340. IS MATCHMAKING OF GOD?

(The Single Woman Series – Batch 6)

I think that every single woman knows what matchmaking is but just in case some don’t, it is where a third party, like a mutual friend or acquaintance of two people, try to put them together because he or she thinks that they will make a good couple.

This effort can be open, where both parties have been informed and are therefore aware of what the person is trying to do but it can also be subtle, where he or she works behind the scenes to try to bring this coupling about.

The concept of matchmaking has even graduated to the point, where there are now sites online that collect data from individuals and then try to use this information to pinpoint a good match. I will not be dealing with online matchmaking in this Article. I will only be focusing on the traditional form, where that Church sister, Church brother, friend, family member or acquaintance, tries to set you up with someone that they think would be perfect for you.

Now I know that people have differing views on this subject and that some will even be able to cite examples of happily married couples that were introduced to each other by a third party. Nevertheless, when it comes to Christian relationships, despite the fact that there have been some success stories, I personally am against the idea of matchmaking. For, apart from the list of reasons I will give below, I am of the view that success stories are few but the reality of failure is high.

Having been a victim of matchmaking attempts myself and seen first-hand how devastating its effects can be, understandably, I am opposed to it, want absolutely nothing to do with it and think that for Christians, it is risky and downright dangerous.

My reasons for holding this view are as follows:

1. MATCHMAKING USURPS THE AUTHORITY OF GOD

In most cases, although not all, people try to matchmake us with someone, due to the fact that they believe that we are getting down in age, our biological clock is ticking (loudly) and the years are rolling by, without so much as a man on our shoulder. They therefore tend to arrive at the conclusion that God is either not able to provide for us, has decided not to or he needs a little help, so THEY try to set us up with someone who THEY think would be a good match for us. They do not take into consideration God’s will, his plan for our lives, his timing or anything else pertaining to HIM, for that matter. They act as if he does not exist or is asleep or as if he will pat them on the back for orchestrating the union, on his behalf.

That’s the thing. They appoint themselves as his agent, without him even hiring them for the job. Whereas he is the God of love and the very definition of love itself and although he has said quite clearly in Proverbs 3:6 that we are to acknowledge HIM in all our ways and HE will direct our path, the matchmaker basically usurps the authority of God to match HIS children as HE sees fit. The matchmaker therefore effectively makes himself or herself God, when it comes to the important issue, as to who we should marry, a decision that has lasting consequences and the power to chart or derail the course of our whole destiny.

As a result, if the relationship works out or it seems to have worked out thus far, the matchmaker robs God of HIS glory. For, the couple would be most likely thanking that person and not God, for bringing them together.

They also rob the two people of experiencing a union brought about or orchestrated by God from the very onset, without human interference. They will never have the testimony of how God brought them together because it wasn’t God who did it but their common friend or acquaintance.

Now this is not to say that God cannot use someone to bring two people together. He can and he does all the time. However, I firmly believe that when he is using that third party as part of HIS plan, where HE is allowed to be at the helm, the third party will not even be aware of it and would therefore not be exerting human effort, meddling or strategizing as to how or when to bring about the coupling. What God will be doing, will remain central to the love story.

The Lord we serve does not wish to give his glory to anybody else and I am of the view that he wants to get the glory out of every aspect of our lives, including how, when and where we meet THE ONE.

In Isaiah 42:8, the Lord states “I am the Lord: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another…”

Whereas God can certainly use people to bring two people together therefore, I believe that it is important that he remains at the centre of the orchestration and that the third party should not be concocting and scheming plans to set them up or deliberately interfering, so as to orchestrate an engineered outcome.

When the matchmaker, without regard for God’s will, busily seeks to put people together, this is also dangerous because when it comes to God’s children, God has a plan, a blueprint, a purpose and a timing for everything in their lives. What if he wanted A to marry B but due to third party meddling, A got married to C instead?

I know that some will say that God is sovereign, that nothing takes him by surprise and so he doesn’t have to allow anything to happen that is not in keeping with his plan. This is true. However, we ought not to test God. God clearly has a permissive will and a perfect will. There are some things that he allows in our lives but this does not mean that they were his perfect will for our lives.

There are many unhappy married Christian women who learned this the hard way, when their husbands, who they either knew from the onset were not Christian or thought that they were Christian but were really counterfeits of the devil, became abusive, drained them financially, paraded other women around them or left the marital home.

