treasured bodily possession.
CLOSING COMMENTS
This is not a cheap fling. This is not a one-night stand or a casual boyfriend- girlfriend encounter. This is something far superior, far sweeter, far purer. It is what every woman who desires to be with a man one day, should wish for but it is important to note that this kind of beauty only starts in a marriage.
I firmly believe that this kind of beauty and level of intimacy is only experienced between a man and a woman that are both genuine, bona fide believers in the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ (Christians), where God orchestrated their meeting and eventual marriage union (like with Isaac and Rebekah in the Bible) because this was his perfect will for them to be together and where, throughout the courtship, they kept themselves (with God’s help), from falling into any kind of sexual sin.
God’s way has always and will always be the best way. I repeat, that I am convinced that the majority of people in this world who have entered into sexual relations outside of God’s will, sell themselves short of the full breadth, height and depth of the intimate experience he intended to be enjoyed between a man and a woman in a marriage.
I don’t know about you but after reading the wonderful words extracted from the Song of Solomon and meditating on the lessons and principles of this couple’s lovemaking, it confirms for me (excitingly!), that waiting on God for marriage, before giving your self completely away to a man is worth it.
I have not been perfect, have made mistakes and it is only by the grace of God that I still have my virginity but having repented of my mistakes and agreeing with God’s position on sex and marriage, this picture as presented in Song of Solomon is something I aspire to, something that gets me all riled up with excitement and quite frankly, I know, that I want nothing less!
Preserving your virginity until marriage is NOT overrated, nor is it outdated. It is God’s way and since it was God who created us, our bodies and the whole lovemaking experience, His way could never be boring. His way is best.
I will close with one thought that I think is worth mentioning. Throughout this married couple’s lovemaking, one sensed that the experience was PURE, there was utmost and mutual RESPECT, APPRECIATION, INTIMACY, SWEETNESS and endless ENDEARMMENT.
If the first letter of each of these words are put together, it spells exactly what God intended lovemaking to be: P-R-A-I-S-E.
For, when two of his children come together in His way, His timing and according to His will, this is what happens. He is pleased, his name is glorified and there is PRAISE!
(Written on 9th February, 2018; added to on 24th October, 2020)
Dear Reader, if you found this Article useful or interesting, then you will surely also be interested in reading the following Article for more tips, information and details:
- Note 52 – ‘The Beauty of Sex’
