141. THREE (3) THINGS MEN HAVE SAID TO ME

(The Single Woman Series – Batch 3)

Men are known for loving to whisper sweet nothings to women or to whistle at them as they pass by. Many are downright disrespectful and derogatory in what they say. However, sometimes, the things that men say, make you sit up and take notice and if you are a Christian woman, reminds you of your regal identity.

It also reminds you, that, even when you are not aware of it, people (whether they are Christians or not) are always watching and taking note of you and of your character. As Christian women therefore (although we are not perfect and may even have made horrible mistakes in our past, having repented and been forgiven), we need to ensure that we properly represent the Lord Jesus Christ, so that those looking on, will see him reflected in our lives.

I have been thinking today, about some of the statements that men have made to me over the years, none of whom I was involved with romantically but which took me by surprise and reminded me that I was a royal daughter of the King.

In 2008 to 2009, over thirty students from the country I am from (including me) were in the United Kingdom pursuing the same course of study and residing either on the same campus or in places they rented on their own.

Other students from around the world had also signed up for the programme and some of them were renting their own places as well.

On a particular evening, a female friend of mine and I decided to go visit one of our college mates Ameer, who was from an Arabic country and renting his own apartment. He was a well-mannered young man and often joined with students from my country to socialize.

I remember sitting at Ameer’s rented apartment with my then friend and how shocked I was when he suddenly said in the middle of us three chatting and in his distinct accent, “But C……., you are not like the other girls.” He said it like if he were asking a question and by ‘other girls’ he meant the female students from my native country, all of which he had also had an opportunity to meet and get to know. He continued, “You are…..(he pondered for a moment as if searching for the right word)…different!” Then, in a matter of fact way, he blurted out, “You are a class act!”

I remember feeling blown away by the level of compliment suddenly paid to me and seemingly out of nowhere and from a man who was not romantically interested in me or trying to get points of approval in my eyes. It was so surprising, I didn’t know what to say. I had not been aware that I was being observed but I was just being myself. Also, the group of girls from my native country were arguably, for the most part, more physically attractive than I was. Many of them, of indian descent or mixed heritage were quite pretty, stunners even. I am not bad looking but I consider them to be more beautiful to the eye. Yet, Ameer saw something in me that he didn’t in them.

I remember the girl who was there with me, a Hindu, beginning to display behaviour that made it clear that she felt uncomfortable by the statements made. After all, she was one of the girls from my native country and he had made no such comment or paid that level of respect to her. I felt a bit embarrassed for her but I understood, that, although Ameer could not pinpoint the exact reason why I stood out from all the other girls, it was the Jesus in me that he was seeing and which made me different. There was something about how I was carrying myself, something dignified, that, although I did not know that he was observing, he had seen.

It was the Jesus in Esther (not just her physical beauty), that made her stand out from all the other women who went before king Ahaseurus in the Bible and the Jesus in her that caused her to find favour in his eyes above all the other beautiful women he met.

Of course, Ameer was no king and I did not have the level of good looks as I am sure that Esther had but what he said made me think and it reminded me of who I was in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thank you Ameer. Nobody has ever called me a class act before. I even searched for the term on the internet because secretly, I was so flattered by the sudden pronouncement. It reminded me that I was unique and although he was not a Christian, he had observed it.

The term ‘class act’ is defined online as:

“a person or thing displaying impressive and stylish excellence”
“an example of outstanding quality and prestige”
“a high compliment for someone who is respectable and gracious”
“something or someone regarded as outstanding or elegant in quality or performance”

Wow! Although I am far from perfect and am nothing but a sinner saved by God’s grace, this compliment still has me blushing. I believe it to be the highest any person has ever given to me and I am thankful to the Lord Jesus Christ for what of himself is reflected in me.

Then, in 2013, an acquaintance and former business colleague of mine and I were conversing. He always teased me that it was time for me to get a boyfriend, as for as long as he had known me (and that was from 2010), I had been single.

Having visited his office (he had his own firm and was a brilliant up and coming young professional), I told him that I was feeling a bit down because I had gotten some shocking news that a guy at my then Church who I had liked a lot and who I thought may have been God’s will for me for close to two years, was suddenly engaged. I had been given this shocking news by his aunt one evening when she and I had both visited (separately), a common friend.

My then friend suddenly blurted out in response to my statement, “Anybody could see that you are pure and if he can’t see that, then he’s a fool!”

Truthfully, I am far from the perfect gem he made me sound like, as I have made mistakes and am full of impurities, weaknesses and shortcomings that the Lord is cleansing me of daily. Yet, I was taken aback by his sudden statement and it made me think.

To correct his statement though, the guy who had suddenly gotten engaged was not a fool. It was me that had foolishly thought that he was THE ONE. He was simply living his life and clearly, he had found the one he wanted to be married to for the rest of his life.

My then acquaintance was an atheist who I had been trying to witness to for the longest time about Jesus Christ, yet his statement (although not 100% true), demonstrated that in me, he had observed something special.

Then in 2016, somewhere between August and October, I would often visit a supermarket in the town in which I was working, to get my fill of snacks and other items that I knew were bad for my system, yet tasted so good!

There was a guy there on most occasions, perhaps in his 50s and he would sometimes assist me in getting a snack down whenever I requested a certain type of nuts from a side of the supermarket where he usually sat.

I would usually greet him respectfully and we would exchange pleasantries and I would be off to work or back to work or on my way to catch a taxi to leave the town, after a long day’s work at the office.

On one particular day though, he suddenly said to me as I collected my usual set of snacks, “You are someone that is like something that is all glittery and shiny but yet you cannot be touched.”

I quickly replied, “You are quite right!” although I felt embarrassed by his statement.

But he was quite right. Somehow he knew instinctively, that I was under lock and key and could not just be handled by anyone. My heavenly Father was the one that would determine who should have access to me and until then, I had to wait.

You could see me therefore and admire me from afar but you could not touch me and he got that message loud and clear, without me having to say a word.

It reminded me of my spiritual lineage. Somehow, whether he was a Christian or not, he sensed that there was royalty coursing through my veins. My heavenly Father was a King!

I have made mistakes in the past where I put my crown down foolishly, to pursue what I thought my heart needed. Back then and barely out of my teenage years, I did not truly realize my full value as a daughter of regal heritage. But I have learned, I have asked my heavenly Father for forgiveness for the times I messed up and in 2005 or thereabout, I put back on my royal crown, determined never to let it go, ever again. And thank God, I never did.

I have not been kissed or touched in any romantic way by any man since 2004 or thereabout and guess what? I survived! I thank God because he has kept me all of these years and while there are times I wished I had someone in my life as a husband and do sometimes find myself fantasizing about my honeymoon night (blushing), I know that the wait is worth it.

My only regret is that when THE GOD-SENT finally comes, I would not be able to say to him that I have never been kissed and never been touched romantically (which was sinful). However, I have since repented, I have never had sex with any man before and therefore, by the grace of God, my God-sent husband WILL be my first…and my last!

I’ve admired men from afar and they have in turn flirted here and there with me. I even once fancied myself as having finally found THE ONE in one of them with whom I was teaching a Sunday School class for close to two years and had been praying about. However, as things turned out, he was not God’s will for me, nor I for him.

Random statements like those made above by men to me though, remind me that, while not unattainable, I can only be attained by the best. The best is not necessarily someone with a stylish car, a house, a well-paying job, popularity or a handsome face and body. I could live without those things. The best will not be someone who is perfect and who has never done wrong in his life. The Lord knows, I myself am imperfect and have made my fair share of mistakes.

The best will be a bona fide son of God, who God gives the red light of permission to pursue me because he knows that we are compatible and of whom I am interested in as well. Nothing else but God’s best will suffice and therefore, I don’t know when my love will make an appearance but this daughter of the King will continue to wait.

I long for the day when ONE of God’s sons will see what men who are not Christians, have observed about me and more. I wait for the day when, having observed me with eyes of discernment given to him by his heavenly Father, he will whisper beautiful, yet truthful words of affirmation to me.

See, respectful compliments from random guys are nice but compliments from a fellow child of the King, who God has presented me to and wants me to marry, would be phenomenal and worth waiting for.

(Written initially on 04th January, 2017)

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