If God has revealed his will on an issue in the Bible, we ought not to expect him to reveal to us again, what his will is on an issue. He may but he does not have to. For example, he has commanded his children not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. If we go out and get involved with an unbeliever and marry that person, not because God did not stop the Wedding in some dramatic way and he allowed us to proceed to make a colossal mistake, does it mean that he approved of the union.

He already said it was wrong in his Word. He doesn’t need to speak on an issue more than once. If we choose to disregard what he has stated, then sometimes he leaves us to reap the consequences.

Admittedly, in the case matchmaking, the Bible does not address this issue specifically. However, God had given us general guidance in that he wants us to acknowledge HIM in all of our ways so, that HE can direct our path. He therefore certainly wants a say on the issue of which two of his children are to be put together and when. If we leave him out and allow a mere human being to put us together, then we too may reap the consequences of what that meddling third party sowed.

The example given of Abraham’s servant in the Bible and the approach he took to find Isaac a wife is quite instructive. Note that he did not just pick a lady as he saw fit. Abraham sent him on a mission to find a wife for his son and while on his long journey, he stopped to acknowledge God as the ultimate matchmaker. He sought him for HIS guidance on the choice and effectively asked HIM to do the choosing for him.

Genesis 24:10-14 states:

• “And the servant took ten camels of the camels of his master, and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor. And he made his camels to kneel down without the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water. And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.”

In response because God loves it when we hand the reins of control over to him and trust him to do the matchmaking, the Bible states that before the servant had even finished speaking, God brought Rebekah, the person that HE had appointed for Isaac to marry.

Verse 15 reads:

• “And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.”

In this story therefore and contrary to popular belief, Abraham’s servant did not do the matchmaking. God did.

Sustainable, Christ-centered and successful relationships should begin with God. He is not handicapped and he doesn’t need human help. If it is his will to provide a spouse to any of his children, all he requires is our faith in his power, his will and his timing, to bring about a presentation of two of his children, in a way that will point all the glory to HIM and not anyone else.

2. MATCHMAKING IS BASED PURELY ON HUMAN INTELLECT WHICH IS LIMITED AND PRONE TO ERROR

Human beings are limited when it comes to how they see things and what they are able to perceive about the truth. Unlike God, they do not have the ability to see into the future or to see into the soul of any man. Their opinions on the suitability of two people as a couple, do not usually go beyond the exterior and the superficial. It is an opinion they formulate based on what they can see and does not usually consider any other factor, like compatibility of personality, the soul and the respective purposes God has for each of his children.

In essence, they think a person will be right for another, based on limited knowledge.

Contrastingly, God’s knowledge and wisdom is limitless. Given that he is omniscient and all-wise, he knows best who to pair us with and with whom we will continue to be compatible with as we grow, ten, twenty years down the road. A human being does not.

Also, whereas man looks on the outside, God looks on the heart.

In 1 Samuel 16:6-7, God gives us insight into how flawed human thinking tends to be when it comes to how we see and value others and how we can be so caught up and deceived by physical appearances. God had appointed David to be king but Samuel the Priest, who God had sent to anoint one of Jesse’s sons as king, had begun to think that Eliab, David’s older brother was the one that God wanted to anoint for the position. He thought this based solely on how he looked.

The scripture states:

• “And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on Eliab, and said, Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him. But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”

When a matchmaker gets busy setting his or her plan in motion to bring two Christian people together therefore, I believe that such a person not only usurps God’s authority (as was discussed in the first point), meddles in divine affairs and robs God of the glory which only HE deserves but he or she also possibly derails what God would have wished for the lives of each of those individuals, by sending them on a path that HE may not have ordained for them, according to the matchmaker’s limited and flawed human intellect.

Now I know that some people would say, “Then what about Naomi and Ruth in the Bible? Naomi seemingly did some meddling and Ruth ended up marrying Boaz, one of the most eligible bachelors back then!”

However, such people forget that Boaz and Ruth met before Naomi even knew that they were going to meet. God was at work doing HIS matchmaking thing, even before she had a whiff as to what was about to happen. Not coincidentally, Boaz saw Ruth in the very field that she chose to go to pick up corn, on the very day that he visited and he enquired about her. They even conversed and it was only after all of that had happened and he had shown her a whole heap of kindness and favourable treatment, that Ruth related what had transpired to Naomi.

Contrary to popular belief, Naomi was therefore not at the centre of the matchmaking but God. It was HE that brought them together because he willed it to be so. Yes Naomi gave Ruth advice later on but Boaz was already impressed with Ruth’s character from the time he met her and found out who she was, telling her of all the good things he had heard about her.

Naomi cannot therefore be credited with bringing about this union. It seems she used discernment which enabled her to gain some insight into what God may have been doing and she therefore gave advice to Ruth. However, even if Naomi had not done that, I believe that once God had willed for Ruth to end up with Boaz (which I believe he did), he would have worked it out anyway. His plan was already underway and in full motion, by the time Naomi even found out about the meeting.

Here is the proof. Ruth 2:1-19 states:

• “And Naomi had a kinsman of her husband’s, a mighty man of wealth, of the family of Elimelech; and his name was Boaz. And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter. And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers: and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech. And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless thee. Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this?

• And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab:And she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now, that she tarried a little in the house. Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens: Let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn.

• Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger? And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

• Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens. And Boaz said unto her, At mealtime come thou hither, and eat of the bread, and dip thy morsel in the vinegar. And she sat beside the reapers: and he reached her parched corn, and she did eat, and was sufficed, and left.

• And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not: And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may glean them, and rebuke her not. So she gleaned in the field until even, and beat out that she had gleaned: and it was about an ephah of barley.

• And she took it up, and went into the city: and her mother in law saw what she had gleaned: and she brought forth, and gave to her that she had reserved after she was sufficed. And her mother in law said unto her, Where hast thou gleaned to day? and where wroughtest thou? blessed be he that did take knowledge of thee. And she shewed her mother in law with whom she had wrought, and said, The man’s name with whom I wrought to day is Boaz.”

3. MATCHMAKING IS NOT USUALLY DONE IN FAITH BUT IN THE SPIRIT OF DESPERATION

As stated before, most times when people decide to get involved in our love life and to match us with someone, it is because they think that we have been single for too long, they consider our case to be pitiable, they are concerned with our increasing age and the constant chiming of our biological clock. They therefore start to panic on our behalf, become fearful that we will remain forever single and so they determine that they must intervene to prevent this disastrous outcome.

As stated before, they either don’t really believe in God or they doubt that he is hearing our prayers or they don’t believe that he has the power to place us in a relationship all by himself. In most cases therefore, due to all these underlying issues, they try to matchmake us, not in faith but in the spirit of fear and desperation.

Fear and desperation are where the devil operates, not God. The fruit that is borne by fear and desperation is never good but ugly. For, fear and desperation make people settle for less than God’s best. Fear and desperation shout that waiting is overrated and that we should move quickly, so as to not be left behind and grab whatever we can find.

If it is that someone is trying to matchmake us due to fear and desperation, then this cannot be pleasing to God. For, the Word of God states in Hebrews 11:6, “…without faith it is impossible to please God.”

It was fear and desperation that caused Sarai to give Abram bad advice and caused him to marry her maid Hagar, who then bore him a son called Ishmael. YET, God was not in this decision. He allowed it but it does not appear that he approved. He told Abram that his plan to make him a Father of many nations through a son that had not yet even been born and from Sarai’s womb was still underway and would not be thwarted by the fact that Sarai and Abram had desperately tried to take matters into their own hands.

Given that faithlessness, fear and desperation are where the devil operates, he has been using the mistake that Sarai and Abram made in their desperation, even up to today, resulting in ongoing upheavals between the Israelites and the Ishmaelites (Arabians).

The worst thing that someone can do for you, even if they mean well is to recommend someone for you to be with based on desperation and fear and not faith. It is my view that, should a relationship ensue from this, the results will be disastrous because God is not in the midst of anything birthed through faithlessness.

4. MATCHMAKING IS FORCED AND CONTRIVED, WHEN THE BEST LOVE STORIES ARE SUPPOSED TO FLOW

When God, who is the best matchmaker is put on the backburner and a human being is on the frontline trying to engineer a relationship between two individuals, it feels forced, when a love story is supposed to flow.

It is so much more romantic to hear about how two Christian people came to meet each other without any deliberate human involvement or strategy and solely through the supernatural power of almighty God.

I tell you, when we leave everything in God’s able hands, he crafts us a beautiful love story from start to finish and it just flows, beautifully.

Imagine how a mind-blowing story and testimony of how two Christian people met with only God’s intervention, compares to a boring and stale story that a couple met each other because so-and-so felt they would be good together and introduced them, in the hope that they would eventually marry.

This may not be a big deal to some people but it is for me. I want the way and time I meet my future spouse, to be the brainchild of nobody else but God. I want to see what will happen without human interference.

I want a love story that flows from beginning to end and it can’t flow if it begins in the mind of a third party, before we have even met. If it begins in the mind of the Lord, I can put confidence in that. If it begins in the mind of a common friend, I have no way of knowing who inspired the thought, whether God or the devil.

For love stories to flow as opposed to being forced, I believe that they should start in the mind of God, not a human being. Let him be the author and the finisher of that union, not a human being.

There is something exciting about just leaving things alone and seeing what will happen and who you will meet. God is perfectly able to orchestrate whatever he wants.

I think that where a third party has meddled and contrived and strategized to bring two people together, if they do end up together, whether things work out well or it is an utter disaster, the individuals in the relationship may always ponder as to how their lives may have otherwise turned out and who else they may have met, had it not been for the person or persons that orchestrated them being brought together. In other words, they may find themselves wondering what may have happened had nature taken its course and who they may have met had they waited on God’s timing and his perfect will and had they trusted him (not a human being), to bring them someone.

In the book of Genesis, God did not allow any third party to introduce Eve to Adam, nor did he allow Eve just to randomly meet Adam somewhere. As the best matchmaker, the Bible makes it clear that HE (God) engineered the meeting, having created Eve specifically for Adam. He (and nobody else) had a plan for them to be together and in his perfect timing, he created Eve from Adam’s rib and brought her to him.

HE determined when it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone (not a human being) and HE determined who he would create and how he would make her to suit him (not a human being). HE then determined when they would meet and HE was the one that personally put them together!

Everything flowed without any human interference because apart from there being no other human beings around at the time (thankfully), God is able to put people together without human intrusion.

In Genesis 2:15,18-23, it states:

• “And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it… And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him… And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.”

When God is instrumental in the process by which we come to meet THE ONE he wants for us, things flow because he knows each of us inside out, he is all powerful and he writes the best love stories. Things flowed so well with Adam and Eve, that Adam declared, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…”

Things flowed so well for Rebekah and Isaac after God had put them together, that the Bible states that Isaac loved Rebekah and found her to be a comfort to him after his mother had died (Genesis 24:67). They were not without problems, for example, Rebekah had trouble conceiving but because God put them together, he got them through their storms. The Bible states for example, that Jacob interceded in prayer to God on behalf of Rebekah and she eventually had twins!

5. MATCHMAKING CAN MAKE A PERSON LESS CAUTIOUS AND TOO TRUSTING

Where a person has been recommended to us as a prospective spouse by a common friend or acquaintance, it is human nature for us to let our guard down and to start off on the assumption, that this person must be a good and decent guy. We may take it for granted that if this person comes highly recommended and by someone we may know and whose judgment we trust, then he must be a fine and upstanding citizen and husband material. It is highly likely therefore, that the level of research, caution and due diligence we would tend to exercise in relation to a stranger, would not be conducted because psychologically, we may feel that he has already been evaluated and given a pass grade by our friend or acquaintance.

In this day and age, this may not augur well for us. Even if a person comes recommended, not by God but by a human being whose thinking and assessment can be flawed, it is important that we take the time to properly and prayerfully assess that person’s character, his beliefs and value system, among other factors.

When we move quickly with this person or throw caution to the wind and start a romance without spending the time before God in relation to this person, we may later find ourselves in troubling and nightmarish situations.

Our guard should always be up until someone earns the right for us to take it down and matchmaking can at times make us forget that, resulting in us taking a plunge of faith, not in Christ but in what our friend or acquaintance said about the person’s character.

A person who has been introduced as Dr. Jekyll may very well turn out to be Mr. Hyde and some people who have rushed into marriage a few short months after meeting such a person, solely because he acted the part of the perfect gentleman well in that brief period and came highly recommended, may find this out too late.

6. MATCHMAKING CONTRIBUTES TO THE HIGH DIVORCE RATE

Although there are many other factors that contribute to a divorce, matchmaking is most certainly one of them. If people are more prone to jump into relationships without taking the time to conduct proper assessments because of the rose-tinted recommendation of their third party friend, then they are also more likely to experience an unhappy marriage (if they got that far), separation or a divorce. Also, if that relationship is not one that God built and put together in the first place, then he is under no duty to sustain it. The matchmaker is and sadly, since the matchmaker is merely human, he or she does not have the power to do so.

7. MATCHMAKING LEADS TO SOME PEOPLE SETTLING

To appease their friends and the masses, matchmaking can result in people just settling for what has been recommended to them, without considering if that person is right for them, if he is God’s will for their lives, if he is aligned to their purpose, if he meets a decent percentage of the requirements they have on their list for a spouse and if he is best for them.

Psychologically, they want a relationship to work out because they want to please their friend/s, so they just accept the person. Sometimes, they may even know deep down that they are not right for each other but because of all the time and effort invested in the possibility of them ending up together by the matchmaker and because they know that the matchmaker is rooting for them and excited about them, they do not want to disappoint and so they move forward.

They forget therefore, that it is God alone that they are to please and they focus on pleasing the matchmaker.

8. MATCHMAKING DESTROYS FRIENDSHIPS

Where a common friend or acquaintance has introduced two people with the hope of them ending up together, if thinks go sour and don’t work out between the two, (especially if it reached marriage and one is now insisting on divorcing the other) or the couple faces serious problems down the road like infertility and otherwise, they may ascribe the blame to the matchmaker, who put them together in the first place. They may not tell this to the matchmaker in person but they may resent that person inwardly, as they may find themselves thinking that, had it not been for his or her meddling, they may not have even met this person, who has caused them so much pain and heartbreak and with whom they have suffered such disappointment.

This may result in a breakdown in the friendship between the matchmaker and both persons.

Also, in the middle of a dispute between the couple, which is bound to happen and to varying degrees, the matchmaker may find himself or herself stuck in the middle, as both parties may expect him or her to take their side. Since to side with one would mean to turn against the other, this may result in a difficult and awkward situation for the matchmaker and sometimes, one party may feel betrayed, causing that friendship to end.

Given that the matchmaker was the one that put them together in the first place, they may also expect that he or she make themselves available to mediate and find solutions to their relationship problems, which the matchmaker may prefer to stay out of. However, given that he or she knows both individuals and was instrumental in setting them up, it may be too late to back out of the ongoing role of mediator when they have disputes.

9. MATCHMAKING CAN CREATE A LOT OF EMBARRASSMENT, AWKWARDNESS AND HURT

Sometimes, people try to matchmake you against your wishes, without you even knowing what they are up to or they may go about it in a way that you do not like at all. Their efforts, while they mean well, may create all sorts of trouble, not just for yourself but for others. Sadly, at times, it can end up with the person they are trying to matchmake and other innocent parties getting hurt. To illustrate this point, I am going to give two real life examples that I personally know of but will hide the identities of the people involved, by referring to them with fictitious names.

In the first example, Andrea moved to a new city and started attending a Church there. She was very much marriage-minded but no one had approached her yet. In speaking to one of the Pastors at her Church one particular Sunday morning, the Pastor enquired as to whether she had not yet seen anyone she was interested in. Actually, Andrea had seen someone at the Church a few weeks ago and found him to be highly attractive. She informed the Pastor that she had seen someone but did not know his name. Based on her description though, the Pastor knew who she was referring to and told her his name.

He stated that he would conduct some enquiries to find out if the mystery guy (Steve) was single and therefore available. Andrea ended the conversation with the Pastor that morning, thinking that he would go about the enquiry in a subtle and wise manner, so as not to draw attention to herself. However, apparently, the Pastor informed Steve’s mother that Andrea was interested in him and this created a whole host of problems for Andrea at that Church.

Steve started subtly flirting with Andrea (because it so happened they ended up teaching a Sunday School class together), his mother who was very protective of him, started making Andrea feel uncomfortable at Church, as one week, she was all friendly and sweet to her, even inviting her to join the Choir at one point and telling her that she was “beginning to grow on her” (whatever that meant) and then on the next, treating her coldly and refusing to shake her hand after Church. Obviously and to Andrea’s utter embarrassment, the fact that she liked Steve, was being discussed at his home!

