(The Faith Forum Series – Batch 3)
There are many women who have professed Christianity, who have found themselves in unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships or have left behind them a trail of heartbreak and pain, when it comes to their quest for love.
Why is this? How did they find themselves in such a situation?
Well, for most (although not all of these women), they knew the Word of God and his position on unequally yoked relationships, yet, due to emotions, hormones, infatuation, peer pressure and even desperation, they CHOSE to disobey it and align themselves (even in marriage) with men who had absolutely no relationship with Jesus Christ.
These women entered unholy alliances with men that were not redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ and were therefore still enslaved to the devil and to this world’s system. These women knew they were unequally yoked yet, what they thought was love, blinded their eyes. They chose to put God and his instructions on a backburner, so that this man could be at the forefront of their hearts and minds, which is idolatry.
In essence, these women were DISOBEDIENT.
Then there is that other category of Christian women in failed relationships, who got proddings from the Holy Spirit, concerning the man with whom they were involved with and trying to build a life with who they may even have thought was saved.
Yet because they thought they loved him so much and he attended Church so regularly and sang in the Choir or was so involved in Ministry in the Church and came from a good Christian family and had a good job and was well-spoken and was good looking and seemed like a dream come true, they ignored those promptings which were warnings to flee and convinced themselves that the Lord was not speaking.
They turned their back on that still, small voice that was gently urging them to turn their back on that situation and on that man and to re-fix their focus on their first love, Jesus Christ. They convinced themselves that God was not speaking and that this was the man that He wanted for them.
These women were DECEIVED.
Now, these women (both the DISOBEDIENT and the DECEIVED), look back on their lives and on how badly things have turned out for them. It didn’t end as the happy-ever-after they had hoped for and dreamed of. They left Christ out of the equation as they chased after love and now, many of them sit in a corner reflecting on their wounds and how disappointing life turned out.
What they went through didn’t feel like a love story but more like a nightmare, for the man they thought was Prince Charming, broke their heart and killed their dreams. Now, they are in a mess, some are stuck in an abusive or non-fulfilling marriage, while others are single again or divorced and heartbroken. For, the guy left them after using them and taking the best of their youthful years. He has moved on to greener pastures and this makes some women who profess Christianity bitter, not against themselves for their own foolish actions… but against God.
Some of these women even have the nerve to ask God why he allowed them to go through the pain they went through and why he did not protect them from the mess they made of everything. They assume (in their own self-righteousness) that it is God that is to blame for their mess, as if he hadtaken them by the hand and led them forcibly in the direction of trouble. They refuse to engage in introspection, to humble themselves and take a good long look in the mirror. The person to blame for the situation is staring right back at them!
The nightmare they found themselves in was not because of God. It was their own doing!
Sometimes God does step in to remove what is wrong for us from us, (as he thankfully did with me when I was headed down a wrong, dark and destructive path) but sometimes, he allows us to go our stubborn way and to hit our heads painfully, so that we would learn the hard way and repent.
As Proverbs 13:15 states and as those who have gone down the wrong path can attest: “Good understanding giveth favour: but the way of transgressors is hard.“
When we are hell-bent on ignoring the Lord’s promptings or blatantly pursuing a path rebelliously that we know God does not approve of, he is under no obligation to keep us from making a colossal mistake. If he does step in, it is out of his mercy and for women that he did that for (including myself), we are eternally grateful.
Whenever we end up in a quandary or a bad place, it is never God that is wrong or to blame. We must be honest with ourselves and look ourselves in the mirror. We must admit that WE are to blame, that WE messed up our own lives and love story, by putting God on a back-burner, thinking ourselves wiser than his counsel, thinking that we would be the exception to the general rule and pursuing what we selfishly thought would be best for us.
Some women have been genuinely deceived by counterfeits, yes. These men paraded as if they were the real deal and had such an appearance of godliness, that these women were genuinely duped into believing that those men had Jesus in their hearts. Yet, even in such cases, these women were deceived because there were flaws in their own relationship with Christ.
This is especially so, if they reached as far as the aisle with the wrong man. For, God is faithful and I believe that, if those women were truly his daughters, he would have given them at least one red flag during the course of that courtship, that begged them to reconsider. Yet, they did not because they CHOSE to drown out his voice by blocking their ears to the painful truth and instead CHOSE to embrace a lie.
Apart from those who were DECEIVED, as indicated previously, many women have found themselves in their situation, not because they were deceived but because they CHOSE to be DISOBEDIENT.
Eve was deceived in the garden of Eden by the serpent (through which the devil chose to speak) and so she took and ate of the fruit of the tree that God had commanded that she and Adam not eat.
However, the Bible says, that although Adam gave into his wife and ate the forbidden fruit when she offered it to him, he was not deceived. In other words, he had heard clearly what God had instructed, knew that it was true and yet CHOSE to still eat the fruit. He therefore chose to be DISOBEDIENT.
