285. GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY AND MY SUFFERING

(The Faith Forum Series – Batch 9)

I’ve been thinking a lot about the sovereignty of God in recent times. I am mindful of the fact that the sovereignty of God is enough to keep us, when nothing in our lives seem to make sense and when nothing that we desire to happen, happens, at least, not until the Lord is ready to fulfil it.

After all, look at Abraham (once called Abram) and his wife Sarah (once called Sarai). They both wanted a child and I am sure they would have prayed endlessly for many years in their marriage, while it was thought that Sarah still had the ability to bear children. Yet, despite how badly they desired this, how honourable a thing and testimony it would have been in the eyes of those looking on, including the heathen, if it had been granted and how much joy it would have been sure to add to them, God in his sovereignty, not swayed by the strength of their desire and longing, the shame they may have experienced from being childless and the sorrowful tears that they may have shed throughout the years, still resolved to keep Sarah’s womb barren, only seeing it fit to finally grant her a son when they were both quite old and stricken in years.

I have been thinking a lot about Joseph in the Old Testament as well, who rose above every painful situation and circumstance meted out to him, by being sovereign-focused. No matter the injustice, the discomfort or the pain, he kept it at the fore of his mind that God was still in control, that what was happening to him, God had allowed, that God had a plan, even if he were to never understand it and that his place as God’s servant, was to submit to whatever God was allowing and to serve him the best way possible, right in that circumstance.

This kept Joseph sane, despite the betrayal of his brothers, which led to him being parted from the Father he loved so dearly and his youngest brother Benjamin, who he did not get to see grow up into a man. It kept him faithful to God, despite the conniving wickedness of Potiphar’s wife who wanted to have sex with him, which resulted, when he refused, in her lying on him, sullying his good name and Potiphar having him imprisoned for several years, like a common criminal. It kept him joyful although he longed to be released and without bitterness, although he was forgotten by the Chief Butler that he had helped while he too was in prison. He had simply asked him, that he speak to Pharaoh on his behalf, when he got released from prison but as soon as he got out, he forgot Joseph, in typical fashion as the people that we have helped in life, done so much for but who, when they have opportunity to help us, turn their back on us, abandon us and forget us.

Undoubtedly, Joseph knew and eperienced pain. He endured a series of seemingly never-ending adversity, which life kept throwing at him, one after the other. That is how we would look at it. Yet Joseph did not see it as life thowing him lemons but as God allowing to come to fruition, what he in his sovereignty, willed for Joseph’s life, according to his divine purposes.

Joseph’s entire mantra therefore was that, despite what man did to him and how much he felt the hurt, that God was over all and would orchestrate things as HE pleased. This kind of thinking allowed him to forgive those who had wronged him, as he looked, not at what they did to him but above, as God working out things the way that HE wanted. He was therefore able to tell his brothers, who had dealt with him wickedly and was the source of all of his pain over the years, with a heart that was of course hurting but not with bitterness or any kind of malice, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones.” The Bible goes on to state “And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them” (Genesis 50:21).

This is a great lesson for me, that the answer in dealing with situations that are excruciatingly painful and therefore hard to bear, whether it be due to an unfulfilled and long deferred desire, disappointment, heartbreak, betrayal, wicked, spiteful and unjust treatment from others or a door that we have prayed to the Lord to open for years and years and years, even fasted over, yet it remains firmly shut, is to not look at our situation or at the people who hurt us or even within, where we will be consumed with self-pity, grief and feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness. Instead, we are to find strength by looking UP. Even as Joseph did, we must elevate our gaze beyond people and ourselves and even what the devil is doing, to God above, confident, by faith in Him and his sovereignty, in what he is doing and that we remain in his hands, as a God that cares for us and will do what is best. We must keep at the fore of our mind, as Joseph did, that God is over all and all-powerful and always in control and on the throne and all-wise and working out things EXACTLY the way that he would have it work out, despite what people on an earthly level are doing or what satan is concocting. Simply put, none of these factors outweigh or negate the fact that God is God and he always will be God.