To make matters worse, Betty, the wife of Steve’s best friend, who also attended the Church, started to behave quite rudely to Andrea because she had a friend Cathy at another Church, who was also interested in Steve and with whom they had had an on-and-off relationship. All this Andrea found out as time progressed.

Andrea never told Steve that she liked him and kept their interactions strictly professional at all times. However, this did not stop his mother and Betty from being rude to her.

Eventually, Andrea got shocking news from Steve’s aunt one evening, who felt the need to tell her (although not seeming too happy about it), that Steve was engaged to be married to someone, most likely Cathy. Due to the embarrassment of it all (as the tongues at the Church were wagging, as everyone, including Steve’s aunt, seemed to have heard that she liked him and he was now engaged!), she felt compelled to leave that gathering and attend another.

In the second scenario, which is also based on a second situation that transpired with Andrea, while at a Convention at the first Church she had attended and before news of the engagement had reached her ears, the wife of the Pastor decided that she would introduce another man to Andrea. She hinted that she would be up to something on that Convention day but she did not give specifics, so Andrea did not think much of it.

However, during the lunch hour, after Andrea had sung in the Choir and while she was standing on the outside stairs of the Church, the Pastor’s wife suddenly approached her with a gentleman called Rick and introduced them. Andrea was not interested in Rick at the time, as she was solely focused on Steve. Perhaps, sensing her disinterest as they shook hands, Rick never pursued and she even forgot all about him until four years later, when she started attending a new Church that she was excited about.

While busily chatting to someone in an adjoining building on the Church compound, while waiting for the Young People’s After Church Bible Study programme to begin, Rick suddenly walked in. After trying to remember where she had met him before, Andrea suddenly remembered and this made her feel uncomfortable.

Andrea realised later that this was the Church that Rick was attending and she started to wonder what on earth was going on. She wondered if somehow, he was the one that God wanted her to marry and found it difficult not to behave uneasily around him.

Embarrassingly, Andrea realised that the tension that she was creating (although she was trying hard to behave normally) was becoming obvious to Rick and made him visibly uncomfortable. This made her feel guilty, as he seemed like a good guy. She never spoke to him but it was obvious that she was being awkward whenever he attended the Bible Study programme.

Then, one Sunday morning, some weeks later, Andrea woke up feeling to not attend Church that morning for some bizarre reason. However, she fought the feeling and attended. Imagine her shock when, she then suddenly heard during the before service announcements, that Rick was engaged to be married to another sister at that very Church!

Andrea was happy for him but felt really ashamed about her situation. She had not known that Rick had a girlfriend, as she had never attended the Bible Study when she was there. To make matters worse, Rick’s fiancé began treating Andrea coldly, so that Andrea realised that Rick must have informed her (as he ought), that he had met Andrea at a Church some years earlier where a Pastor’s wife at that Church had tried to matchmake him with her and that she had been behaving nervously around him.

Although Andrea tried to reach out in friendliness to Rick’s fiancé so that she would know that she was not a threat and to undo whatever damage she had caused, she always received coldness, so she stopped trying and took the issue to God in prayer. She also prayed for the success of the couple’s marriage and that God would bless them in moving forward.

She felt really awkward around them though, in light of everything that had transpired and this began to affect her a lot, especially since they both began to regularly attend the After Church Bible Study. Andrea kept asking God for peace in the situation and to remove all tension. She couldn’t help but think though, that both situations and the great embarrassment she had suffered, had come, although she had done nothing to encourage them and mainly due to a husband and wife at a Church she had attended, trying to matchmake her with men. They had meant well, no doubt but look at how much pain they had caused!

Had they left things alone, she would not have had to endure all of this agony and humiliation and other people would not have been hurt in the process. Andrea felt like the devil was having a good laugh at her expense. Imagine, she had fancied herself as having met men that could be the one and had cultivated interest in them, only to hear that they were both engaged to significant others!

When God is left out of the equation and people try to put people together as they see fit, these are exactly the kind of crazy things that happen because anything that the Lord is not a part of, the devil is.

Andrea learned the hard way from both of those situations, her vowing to not allow anyone to matchmake her ever again. She resolved that she would completely let go and let God have his way in her life, confident that, if it is was his will for her to marry, he could provide the man and orchestrate the meeting, without anybody’s help.

