(The Called To Be A Wife Series)
Earlier on, I wrote an Article on my Facebook Page entitled, “God-sent Or Just God-ly?” This Article attracted quite a lot of views based on the records revealed to me, although those who viewed it did not comment or place any response to the Article on the Page.
I suspected that maybe some woman from a Women’s Bible Study Group may have found the Article and advised the rest of that group to read it.
Whatever the reason, the number of people who viewed the Article confirmed to me that this is an area that Christian women need advice on. They have grown so used to only hearing about the counterfeit versus the God-sent but there isn’t much counsel out there on HOW to tell if the man they are interested in is a God-sent or is just god-ly.
This Article therefore continues where the previous Article left off, as in this one, I would like to recommend four (4) areas for you to examine, to help you determine whether the man before you and with whom you may have even possibly started courting or dating is your God-sent or is just god-ly.
There may be other factors but in this Article, I propose to only deal with six (6).
If he is not your God-sent but is just a god-ly, Christian man, then it is highly likely that you will see one or more of the following in your friendship or relationship:
1. There is no real testimony in the circumstances surrounding your PRESENTATION
How did the two of you meet? Where did you meet? Chances are if you met at a bar or at some event or place that God does not approve of, that person is not His will for your life.
If you met the person in circumstances where you were sinning against God or acting desperately and not in faith, then there is nothing in that situation that brings glory to God so it is highly likely that he is not rooting for that relationship.
If your meeting was brought about by a whole lot of human effort and not really through the supernatural intervention of God in orchestration, then you should consider carefully whether this union is God’s will for your life or man’s will.
The ideal presentation, in my view is one where God served as the matchmaker (not man) and where he brought the two of you together in such a way, that you know it had nothing to do with the two of you or with other people (although God may have used other people in his plan to bring you two together) and where God gets the glory for the presentation.
Ask yourself therefore is there a testimony from your relationship? Is there virtue and reason to give God (and not man) praise?
In Isaiah 42:8, God stated through his Prophet: “I am the Lord: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images.“
2. Your PERSONALITIES just don’t click
You don’t need a clone of yourself and chances are the Lord is not going to send someone who eats like you and talks like you and is like you because that would be boring, dull and there would be no room for challenge and improvement.
However, although he is a Christian and believes spiritual truths, you are of the view that he just doesn’t get you and if you’re honest, neither do you, him. Although you both have the love of God in common, you are as different as oil and water, so different that you practically have nothing else in common.
For example, you envision having a husband that you can cook for, who will enjoy and appreciate your meals, while taking some level of care for his health but this person is health-obsessed. He doesn’t eat meat, he doesn’t drink milk, he wants all of his foods to be organic and even when you have an occasional slice of cake, he considers this a crime. He is a bit too much for you and your beautiful quirks are a bit too much for him.
Whereas you have always envisioned having a lovely formal Wedding, inviting as much family as possible and investing some substantial funds (once available) into it, to make it beautiful, he doesn’t get the fuss at all is excessively frugal and wants a very casual, laid-back, extremely low cost affair with maybe fifty (50) guests at most.
Whereas you could talk for hours and need a man that can communicate with you on all levels, he doesn’t like to talk much and considers deep conversations to be a bore. All and in all, although he may look fine, love God and be a good guy, he bores you to death. There is no spark, no zeal, no nothing that motivates you to move the relationship forward.
This leads me to the third factor.
3. There is no real PASSION in the relationship
I believe that Christian couples are to love each other not passively but fervently and are to be selflessly invested in the all-round development and betterment of the other person, fuelled by the extent of the ardently mutual love and affection.
Are you emotionally, physically and spiritually attracted to this person? To be physically attracted to him is not enough. All three (3) dimensions should be present. Do you two have a strong emotional bond? Is there a rock-solid spiritual connection between you two, where you enjoy praying with each other, spending time in Bible study together and discussing God’s Word and your experiences with him, together? Is this man someone that you are confident is submitted to God and therefore, that can lead you as he is supposed to spiritually?
Is there fire and fervency in the relationship or lacklustre mundanity? Are you both genuinely excited and zealous about spending your lives together for the glory of God and getting the opportunity to love each other for a lifetime or are you just sort of going through the motions in a dull, uneventful, boring way?