When Job in the Bible was going through what he was going through and for years and years, God was still God. When David was on the run from Saul and later on, shamefully from his own son Absalom, God was still God. When the Prophet Jeremiah was put into a dungeon, for simply saying what God told him to say and suffered because there was no water there, only mire, which he sank in, God was still God.

Having said that, today, in replaying some of my short voice recordings on my cell phone (I have a habit of doing this when something comes to mind and I don’t have the time to write it), I found an audio that I made on 11^th February, 2022. At that time, I was still single (and still am today) and was without employment (again), despite how hard I had been trying to find work. It was a heartfelt audio and nearing the end, I could hardly make out what I was saying as I was overcome with emotion and in tears.

In an extremely vulnerable place and hurting tremendously at feeling dreadfully stuck in life despite all of my God-given potential, I recorded the following, which, although disjointed at times because I was speaking it, I have cleaned up a bit, for writing purposes:

Last night I was listening to a Pastor giving a testimony of some things that he had experienced in his life, when his wife died from cancer, about fourteen or eighteen years ago. He said that when it happened, he could have had a poor response at the tragedy because she was the love of his life. However, what he decided to do was to focus on the fact that God is sovereign in all matters and therefore, that he could do as he sees fit.

I contemplated on that and I was reminded of God’s sovereignty, even with what I am dealing with. So this morning, a short while ago, I basically prayed to the Lord. I said something to the following effect: That he is sovereign, that nothing happens unless he allows it and that he still rules in the hearts of men.

These three (3) truths keep me at peace and I told him that I’m thankful, as sometimes, all sorts of crazy things happen in life and we deal with all sorts of issues, where that doesn’t seem to be the case but it is good to remember that that is in fact the truth. Nothing can happen unless God allows it.

Then I thanked him because the Word of God says in everything, to give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus, concerning you. I thanked him that, although at this age, he has seen it fit to keep me single up until this point, that it is something that makes me sad because my main desire has always been to have a family of my own and to serve them because I have a heart of service. But even when I don’t understand, I thanked him for seeing it fit, because me being single, as painful as it might be, is not by chance. The Lord has seen it fit to keep me single, even up until this point. I told him that it does make me sad at times. Sometimes you feel as though you failed in life or you’re not good enough to step into the adult realm of courtship and marriage and to experience what that entails and to have children and all of that.

But the Lord in his sovereignty, it didn’t happen by chance and at times, we are to a large extent responsible for the situation that we find ourselves in. So I take full responsibility for that. The Lord has seen it fit even up to this point, to keep me single throughout, up to this point. It is not by chance, it is not by coincidence. It is by his deliberate design and while I may not understand it fully and I may hurt, I thanked him because even if in this entire lifetime I don’t understand it, the fact remains that God knows best and so I thank him for that. Because he is a God that can be trusted in life. He can be trusted even with death. He can be trusted even when we hurt, even when people laugh about our situation, even when we feel ashamed, embarrassed, not good enough and like a failure.

At times I feel like a failure. I feel like I never really grew up because I never got to step into that adult realm of being courted and falling in love with a God-sent and marrying and experiencing the beauty that comes with that and experiencing being pregnant and having a child. It hurts. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt and once again, I take full responsibility for my situation. I believe that, if I had not disobeyed God’s Word many years ago, I would have been married all now. So I believe that I am reaping still.

But all and in all, God knows best, even when we hurt. Even when we wish that the situation was different, God is sovereign. He is sovereign and so I give him all the praise, the honour and the glory. It is just refreshing to remember that he is sovereign.

And I thanked him as well because he is just not sovereign. He doesn’t just rule in the affairs of men and see to it that nothing happens unless he allows it to happen but he is also an all-wise God. So I thanked him for that as well: That he is a God that I can trust, that I can rest in his wisdom, a wisdom that we may never fully comprehend the length and the breadth and the depth and the height of it…

He has seen it fit for me to remain single up until this point and in his wisdom, I admit, that God knows best. So thank you almighty God. I give you all the praise, the honour and the glory. Thank you for all your plans and your purposes as they pertain to my pathetic little life. Thank you for what you’ve seen it fit to give me. Thank you, for what in your wisdom, you’ve seen it fit to keep from me. It may hurt but Lord, you know best and so I thank you, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

(Recorded on 11^th February, 2022)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following: