(The Single Woman Series – Batch 3)


I wrote this Article a few years ago and uploaded it to my ‘SINGLE Daughters of God – Hephzibah Diaries’ Facebook Page. It was very painful to write but I did because I felt it needed to be written. People needed to understand how the single woman, desirous of marriage, generally feels, what she goes through on an almost daily basis and to see things, for once, from her perspective.

Then, in November 2020, Facebook removed the Notes feature entirely from Facebook. It had previously assured Page users that all uploaded Notes would remain though and so, while I was bothered and went through shock and sadness at the news that the feature would be removed, I comforted myself in the fact that I had already uploaded most of my Notes, so they were safe.

This was however, not the case. Some Notes remained but others mysteriously disappeared and unfortunately, the very detailed Article I wrote on this topic was one of them. I searched frantically for a copy of the Note on my laptop, the desktop, my seven or so flash drives and everywhere I could think of but unfortunately, although I was thankfully able to retrieve some other Articles that also went missing, I could not find this one. I merely found the skeletal points that I had jotted down somewhere on my personal Facebook page privately, on the topic.

I was therefore left with the options of doing nothing or rewriting the entire Article (as I was forced to do with some other Articles) but in this case, I decided against rewriting it.

Yes I had the basic points but given the topic and how painful the issues being dealt with can be for the single woman and to some extent, have been for me, I did not feel as if I had the strength to put myself through the ordeal of writing on these issues in depth all over again, especially as I was still single.

I apologize therefore but I will only be building on the skeletal points I found and sharing the information in a condensed, somewhat point form. Without further ado therefore, here goes:


Being a single woman in today’s society is not easy. The way that most single women are treated and regarded and the difficulties they face on an almost daily basis as they seek to traverse through life, can sometimes seem like a battlefield.

I know because I am a single woman and have been for many years. I am therefore qualified to speak for the average single woman in terms of the difficulties she goes through and what she encounters on an almost daily basis.

As the name of the Article suggests, in initially writing on this topic, my aim was to highlight and discuss in detail, some of the woes, difficulties, battles and struggles that single women who have professed Christianity encounter and which they are only able to overcome by the grace of almighty God. It was my desire, that people better understand what a single Christian woman experiences, especially those women that are desirous of marriage and a family of their own but have remained single for quite some time, whether permanently or for a season.

On the whole, being single is not a walk in the park for those women who desire a husband and children. In particular, many single Christian women experience the following battles in their lives:


This is especially true of those who may not have many friends and live alone. After a day at the office, such women come home, overwhelmed by the day’s events and sometimes in the need of consolation, support and encouragement, only to be greeted by the walls of their home.

This can be painful at times, as human beings are social beings and desire love and companionship. Even those who are introverted and enjoy time alone (like myself), can put up with only so much alone time. At some point, the desire to have a family and people around you that love and support you through life, chips in.


The single woman is inundated by attacks on the radio, on the internet, on television and in society in general, in relation to sex. The message is everywhere, loud and blatant and there is hardly anywhere that she can go to escape it. Seemingly, she is forever bombarded with the message.

This can tempt her to sin, in action, thoughts and otherwise, due to physical desires in her own flesh, the longing for physical intimacy and the prevalence of temptation almost everywhere she turns, in this sex-obsessed world. She must however, fight to remain strong and stand against the tide, resolving in her heart to keep herself unspotted from the world.


The single woman who has thankfully kept her virginity (because this is what God commands and what he is well-pleased with), can sometimes feel left out, as if sexual intimacy is something that everybody knows about except her and that it is something that everyone is getting to indulge in, experience and enjoy, while it continues to be withheld from her.

This can make her overly curious and impatient, wanting to finally get to experience this great mystery that she has not, for all of her life. Each day, she must fight this desire to know (which can grow as she gets older) and rest content in not knowing because that is where God has her at that moment, whether temporarily or for a lifetime.


The single woman must fight against bitterness, which is always looking for an avenue to seep up and get into her heart and life. When she sees other people entering into relationships, getting married, experiencing married life (including what it is to have sex), having children and enjoying their family, while she remains single, it is not easy. If she is not careful, she can become very bitter and therefore must forever fight the temptation to not be happy for such people and to instead be overcome with jealousy and resentment.

