6. TO SPANK OR NOT TO SPANK?

Tweet Pin Like Share Email

Recently, an incident transpired in my country, involving a parent and a child, which attracted much attention and commentary in the media, including on social media.

In perusing some of what people had to say, I was shocked to see someone among them, who was supposed to be Christian and who I knew, seemingly joining with the world to condemn physical punishment of children outright. She, along with many others, subscribed to the view (and was vocal in voicing her opinion on social media with her fingers), that children should not be spanked, that it is not loving to administer physical punishment, that this is outdated, unnecessary and abusive, that it is ineffective and harmful to children and that other non-physical forms of punishment are better, adequate and should be used instead.

This sounded nice to the ear but was it true? Was it truly the way to go? What did the Word of God have to say about it?

Given that the Word of God, the Bible is the ultimate authority on all matters, only what God has to say on the matter is relevant, not people’s opinions. What the Psychologists, Sociologists, Psychiatrists and all the other super intelligent or even sincerely well-minded people have to say therefore, matters not unless it lines up with the Word of God. For, as mere human beings with limited knowledge, no matter how educated they are they do not and will never possess the awesome wisdom of almighty God.

As Christians, it is important to remember that we are not supposed to advance our views on issues and promote what we think is best on any matter, if God has already ruled on it. We are merely to convey what he has already said and determined and align ourselves with it, without questioning his rationale for taking the position that he has taken.

We are not to make decisions based on what appears to be best, popular or culturally appropriate but to look to the Word of God to see what God has to say on the issue. Whatever he says, we are supposed to abandon our thoughts and what we think is right and embrace his. For he is the all-wise God, much wiser than ourselves.

His counsel can be relied upon 100% of the time and is to be obeyed, without dissension. For, he is always right and never makes a mistake in what he instructs us to do. Whatever he has directed from his Word, he did after taking every possibility, circumstance and situation into consideration. Nothing takes him by surprise therefore and nothing can happen that he did not already account for, when he instructed us. Also, his Word never becomes outdated or irrelevant. It is TRUE and endures throughout ALL generations, including ours.

Of the unchanging, all-encompassing and immovable Word of God which is applicable to all generations, the Bible tells us quite clearly:

“For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his TRUTH endureth to ALL generations.” (Psalm 100:5)
“…let God be TRUE, but every man a liar.” (Romans 3:4)
“There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, THAT shall stand.“ (Proverbs 19:21)
“…the heavens shall vanish away like smoke and the earth shall wax old like a garment and they that dwell therein shall die in like manner: but my salvation shall be forever, and MY RIGHTEOUSNESS SHALL NOT BE ABOLISHED.” (Isaiah 51:6)

Having highlighted these precious truths, the question that all Christians should be asking, instead of arriving at their own conclusions on the issue of physical punishment is: What does the Bible have to say about it? In short, what does God instruct us to do?

Whatever God has laid down in his Word is what is good and right and true. Nothing else.

When we open God’s book and examine his Word (as we ought to be doing as Christians), we find that it is consistent on this matter of physically punishing children. It tells us quite clearly:

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it…” (Proverbs 22:6)
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15)
“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” (Proverbs 13:24)
“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” (Proverbs 23:13-14)
“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” (Proverbs 29:15)
“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” (Proverbs 19:18)

It is clear therefore that God endorses the spanking of children and does not just approve of it but directs us to administer physical punishment when warranted. It is not a request but a command.

It is therefore the responsibility of Christians to obey his Word, instead of seeking out alternatives because to our mind, the truth is too difficult to accept or because the thought of inflicting pain seems, to our mind, to be cruel. If we choose to do something else and to not administer physical punishment to our children when warranted, we will be in blatant disobedience to the authoritative Word of God. In short, we would have rejected God’s counsel, thinking ourselves to be wiser than him and in due season, we will reap for our disobedience.

We may be well-minded but we are not more wise, intelligent, kind, compassionate or loving than God. We would do well to remember that, God is the God of love. Indeed, God is the source of love. What little we know of it, we know from Him and got from him. To think that to spank a child is to be unloving and abusive therefore and that to withhold physical punishment from a child is to be loving is to be deluded. The Word of God tells us that the opposite is true. It tells us “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” (Proverbs 13:24).

It being clear that God approves of spanking/flogging/beating children and expects Christians to do so, it is important that we do so (if we have children) in a scriptural manner. In other words, the authority that God has given to parents is not to be used recklessly. If we just spank children when we feel, for any reason, to any extent and simply because as parents, we are in a position of authority over them and feel empowered when we hit them, then we would be exploiting our role, most likely end up acting outside of God’s parameters and in so doing, commit sin.

We must therefore ask the questions:

Who is to administer physical punishment to the child?
When should a child be physically punished?
What should a child be physically punished with?
How much physical punishment should a child receive?

