325. SHOULD I LOOK FOR LOVE ON AN ONLINE DATING SITE?

(The Single Woman Series – Batch 5)

I could never say that God has never used an online site to bring two of his children together in marriage or that he will never do so. Truth be told, God is sovereign and that means that he does whatever he pleases.

However, when it comes to online meeting sites, I am personally opposed to it. Although I have contemplated it over the years in my moments of desperation and loneliness, good sense has always prevailed and I could not bring myself to join any, not even those that promote themselves as ‘Christian’ sites.

I have resolved to wait on God, no matter how long it takes and not to try to help him in anyway, which reminds me of what Sarai did in the Bible. When she couldn’t figure out how the Lord was going to work things out to provide Abram with a child, she thought she needed to help God (as if God needs any help), took matters into her own hands and messed things up in the process.

Having said that, recently, I found out that a lady, who many Christians respect and who is a professing believer, recently got married. To many people’s surprise, although she was known to have been single for a number of years, she suddenly made the announcement on Facebook that she was engaged and informed people that she had met her now husband, on Christian Mingle, an online dating/courting site.

I was quite surprised that she would have resorted to this medium to meet someone but as I said before, I can never say, not knowing the facts, that the person she got married to was not God’s perfect will for her life.

Nevertheless, I personally intend to maintain my stance of not joining the site or any other dating/courting site, although I am a single woman who longs for marriage and family life and although I have waited for God to provide a husband for many, many years. If he doesn’t come through for me therefore, on his own volition and without my help, then I know I will remain single for the rest of my life. It is not at all what I want but not my will but God’s be done, whatever it may be.

After the lady’s announcement though, out of curiosity, I visited the site she had joined to see what it was about and what I found, reinforced my views even more. Quite frankly, I can’t speak for anyone else but I do not believe that God will use this site in presenting me to my husband.

On the whole, I am opposed to online dating/courting sites, even those that purport to be Christian sites and to explain why, I will list the problems I have with the site known as Christian Mingle.

I PERSONALLY REFUSE TO USE ‘CHRISTIAN MINGLE’ BECAUSE:

1. I have long desired and prayed to God about having a wonderfully great testimony of how HE ALONE orchestrated things to bring my future husband and I together. For me, I don’t want a testimony that I met my significant other on Christian Mingle.

Quite frankly, its underwhelming, boring, a bit embarrassing and there isn’t much testimony in that, in my view, of how God did his thing, without interference, to miraculously bring us together. The God I serve is not a boring God and he is not limited in how he operates. I asked for a mind-blowing testimony, where all the praise will go to him and I want nothing less. This brings me to my second point.

2. God is jealous for his glory and I am of the view that online dating/courting sites rob him of this.

Christian Mingle in particular, proposes to take the power out of God’s hands and to place it instead, in the hands of the two people. It tells them, “Help yourselves.” It has them sign up and input information about themselves and then uses some technological app to ‘match’ persons who are suitable, together.

When persons who are ‘matched’, end up together, they may mention God but really, it is Christian Mingle and this technological app that they have to thank for them being together. For me, this therefore diminishes or undermines God’s rightful place and his glory. No online site or technological app is worthy of my praise, only God. I therefore refuse to allow any such site or app to ‘help’ me in anyway, when God can help me himself without any interference. If I end up with someone, it must be God that schemed it, breathed life into it, orchestrated our meeting and everything else. I don’t want to be able to say that I helped myself or the site helped me or the technological app did. I want to be able to say, “I being in the way (not of desperation but faith), God led me”, even as Abraham’s servant was able to boldly and confidently say when God (not a dating site), single-handedly orchestrated the union of Rebekah and Isaac. While I can’t speak for anyone else, for me, if God is not to get all the glory, then I might as well remain single. This brings me to my third point.

3. The site encourages you to help yourself and subtly, in my view, encourages desperation, not faith.

Yes faith without works is dead but nowhere in God’s Word does it tell me to join a dating/courting site, upload my information and get ‘matched’ to strangers, for the purpose of me selecting someone who matches with me. The site tells people to sign up to find a partner and this is encouraged of both males and females. Yet, a woman is not supposed to go in search of her husband. She is supposed to wait to be found. Also, the man is to prayerfully go looking, so as to find but no one is supposed to at anytime, think that he or she can bring about anything that is worthwhile in his or her own strength or effort.