Some single women are joyful when they see other Christians entering into relationships and getting married because they know that once those unions are of God, it is he that did it and he does all things well. However, many single women fall into the trap of harbouring jealousy and resentment, not just against the people but against God because he blessed them with a relationship, while keeping the single woman in her single state.

The Christian single woman that wishes to please God must therefore be honest with herself and guard her heart daily against such resentment, bitterness, anger and envy, taking root in her life.


The single woman battles against the pressure that comes from every hand and side, almost on a daily basis. There is pressure from family members, who forever want to know why she is not yet married, pressure from within (because she too wonders the same thing), pressure from some in the Church who behave as if to be single is a sin, pressure from work colleagues, friends and even acquaintances.

Marriage seems to be on everybody’s mind and they rarely ever hold back from letting the single woman know what they are thinking. As soon as they get an opportunity (whether through a family or Church event or some other occasion), they confront her, as if to say, “You are getting older. Your biological clock is ticking. You NEED to get married.”

They taunt, as if the single woman is doing something to keep this from happening or just receiving lots of spouse applications and turning them down without any consideration. In summary, they consider the single woman’s singleness to be her fault and conclude that she is just being too difficult and playing too hard to get or that her standards are too ridiculously high and she should just lower them, quick.

This constant harassment, this battle for the single woman’s mind, if not won, can make her seriously depressed, dejected, highly stressed and unhealthy. If she is not a Christian, she may even lose her mind or no longer want to live. For, on the one hand, she is praying to God in private (and even fasting), pouring out her heart to him, practically begging him through weeping, to provide a spouse, to open that door to a relationship and to marriage, which has been closed for so long and to have mercy on her and change her status. However, on the other hand, these people, not knowing what is happening in private, practically accuse her of not trying hard enough or of being too dismissive of suitors and flippant on the issue.

The single woman must therefore fight to shut all these provoking voices out and listen only to the voice of God, as is revealed in His Word. The voices all around tell her she should panic because she is getting older and Prince Charming is not yet in sight but God’s Word tells her to be still and know that he is God.

6 – FEAR

The single woman has those days when fear tries to grip her and consume her. She is terrified that Mr. Right may never find her and may never come, that she will become an old hag, lose her attractiveness, have no kids because her biological clock is turning and that she will ultimately have to resign herself to a rocking chair with nothing but her cats to keep her company.

She worries at times, that she we will have to take care of herself by herself forever, without help from a spouse with whom had she had him, they could pool their resources together.

This fear within of remaining single forever and thereby being confined to a life of overwhelming loneliness, reinforced by the constant badgering that comes from those who keep asking her when she will get married, can be paralyzing and it is something that she must continually fight against.


The single woman is shamed in her family, where concerned aunts forever ask her when she will be getting married, at the Church (where the elder women and even some elder men keep reminding her that she needs to find a man), at the workplace and among her peers.

Everywhere she goes, people want to know if she is married as yet, if she has met anyone and when she will be getting hitched. They go out of the way to make her feel bad, some even ridiculing her single status and having gossip forums on her single state, behind her back. They regard her as if she should be ashamed of herself and not walk with her head held high, simply because she is not married and to them, there is nothing dignified in being single.


The single woman can find herself becoming paranoid. She wants to be married so badly and to shut out the harassing voices so much, that every decent, attractive single guy she sees, she wonders to herself: Is he a Christian? Is he the one? Could God be in this? Could this finally be the man I am to marry?

She wonders with every attractive, age-appropriate man that she sees in the Church or any one she visits, who looks respectable, is hopefully single and marriageable, whether that is the one and many times, she ends up making a fool out of herself in the process. For, in most cases, he is not the one and he is not single.

The mere fact that she saw him before he saw her and even in some cases (which is not at all advisable for a single woman), pursues after him was not a good indicator. For, when a woman pursues a man, this is not a good foundation. Mr Right tends to come when you’re not looking and he tends to notice you first. He also is the one that is supposed to pursue you and not the other way round.


The single woman who wants to be married, has those days when she feels awfully rejected, as if no good man wants her. Why else is she still single? Why has she not yet been seen? To feel unwanted is not a good feeling and people around her, in her family and some in the Church, only make her feel worse.


Due to rejection, the single woman often wonders if she is not good enough and if this is the reason why she has not been graced by God with a spouse. She walks around feeling inadequate, lesser than a woman and sometimes absolutely worthless. After all, no one sees her and no one approaches her, no matter what she does or where she goes.

Part of her continues to feel like the child that never grew up because she has not been graced to experience marriage and all the beautiful adult things that take place within that institution. No one has seen it fit to make her a wife and to God’s sons, she remains invisible, no matter how hard she prays.

Unless she fights to ward of such thinking, she can come to the conclusion that she must be inadequate as a woman, a wife and a mother, that God must think that she is not good enough to be given these titles and that this is why she has not had the privilege to be married to someone. Of course, this is not true but the devil whispers this lie in her ear and she must fight not to listen.


People often make the single woman feel condemned, as if she is single because she is under a horrible curse from God. Some conclude this must be because of her past and/or present sins. They cast their noses down at her and conclude that she has no favour because God has not provided her with a spouse and family.

Singleness by many is viewed as a curse and marriage a blessing (although both are honourable in God’s sight), so if she is single, she is often made to feel hopeless, as if God has written her off, thrown her at the bottom of a dreadful heap, has no use for her and condemned her to a life of suffering and hell.

This leads me to my next point.


The single woman tends to be ostracized, as if she is a third wheel for whom there is no place. Many people tend to frown at her because of her singleness, especially when they see the years rolling on and she is still single. They therefore make the decision to abandon her, to withdraw from her, to avoid her. For, in their minds, God has kept her single because she is not blessed.

They certainly don’t want to end up the way that she did, so they are careful not to associate with her or spend time around her. For, all they see when they look at her life is barrenness.

Many are even ashamed to associate with her. When they see that many years have passed for example and she is still single and they think that it is too late for her to be granted a husband, even if they used to associate with her, let’s say on social media, like Facebook, they stop, as if they will look bad if they continue to like her posts or whatever she uploads to her page.

She is unpopular, in the doghouse and considered to be cursed. They therefore treat her as if she is not alive, deliberately ignore her posts, even if they read some of them and instead, show support for those women who have spouses and even better yet, spouses and children.

In short, the single woman is considered by most to be insignificant, to have no worth and is treated as practically dead and to be perpetually ignored, simply because she has not been blessed with a mate. People avoid her like the plague, as if she does not have emotions, feelings and is not even a person.

Amazingly, even those women who had professed Christianity and were recently in a similar boat, in that they spent several years and in some cases, all their lives as a single woman and know first hand the pain involved in how a single woman is generally treated by others, how she feels if she desires marriage and what she goes through, when their season changes and God in his mercy has graced them with a spouse and family, many of them seemingly forget how far they came and begin to turn their noses down as well, at the Christian woman who is still single.

It never dawns on them that maybe God has another season for her blessing as well (if it is his will) but the previously single woman who is now married and maybe even has a child or children of her own (solely through God’s grace and nothing that she has earned or deserved), also joins the ostracism bandwagon, looking at the single woman as cursed, out of favour with God or one that must be in sin.

I felt so bad about how I was ostracized by fellow Christians and even some family members in my singleness, that I once wrote: “Queen of Pathetic: Me. The girl who nothing ever seems to work out for, no matter how much or how hard I try: Me. The girl who no one wants to be around or has any need for and who everybody ignores: Me. I’m treated as if I don’t exist, as if I don’t matter, as if I don’t have feelings and as if I am not even alive but died long ago. I am avoided, ignored, ostracized, completely dismissed and considered to be of no consequence, no significance and as having no worth whatsoever.”

Ironically, I know that if things were to change and God were to bless me with a family of my own, (just like Job’s friends and family in the Bible did after they had abandoned and criticized him but then returned when God changed his season and vindicated him (Job 42:10-11), these same people would flock to me, embrace me with acceptance and finally consider me worthy of acknowledgement.

On the one hand, this is funny but on the other, it is sad. It is sad that one’s worth is being determined seemingly by one’s marital and family status and not by who one is in Christ. When I look in the scriptures, I see that whether single or married, whether I have a family of my own or remain single, that I have worth, dignity, value and purpose IN JESUS CHRIST. No foolish opinions of man can ever change that.