QUESTION 1 – Who is to administer physical punishment to the child?

The Word of God says that “He that spareth his rod hateth his son…”, that “…a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame“. It also says “Chasten thy son while there is hope…”. It is therefore clear from these verses, that the God-given responsibility of administering physical punishment, belongs to the parents of a child, the ones with God-given authority to raise that child.

However, given that apart from biological parents, there are adoptive parents and other guardians of children, to whom the responsibility of raising a child have been entrusted, once their authority over the child is not at variance with the Word of God, in my view, the responsibility for spanking/flogging when appropriate, also falls upon such persons.

This being the case, I am also of the view that the authority that parents (whether biological or adoptive) and guardians have, can be delegated at times. Hence, a parent could give a School Principal, Teacher, aunt, uncle or some other person, the authority to spank his or her child, in certain circumstances. This does not however, remove the parent or guardian’s responsibility first and foremost, before God, to train up the child in the way that he should go and to spank the child himself or herself on occasions, when needed.

This brings me to the second question.

QUESTION 2 – When should a child be physically punished?

As stated before, parents have the God-given authority to flog a child but it is important to note that they have not been handed a blank cheque (so-to-speak) to do so. In other words, they are authorized to physically punish but this does not grant them free rein to just beat the child whenever they see fit, for any reason and to any degree. No.

For example, parents (including those entrusted in the raising of the child) ought not to beat the child:

because they are feeling angry and frustrated in life or moody;
or because they take a warped sense of pleasure in seeing the child suffer;
or because they enjoy beating the child as it gives them a thrill;
or because they feel insecure and inadequate in other spheres of life and beating the child makes them feel powerful and in control (although temporarily);
or because they use the child as a punch bag and the spanking as therapy to relieve their stress;
or because they enjoy and take delight in seeing the child squirm;
or enjoy having authority over others;
or making the child feel afraid of them;
or because it was how they were treated by their parents and so they have mindlessly made the decision to just do exactly the same;
or because they are fed up of the child, regret having him or her, consider him or her to be a nuisance and a humbug and lack patience in dealing with him or her;
or to exact vengeance on the child or someone else who may be close to the child;
or because they are feeling wicked or to be malicious.

Sadly, these are some of the reasons that parents and guardians inflict physical punishment on children but this is wrong. None of the reasons listed above are endorsed by the scriptures for spanking/physically punishing a child.

The Word of God tells us that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child but that the rod of correction will drive it far from him.

This tells us therefore, that the only purpose for beating a child should be for correction and only when the foolishness that is bound up in his or her heart, manifests itself in that child’s actions. In other words, flogging a child is approved of by God, when the child takes a wrong path, thereby manifesting the foolishness that is bound up in his or her heart. It is to be administered in such a situation, to correct the child, so as to set him or her back on the right path.

This calls for a heart of love and concern for the child’s welfare. In other words, the purpose for the rod of correction should be love. Following from God’s perfect example in terms of how he relates with his children (Christians), the punishment is to be administered not because it gives the parent or guardian a power rush but because they love the child, want to see him or her make the right decisions and therefore, want to correct him or her when he or she takes the wrong path in life.

Notably, it is a rod of correction that is approved, not a rod of malice or a rod of control or a rod of iron or a rod of wickedness or a rod of abuse.

The motive must therefore be correction and come from a place of love. If a parent or guardian administers physical punishment for any other reason, it is wrong.

Also, a parent ought not to say that, since a child has foolishness bound up in his or her heart, that he or she will be proactive and beat it out of him or her before it gets a chance to manifest itself. This is wicked and is abusive, as it is not endorsed by the scriptures. There is no such thing as beating a child in advance. The Bible endorses spanking only after the child has messed up, done wrong or taken the wrong path and is therefore in need of correction.

Given the God-given purpose of spanking and that it is only supposed to be done out of a heart of love which sincerely wants to correct the child and set him on the right path for his own welfare, parents need to examine their hearts and minds when about to administer physical punishment. They are to ask themselves questions like: Am I flogging this child out of my love for him and genuinely wanting to see him take the right path on this issue or something else? Do I love the child or is it beating that I love? In administering this physical punishment, am I doing so because the child has done something wrong which manifests the foolishness that is bound up in his heart or am I beating the child because he failed to reach my standard, my expectation (which may be unreasonable) or because he was simply being human?

For example, it would be wrong, to my mind, to flog a child who studied hard and tried his best at exams but did not do well for one reason or another or to beat a child because he accidentally broke a glass, while washing the wares. It would be wrong to spank a child because when you questioned him on his school work, although he applied himself, he could not answer a particular question accurately or because while sleeping, he accidentally peed the bed. It would be wrong if, in bringing a small bag of sugar home from the shop, after you sent him to purchase same, he tripped and fell and the bag of sugar got thrown down.