Although both deception and disobedience are bad, DISOBEDIENCE is in my view, worse, as it involves a person knowing God’s truth, seeing clearly and understanding what the wrong path is and STILL choosing to walk down it. Such persons are presumptuous, assuming that because of the goodness of God, that he will be longsuffering and excuse their wilful disobedience.
Yet, James 4:17 states: “…to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.“
When we know that we have been disobedient to God’s Word, to his instructions and will for our lives, we should not pretend that we do not know why we are suffering. It is because we knowingly did wrong and now, we are being chastened by God for it.
The chastening is meant to make us humble ourselves in God’s sight, admit to him that we were wrong, that we sinned in making the wilful decision to disobey and that we are genuinely sorry. We must then let God know that we repent for our actions, don’t ever intend to do them again and ask him to be merciful to us, to keep us from temptation and restore our lives, however he sees fit to do so.
Trying to throw a guilt trip on God for our own choices in life will get us no where. Be honest therefore with yourself. You may have made the wrong choices in life thus far but was this because you were duped or did you go in with your eyes wide open?
Simply put: Were you DECEIVED or were you DISOBEDIENT?
It is time that we be honest with ourselves and with God.
I personally, can never say, that when I aligned myself at around 20 or 21 years of age with a guy that I knew was not saved, that I was deceived. If I said that, I would be lying.
I knew full well what God’s Word said about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. I understood full well that he was not God’s will for my life but due to low self-esteem at the time and my being in love with the wrong man, I CHOSE to turn my eyes and my heart away from God and the conviction that he was sending, even in the Preachers on the pulpit who knew nothing about my sin but who I felt MUST have heard something about it.
Their words stabbed me to the core. They were accurate in describing my situation but the thought of ending whatever that situation was with that guy was painful because I allowed myself to let my guard down and had fallen in love with the wrong guy.
Thankfully, God pulled me away from that situation by force (the guy suddenly reconciled with a former girlfriend). I had messed up a lot by then and it is only by God’s grace that I still have my virginity.
The pain was real though and heart-wrenching. When you part from sin, it is never easy. I bawled my eyes out and silently went through months of heartbreak but that pain was my doing. I deserved every wound I felt because I had sinned against God in elevating this man as my idol, over and above God. I had chosen to be DISOBEDIENT.
Years later, looking back, I am so thankful to God for removing me from that situation because I was heading down the wrong path, a path that was sure to lead to my destruction. That was not God’s plan for my life.
It is also my view, that had I obeyed God from the beginning, I would have been found by the one that God wanted me to marry, by now. However, we must prepare, when we are disobedient to God, to accept his chastening hand upon or lives and sometimes that means delay or even being deprived of the good things we might have been blessed with, had we obeyed. Sin has consequences, some of which continue, even after we have repented.
I went through years of all kinds of pain, hardship, financial trouble, loneliness and sterility after that ‘situation’ and I sincerely believe, that, although some of my suffering came from my making right decisions and walking away from wrongdoing, some of it were as a result of consequences that I was reaping for years and years, due to my foolishness.
God is always faithful. He never fails. We are the ones that CHOOSE to turn our backs on him and to do our own thing and then we wonder why we are in a fix and where God is to deliver.
If, like me, you were not deceived but CHOSE to disobey God, stop denying it. Be honest with God about it. Confess it to him and find people in the household of faith that you can confess to as well, about what you did.
God is ready to forgive you. His arms are open to all who come in genuine repentance. Tell him that you did him wrong and ask him to forgive you. I spent many years feeling guilty about my disobedience but God forgave me and I have finally accepted it.
Thankfully, I have never aligned myself with any other unequally yoked man since that time. Indeed, I have been in no relationship or alignment of any nature whatsoever since then, although their were potential suitors from a distance and one guy in particular, who purported himself to be a Christian and who I mistakenly thought (and hoped at the time) was God’s will for my life.
God has kept me all these years in my singleness and it has not been easy but his grace has been sufficient. When I repented back then at the age of about 24, I asked the Lord sincerely, to please keep me from every man that was not his will to be my husband and he honoured that prayer.
I feel grateful, that despite all of my messes and mistakes, that I still have my virginity to offer my future husband one day, if God should decide to grant me one in his mercy.
After you have asked God to forgive you, trust him with the rest of your life. You may never get as nice a script as you see other sisters in Christ getting or as you yourself may have gotten had you obeyed but God is still able to write some beautiful Chapters out of your life, once you allow him to restore you.
(Written on July 5th 2018)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be helpful, interesting, informative, edifying you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 172 – ‘What Do We Have To Show For Our Folly?‘
- Note 232 – ‘What Sin Does Once It Is Introduced – Based On The Story Of Adam & Eve and Cain & Abel‘