Why then is the single Christian woman, especially the one who has been single for many years, considered to be such a reproach by those who claim to believe the truth and therefore should know and act better? Why is she ostracized the way she is and considered to be as nothing? Is this right? Is this biblical? Is this the standard set in the scriptures or is it the standard set by idolatrous hearts that have come to value love relationships, family and children, more than the finished work of Christ?

I’m a bit tearful as I write these words but only almighty God knows.

I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be popular (even if God eventually provides me with a spouse and family of my own). For, for starters, I am uncompromisingly a fundamentalist and that means that I will tell truth as it is without wavering, without dressing it up. I will tell it as it is and I will expose folly, even if it steps on people’s toes and they get upset with me. This comes with my calling.

By God’s grace though, although I will never be POPULAR and never considered to be anything much by people, I have resolved that I will live my life unto PURPOSE.

Finally, many Churches, not quite sure what to do with the single woman in their midst, don’t consider her at all or as an afterthought. There aren’t many circles that the single woman fits in or places that she can go without feeling like the odd one out, especially in the activities that involve couples or families.

For example, I remember attending a Church once, which had a Valentine’s Day Dinner for married and courting couples. I felt so bad. I like to dress up. I enjoy a good meal but alas, I was not eligible to go. No provision was made for single people and unfortunately, I fell in that pitiable category.

On that night therefore, people got dressed up and went to a lovely meal with no doubt, a lovely ambience and music, while I remained at home, feeling sorry for myself, not good enough or blessed enough to be included in the event and abandoned.


No matter what else she may have achieved in life, the single woman is made to feel and sometimes feels like a colossal failure in life, like she let everybody down, including herself and that she has denied society the expectation that she would marry by a certain age, settle down and start a family, as normal people do.

People even treat her like a failure, especially when they believe that, due to her age, her time has passed. They act like God has no use for her in his Kingdom because he did not give her to one of his sons or he is not yet ready to do so and as if marriage (not salvation) is a requirement that makes a person eligible to be used by God and to gain access to heaven.


Given all of the above battles which a single woman has to fight daily and even more battles not listed here, if she is not careful and does not cling to Jesus, the one in whom she is COMPLETE, these problems are enough to send her into deep sadness and despair.

She can look at life as a drudgery and a burden and spend her days feeling sorry for herself and in tears. In fact, this is what many single women do. They smile at the world and then go home in frustration and cry their eyes out in private.

I have even heard stories of women who claimed to be believers, who took their lives to escape the pain, ridicule, embarrassment and harassment of single-hood. Yes, it is that serious. Whether they were genuinely believers is in question, as I believe no matter what the Christian goes through, no matter the pain, Jesus is enough to get us through and a true believer would turn to HIM instead of taking matters into her own hands. However, it is sad to know that in many cases, people (used by the enemy to relentlessly harass, provoke and ostracize), drove them to do what they did.

Yes, these are some of the battles that single women face daily.

Whereas married couples receive some level of sympathy when they have difficulty conceiving or bringing a healthy baby to term, the single woman is not usually empathized with. She is generally afforded no mercy is considered as responsible for her single ‘plight’ and tends to be regarded with scorn by the masses.

Whereas a married couple has the benefit of leaning on each other’s shoulder for support with their problems, like infertility, the single woman has no one on earth to call her own and no one who is really invested in her welfare. Her problems are therefore her own.

People often forget as well, that, although a married couple that wishes to have a child, feels a great deal of pain when conception is not forthcoming or they have had a miscarriage, a single woman feels that same pain as well and perhaps more. For, many times, she too wants a child but given that children can only be conceived rightfully within a marriage, her singleness means that she loses out both on the benefits of having a husband and the beauty of having a child as well.

In my view therefore, she carries double the pain that a married couple carries. For, whereas they can keep trying to have a child, she can’t because no man is even on the horizon. She longs for him to come, for them to court, get married, for them to enjoy each other and have a family but alas, singleness and the fact that she is unmarried, means that she is disqualified too from being a mother. There is a wall that stands between her and that dream and she has no power whatsoever to remove it. For, she has not a clue if and when Prince Charming will come and she has no power to draw him to herself.