Faith in God requires you to trust him totally, not partially, with the choice of a partner, his choice of the timing, his will (if that includes getting married) and his method for choosing to bring about an orchestration. We ought not, like Sarai, to become desperate, to let go of our faith in God and to therefore think that he is taking too long or maybe the task of matchmaking is too hard for him or there are too many difficulties or that there is no way that he could send someone, given our age, where we are at and how little Christian people with our values are around or that we need to help him a little.

God never needs help. Even if we call it a step of faith therefore, in joining the site and actively looking, I am of the view that it is the opposite. I am of the view that it is when our faith dips and we begin to grow restless or discontent or impatient because we feel lonely and the clock is ticking and we see others getting married all around us and starting families, while we remain single, that like Sarai, we think the time has come to help God, to help us.

We therefore resolve to no longer wait, to take matters into our own hands, join the site, upload the information, seek to cover our faithlessness with a prayer and tell ourselves (because our hearts are so deceitful really), that God’s hand is in this and he is surely blessing this and that he led us unto the site.

We do what we want to do, allow the technological app to choose ‘matches’ for us and then, if we narrow it down and the person returns our interest and we get married, we say that this is the Lord’s doing.

But is it? I’m not so sure. Only time will truly tell.

Personally, anything that seeks to undermine my faith in God as being all-sufficient, I have a problem with and Christian Mingle gives the impression that if you want to meet someone and get married, you need to join the site quick or else you will remain single. I have a serious problem with that. For, faith says, that God is able to help me without an online site and without any interference from human beings or technology. Him being the best matchmaker, he is able to match me and without error, without me having to submit any information online and without a technological app working to ‘match’ me to people with similar interests and beliefs.

I prefer to put all my confidence (not some) in God and not a site or technological app. If in doing so, I remain single, then so be it. I will only remain single if God has purposed for that to be my portion and if he has so purposed, then I must submit to his will for my life, not go on to a site trying to change it.

4. I am seriously upset that Christian Mingle, while purporting to be a Christian site, does not have featured anywhere on its page, a statement of what it means to be a Christian and what the person or persons who created the page or operate it, believe, as true.

For me, if you create and operate a site and say that it is for Christians, then, given that Christianity is a serious thing, you have a responsibility to define what Christianity is and if you are a serious Christian, to make space on your site to explain the fundamental beliefs of your faith, which all true Christians should also believe.

Notably though, there is no such statement, at least not at the point where you have not yet joined and are merely browsing the site.

I am of the view (and this is endorsed in scripture), that everything the Christian does, should bring honour and glory to God. Therefore, to my mind, if the person who created the page or the people who operate it are genuine Christians and serious about their faith and about seeing lost souls saved, then because many people fall into the trap of calling themselves Christians when they are still lost, at least a small section should have been dedicated to tell people about Jesus Christ and how to be saved. This is far more important than being ‘matched’ to a love interest. Our first call as Christians is to give people the gospel, not get them married.

Jesus is the greatest love a person could ever know and therefore, I am of the view that the page Administrators or founders have a responsibility to declare him on their page as Lord and to lead the people who are not yet saved but would visit, looking for love, to Christ.

However, this all important responsibility has been shirked. The site does not feature the gospel of salvation, anywhere, to my recollection. This is a shame and reinforces why I want nothing to do with it. How can I take a page that calls itself a Christian meeting site, seriously, if it doesn’t even see the need to share the gospel with visitors? This has seemingly been placed on the backburner, the main issue being to get people aligned to partners and hitched. This leads me to my next point.

5. I noticed that the site took time to dedicate a space and article to Catholics, a separate article to Baptists and then a note, that there was a specific area for Southern Baptists. It therefore promotes inclusion, embraces compromise and has no regard for sound doctrine, in stark contrast to God’s Word.

It is clear that Catholics do not hold the true gospel of salvation and are therefore, generally, lost people in need of Jesus’ saving grace. It is also clear that many Southern Baptists (which are not the same as Baptist Churches that genuinely preach the truth) have left the truth and embraced errors and therefore, there are many in those pews that are still in their unregenerate state. Yet, this site, which purports to be a Christian site for Christians to mingle, has seen the need to make accommodation for all these people, holding all sorts of false beliefs. It is clear that the page and the people behind it, operate on the faulty ideology, that once a person calls himself or herself a Christian, he or she is welcome to join the page and to look for a partner. The site and the people behind it, therefore go out of their way to help all such persons, irrespective of their beliefs. This tells me that the site and those behind it are all for inclusion and are therefore about compromise. The people responsible for the site, would willingly compromise the truth, for the sake of getting as many people as possible to join it.