Beating a child for any of these reasons is wrong in my view because:

It is not done out of love or a genuine concern for the child’s welfare; and
There is nothing to correct in the child, given that the child has not manifested any foolishness.

In such cases, to beat the child would be, in my view, abusive. I take this view because any beating outside of the parameters set by God and not in accordance with his principles of wisdom as set forth in his Word is not sanctioned by him and is therefore, abuse.

A flogging is warranted only where the child has done foolishly and is in need of correction AND where the parent or guardian administering the punishment, is doing so with the right motive. That is, he or she has a genuine desire, borne from his or her love for that child, to see the child corrected and trained in the way that the child should go. In short, the flogging should be done to benefit the child, not the parent or guardian.

This is how God deals with his children. When he chastens them for their disobedience, he takes no delight and gains no satisfaction in us feeling pain. However, he does it out of a heart of love for us, genuinely wanting us to be corrected, so that we would take the right path and benefit in the end. Even in the middle of his chastenings, he loves us and is compassionate to us, him only chastening us because it is necessary, for our good.

His Word says of his dealings with his children:

“But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. For he doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men.” (Lamentations 3:32-33)

“My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” (Hebrews 12:5-11).

If a parent or guardian beats a child due to some other reason than being concerned for that child’s welfare therefore and in a situation where the child has not done something that is bad or wrong and therefore, there is no need for him or her to be corrected with strokes, then that parent or guardian, to my mind, is acting outside of the scope of authority given by the scriptures and therefore, is committing sin.

If a parent, while spanking a child, does not hope, out of a heart of love for that child, that he or she would put away wrong behaviour and do what is right, then that parent or guardian should not have laid a finger on that child. For, if that parent or guardian is not doing what he or she is doing out of love for the child but rather love for beating or love of power or love of control or something else, then this is not the spanking endorsed by the scriptures. Only the rod of correction is approved.

QUESTION 3 – What should a child be physically punished with?

The Word of God mentions ‘a rod of correction’ and the use of the word ‘rod’ is used in four of the scriptures mentioned above. Some people take the view therefore, that only a rod is to be used, although the exact nature of the rod mentioned in the scriptures was not described.

While this is not wrong and it is certainly best to err on the side of caution if in doubt, I am of the humble view, that substitutes can be used, the term ‘rod’ serving as a guide. Some parents use a belt, others use a whip, stick, chord or ruler. Whatever is used, I am of the view that it should be similar to the rod, in that it must be capable of administering the same level of discomfort, no more, no less.

In light of this, I sincerely believe that it is wrong to just use whatever you can find, to inflict pain on a child. A pot cover made out of iron for example or a clothes iron or brick or a piece of wood, cannot be considered to be substitutes to a rod (in my view), as they are capable of inflicting much more pain and even damage, than a rod would.

To use certain items in my view, which are far weightier than a rod, can veer in the direction of abuse and may inflict such serious damage to the child, that you may end up being culpable (and rightly so) before the authorities. The aim is not to damage or seriously injure the child. The aim is not to take out your anger on the child. The aim is to lovingly correct the child and therefore, restraint must be exercised and a choice of the instrument to be used to administer the spanking, carefully thought out, ideally, in advance.

It is not advisable to grab an item spontaneously and beat a child with it, as in a fit of rage (which is not the best time to administer punishment, as you may over do it), you may grab the wrong thing. You should have an instrument designated as the instrument you will be using to correct the child or children (if there are more than one), so that the child or children in your house know, that it is the ‘rod of correction’.

If you are in doubt as to whether you should use a particular instrument, then maybe you shouldn’t. Try to ensure that you use something that is similar to a rod or that is capable of administering the same level of punishment but no more.

This brings me to the final question which needs to be answered.

QUESTION 4 – How much physical punishment should a child receive?

I am of the view that a parent should consider the nature and gravity of the wrong, consider the age of the child and mental competence, consider the circumstances surrounding the incident and after all of that, administer punishment at a level that is proportionate to the offence.

It should be noted that, not because the Bible endorses flogging a child and directs that it be done, does it mean that on every occasion that a child does wrong, physical punishment is to be administered.

The endorsement of spanking, does not to my mind, preclude a parent’s use of discretion and from administering other forms of punishment on different occasions. While these other forms are not to replace physical punishment entirely, they can be administered sometimes.

In fact, the scripture states that, “The rod and reproof give wisdom.” It therefore recognizes reproof, otherwise known as rebuke or a stern tell-off, as a valid form of punishment, which can work hand in hand with the rod of correction. On some occasions therefore, when a child has done wrong, all he may need, to be set on the right path again is a sharp rebuke or some other form of non-physical punishment may be effective.