In closing, being single is not easy. If a woman desires to be married, this season can be difficult and painful. Society plays a large part in this, by being blatantly insensitive, saying whatever comes to mind, people not putting restraint on their lips and thereby, adding to the single woman’s woes.

The enemy of our souls, the devil, also has a field day, sending people in the single lady’s vulnerability, to harass, mock, jaunt, tease, provoke, ridicule and even tempt her, in her single state. I have certainly had my share of this. The devil never wants the single woman to forget seemingly, that although she wants to be married badly, that she is still stuck outside the door of marriage and in the pit of singledom. He does this with the intention of hurting her as much as possible, getting her to feel frustated, to grieve, to feel inadequate, out of favour with God, as if something is wrong with her or she is just not pretty, attractive of desirable enough, resentful, bitter, overwhelmed, to give up on life and walk around feeling depressed. BUT GOD!

Sadly, the way society thinks of singleness may not change any time soon, nor is the enemy of our souls going to give up. It is therefore for the single woman to reject society’s views, the ridicule that the enemy sends and even the promptings of her own flesh and inner voice and embrace what God’s Word says.

God’s Word lets us know that singleness is a call from God, whether temporarily or permanently. Contrary to popular opinion, you CAN do singleness successfully, you CAN wait for God to change your season with a good attitude and you CAN use this season as an opportunity to do great things for Him.

If you don’t believe me, I am the proof. Through God’s strength alone, I have been able to have this Website set up, Articles written and five (going on six) Facebook Ministry pages established, all IN MY SINGLE STATE! Prince Charming has not yet arrived on the scene but I’m able to do what I do in my singleness because I already have the greatest love of my life in my life, which is Jesus Christ.

The man who eventually marries me will be a Prince (because he will be a child of God) but my Lord is a KING! I therefore don’t need to wait until my husband-to-be arrives on the scene, to utlize my God-given gifts and talents to fulfill my God-given purpose.

I’m a firm believer, that God can use every season that we are in for HIS glory and if we are willing and submit to HIS will, that is exactly what he does, whether we are single, courting, engaged, married or even widowed.

(Written a few years back, condensed version rewritten on 12th May, 2021 and added to thereafter)


This evening, some additional points on how singleness should be handled by the Christian came to mind and so I feel compelled to share them.

Dear Daughter of God, if, like me, you have a desire to marry and to have a family of your own, I know that there are days when your ongoing singleness (which never seems to end), may make you feel a bit down in the dumps. When feeling a bit overwhelmed about your singleness though (as I admit I have felt on occasion), there are four (4) things to keep in mind, as follows:

  1. God is ALL POWERFUL.

He is therefore able to provide you with a spouse, no matter who you are, where you are, how you look, what people have said, your past, your age, your circumstance, how other people feel about you or how scarce good quality godly men seem to be.

Rest in the fact that HE IS ABLE, so much so, that he is able to provide someone that is exceedingly abundantly beyond what you could have ever imagined or thought in terms of compatibility and character (Ephesians 3:20)

2. God is FAITHFUL.

If he intends to provide you with a spouse, then it SHALL (not might or maybe) be done. NOTHING can prevent it or thwart it, although your disobedience and the enemy’s attacks may delay it. Even where it is delayed though, it still will happen when God has decided that it will happen, as his power trumps all.

You can therefore rest in this truth, that if God planned and purposed from before the foundation of the world, that you would marry, then he has it all already worked out: The orchestration, the presentation, the courting, the engagement, the wedding, the marriage, everything. He is not a God that ever lies or changes his mind. Better yet, if he gave you personally a promise, that he will one day provide you with a spouse, then no matter how dismal your situation may seem, it is ALREADY done. He would never tell you that, if he didn’t intend to honour his Word or he couldn’t fulfil his promise.

You don’t have to worry, fret or become desperate therefore. God is not the God of desperation and without faith it is impossible to please him (Hebrews 11:6). Trust therefore in him and in the fact that he is faithful. If he intends to do it, we know it will be done (although in his timing) because he is all powerful. There is no such thing as impossible when it comes to HIM. Some things may be impossible to man but for God, ALL THINGS are possible (Matthew 19:26).