This tells me further that the site’s name is misleading, deliberately deceptive and a blatant lie and I want no part of it. For, one thing is for sure, wherever there is misleading, deliberate deception, blatant lies and compromise, the devil is most present. The site has no right to call itself a Christian site, if it embraces false religions, all under the banner of Christianity.

It is clear that it is not really about providing a space for genuine Christians to meet but providing a space for anyone who calls themselves a Christian, to meet, whether they are saved or not. Clearly, the persons who have created the page or who operate it, also don’t embrace sound doctrine and the truth of God’s Word, which calls for separation from ungodliness. What they themselves believe is called into question. For, they encourage Catholics and other persons who have embraced apostacy, to join the page as well, to meet someone like them. What will happen therefore is that there would be genuine Christian people, duped by the name, visiting the page and also non-Christians. It is truly about mingling because, while God calls for separation when it comes to true believers, this site deliberately creates a platform for a mixed company, as it is tailored to get both Christians and non-Christians to join.

6. Mixing Christian and non-Christian, falsely under the common banner of ‘Christianity’ and getting them to assemble in one place for the purpose of a relationship is negligent, reckless and dangerous, as it provides the perfect opportunity for unequally yoked situations to arise.

Also, while some Christians may walk away with what looks like a success story, it may be a horror in disguise. This brings me to my next point.

7. The site only showcases all of the supposed ‘success’ stories as reviews, of how people (all professing to be Christians, whatever that means in each person’s subjective mind, as it has not been defined on the site), met each other on the site, got married and lived happily ever after. However, this presents a one-sided and therefore distorted or skewed view.

What about the failures? I am sure that there are horror stories of people who used the site and regretted it greatly. I am sure that there are those who thought they had found true love only to realize later that they were duped or that the person they married did not even believe what they believed but was a wolf in sheep clothing.

The thing is, if you go to a place where wolves are expected to be, you can’t be upset if one does pounce on you!

Needless to say, Christian Mingle operates in deceit, in my view, as it paints a picture of perfect bliss, while hiding the not so successful stories of people who may have been hurt, disappointed or even lost their lives in aligning themselves with dangerous people that they met online.

Using the internet to meet someone, remains a dangerous venture and all that do so, do so at their own risk. For some, it works out, no doubt but for others, they have been fortunate to be alive to tell the nightmarish story of all that went wrong. Some unfortunately though, are no longer among us and can’t.

8. The intent of those running the site, seems to selfishly be to get as much people to join as possible. This to them is far more important than ensuring that only genuine Christians (who are supposed to share the same fundamental beliefs) join the site. I wondered momentarily why this was the case and then it dawned on me: It is a money-making venture!

Joining is free but to chat with other members, which is the whole purpose of joining, you have to upgrade to the premium membership which carries a cost per month. In short, it deludes you into thinking that it is free, as bait, so that you will join but really, if you are looking for any kind of results, you have to pay.

The name of Christianity is therefore being used in a money-making enterprise. In simple terms, the operators could care less about whether the people joining are truly saved or not and of keeping those who are true Christians separated. They are all about making as much money as possible. This is why they have embraced compromise without batting an eyelid and are welcoming people like Catholics and Southern Baptists to the page. In their drive to make as much money as possible, they don’t want to offend anyone. All are welcome is their message and they could care less what the Bible has to say about separation. This tells me that the promoters of the site are themselves in need of salvation, if they support the inclusion of all, as the site endorses.

Having come to this conclusion by applying the wisdom found in God’s Word, days later, I subsequently did some further research online and found that I was right. Here is what an article online by SingleRoots entitled: “Who Owns Christian Mingle”, reports:

• “Is Christian Mingle owned by a specifically-Christian company? No. It is owned by Spark Networks, a company that calls itself “a leading provider of iconic, niche-focused brands.” Translation: “Christians” are just another niche they market to, along with JDate (Jewish), LDSSingles (Latter-Day Saints/Mormons), Black Singles, and Silver Singles. This is not a problem for some people. However, for those who are leery of sites that are not specifically-owned by Christians but are matching them in relationships, then you might be averse to Christian Mingle.”

So in essence, people in the secular world, unsaved and unregenerate, lost people, have seen the need to create a Site which they claim is to help Christian people, thereby implying that the God they serve is not big enough to help them, so he needs the ungodly to come to the rescue and in the process, there will be a monthly fee for the service the ungodly is providing in helping Christian people, where their God either can’t on his own or refuses to, at least to those who wish to use the site to chat with others they’ve met. This, to my mind, is downright insulting. The rationale behind the creation of the site by people who don’t even know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour insulting, not to me but to God. It brings dishonour to his name.

9. The site’s name is misleading and it thrives on deception, intending genuine Christians to believe that only genuine Christians are welcome on the site and visit the site, that the founders of the site are genuine Christians, that only success stories emerge from using the site and that the main concern of those operating the site is to see genuine believers married to genuine believers.

Clearly, this is not at all the objective. At a spiritual level, the devil has set himself like a roaring lion on this page, to see which naive professer of Christianity he can destroy or at least, whose testimony and effectiveness for Christ, he can hurt and undermine, through derailment of purpose and (in the name of finding love), taking the wrong path. From an earthly perspective, money is clearly the driving force, secular and ungodly people audaciously, deceptively and disrespectfully using the name ‘ Christian’ in the site’s title, to achieve their monetary purposes, although they have no right to do so.

SUMMARY

Given the above reasons, why would I want to affiliate myself with such a site, that is clearly using the term ‘Christian’ for monetary mileage? For the life of me, I cannot see how God can be glorified through it, in my life. The founders of the site clearly don’t believe what I believe and clearly don’t care about what God has said in his Word about separation. They also clearly don’t even understand what being a Christian truly is, if they have opened their arms to people from all sorts of beliefs, accepting all of them, once they call themselves Christians. They have no right to use the name they use, as this is deceptive and misleading and given that the devil operates in the midst of deception, I want no part of it or any other online site.

This I say boldly, even at the age of forty-two, although I have longed to be married for two decades and still am hopefully waiting on the Lord to provide. If he doesn’t orchestrate the meeting, I will never meet anyone. Yet, irrespective of the outcome, I have resolved not to take matters into my own hands, not to be desperate, not to let go of my faith in God as all-sufficient and all-able, to do exceedingly above and more than what I can think.

Should he in his mercy, even at this stage, decide to send me a husband, I would have a mind-blowing, Lazarus-like testimony and the thought of this, fills me with joy, despite the pain and shame I sometimes feel at being single for all these years. “It will be worth it in the end,” I faintly whisper internally to myself. The wait is always worth it in the end.

“For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.” (Isaiah 64:4) “The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” (Lamentations 3:25). Therefore, “I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.” (Psalm 130:5) “My soul, wait thou ONLY upon God; for my expectation is FROM HIM.” (Psalm 62:5)

Given that the lady who recently got married after meeting her husband on Christian Mingle is someone that many Christian women, especially young women, admire and look up to, I am concerned that her actions may result in some of them following suit. I am concerned that other women, looking at her as an example, may decide that God is taking too long in providing them with a mate and like Sarai in the Bible, take matters into their own hands by joining the site, so as to help themselves or to help God to help them.

I am concerned that they may conclude, if she could do it and it seemingly worked out for her, then why can’t I and that they will then proceed to use the site, whether or not God is pleased. I am also concerned, given that it is an online environment parading as a Christian site, where people who are not yet saved also frequent, that the results for some sisters in the faith could be disastrous, in that they could align themselves and even marry men that are not saved but pretending to be. I am concerned, that having found someone on the site who shows interest and is good looking and seems decent and calls himself a Christian but who lacks the spiritual substance, like sound doctrine, that they may throw caution to the wind, put God’s wisdom on the backburner, dismiss the red flags that God in his faithfulness would be sure to send every bona fide child of his that is going down the wrong path to her detriment and in desperation, they may entertain this man down a path of eventual destruction.

It is important to remember, that anything that is borne of desperation and not faith in the Lord, always reaps disastrous results, as Sarah learned the hard way when she felt the need to help God to help Abraham to have a child.

While I cannot say that the union between the lady and the guy who met on Christian Mingle and recently got married is not of God therefore (I don’t have enough facts to pronounce such a judgment and would certainly hope that they sought the Lord sincerely before deciding to get married), I am vehemently opposed to the use of Christian Mingle and any other popular online dating/courting or getting-to-know-someone site, for genuine believers. For the reasons advanced above, I would therefore NEVER recommend it to any believer of the Lord Jesus Christ, as a means of finding someone, although I understand why the lady may have felt the need to do it and why other Christian women may feel similarly tempted to do the same.

