(The Single Woman Series – Batch 2)
I wrote an earlier Article entitled ‘MY QUICK TEN POINT CHECKLIST‘, which gives you guidance as to how to tell if a guy you are interested in is THE ONE. Since I wrote that Article, I’ve been meaning to upload my detailed checklist for what I call a divinely compatible spouse, which I prepared sometime in 2014 or 2015.
Admittedly, I have never really been big on lists and have only scribbled things here and there in the past, of a few qualities I desire in a spouse. However, when I randomly found three of my scribblings (probably written months or even years apart) and all within the space of about one week or so, I felt God was telling me to sit down and write a proper list, so I obeyed.
I found the first scribbling while at the office. I was going through an old book which was close to being discarded and found, although I had completely forgotten, that I had begun to write some qualities of a future spouse there.
If I recall correctly, that same week, I was searching in the bedroom of the place I was renting, for something I needed to find desperately and took out my dusty suitcases from the cupboard to extend my search. While going through one of them, I found a piece of paper and decided to open it, only to realize that it was yet another scribbling I had done sometime aback, of qualities for a spouse.
I can’t recall the circumstances surrounding the third note I found but after the third time, I was convinced God was saying he wanted me to write a list. So I did. Why else would these three lists suddenly resurface, although I had scribbled them months and even years ago and all in the space of about one week?
Now, having obeyed, I see the value in having drawn up a list and I am certain that, had I had a proper list some years back, I would not have been crushing on that guy at my Church that I crushed on for so long as I had done and I would not then have gotten my hopes dashed!
I know that I could never in a million years even begin to find the person that comes close to what I have described in my list, much less attract them in my own strength. HOWEVER, whereas there are things that are impossible for man to do, I know that with God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26) and so I continue to hope in him, to provide me with a life partner that meets at least 75% of these requirements.
As you will observe, what I have listed as my requirements are not superficial qualities but spiritual-based and there is scripture to support each trait that I seek. Irrespective of my age and the biological clock, I am willing to wait on God for this because his timing is best and such a wait is worth it.
This is the list I sat down and properly gave thought to and prepared in 2014:
QUALITIES I WANT AND AM WILLING TO WAIT FOR IN A DIVINELY COMPATIBLE HUSBAND
- Must believe with the heart that Jesus, the son of God died and that God raised him from the dead;
- Must have confessed with his mouth that Jesus is Lord;
- Must have demonstrated his affiliation with Jesus Christ thereafter, through water baptism;
- Must be daily surrendering his life to Christ, fighting the good fight, refusing to quit even if he falls at times and abiding in the teachings of God;
- Must be more into relationship with Jesus Christ than into religion.
2) Attractive to me (Spiritually, emotionally and physically)
3) Humble and down to earth, easy to relate to, sees himself not as perfect but as a work-in-progress
4) Confident as a man in the Lord/Masculine, but not overly confident or egoistical, not needy or in constant need of affirmation
5) Loves and respects himself (but not selfishly preoccupied with self)
6) Mannerly and charismatic –Not rude, callous, harsh, rough and aggressive;
7) Respectable and respect-worthy – Does not dictate to others or try to force respect but inspires respect
8) Caring, Kind and Compassionate (but not a walk over)
9) Able to assert himself and to be firm in applicable situations
10) Fair and reasonably just– not biased, prejudicial, unwilling to arrive at correct conclusion e.g. where friend or family member involved in wrongdoing
11) Considerate/Thoughtful – Must think about how his actions will our could potentially affect others and must consider and understand other people’s feelings, emotions and viewpoints, provided they do not contradict the Word.
12) Generous (loves to devote time, money, effort, resources and help to others where possible, not stingy but not financially reckless or a spendthrift)
13) Romantic (but not overly so to the point of superficiality), affectionate and tender with me
14) Sincere/ Genuine – Cares more about character than reputation/image
15) Respectful of others and to me – especially when it comes to his treatment of me and my opinion, not a respecter of persons and position or discriminatory or racist.
16 ) Appreciative
17) Ability to lead family in a way that is pleasing in God’s sight
18) Similar value system and integrity
19) Ambitious and industrious but not obsessed with career – strikes right balance between work and play
20) Generally enthusiastic about life and fun
21) Healthy appetite – loves, appreciates and values good food
22) Reasonably health conscious and generally active – eats healthy sometimes and exercises at least occasionally
23) Reasonably intelligent – practically
24) Generally communicative (not secretive) and reasonable conversationalist on any issue – Generally enjoys conversing with me, feels comfortable opening up to and confiding in me about fears, hopes, dreams, vulnerabilities, successes.
25) Reliable and Responsible – When he give his word, he does everything within his power to keep it unless there is an emergency or something unexpected happens
26) Merciful/Forgiving and full of grace (not spiteful/vengeful) – Generally has a heart that is willing to forgive, shows mercy
27) Apologetic (but not overly)
28) Trustworthy – Generally a man of his word, inspires feelings of safety and security (e.g. not sending out player signals, threats of abuse, infidelity, betrayal, etc.)