Fervent love will result in your husband-to-be rejoicing over the prospect and privilege of getting your hand in marriage. Isaiah 62:5 states: “For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.”
Fervent love will result in you being genuinely excited and even humbled by the fact that you get to be in a relationship with this man and by the grace of God, get to one day call him your own.
If you are not really excited about getting married to this man and he isn’t really enthused either at the thought of you two being husband and wife one day, then you should consider if maybe, there is no real passion in your relationship and that the absence of this necessary ingredient is putting a damper on what should be a joyous and exciting courtship.
4. Your PURPOSES clash
Are your purposes aligned or at least complementary? This is particularly relevant when it comes to your God-given purpose and ministry.
He believes that he is being called to be a missionary in a far overseas land but you have always felt called to operate right in the land you were born and to reach out to the homeless and less fortunate right here. He also doesn’t want children as he doesn’t want to have a family (other than a wife) to hinder him from being optimally effective in the far away land that he dreams of going to share the gospel in. You on the other hand, want a large family (if God permits) and have dreamed of investing lots of time in one and going on vacations with your husband and kids and building little warriors for the Kingdom of Christ.
God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV). He will not call two people together for marriage where he has already called them to two totally contradictory and non-complementary purposes, as the fulfilment of one would mean the undermining and abandonment of the other. To walk together into the future, the two will need to be agreed. Amos 3:3 asks the very important question: “How can two walk together unless they are agreed?
I do not believe that a Christian couple should force themselves to make their Ministries fit. If a union is of God, I believe that the respective calling that he has on the life of the man and on the woman, would fit effortlessly because He is the one doing the matchmaking. If seeing eye to eye therefore, is difficult when it comes to this important issue and a union between you two would only serve to undermine the area that you both believe you are called, then you have your answer. What God is calling you to do is much more important than getting married to someone you admire and may even love.
5. You don’t have PEACE
Do you have peace about this relationship or are you feeling increasingly unsettled, as if something is not right and you are in the wrong place and that maybe this is not God’s will for your life?
When it comes to moving forward, although he is a good guy, you lack that peace that passeth all understanding, which only God can give. You’ve been praying as to whether this is the one but you’ve gotten no definite yes, to your mind and although this guy seems perfect and really loves the Lord, there is something nagging at you that maybe, he would make someone a good husband one day but that someone is not you. As well behaved as he is, if you are quite honest, there is something about the relationship, even if you can’t quite put your hands on it, that is disappointing. Somehow, you were hoping for more. Somehow, it leaves you underwhelmed and not inspired.
Is your relationship surrounded by chaos, conflict, contention and trouble? This may be an indicator that that person, nice as he is is not God’s will for your life.
I’m not saying to run at the first sign of trouble but examine your heart and determine whether you have God’s peace in moving forward or not. I believe that, even if there are challenges here and there, God will give a couple his peace if their union is of him. If you have no peace in your spirit, even if you don’t know why, pay attention. Go seek God in prayer. When it comes to a relationship, the absence of peace usually means the absence of God’s blessing.
6. You are not experiencing the supernatural POWER and PROVISION of God
I firmly believe, that if God is the one that is bringing a couple together from get-go to finish, he will show up occasionally and do big things in their lives, thereby confirming that this is a union that he endorses. Especially if the parties are seeking his will in prayer, I believe that he will let them know that he is backing this union and do incredible things in this regard. He will open doors for them that they could never do in a thousand years in their own strength, send support where they need and perform other amazing things during their relationship. He will be the fire in the midst of them, that just keeps on burning.
For example, I heard a couple on YouTube, who had the most beautiful, God-glorifying Wedding Ceremony I have ever seen, talk about how they had a vision for the day to bring God glory but did not have much money to make it a reality. However, God kept showing up and doing things miraculously, making financial provision in supernatural ways that they could have never imagined.
The actual day was so beautiful, it exceeded the best of their expectations because that is how God operates. Yet, he did not leave it there. He allowed the husband who was not an emotional guy, to suddenly break down when he saw his bride coming down the aisle with the gloriously majestic music with the words “seated in majesty” playing in the background. It was all so beautiful, that he allowed the Wedding video to go viral, all over the world, something the couple had never expected. It even made the front page of the newspaper in their country, so touched was the world by this Ceremony.
If you wish to see this video, type or cut and paste the following words on Youtube: ‘The most beautiful bridal entrance ever. Groom cries when he sees his bride.’ Alternatively, you can click on the link I have provided at the end of this Article.
That Ceremony was so jaw-droppingly beautiful, I commented (after I had cried over and over again) on the YouTube video, as follows:
- “It is my view that the Lord planted himself in the midst of this Ceremony for HIS glory. It is because of HIM that the Ceremony was so beautifully captured, against the backdrop of the words “Seated in majesty, you are the risen King.” This was a clear reference to the Lord Jesus Christ and it wasn’t coincidence that the camera zoomed in on the cross-like wire netting at the front of the Church. It also wasn’t coincidence that both the groom and his bride looked up almost in unison, as if to give all glory to God with the words “Seated in majesty…” playing again at the end. It wasn’t them. I believe it was God that orchestrated it, from beginning to end. It wasn’t the intention of the couple for this video to go viral, based on what I’ve heard them say on Youtube. They simply had a vision where God would be glorified and I believe he honoured their wish, showed up on the day, took over the Ceremony and sent the video viral.”
This is how I believe God operates when he brings a couple together. He will not just show up on the day to bless the union however but show himself strong during the courtship. It is highly likely, that for a union that he desires, he will also orchestrate a presentation/introduction, where the both parties, those who hear their story and all the world know, that it was definitely God who brought them together, as opposed to them randomly meeting somewhere.
God is not a God of randomness. He is a God of strategy, precision and he is deliberate.
The Bible states that “The steps of a good man are ORDERED by the Lord.” (Psalm 37:23 KJV). If the union is his will, the couple will find that he empowers them throughout the courtship to remain pure, once they remain submitted to him, so that the courtship glorifies, not their flesh but him. People can even see that something great is in the making even before they take that walk down the aisle because this is a couple that God is putting together and he will ensure that he showcases what he is doing, to the world. It will be undeniable to the couple, their friends, their family and everyone in general, that God is invested in this union and demonstrating that investment with supernatural power.
For example, I know of a couple who got engaged and a few months after, God enabled the husband-to-be to be selected for a house based on the governmental system. He had applied for this house several years ago but had never been selected, as was the typical case when people applied. Some people were waiting in line for even ten years and more but had not yet been called. In fact, when he got engaged, I don’t think he was sure as to how he would ever provide a home for his wife, as he was not a wealthy guy and land and homes were expensive. However, he trusted in God and God took care of it, right on time! He now has a house just when he needed it, to put the wife that God gave him, in.
Consider therefore: Is God showing up and showing off in your relationship? Whatever God builds, he tends to leave his fingerprints all over it. Have you seen God working supernaturally in your relationship thus far or has it been you putting out all the effort to make things happen? If you have not seen the power of God consistently from the beginning right up to the engagement, you should consider whether this relationship is his perfect will and whether that guy is your God-sent or just god-ly.
To tell if the Christian man you’re courting/dating or are interested in is your God-sent and not just god-ly, you should consider whether there is a testimony in your PRESENTATION, whether your PERSONALITIES mesh, whether there is mutual PASSION shared for each other on all three levels, namely the spiritual, emotional and physical level, whether your Ministry PURPOSES are aligned or complementary, whether you have PEACE to move forward and finally, whether you are experiencing the supernatural POWER and PROVISION of God in your relationship.
As I wrote on my ‘SINGLE Daughters of God – Hephzibah Diaries’ Facebook Page on 8th September, 2018:
- “Genesis 2:7 reads: “And the Lord God FORMED man of the dust of the ground, and BREATHED into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a LIVING soul.” I don’t know about you but I want a relationship and marriage that God is responsible for FORMING. I want him to BREATHE into that union HIS breath of LIFE and I am not prepared to settle for any less.”
(Written around 11th September, 2018, added to on 23rd November, 2020)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, you may also be interested in reading the following on this Page:
- Note 1 – ‘God-sent vs. devil-sent – The Difference’
- Note 2 – ‘God-sent or just god-ly’
You may also be interested in reading the following on my ‘SINGLE Daughters of God’ Page:
- Note 51 – ‘Characteristics of a Counterfeit’