11. EMBRACING WOMANHOOD: GOD’S WILL FOR THE WOMAN
It is possible to celebrate women without pitching them against men. God intended men and women to work side by side and in a beautifully and mutually respectful relationship, where each recognized, acknowledged and appreciated the significance of each other, including the differences, by deliberate and divine design, in their makeup and function.
Some insight into how God intended men and women to co-exist is found in the early chapters of the book of Genesis, which records his creation of Adam and Eve. God created Adam first, gave him work to do in tending to his garden and when the time was right, the time that he appointed, he brought forth a woman, which he created from Adam’s rib. He could have used any other material to create Eve, like the dust he had used to create Adam. Indeed, he was so powerful, that he could have created her out of nothing. Yet, he chose to put Adam to sleep and took from him a rib, which he used to create Eve.
I believe that God was demonstrating by example, the order that he had designed for the coexistence of men and women. Both were to be equal in significance and worth but the man was to lead.
By the time the Old Testament was recorded, God’s design and will had not changed.
The man, who God equipped with greater physical strength was intended to be the leader of the family Unit, the Church and society in general. He was intended to be the main provider in the home and a protector of women and children.
The woman, whose biological makeup God designed with her main purpose in mind was entrusted by God with the bearing and nurturing of children and to provide invaluable support, in the form of counsel and otherwise, to her husband.
While she was free to engage in business ventures, even as the productive, ambitious and hardworking virtuous woman in the Bible did, more importantly, her main function pertained to the management of the home, even as the virtuous woman so beautifully illustrated. The virtuous woman was up and about and utilizing her talent to create merchandise for purchase but she never let this get in the way of or undermine her main call, which was to take care of those in the home. She was therefore business-minded but more importantly, family-oriented.
These are not mutually exclusive. The widow who cried out to Elisha for help because her husband had died and she was now required to settle his debts was encouraged by Elisha, not to try remarry so that a man could help her out of her fix but to use what she had in her house (the resources already available to her) and to sell it for profit. Even in imperfect family settings therefore, which are not of her own making, God could enable a woman to fend, without reliance on a man, for financial support.
Based on Elisha’s advice, the widow asked for assistance where necessary by going to her neighbours and borrowing vessels and then she poured some of the oil that she had at home in a pot, into them and sold the money. With the money she made from this business, she was able to obtain release from the financial debt, without her having to remarry in order to do so.
While being a homemaker, manager of the home, bearer of the children and nurturer are the main functions of the woman therefore and I do not believe that any woman who is thinking right, will ever feel complete when never having functioned in the sphere in which she was designed, women are free to pursue business ventures which will add value to their family and assist them in living debt-free lives. The problem comes though, when she busily pursues after a career, financial gain and recognition and strives to compete with the man, trying her best to usurp and claim his role, to the detriment of the home. The problem comes when she scoffs at getting married, being under a man’s leadership and being the mother of children, proudly declaring that she is a woman in her own right, a self-made woman and that she does not need a man!
It is not about needing anyone. It is about serving in the role for which she was designed. Imagine a bird trying over and over, to be like a fish, which was made for the water, while it was made for the sky. Instead of focusing on its flight and appreciating the beauty of its wings, imagine how foolish it would be if it began to think that its calling was inferior to that of the fish, that it did not want its wings and much preferred fins!
This is what many women do. They were designed as distinct from the man, to function in their own lane and beautifully so but somehow, they have begun to express dissatisfaction with their purpose and to go a-lusting after that which the man was designed to do. They therefore want to be in all of the professions that a man occupies, although some types of work are from a common sense perspective, better suited for a man, than for a woman. They want to engage in the same types of sports, although some sports clearly call, by design, for masculinity.
In competing with men, hating on them and trying to be better than them at what they (the men) were designed naturally to do and be, such women lose their femininity and become more masculine, an ugly sight to behold indeed! Ironically, under the lure of what this modern world foolishly calls “feminism”, such women lose their femininity, one of the most beautiful aspects of a woman that God created in his wisdom and instead, they embrace masculinity.
If you don’t believe me, take a look at most women who serve on the frontline in the army, in the police and who play the sports that common sense tells us was designed for men. Such women for the most part, exude masculine features and behaviours. They look like a man, move like a man, exhibit manly mannerisms and even talk like a man. For, in their operating in a man’s domain and a man’s sphere, they lose sight of themselves and start adopting manly traits.
Women who embrace feminism, which holds to principles that go against the Word of God, don’t realize it or perhaps realize it too late – That they are taking something beautiful that God created and making it ugly, all in the name of trying to compete with men.
Sadly, even if many a woman grin and bear it, pretending to be content with a life lived trying to do and be what a man does, even if they convince themselves that they have been successful in life because they have high office, recognition and lots of money in the bank, I believe that there will come a point when they will begin to have those longings, those desires for family and home and children, that only a woman knows about. They will begin to long for that they once scorned and sacrificed, considering it less important while they climbed the career ladder.
With such longing will come regret, that they had not valued what God had valued and disregarded the path that they were designed to mainly operate in. They will look in the mirror and feel overwhelmingly saddened, that with all their “achievements”, they’ve achieved nothing worthwhile. The worst thing is to have lots of accolades but to still feel unaccomplished and this is what many so-called “successful” women in industry feel. They’ve done so much and achieved so much in life, that they are highly admired but yet they can’t escape that nagging feeling that it was all for nought. They can’t seem to escape the feeling that there was somewhere else that they ought to have mainly been and operated in, that they were created to have mainly been focusing on and investing in something else. Yet with age and time, it is too late for most, to embark upon the path for which they were designed.
The reality is, some women in marriages, have not been blessed by God with children, for reasons that they may never understand. This does not however, change the desire and longing that they have for same. In surrendering the issue to God though, he is able to bring peace to such hearts and to give them the grace to endure such a loss.
Mind you, when I talk about women not functioning in the sphere in which they were designed, I am not speaking about such women or women who have desired marriage but God in his sovereignty, have allowed them to remain perpetually single.
I am speaking about those who cast scorn on family life, on getting married and having children, while relentlessly pursuing after work life and other earthly pleasures. Such women may eventually get the promotion and the bank book balance and the fame and recognition they’ve desired but all this will not silence that inner cry that will one day rise to the surface to make its voice known – That inner cry that they have not operated in their purpose. They have ignored the idea of a family and serving as the homemaker of same, in the interest of their profession and all that they have run after but there will come a day, if they live long enough, where they will long for same.
In Titus 2:4-5, the older women were instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands and attend to the home. This instruction would not have been given, if the woman’s functioning in the home, in terms of attending to the needs of her husband and children was not the main purpose for which she was designed.
The scripture states of older women:
- “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Women should rejoice in how God made them and his purposes for them. They should embrace how God designed them, while respecting (not coveting) how he designed men and his purpose for them. God intended the two to co-exist in their distinctness and beautifully so, not fight and compete against each other or to try to render the distinction insignificant or to want to be like the other, to the neglect and desertion of the purpose for which each was designed.
(08th January, 2024, added to thereafter)