29) Trusting (but not gullible)
30) Loyal/Faithful to loved ones and friends
31) Spends reasonable time in Word and prayer and understands the significance of fasting
32) Appreciates and accepts constructive criticism – not self-righteous, does not see self continuously as the victim or make excuses or have a martyr mentality, is not manipulative and does not have a tendency to pull guilt trips
33) Truthful and Honest – With God, others and self – Good sense of self-awareness – capable of examining himself, facing negative truths about self, not afraid to diagnose flaws within self and does not resent diagnosis by others, wants God to change weaknesses, works on them, humbly admits them and takes responsibility for his wrongs
34) Empowering and encouraging – He is about building people up, not breaking them down
35) Remorseful and practices Godly repentance – Continually goes before God for forgiveness and also humbles himself to ask for forgiveness from spouse and others in general who he may have wronged, willing to make amends
36) Emotionally intelligent
37) Emotionally mature
38) Strength of character (e.g. in times of adversity) (not overly emotional) but with the right mix of sensibility/vulnerability and optimism
39) Generally decisive – not afraid to make decisions or unsure of self or a procrastinator, yet not hasty
40) Family-oriented and Christ-centred
41) Makes me feel inspired and special, not inferior or unworthy; motivates me through words, actions and him just being himself, to always be better than I was the day before and to grow closer to Jesus
43) Understands but does not exploit the fact that women are weaker physical vessels and appreciates the God given differences in men and women
44) Understands that a wife ultimately comes from and belongs to God, her Creator and is a gift loaned to him – Not his property or possession.
45) Sees women as equal in terms of worth, respect, value, contribution – looking for a wife to be an equally valuable and respect-worthy partner and not an extension of himself or inferior
46) Capable with God’s help, of discerning the God-given value in his wife (despite her flaws) and how this can add value/ benefit to his life.
47) Generally courageous (but not taking foolish risks or reckless)
48) Rational and reasonable – capable of applying and seeing reason e.g. in an argument
49) Non-materialistic but not complacent
50) Generally selfless – Puts others before self but not exploited
51) Compatible sense of humour
52) Teachable – Able to recognize the strengths/knowledge/wisdom in wife and others (where he may be weak) and to willingly learn from them
53) Helpful, supportive – of interests, ministry, issues
54) Understanding – Not judgmental without biblical basis or overly critical
55) Age appropriate – Not more than five years older than me and not more than one year younger.
56) Able to exercise patience, wait on God’s timing – not too hasty, have long term perspective
57) Prayed to Lord and sought his guidance for a wife
58) Takes initiative – Recognizes what he wants and with God’s guidance, respectfully pursues it
59) Marital team player – Understands that marriage is about building up, investing in and supporting each other
60) Understands and accepts his role as a man to be the main provider/protector of the family, even if he would appreciate his wife assisting financially.
61) Fully understands the seriousness of the marriage covenant and committed to marriage – believes that marriage is for life, come what may e.g. sickness, disability, infertility etc.
62) Attracted to me (Spiritually, emotionally and physically)
63) Kingdom – minded – Passionate (not nonchalant) about God’s plans and desires
64) Have a vision for self and future which fits into God’s vision – Have at least a general idea of what more he wants to do and to achieve and a general idea as to how he would like to go about it/start it etc. e.g. to further career to better provide for family, as Bible says that a man who does not provide is worse than an infidel.
65) Has demonstrated evidence of not just being a convert but of having advanced to the point of striving daily to be a disciple.
66) I genuinely believe (and this is continually confirmed) that he is the answer from God to my prayer for a husband and God’s perfect will for me.
Other stuff that I would like but which are not necessary -PERKS
- My height or taller than me
- Financially comfortable
- Have a house or at least land
- Drives and has a car
- Is not a widower
- Has no children and never had any
- Age appropriate
- Neat in appearance and dresses well
- I have good relations with his family and am accepted by his friends
- He is accepted and liked by my family
- Generally healthy
(Written on 1st January, 2017)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be informative, edifying, beneficial or interesting, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 8 – ‘My Quick Ten Point Checklist – Is He The One?‘
- Note 18 – ‘You Can’t Change Him’
- Note 21 – ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth’
- Note 20 – ‘Equation For Relationship Success’
- Note 57 – ‘Who To Marry?’
- Note 58 – ‘To Tell If He’s The One Put On Your Spiritual Glasses’
- Note 128 – ‘God-sent Or Just God-ly?’
- Note 130 – ‘Ladies, How Long Are You Prepared To Wait?’
- Note 144 – ‘Before You Say ‘I Do’
- Note 145 – ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You?’
- Note 147 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-sent And Not Just God-ly’
- Note 149 – ‘Making The Wrong Decision Can Be Costly’
- Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God’
- Note 260 – ‘Common Sense Tips For Choosing The Right One’
- Note 271 – ‘Not Just Any Man Will Do – My Top Ten (10) Pet Peeves In A Man’
- Note 275 – ‘How God Wants Us To Treat With Our Idols’