13. A VIRTUOUS WOMAN’S IMMENSE WORTH

Today, close to three years after a couple I knew of, had broken up, I saw on Facebook that the lady was engaged to a new gentleman, her having posted an engagement picture of them together.

Thinking back to the brief time that she had been in a relationship with the other guy, based on what had been communicated to me, it was clear that she had not felt prioritized, that she had been taken for granted and undervalued in that courtship. Both parties had professed Christianity but she had felt that the man in her life back then, had not been treating her right and had not been willing to change in this regard.

When she suddenly broke up with him, it hit him hard, him having expected that this lady would one day be his wife. However, encumbered with other things, he had clearly just assumed that because they were courting, that she would accept him as is, that he would not be required to exert much effort to woo her, did not need to spend quality time with her or really listen to her and that she would just put up with his disrespect and bad treatment, as she was going to one day be his bride.

In his pride and selfishness, he had it all worked out in his head, while ignoring her concerns. After all, he had determined that he wanted this lady as his wife and that was all that mattered! He could clearly see how she could benefit him but gave no real thought seemingly, as to what he had to offer her. In his mind, this did not even seem to be a valid consideration.

However, this lady found the courage to break things off, severed ties with him by blocking him on social media and other avenues that he may have used to connect with her and despite this man sending a long letter of apology to her in a last ditch effort to get her back, alas, it was too late.

She did not reply and resolved, as hard as it must have been, to move on with her life, entrusting it in the hands of the Lord, to whom she ultimately belonged. Upon coincidentally seeing her at a public place at one point and capitalizing on the opportunity to talk to her, not even this worked. She maintained her decision that the relationship was over.

What I find remarkably commendable about what she did is that she did not end the relationship and then hold out in hope that he might finally feel inspired to change. Ladies, if a man does not feel inspired to change for Christ, don’t fool yourself. He will most certainly not feel inspired to change or to rid himself of his leopard spots for you.

It is commendable, that this lady did not let her emotions or whatever she may have felt for the guy, keep her back from doing what was best for her and her future. Once she decided that this was not it, that this man was making her unhappy and unrepentantly so, she did not leave the door partially open, as women are many times inclined to do, so that it would be possible for him to perhaps one day find his way back to her. She did not even hold on to any channel of communication, where she could monitor quietly what was going on in his life behind the scenes and he hers.

No. Convinced of her worth and that this man had tried to sell her short of it, she made a clean break and shut down all avenues of communication between them. She blocked him on her phone and on Facebook, as far as I am aware and maybe other social media avenues as well.

She may have spent time grieving what she had thought they had had and what she had hoped for but she did this privately, after shutting down and separating herself and her dignity, from everything. There was no thought or at least none that she acted on, that maybe she would never be found by a better man and that maybe she should leave the door open just in case, as she might end up permanently single.

Whatever the outcome, however uncertain her future was, she severed ties and boldly stepped into the unknown, knowing that the God that she served was enough and could do exceedingly abundantly above all that she could ask or think (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Now, close to three years later, she seems to have really moved on from all the hurt and disappointment that that failed relationship must have caused and had even gotten to the point where she had accepted another man’s proposal! In completely clearing the space of the guy that was wrong for her, she created ample space for hopefully, the man that was right!

Provided that this relationship is of the Lord, I am so happy for her. I wish her nothing but the best as a fellow sister in the Lord and can only hope that her fiancé is much more deserving of her, than her past boyfriend.

In thinking further on the issue, I wrote the following:

I would like to imagine, that for every unwise, selfish or foolish man out there, there is a man, though imperfect, that is humble, kind and considerate. There is a man that has enough common sense to know that he needs to value and appreciate that which is valuable and provided that he is a noble son of God, enough wisdom to discern, that if a virtuous daughter of God should ever cross his path, that she is of high worth and to treat her accordingly.

Indeed, her price is far more precious than rubies! Proverbs 31:10 declares, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

In the Bible, Boaz knew and perceived this, when graced by Ruth’s presence. He told her, “…for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman” (Ruth 3:11).

Naomi’s closest kinsman though, who selfishly and unwisely thought, that an alignment with Ruth would somehow mar his inheritance (Ruth 4:6), did not see any value or any worth in her, although he was given the first opportunity to embrace her as his wife. Absorbed in his own self-interest, he walked away, not fully realizing the extent of his loss, making room for the man that God had destined for Ruth to marry.

Given the self-centeredness and shortsightedness of Naomi’s closest kinsman, is it any wonder that he said no to Ruth, a woman of such fine calibre? Is it any wonder that he, blinded by his own selfishness, allowed someone so valuable, to pass through his hands so easily?

Is it any surprise that Boaz, a man of such upstanding character and who clearly feared the Lord, walked away with Ruth’s hand in marriage, a union that God undoubtedly blessed and through which David, the second king of Israel came?

By contrast, is it any surprise that nothing of significance was apparently ever heard of or recorded ever again, of the man who so foolishly underestimated Ruth’s worth?

Undoubtedly, God’s daughters are precious in his sight and I can’t imagine him ever endorsing them aligning themselves with men, who will undervalue them or not treat them right. Even if these men profess to know Christ and are genuine Christians, if they are not mature enough, discerning enough and wise enough to recognize when a quality woman is before them and to exert the effort required so as to honourably court her, then they should not expect such a woman to remain with them. They should not expect the Lord to continue to allow them to mistreat her, especially when they are not truly repentant about the ways within themselves that they need to change.

I firmly believe that if a believer, a daughter of God through faith in Jesus Christ, submits her desire for a love relationship and marriage to the Lord and waits on him to provide, that if it is his will, he will position her so that she will be aligned to the best. The man that God appoints for her will not be perfect but he will be the best fit for her. He will affirm, embrace and rejoice in her worth. He will be humbled by the fact that God provided such a high quality woman for him and although she will have flaws (as everyone does), he will always be appreciative of this precious gift that God has graced him to have and to be with and will treat her the way that she deserves to be treated.

Indeed, no daughter of God should settle for less than that man that is God’s best, meaning the best that he has for her. If a man is being demeaning, condescending and disrespectful in a relationship, if he blocks his ears to yours concerns, your needs and the issues that you try to point out to him about the relationship, if when you highlight a problem or some trait that he possesses that you do not like, he turns the table on you and accuses you of something, instead of humbling himself in the sight of God, acknowledging the problem, where he went wrong and sincerely setting about to make amends with God’s help, then this CANNOT be the one that God wants for you.

If you are valuable (which all of God’s daughters are) then the man in your life should be treating you that way. There should be no excuses. If he is not up to the task, then, even as the woman I wrote of above, mustered the courage to do, you need to walk away from that courtship. Provided that you are not yet married to the guy, you need to end things, no matter how painful this may be and you need to set your horizons higher. Make no mistake, you are worthy of being treated right. If you have believed on the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ and confessed with your mouth that he is Lord, if your life is submitted and surrendered to his Lordship, then you are a daughter of the King and are worthy therefore, of royal treatment! Don’t let any man make you think otherwise.

There is a saying, that one man’s rubbish is another man’s treasure. When it comes to the virtuous daughters of God though, I beg to differ. When it comes to such women, it is more accurate to say, that when one man through blindness, fails to see and understand and appreciate the treasure in front of him and that this wonderful, precious and rare gift requires and is worthy of sacrifice, another lucky and might I add, blessed man, will.

When it comes to God’s daughters, the question is not if she has value. The question is whether the man she is courting or dating or that she likes or that claims to be interested in her, has enough discernment to see that she is immensely valuable and enough common sense to act upon it.

(Written on 17th July, 2024, added to thereafter)