318. SOME DON’TS OF RELATIONSHIPS

(The Single Woman Series – Batch 5)

Do you want a healthy and thriving love relationship one day with a man that lasts? Then, I have three (3) basic tips for you, which, if you take heed, I believe that you will save yourself a whole heap of trouble.

Whatever you do, dear lady or daughter of God:

1. DON’T pursue the man.

Allow him to pursue you. Men were designed to be hunters and women, the hunted. Deep down, we know this, so why try to disrupt the natural flow of things?

Proverbs 18:22 states, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” This verse lets us know, seemingly, that it is for the man to find, not for the woman to hunt.

No matter how badly you want a companion therefore, no matter how lonely you feel (and I know the feeling) and how much you crave marriage, all that it entails and the honourableness of being called somebody’s wife, no matter how much you like that man you’ve set your sight on, let not strong desire border on desperation. Let not your desire make you throw common sense, your dignity and all decency out the door. Never go running after a man. God forbid that you should ever feel the need to chase one. Do not usurp the will of God in your selfish pursuit. Sit still and see what God does. If you his child and say that you have faith in him, then wait on him prayerfully on the issue of a spouse and allow him to allow the right man to find you.

I know that some will say, well faith without works is dead but guess what? The works that the Bible speaks of could never be works of desperation. As I’ve said time and time again, the God we serve does not operate in desperation. There are things that you can do in faith, while you wait on God to work out HIS plan as it pertains to you, provided it is HIS will to grant you a spouse. To see a list of some of the things that you can do, while you wait, be sure to browse the list of related Articles at the end of this page.

2. DON’T think that your beauty will give you an upper edge and will secure for you a good, successful and lasting relationship.

This is false confidence. If beauty had the power to sustain marriages, then the celebrity divorce statistic would not be so high. The women are gorgeous for the most part and yet, the men still leave them, cheat on them and grow bored with them. This tells us that, while beauty certainly attracts, it cannot sustain a healthy relationship.

In short, your looks will not help you to keep a man or to keep him satisfied. He’s not going to fall in love with you because of your looks. He may be infatuated, captivated and in lust with your physical looks and package but it will not make him be in love with you. Proverbs 31:30 tells us that, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”

Focus therefore on building up your inner character and being more Christ-like, not so much on your outward appearance. Nothing is wrong with looking nice and wanting to be attractive (I certainly love to be well dressed and to look classy and nice) but don’t let this be the main focus of your endeavours. External beauty may attract a man’s interest but internal or inner beauty of character and a wonderful personality is what will keep it. Let this internal beauty shine brighter than anything you may wear or do on your exterior.

3.  DON’T neglect wise counsel.

Whatever you do, do not throw scorn on wise counsel. If you are a Christian and have been blessed with Christian parents for example, they may be far from perfect but listen to what they have to say. Don’t just turn your back on everyone who may disgree with how you see things and instead do whatever you think is best because you are an adult.

You may be all grown-up yes and ultimately, whether you make a good or bad decision, it is yours to make. Yet, the Word of God reminds us that, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” (Proverbs 11:14).

Avoid just running off and doing your own thing therefore, without regard for what your family, friends and even Church members think about your relationship or of the person that you are considering building a life with.

This does not mean using selective hearing and only listening to those who you know will blindly suppport whatever you desire to do, nor does it mean gathering vain and simple minded people around you that have no wisdom to impart.

Sadly, this is what king Rehoboam did to his own detriment. He had an important decision to make but instead of heeding wise counsel from his elders, he chose to ignore it and to instead listen to his peers. Those peers may have been well meaning but they lacked the wisdom that was needed to give good counsel.

The Bible states in 1 Kings 12:6-8:

  • “And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people?…But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, and which stood before him:

As a result of his actions, he lost a significant part of the Kingdom, as the people of Israel rebelled against him, separated from the people of Judah whom he remained over and made someone else their King.

If you give ear to peers, the key is to make sure that they are grounded in the faith, that they are spiritually mature, serious about godliness and can counsel you soundly from God’s Word.

Parents are often underestimated but as stated before, they are especially important in this regard. They tend to have good advice to give and many times, through God-given discernment (if they are saved) and intuition (if they are not), can sense if you are on the road to relationship destruction in your pick of a boyfriend or spouse. Don’t block your ears and refuse to listen therefore or else you may find yourself in the same predicament that the son in Proverbs 5 is warned of.

In that chapter, he is warned that, if he ignores counsel and goes and does his own thing, he will later regret it and be lamenting at how his life turned out. He will also lament at how foolish he had been in his choice of a woman for a relationship.

The scripture reads:

  • “My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding: That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge. For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth. Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house: Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel: Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger; And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof;  And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!”

At the end of the day, the most important counsel to heed is from the Word of God itself. This overrrides all other advice and counsel of men. Ensure therefore, that you do not act in contravention of the Word of God and that you make this your final authority. Before you make any kind of decision in relation to a relationship, make sure that you first have God’s backing and endorsement.

(Written in October, 2022)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following:

  • Note 59 – ‘Nine (9) Tips For The Single Woman Hoping To Be Married’
  • Note 72 – ‘Qualities That Got Women Noticed And Eventually Married To Good Men In The Bible’
  • Note 137 – ‘Who To Marry?’
  • Note 136 – ‘How I Used My Single Years To Pray, ‘Preach’, Plan And Prepare’
  • Note 142 – ‘Single Woes – The Battles We Singles Fight Every Day’
  • Note 240 – ‘Serve God Wherever And In Whatever You Are Called‘
  • Note 253 – ‘Seven (7) Practical Things You Can Do While You Wait On Your Prince Charming’
  • Note 261 – ‘Seven (7) Ways To Do Single With A Good Attitude While Hoping To Be Married

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