(Written mainly on 12th October, 2018)

ADDENDUM

I wrote the above Article in 2018 and had uploaded it to my ‘Single Daughters of God – Hephzibah Diaries‘ Facebook Page, along with other Articles that I had written. However, when Facebook removed the Notes feature, I was able to retrieve most of my Articles that were strewn on the Page but try as I could, this one remained missing.

I don’t know how but today, six years later, I found it on the computer, saved along with quotes I had downloaded from Facebook at some point. I have no recollection of saving it and was shocked that I was able to recover it.

I remember grieving not being able to find this Article and had even sent Facebook a message back then, asking them to recover it but to no avail. I came to the conclusion, that maybe God had not wanted me to post it, although I had felt so strongly about matchmaking being wrong.

However, I am ecstatic, as I ‘happened’ upon the very Article today and so I am uploading it to my Website, six years after the fact with a few tweaks and omissions here and there.

On another note, the first incident with Andrea occurred in 2013, when she was thirty-two years of age, hence the reason why people felt the need to matchmake her and quick! The second incident involving Rick, occurred in 2017 when she was even older, thirty-six.

Do the math. She is now forty-three and Prince Charming is yet to make an appearance. If God intends for her to be married, she is clearly going to be married quite late in life. Yet, Andrea still resolves to this day, to WAIT ON GOD. She has stopped looking for a spouse, although she has not stopped hoping in her heart that God will still provide and despite her age, the general sense from people that her ship has sailed, she is still vehemently opposed to matchmaking.

The reason why I know this is exactly the case with Andrea is because Andrea is me.

In 2018, the pain of what I had gone through twice was still raw and so I felt the need to hide behind a character, while recounting the experiences. However, God has done such a wonderful job of healing me from those hurts since then, that I can talk and even joke to some extent, about what I went through.

I think it is important when God allows us to go through painfully messy situations, to learn the lessons that he is teaching. I engaged in much introspection after these incidents and just took my broken heart, full of hurt, embarrassment and disappointment, to the Lord.

Coming out of that experience and experiences of other people that I had observed, I was convinced of the imprudence of matchmaking and this Article was birthed!

If you, dear Christian daughter of God are single and hoping to be married, please don’t fall into the trap of matchmaking. Avoid it like the plague, no matter how much you desire to be somebody’s wife. Take your petition to the Lord and let him answer it as HE pleases, in his own time and in his own way, to his honour and glory.

(Addendum written on 11^th August, 2024)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following:

• Note 325 – ‘Should I Look For Love On An Online Dating Site?’
• Note 317 – ‘God’s Choice =The Best Choice’
• Note 12 – Placing God At The Wheel Of My Future Love Story’
• Note 87 – ‘I Lost All Control When I Asked God To Take The Wheel’
• Note 338 – ‘Measure That Man Against The Yardstick Of God’s Word’
• Note 323 – ‘When God Gives You The Green Light’
• Note 22 – ‘When God Recommends Him’
• Note 142 – ‘Single Woes – The Battles We Singles Fight Everyday‘
• Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever?’
• Note 268 – ‘Making The Wrong Decision Can Be Costly – When You Don’t Wait On The Lord To Introduce You To Your Spouse‘
• Note 287 – ‘The Wait – The Period Between The Promise And The Manifestation Of The Promise‘
• Note 312 – ‘Running Out Of Time But Still Single’

Also, under the ‘BROKEN Daughters’ Page:

• Note 34 – ‘Wisdom Is The Principal Thing’

Additionally, under the ‘BIBLE-BELIEVING Daughters’ Page:

• Note 259 – ‘God The Master Builder’
• Note 273 – ‘He Wants To Be Enquired Of’
• Note 38 – ‘Blessings – When We Refuse To Let Go’
• Note 220 – ‘No Turning Back, No Turning Back’
• Note 222 – ‘Frustration In His Silence’
• Note 316 – ‘Married, At What Cost?’
• Note 11 – ‘A God-Approved Marriage Union – A Work Of Grace’
• Note 149 – ‘Spiritual Benefits Of A God-Approved Marriage Union’

Additionally, under the ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters’ Page:

• Note 37 – ‘What Does It Mean To Wait With A Good Attitude?’
• Note 58 – ‘Possible Benefits Of Marrying Late’
• Note 62 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven’
• Note 63 – ‘Who To Marry?’
• Note 65 – ‘What Is Time But A Tool For God To Use?’
• Note 20 – ‘Is Your Relationship Foundation Strong?’