I maintain that as Christians, we should want God’s perfect will for our lives, whether that means getting married or remaining single. If it means getting married, it includes to whom and when. If it is God’s perfect will for us to get married and he has purposed that it will come to pass, then he does not need our help or that of Christian Mingle. The Lord of heaven and earth is able to orchestrate things, no matter what part of the globe your intended husband is, to bring both of you together, at the time that He has appointed and in a manner where you will not need to be ashamed or bashful to tell people, how the two of you met.

Without apology, I want a meeting where God’s stamp is all over it, so that people would have no doubt whatsoever, that it is the Lord God almighty that worked, not me, not my spouse to be and not Christian Mingle or some technological app.

I am in no way bashing those Christians who God may, in his mercy, have allowed to find each other on the site. I wish them well. However, for the life of me, no matter how I look at it, I cannot see how God could get the glory from a union borne from sites such as Christian Mingle, which are clearly about inclusion and compromise and in support of all denominations calling themselves ‘Christians’, including the blatantly false ones.

To each their own (no pun is intended here) but I want no part of it. If God doesn’t work things out on his own, as it pertains to me and marriage therefore, then I shall remain single. I am not prepared to compromise on what I know to be true and to turn a blind eye to God’s clear Word about separation, so as to get the ‘prize’ of a husband.

Christian Mingle presents me with the easy way out of my singleness and seemingly opens up my options globally. Just join, upload my information, get matched and find someone who seems like the perfect fit, it says, maybe even someone outside of your country! Yet, wisdom, which cries in the streets, can be heard quite audibly. Derived from God’s Word, it tells me: Run, stay away, keep separate. Have nothing to do with such a site. Wait on the Lord and irrespective of the outcome, you shall NOT be disappointed.

“Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets: She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates…whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil…When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee…”(Proverbs 1:20-21,33; 2:10-11)

As a single woman that seems to be running out of time therefore and that has been waiting for many years on the Lord to work a miracle as it pertains to a spouse, call me a fool but I refuse to back down from the stand I have taken. I can’t want a husband more than I want God’s wisdom and truth. That would be idolatry. I refuse to therefore ignore the clear principles enunciated in his Word, in my drive to get a husband and to be married.

Given the deception involved in Christian Mingle, my stand is one that is endorsed by God’s Word and therefore, other women may run to the site and thereafter parade what seems like wonderful results but I am not budging. If I am ever to tell the story of how I met Mr. Right-for-me, Christian Mingle will have absolutely no part of my testimony. In fact, so strongly do I feel about this issue, that I prayed words to this effect:

“Father in heaven, I declare that Christian Mingle will NOT be part of my testimony. If I am to have a husband, let me have a testimony that will redound to your honour and glory, nobody else’s, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

(Written on 1st and 5th August, 2023)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, edifying or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:

• Note 22 – ‘When God Recommends Him’
• Note 25 – ‘When Loneliness And Impatience Set In‘
• Note 42 – ‘When That Door Wouldn’t Budge’
• Note 70 – ‘Has He Forgotten Me?’
• Note 71 – ‘Keep The Right One From Me Lord, Until…’
• Note 73 – ‘Wait For Your Ice Cream’
• Note 129 – ‘Single Daughters Of God, Wait!’
• Note 142 – ‘Single Woes – The Battles We Singles Fight Everyday‘
• Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever?’
• Note 268 – ‘Making The Wrong Decision Can Be Costly – When You Don’t Wait On The Lord To Introduce You To Your Spouse‘
• Note 287 – ‘The Wait – The Period Between The Promise And The Manifestation Of The Promise‘
• Note 295 – ‘Are You A Doubting Thomas?’
• Note 312 – ‘Running Out Of Time But Still Single’

Also, under the ‘BROKEN Daughters’ Page:

• Note 34 – ‘Wisdom Is The Principal Thing’

Additionally, under the ‘BIBLE-BELIEVING Daughters’ Page:

• Note 38 – ‘Blessings – When We Refuse To Let Go’
• Note 220 – ‘No Turning Back, No Turning Back’
• Note 222 – ‘Frustration In His Silence’
• Note 316 – ‘Married, At What Cost?’

Additionally, under the ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters’ Page:

• Note 37 – ‘What Does It Mean To Wait With A Good Attitude?’
• Note 58 – ‘Possible Benefits Of Marrying Late’
• Note 62 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven’
• Note 63 – ‘Who To Marry?’
• Note 65 – ‘What Is Time But A Tool For God To Use?’