(The Single Woman Series – Batch 2)
I wrote an Article previously, on some steps women who are desirous of marriage should take. These steps are not a guarantee of marriage, as that is a decision for God alone to make. However, they are steps that are good to take for the marriage-minded, whether or not that man ever comes. They also put a woman in good stead, in the event that God intends to send him.
Now, I want to do a sort of addendum to that Article, as lately, I’ve been reading some scriptures and other valuable information has been coming to my attention, which I did not address previously.
In this Article, I want to give some beautiful biblical traits that got some women married in the Bible. I have observed from their stories, that if a Christian woman has or cultivates these traits, she is found to be highly attractive to a man of God and it positions her in his mind as marriage material.
In the Bible, these traits that I am about to mention are what made these women stand out, (not their physical beauty) and what led to them being placed in a marriage with one of God’s high quality sons.
Quality 1: God’s sons are attracted to women with A HEART OF SERVICE.
REBEKAH got noticed as marriage material and eventually got Isaac as a husband because she possessed a heart of service. She had no ulterior motives, just a heart that loved to give and to care and to nurture and to attend to the needs of others.
This is evident in the fact that she did not even know who Abraham’s servant was or that he was affiliated to Abraham or that there was an eligible bachelor in need of a wife. Although Abraham’s servant was a complete stranger, she displayed no discrimination, prejudice or hostility. She willingly acceded to his request for a little water from her pitcher and willingly offered to put in the work to feed all of his camels as well. It is a willing heart that runs hastily to help others in need and that is what Rebekah did. She hasted to help a stranger and his camels, her only motive being to ensure that they were all taken care of and provided for.
She did not do it for fanfare or recognition. As far as I am aware, only the servant, the camels and some of the men that had come with them on the journey were there. Rebekah certainly did not know that God planned to have her story recorded in a book for us to read today, yet, out of a heart of service and with pure motives, she willingly served.
After Abraham’s servant had travelled a distance and arrived at a well in the city of Nahor, Genesis 24:12-27 reads:
- “And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
- And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder. And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up. And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. And she said, Drink, my lord: and she HASTED, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she HASTED, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
- And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not. And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold; And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father’s house for us to lodge in? And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor. She said moreover unto him, We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in. And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.
- And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master’s brethren.”
Notably, Rebekah also did not object to the man and the men that were with him, lodging at her father’s residence, although at that point, she still did not know who he was or affiliated with or that she was being considered for the role of wife to Isaac. She did not object, although this would mean in all probability, that she and her family would have to further serve the stranger and his men and his camels with meals during their stay.
In verse 23, Abraham’s servant asked her, after she had fed the camels water and he took out jewels for her to wear,“Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father’s house for us to lodge in?“
In verses 24-25, she responded truthfully, knowing that she was conveying an invitation to the man and those with him, to stay at her family’s residence: “…We have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.”
Quality 2: God’s sons are attracted to women who BELIEVE IN THEIR VISION, have strong faith in Jesus and SPEAK WORDS OF LIFE AND ENCOURAGEMENT to them.
ABIGAIL got noticed as marriage material and eventually got David as a husband because she had faith in God, which led her to recognise that David was a man of God and in turn, to believe in his God-given vision. As a result of this, she spoke faith-filled words of encouragement and life to him in relation to it.
In 1 Samuel 25, when Nabal, Abigail’s rich husband, had acted foolishly in turning down David’s request for food and David was determined that there be bloodshed in retaliation, it reads in verses 18-35 that, when Abigail learned of what had transpired and of the impending danger:
- “Then Abigail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and an hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses. And she said unto her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband Nabal. And it was so, as she rode on the ass, that she came down by the covert on the hill, and, behold, David and his men came down against her; and she met them.
- Now David had said, Surely in vain have I kept all that this fellow hath in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that pertained unto him: and he hath requited me evil for good. So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.
- And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid. Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.Now therefore, my lord, as the Lord liveth, and as thy soul liveth, seeing the Lord hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood, and from avenging thyself with thine own hand, now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal.
- And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given unto the young men that follow my lord. I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the Lord, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days. Yet a man is risen to pursue thee, and to seek thy soul: but the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the Lord thy God; and the souls of thine enemies, them shall he sling out, as out of the middle of a sling. And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.
- And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand. For in very deed, as the Lord God of Israel liveth, which hath kept me back from hurting thee, except thou hadst hasted and come to meet me, surely there had not been left unto Nabal by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall. So David received of her hand that which she had brought him, and said unto her, Go up in peace to thine house; see, I have hearkened to thy voice, and have accepted thy person.”
At the time when Abigail spoke those faith-filled words, clearly believing in David’s God-given vision that he would one day be king despite the difficulties he was presently facing, she was married.
However, when David learned that her husband had later died, he propositioned to her through his servants, not to be a concubine, a harlot or a one-night stand but to be his wife. She accepted and they became husband and wife.
David did not send for her to be his concubine or any other role other than the highest role of wife, as he was convinced that she was worth nothing less. She was a godly woman and she believed, in faith, what God would do in his life in making him king, although this was yet to materialise. David therefore saw her as marriage material and did not wait, when she became available again, for some other man to take her but snatched her up immediately.
He did not need time to think it over. Convinced of her calibre and attracted to her because of her faith-filled mind, he was sure he wanted her for one role: His wife.
1 Samuel 25: 39-42 states that when David heard that Nabal, Abigail’s husband had died, that:
- “…David sent and communed with Abigail, to take her to him to wife. And when the servants of David were come to Abigail to Carmel, they spake unto her, saying, David sent us unto thee, to take thee to him to wife. And she arose, and bowed herself on her face to the earth, and said, Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord. And Abigail hasted, and arose and rode upon an ass, with five damsels of hers that went after her; and she went after the messengers of David, and became his wife.”
Quality 3: God’s sons are attracted to women who are SELFLESS AND SACRIFICIAL
RUTH got noticed as marriage material and eventually got Boaz as a husband because she put Naomi before herself and her happiness. She refused to return to Moab where she was from and instead, chose to go with Naomi, although they were poor widows, to Naomi’s home land. In doing so, she gave up the possibility of getting married to a man from Moab, children that may have been birthed from that marriage and instead, given that she and Naomi had no male in their lives, who, back then was the main breadwinner, resigned herself to what seemed like it would be a life of singleness, suffering, poverty, hardship and perhaps infamy, as she was a Moabite, people that the Israelites were not friendly with.
After they arrived, mindful that she and her mother-in-law needed to eat, Ruth made the decision to go into a field, although it could be dangerous, to pick up corn that had fallen from the reapers.
It was while she was in one of the fields, that Boaz, who happened to own that very field, visited and saw her.
When he found out who she was, he informed her that he had heard all about her selfless and sacrificial decision to accompany her mother in law back to where she was from and to go with her to a people that she never even knew before.
Ruth 2 reads:
- “And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter. And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech. And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless thee. Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab: And she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now, that she tarried a little in the house.
- Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens: Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn. Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?
- And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.”
In Ruth 3:11, Boaz further commended Ruth, letting her know that he considered her to be marriage material. He did this by calling her a virtuous woman.
Boaz told her “…for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.”
4: God’s sons are attracted to women who are HUMBLE AND RESPECTFUL.
It is clear that all three women examined above, Rebekah, Abigail and Ruth were characterized by humility. They were all deferential and polite in their dealings with the men they encountered, without having an ulterior motive.
None of them knew that they would end up being married to the men to whom they were speaking or in the case of Rebekah, the son of the man’s Master. Yet, they displayed the best of manners and showed the greatest of respect to these men, although they had never met them before.
For example, Rebekah referred to Abraham’s servant as ‘lord’, although he was a total stranger and his request was not the norm or what she had expected to find at the well that day. This demonstrated humility, that she saw herself as servant when it came to providing for the needs of others and that she respected him as a man.
Abigail also adopted a posture of humility before David, both when she first met him and also when he asked for her hand in marriage.
When her husband was still alive and had messed up, when she met David and tried to reverse the damage, the Word of God says that she “…lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet…”
She also referred to him as her ‘lord‘ on more than one occasion, made her petition in the most humble fashion, referred to herself as David’s ‘handmaid‘ and asked deferentially for his forgiveness for her husband’s act.
She therefore demonstrated humility and the utmost respect for David, something that he obviously took note of.
Later, when he asked for her hand in marriage, she did not rejoice with pride in her heart at the fact that she was going to be married to the man that would be the next king of Israel. She did the exact opposite.