However, as stated before, it will not be sufficient to abandon physical punishment all entirely (as is advocated today) and to use these methods instead. There will definitely be times that a spanking is warranted and it is therefore to be used on some occasions. Yet, the extent of the flogging that a child receives should not be so light that he or she does not take you seriously and learns nothing from the ordeal, nor should it be too much, to the point of veering in the direction of abuse. Balance and wisdom are key.

It would be wrong therefore, in my view, to flog a five year old with the same amount of lashes and intensity, as you would his older brother who is fourteen. It would be disproportionate to beat a child mercilessly with forty strokes because he took a cookie out of the jar without asking for it first. Such a beating does not, to my mind, demonstrate love of the child but a love of beating.

A child that bullies others at school and starts a fight with another, even sending him to the hospital for stitches because of how badly he beat him, would be expected to receive a greater degree of physical punishment from his parents, than his sister, who threw her lunch away in the dustbin because she did not like what was cooked.

Even so, it would be wrong in my view, if the child involved in the fight received a flogging from his mother and then received a second flogging for the same offence from his father, when he got home later in the evening and was told the news. A child ought not to be punished twice for the same wrong.

As a result of having been flogged, I am of the view that a child should not be bleeding, should not have cuts on his or her skin and should not have suffered sprained ligaments, broken bones or a concussion.

A child should not be hit on his head under any circumstances, given the nature and sensititivity of the head. This is definitely abuse. I am aware that some parents also slap their children on the face. I am not going to say whether this is right or wrong. However, even if this is culturally accepted, it is to be noted that there is no justification for it in the scriptures. The scriptures endorse the use of an instrument, which it describes as a rod, to administer the punishment, not the parent’s bare hands. It does not mention anything therefore, of forming the hand into a fist and cuffing or punching a child.

In administering physical punishment, it is also important to think of things like gender differences. A father for example, should be mindful when administering physical punishment to his daughter, that, as a female, she is a weaker physical vessel. He should therefore avoid using brute force and manhandling her. He should avoid beating her anywhere on her body, given that a female is made up differently from a man and restrain himself, so as to administer only what is necessary.

If she is sick or having her period and is therefore feeling weak, then it may not be the best time to administer a flogging, even if she did some wrong that is deserving of it. Timing for physical punishment, based on the circumstances, is therefore also important.

Physical punishment should also not be unnecessarily delayed or stored up, to be unleashed at some later time. A parent should not therefore, leave a child when he or she has done some foolishness and then beat him or her for it, one month later. He or she ought not also to tell children that he or she is storing up their floggings and then when he or she decides to spank them, spank them for all that they did wrong, even some weeks or months earlier. In so far as is possible, unless there is a valid reason, the correction should be in the moment, in that it should come soon after the child has manifested the foolishness that warrants the spanking.

It is understandable though, if other forms of non-physical punishment were administered to the child, like a stern warning but overtime, the child still persisted in the negative behaviour and therefore demonstrated that he or she did not learn. In such cases, it would be perfectly fine to administer a flogging when the child messes up again.

IN CONCLUSION

Despite modern day thinking (which is wrong), physical punishment is endorsed and directed by the scriptures and therefore, despite what the laws of the land may say, it has a place in the home and always will. If done right, it is both effective and beneficial to the child, contrary to what people think.

It is not to be administered recklessly, for any reason and to any degree, without thinking things through and with the wrong motive. To do so would be to my mind, to be unjust, wrong, abusive and sinful.

Physical punishment is not to be ruled out entirely in the home as there is a need for it there but it is not to be exploited either, by parents and guardians. In administering it, we must ensure that we stick to the Word and where something has not been spelled out clearly, try to derive principles of wisdom therein, that can guide us in the process. When in doubt, we can look at how God administers punishment to his children and see what we can learn and we can also pray to him for guidance in the setting of punishment policies for the home, which will bring him honour and glory.

1 Corinthians 10:31 reminds us that, “…whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” This includes those times when we administer physical punishment to children and therefore, we must be careful to get it right.

(Written on 2nd May, 2022)

ADDENDUM

Today, I found a poem by Vance Havner on the issue of children and spanking, which I found hilarious but yet, true. He was clearly condemning (as was right), the modern day approach to treating with children, as advanced by Psychologists, Sociologists and the like, people who for the most part, don’t know or acknowledge God and therefore, have adopted a secular and erroneous view of life and how children should be raised. These people have advanced their views in all sorts of books with all sorts of titles, misleading people because they think that they know more than God.

While the Word of God clearly approves spanking in the right circumstances, for the right reasons and in the right proportion, these so-called scholars, embrace everything else but spanking, them writing and using all sorts of psychological terms that they have invented, trying to explain what is best for the child. In essence, they have labelled themselves, mere human beings, as the experts, while completely denouncing God, his directions and his wisdom.

In response, Vance Havner’s poem talks about a fictitious character, a child, called Junior and he stated: