I wrote this Article on 16th August, 2021, while still a single woman.
One of the things about waiting for many years for the Lord to provide a spouse (at least from my experience) is that you get all sorts of ideas of things you want to implement during the courtship phase, on the Wedding Day and in the marriage. Such ideas keep coming and sometimes, this can make you feel a bit down because you can’t even get started because the man has not yet put in an appearance.
There is a verse in the Bible that says that hope deferred maketh the heart sick and I can attest to that. I have had to learn patience and am still learning, when I passionately want to get started but can’t and must still wait on the Lord’s timing.
The thing is, the Lord has not told me when and sometimes, that can feel frustrating. I have to often remind myself that his timing is best and whatever he withholds from me about my future is best.
Having said that, yesterday, out of the blue, another crazy thought hit me. If you’ve read some of my Articles written some years back, you will realize that I don’t think conventionally. I have some crazy ideas.
You would know for example, that I don’t plan, if things go as planned, to accept my God-sent’s proposal when he proposes. I intend to flip things by asking that we do two stages of Sessions first.
The first would involve just the two of us going through a series of hard questions about each other, so that we will have the answers to these questions and be in an informed position to determine if we want to move things forward or not.
The second would involve third party Counselling, where we bring in a Christian Counsellor. If at the end of those two grueling Sessions, we still want to marry each other and still believe that the Lord (and not our emotions or physical attraction) is leading, then I will at that point, accept the proposal.
I’ve always thought it to be counterproductive to say yes to a proposal and then to seek counselling. For, once the proposal has been accepted, the parties seemingly just go through the motions of counselling as a mere formality. They have already made up their minds to marry. I think though, that counselling should give people an opportunity, depending on the points raised, issues unearthed and how things go, to decide that it would not be wise to marry or not at the time planned or at least to seriously and prayerfully reconsider, that this may not be God’s will for their lives.
You would also know that I intend to wait until I am married to be kissed on the lips. I have been kissed before by a guy from my past but I have come to believe that anything of a physical nature is part of the sex process and so, should be reserved for marriage. Any suitor that comes therefore, will not be allowed to kiss me on the lips (he can on my forehead or cheek), until he takes me down the aisle.
Also, any suitor that wishes to marry me would need to know that I come with a condition, that the man that marries me must agree that if God should bless us with a son, his name HAS to be Joseph. This is because of a promise I made to God since 2009 or thereabout, while pursuing studies in the United Kingdom. I promised him that if he ever blessed me with a child, that I would call him Joseph (Somehow, the possibility of a girl child never crossed my mind – maybe because I love boy children more than I do girls). In any event, when you make a promise to God, scripture teaches that you cannot renege on it.
I am ever mindful of Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 which states (and it also holds significance for Wedding vows as well):
- “When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?”
Having said all that, as I said earlier, yesterday, another seemingly crazy idea hit me and began to hatch in my heart. I cannot say it definitely will happen but it is just an idea.
I thought, most Christian couples are relieved to have the Wedding be over, so that that which was forbidden before, can now be indulged in without restriction. They finally get to be physically intimate and with God’s blessing. It is therefore on their minds leading up to the Wedding Day and on that day, no doubt, many of them rush to consummate the marriage as soon as the Reception is over and they have each other to themselves (finally!) or shortly thereafter.
Absolutely nothing is wrong with that. It is a beautiful picture and I’m sure, once they are in the will of God, that a pleasant fragrance is sent up to heaven, as they learn what it is to become physically one.
I thought though: What if, after the Wedding, although sex is now permissible and God’s favour shines down upon us, what if, we wait?
What if, as exciting and mind-blowing and awesome as sex is (I’m sure), we wait for at least 24 hours after the Wedding or until one full day of our honeymoon is over, before we reap physically, that firm foundation in Christ that we so carefully sowed during the courtship?
No I’m not going crazy. Bear with me a little (no pun intended) and I’ll explain.
What if, we choose, not to do the norm and rush to have sex as two hungry animals but decide and agree, to give the first day of our honeymoon or 24 hours after the Wedding, not to ourselves and our passions but to the Lord? What if, instead of spending the hours after the Wedding, in bed, as I am sure is the norm, learning about every inch of each other, we choose instead, to spend that day without sex, in prayer, in praise, in thanksgiving, in enjoying one another’s company and in a study of the Word? Am I crazy, for suddenly wanting to honour the Lord in this manner?
I know that it is not mandated and God does not expect or require it and certainly, I’m not promising it at this stage. When Mr. Right comes, he would have to be on board with the idea first, for it to be implemented.
Yet, I think there to be something beautiful in making a declaration through our actions, that as important and lovely as sex is, even sex must wait on the Lord. Even sex must know its place, that it is God first always and it after.
For my own love story, I think it a wonderful way to school the flesh which so often tries to dominate and to let it know that it is not Lord. Jesus is. Given how my flesh has tried to act up in the past and to do its own thing, if as a couple, my husband and I were to do this, it would hold personal significance and value to me.
For, I think it would be honourable, to let sex know, that it is not number one in the marriage, God is and to impress upon our hearts afresh, that sex is not Lord, Jesus is.
Having thought upon what I am sure, the average person would think is a crazy idea, the very next day (this morning in fact), in my devotions, I turned to Leviticus 23. I have been reading the book of Leviticus for the past two weeks or so and this is where my devotions reached.
As I read, three verses stood out to me shockingly from that chapter, as they reminded me of the thought I had just had yesterday. Leviticus 23:9-10 and 14 are the verses that struck me. They read:
- “And the Lord spake unto Moses saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye be come into the land which I give unto you, and shall reap the harvest thereof, then ye shall bring a sheaf of the FIRSTFRUITS of your harvest unto the priest….And ye shall eat neither bread, nor parched corn, nor green ears, UNTIL the selfsame day that ye have brought an offering unto your God: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations in all your dwellings.”
The Lord was telling the Israelites back then, that when they finally entered the land that he would bring them into (the Promise Land) and reaped the harvest, that before they indulged in satisfying their flesh with food from that harvest, that they should first bring an offering unto God (the firstfruits of their harvest).
Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. I was floored when I read it though, as it so perfectly captured what I was thinking just the day before!
Wouldn’t it be nice for me and my husband to bring the firstfruits of our marriage to God, for that first day of our honeymoon, just to thank him with hearts full of gratitude for how far we’ve come, how far he’s brought us and what HE has done for us (though undeserving of his blessings), instead of devoting it to our bodies and the satisfaction of our fleshly desires?
I know it would be difficult for my husband to wait even longer, having waited so much already and waited so many years before he found me and I imagine that I too may have my difficulties but that is the beauty of it. It is a way for us to honour God by waiting some more and putting him first before the will of our bodies.
If the thought is still in my heart when Mr. Right comes, I’ll raise it with him and maybe we will not make a commitment to abstain for that one day after the Wedding (but agree that we desire to), in the event that we don’t make it. I believe though that we can. Nothing should be so powerful as to make us feel that we MUST have it, now.
In 1 Corinthians 6:12, Paul stated and I concur: “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”
I believe that everything must bow and wait on the Lord, even sex. It is an excellent way therefore, to let it know from the get-go, that it is not the Lord of our marriage. Jesus is. It is an excellent way to further discipline our bodies and teach them self-control, patience and to remind them powerfully, that it is always Jesus first and not the will of our flesh. It will also reinforce the fact that while sex is an expression of the love we have for each other, it is not the definition of it. What we have and what we are to each other is far greater.
Call me a wishful thinker but these lessons, are important to me. It is important to note though, that there is no such requirement from God that couples do what I am thinking I may want to do and if my husband and I were to do so, it would not make us any more spiritual than any other Christian or earn us any points with God. It is just my personal preference and even so, it is not cast in stone. We (my future husband and I) may decide that we will not wait and nothing will be wrong with that. After all, we would be husband and wife and therefore, provided it was God’s will for us to be together, He will bless whatever we decide to do.
However, I can’t help but think, that it would be really beautiful, unique and God-honouring, if my future husband and I were to wait, for at least one day, even after marriage. It would be my husband’s way of honouring me as well, since it will be my request and a beautiful memorial I think, something that will set the pace for the rest of our marriage. For, as glorious as I’m sure our eventual consummation will be (just the thought gets me excited to the point where I can hardly contain myself), we would have made a wonderful declaration to ourselves and in God’s sight, that it is always to be Jesus first, everything else after.
(Written on 16th August, 2021, adjusted thereafter)
Don’t ask me where this came from but a short while ago, I thought on married life and on the blessing of having a husband to call my own and a prayer that I would want to utter both on my own and with my future husband, at the beginning of our marriage, came to mind.
Before I forgot what I was thinking, I quickly typed it up on my computer.
I don’t believe that there is anything or any issue that we as Christians should not take to the Lord. When my husband comes therefore, I intend to ask for God’s blessing on our physical intimacy as well. I believe in being open with the Lord and asking him whatever concerns me and I don’t see why I can’t ask him about this as well. I want my marriage life to be something very special (although I know it will not be perfect) and only God could ensure that it is. I therefore intend to pray about every aspect of it, including that which pertains to having intimate relations with my husband.
I therefore wrote what I would like to pray to God about, as follows:
Father in heaven,
Thank you for the husband that you have graced me to have and for sexual intimacy which you have sanctioned for marriage. As we embark upon this journey as husband and wife, may we never be bored or grow tired with each other. May all of our physical sessions with each other be truly intimate and done as an expression of the love we have for each other, a love which you have shed abroad in our hearts.
May you be glorified every time we come together and may we always send up a sweet fragrance to heaven.
May we remain excited and always feel privileged to have complete access to each other’s bodies and may nobody else ever be sufficient to satisfy us but each other, for as long as we both shall live.
May we be faithful to you and to each other, may you teach us what we need to know physically and bless our union and may all that we do when physically intimate, be beautiful in your sight.
May we always enjoy each other’s presence, may the time we spend together always be sweet and something that we both cherish, look forward to and appreciate. May our lovemaking always be something that is sacred, pure, passionate, exciting, enjoyable and special.
For as long as we both shall live and you grant us strength, may we always have fervent love for each other and be on fire physically for each other. May you bind us with a bond that is spiritual, emotional and physical, which nobody on earth could ever remove or get in between and which no opposing force can ever be strong enough to break.
We ask all this in Jesus’ name and we pray that you will grant every request, Amen.
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting or informative, you may also be interested in reading the following under the ‘SINGLE Daughters’ Page:
- Note 138 – ‘Excerpt Of The ‘Conversation’ Of Mr. & Mrs. Doe – After The Wedding’