Verse 24 states that, after the proposition had been made, Abigail “… arose, and bowed herself on her face to the earth, and said, Behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to wash the feet of the servants of my lord.”
This did not mean that she would not be respected as wife or that she was marrying to become a servant or a maid or that David did not appreciate her. It simply meant that she was humble and deferential to godly male authority and understood that David would be the God-given head of the home she was about to be a part of. It also meant that she was truly thankful for the grace being extended to her, in becoming the wife of a godly man, something she did not have the first time round with Nabal, her deceased husband.
Ruth also demonstrated great humility when before Boaz and gratitude for the grace extended to her.
After he had spoken to her with words of kindness, the Bible states in Ruth 2:10: “Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?”
She also referred to him as ‘lord‘ and to herself as his ‘handmaid.’
While Christian women today are not expected in our culture to address men as ‘lord’ or to refer to ourselves as a ‘handmaid’ and marriage is between a man and a woman who are equals in worth, significance and purpose, the Christian woman today would do well to align herself with the way that God thinks when it comes to men. God makes it clear that women are to submit to the God-given authority of their husbands and to male leadership in the Church.
God, who created both male and female and therefore has the authority to assign functions and roles, has instructed us from his Word the Bible, as follows:
- “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3);
- “…the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” (1 Corinthians 11:7-9);
- “Wives, SUBMIT yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing….Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she REVERENCE her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-24,33);
- “I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in MODEST apparel, with SHAMEFACEDNESS and SOBRIETY; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. Let the woman learn in SILENCE with all SUBJECTION. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in SILENCE. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with SOBRIETY.” (1 Timothy 2:8-15)
- “Likewise, ye wives, be in SUBJECTION to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” (1 Peter 3:1)
In closing, it is noteworthy, that nowhere does it state that Rebekah, Abigail or Ruth were seen and singled out because of their looks. They may have been beautiful and in fact, verse 16 of Genesis 24 tells us that Rebekah was a very pretty woman. Yet, their physical features were not what caught the eye of the men who were observing them.
It underscores the point that, while men may be physically attracted to women, the main concern or interest for godly men who are submitted to God’s will for their lives is the character of a woman.
Rebekah did not know that she was being observed but she passed the test with flying colours.
Abigail did not know that David was taking note of her and was impressed with her character, until after her husband had died and it then became lawful to express his interest in marrying her.
Ruth did not know that Boaz had been told all about her before they met and that he was observing her in the field for some time before he approached her and spoke to her. Yet, her character shone.
The lesson is this: Maybe women should spend less time focusing on their looks and their attire and their hair and their makeup and their nails and everything else that pertains to their appearance and spend more time focusing on the inward person and character. This may yield quicker results and a high quality Christian man, better than lipstick, foundation, eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, blush, highlighter, concealer, false eye lashes and a fancy hairdo or outfit ever could.
In fact, 1 Peter 3:3-6, says exactly that. In terms of how a godly Christian wife should be and what she should be mainly focused on, it reads:
- “Whose adorning let it not be that OUTWARD adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the HIDDEN man of the HEART, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a MEEK and QUIET SPIRIT, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in SUBJECTION unto their own husbands: Even as Sara OBEYED Abraham, CALLING HIM LORD: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.“
(Written on 7th February, 2017, fourth point and conclusion added thereafter)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, edifying or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 9 – ‘Tidbits God Deposited Into My Spirit As A Single Woman’
- Note 56 – ‘Rebekah, Zipporah And Ruth – How They Got Found’
- Note 59 – ‘Nine (9) Tips For The Single Woman Hoping To Be Married’
- Note 136 – ‘How I Used My Single Years To Pray, Preach, Plan and Prepare‘
- Note 137 – ‘Serve God Wherever And In Whatever You Are Called‘
- Note 253 – ‘Seven (7) Practical Things You Can Do While You Wait On Your Prince Charming‘
- Note 254 – ‘Seven (7) Reasons Why You May Still Be Single‘
- Note 257 – ‘Looking For A Husband? God Will Not Send…‘
- Note 261 -‘Seven (7) Ways To Do Single With A Good Attitude While Hoping To Be Married‘
- Note 264 – ‘Lord, Why I’m I Not Being Blessed?‘