He has your best spiritual interest at heart and will always make decisions with this in mind. Where we cannot trace him therefore and even when we hurt or feel confused, forgotten and tired, we should trust him, knowing and never doubting, that he has not forgotten us, that he will never forsake us and that he is for our spiritual welfare and success.


He never makes mistakes and he never gets any decision he makes in relation to you, wrong. In fact, he is all-knowing and all-wise. He is the very source from which wisdom emanates. He therefore knows what is best for you, what to bring into your life and when and what to withhold and for how long, whether for a season or for a lifetime.

We must therefore trust that his will is best, whatever his will may be for our lives.

5. We must SUBMIT.

Whatever is God’s plan for our lives, even if we don’t have the entire picture, he does. He wants us to get to the point of spiritual maturity where we say, not my will Lord but yours be done, whatever that may be.

We should therefore be prepared to accept whatever God has purposed for our lives, even if it brings discomfort, ridicule and pain. If he has purposed that we will never marry, even if we are disappointed and shed some tears every now and then (which will be understandable), we must still be thankful to God and agree with him, that he knows best.

We must remember that this world belongs to him and so do we and so he has the right to decide if we will marry or not. We can certainly hope that he will bless us with a spouse but at the same time, be prepared to submit to whatever he has already decided as it pertains to us (whatever that may be), knowing that he knows best and that he loves us.

Submitting to him requires us to let go 100% of the issue and to just let God. We must relieve our mind from worry and rest in him. We must stop trying to control the outcome and to engineer things for ourselves. We must just surrender to the Lord and allow him to have his way, whatever that may be, in HIS own timing.

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be informative, interesting, edifying or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:

  • Note 2 -‘I Desire To Be Married
  • Note 5 -‘Scriptures To Help Single Women
  • Note 9 -‘Tidbits God Deposited Into My Spirit As A Single Woman
  • Note 25 -‘When Loneliness And Impatience Set In
  • Note 36 -‘Stressful Attacks – How David, Hannah and Jehoshaphat Handled It
  • Note 42 -‘When That Door Wouldn’t Budge
  • Note 52 -‘Bringing God Glory On The Road From Being Gloriously Single To Gloriously Married
  • Note 54 -‘Cause Me To Be Seen Lord
  • Note 70 -‘Has He Forgotten Me?
  • Note 71 -‘Keep The Right One From Me Lord, Until…
  • Note 74 -‘The Devil Is A Liar
  • Note 75 -‘The Danger Of Impatience – He’s Taking Too Long
  • Note 101 -‘Attitude Is Everything – I’ll Bless Him Anyway
  • Note 112 – ‘Lessons I Have Learned From The Lazarus Story’
  • Note 135 -‘Are You At A Low Point In Life And Feeling Depressed?
  • Note 136 -‘How I Used My Single Years To Pray, Preach, Plan and Prepare
  • Note 137 -‘Who To Marry?
  • Note 140 -‘Preserving Yourself In Obedience To God, For Marriage
  • Note 146 -‘Three Idols In the Church: Getting Married, Having Children & Working A Secular Job’
  • Note 150 -‘What the Bible Has To Say About Singleness, Marriage and Widowhood
  • Note 174 -‘They Can Think Whatever They Like – God Will Do Whatever He Pleases
  • Note 195 -‘When God Promises To Write-On A Write-Off
  • Note 196 -‘A Hopeless End Or An Endless Hope?
  • Note 215 -‘Our Difficulty Is God’s Opportunity
  • Note 240 -‘Serve God Wherever And In Whatever You Are Called
  • Note 254 -‘Eight (8) Reasons Why You May Still Be Single’
  • Note 261 -‘Seven (7) Ways To Do Single With A Good Attitude While Hoping To Be Married
  • Note 263 -‘Nine (9) Lies The Devil Will Tell You As A Single Christian Woman
  • Note 268 -‘Making the Wrong Decision Can Be Costly’
  • Note 269 -‘Possible Benefits Of Marrying Late
  • Note 274 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven’
  • Note 287 -‘The Wait – The Period Between The Promise And The Manifestation Of The Promise

Additionally, under the ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters’ Page:

  • Note 26 – ‘Pain Fuels The Fire Of My One-Day Vision’
  • Note 30 – ‘What Will Be Your Wedding Day Message?’

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