330. YOU ARE SECOND-GUESSING YOUR RELATIONSHIP – WHAT TO DO?

(The Single Woman Series – Batch 5)

So, you’re a Christian, in that you believe that Jesus died and rose again just as the Bible says and you confessed with your mouth the truth, that he is Lord. You aim to live for the Lord and you’re at a point in life where you are in a relationship with someone, which may or may not be close to an engagement and ultimately, marriage.

Whether you just met, have been seeing each other for a while, are engaged, are not engaged but have been in a relationship for quite some time, where the expectation of everyone, including the guy, both your families and your friends is that the next stage will be marriage, it does not matter. If you are second-guessing the relationship and whether this man is right for you or you for him, you need to slow things down. Yes there will be disruption, upset and confusion but if you are reconsidering whether this person is the person that God wants for you, there is a reason that this is happening. There is a reason that God is allowing it. My advice to you is therefore to apply the brakes and STOP!

You need time to process everything, including why you are feeling the way you are feeling and you can’t do this with the vehicle of your relationship, still going at full speed. You need some space to think it through. Is it just a silly feeling you are having or is there more to it? Why is it that you have been thnking lately, that maybe this is not it? You owe it to yourself and your future, to find out.

Thankfully, whereas you have limited knowledge and therefore, life through your lens is uncertain, the God you serve knows everything. He knows everything about you and everything about the guy you’re with. He knows all about your pasts, when you were born and even when you were both being formed in your mothers’ wombs. He knows your motives, who you really are and even what you both will become. Thankfully, he is a God that can be trusted with his counsel and he does not want to withhold his wisdom from his children but to share it with them and to help them make the right decisions in life, especially as it pertains to a romantic love interest and marriage.

My advice to you therefore, if you find that something is bothering you about this relationship is to put a HALT on everything, no matter how much you both are emotionally invested and give yourself some time and distance away from the person, to do the following:

1. Pray about it.

Be frank and open with God. In prayer, explain the situation and how you are feeling, even if you don’t understand it fully and can’t pinpoint the source. Invite God in to help, ask him for his guidance and to lead you through his Word the Bible, as to whether this man is his perfect will for your life and what you should do in moving forward.

Ask that if he is not your will, to let you know definitely and to give you the courage to do whatever he wants you to do. Ask that if he is his will for your life, that he will confirm this through his Word and give you his peace which passes all understanding.

2. Spend time in God’s Word the Bible for counsel.

You need answers and the Bible has it. It is a wealth of wisdom and will definitely have the solution to the questions you seek, provided you put aside the time to properly study it.

Psalm 19:7-11 states:

“The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward.”

Also, God speaks to his children directly through his Word and indirectly, about his Word. It makes sense therefore, to spend quality time in it as you seek answers. In John 10:27, Jesus said of those who are his children, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” If you are his child therefore, he will not leave you clueless or guessing. He is faithful and will provide you with an answer.

3. Confidentially ask other Spiritually Mature Christians for advice on the issue.

The Bible says of the importance of getting counsel or advice from others, that “Every purpose is established by counsel (Proverbs 20:18). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise” (Proverbs 12:15). “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). “Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end” (Proverbs 19:20-21). “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established” (Proverbs 15:22).

Good Christian counsel from people who genuinely care about your spiritual success, will not betray your confidence and will be able to steer you in the right direction, according to God’s Word is therefore prudent, if not necessary. Ask God when praying, to identify the right people that you can take your issue today, if they are not immediately apparent to you.

4. Assess whether you have peace.

If after praying, seeking answers from God’s Word and asking spiritually mature Christians for counsel (which should confirm and not go against God’s Word) you still have no peace about the issue but perhaps are even more unsettled, it is highly likely that it is not God’s will for you to be with this person.

While I do not know all the circumstances, I would say that in such a situation, I think it best to not take the relationship forward, at least not now.

If you believe that God wants you to end things, then obedience is key. Ask him for wisdom as to how to respectfully do this and proceed to do so, no matter how caught up or saddened you may feel. Of course you don’t want to hurt the person and to disappoint people who expect you to marry him, so this decision will no doubt be painful but if that man is not the one for you, it makes no sense to prolong the inevitable. There is no success outside of the will of God.

Once you have ended things, in moving forward, learn from your mistakes. Always be sure to let God be the one to give you the green light before you enter into a relationship, so that you would not end up having to deal with the mess and pain involved in a break-up.

On the other hand, if after your season of prayer, spending time in God’s Word with a genuine desire to hear what he has to say and in liaising with other spiritually mature Christians on the issue, you believe you have confirmation from his Word and from the people you spoke to that this is the man for you and you no longer feel bothered or unsettled inside but have wonderful peace and confidence about your relationship’s future, then thank the Lord for the answer and move forward with that person. Be sure to keep the Lord at the very centre of your relationship always, though.

(Written on 28th April, 2024)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following, which also contain valuable information that can help you:

Note 3 – ‘Are You His Plan A?’
Note 8 – ‘My Quick Ten (10) Point Checklist – Is He The One?‘
Note 18 – ‘You Can’t Change Him‘
Note 19 – ‘You Are Not Perfect – Can He Handle That?‘
Note 20 – ‘Equation For Relationship Success‘
Note 21 – ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth‘
Note 30 – ‘Ladies, How Long Are You Prepared To Wait?’
Note 58 – ‘To Tell If He’s The One, Put On Your Spiritual Glasses‘
Note 51 – ‘Characteristics Of A Counterfeit‘
Note 53 – ‘God-sent vs. Devil-sent – The Difference‘
Note 68 – ‘My Detailed List – What I Want In A Divinely Compatible Spouse‘
Note 128 – ‘God-sent Or Just God-ly?‘
Note 131 – ‘What I Need In A Spouse‘
Note 137 – ‘Who To Marry?‘
Note 145 – ‘Does He ‘Love’ You Or ‘Lust’ You?‘
Note 147 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-Sent And Not Just God-ly‘
Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever?‘
Note 149 – ‘Spiritual Benefits Of A God-Approved Marriage Union‘
Note 257 – ‘Looking For A Husband? God Will Not Send…‘
Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God‘
Note 260 – ‘Common Sense Tips For Choosing The Right One‘
Note 268 – ‘Making the Wrong Decision Can Be Costly – When You Don’t Wait On The Lord To Introduce You To Your Spouse‘
Note 271 – ‘Not Just Any Man Will Do – My Top Ten (10) Pet Peeves In A Man‘
Note 272 – ‘Woman, You Have Worth!‘
Note 274 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven‘
Note 311 – ‘How To Make A Man Love You‘
Note 266 – ‘What Is Romantic Love?‘
Note 316 – ‘Married, At What Cost?‘
Note 317 – ‘God’s Choice = The Best Choice‘
Note 318 – ‘Some Don’ts Of Relationships‘
Note 319 – ‘Can He Love Me If He Does Not Respect Me?‘
Note 320 – ‘Wanted: Real Men’
Note 322 – ‘Should I allow him to pursue?’

Also, under the COURTING OR ENGAGED DAUGHTERS page:

Note 16 – ‘Dear Christian, Does God Approve Of Your Relationship?‘
Note 17 – ‘What Makes A Good Proposal?‘
Note 20 – ‘Is Your Relationship Foundation Strong?‘
Note 22 – ‘Having Second Thoughts Or Just Cold Feet?‘
Note 25 – ‘Dear Mr. Wrong…‘
Note 33 -‘How Much Should He Love Me?’
Note 41 – ‘The Seriousness Of Marriage & The Sanctity Of Wedding Vows‘
Note 54 – ‘Before You Say ‘I Do’‘
Note 67 – ‘Are You Making The Right Choice?‘
Note 68 -‘Wilt Thou Go With This Man?‘
Note 69 – ‘Is He The One? Ten (10) Practical Factors To Consider Before Marriage‘
Note 70 – ‘Love Cannot Hide‘