338. MEASURE THAT MAN AGAINST THE YARDSTICK OF GOD’S WORD

(The Single Woman Series – Batch 6)

You see him and he is looking fine, he seems okay and you’re hoping that he’s the one for you, so that you can settle down and get married. You have been eyeing him (and perhaps him you) or things may have even progressed where you are in a relationship with the guy, dating/courting or even engaged.

Still, you want to be sure and you owe it to yourself and your future, to find out: Is this man the person that you should spend the rest of your life with? Will you be within the will of God if you marry him? Is God’s blessing on this relationship?

These are good questions to ask and thankfully, although you are limited in your knowledge and there is much that you don’t know and although you could never claim to know a person inside out or completely, God does. He knows the heart of all men, has limitless knowledge and wisdom, knows the beginning from the end and invites all who are seeking answers, like you, to glean wisdom in every decision that you need to make, from his Word the Bible.

So, what does the Bible have to say and how can this help you answer your question?

Well, whether you are getting to know someone, merely observing him with interest or dating/courting him and thinking of marriage, the Bible has plenty to say on the matter and you should therefore make time to read and meditate on it. If you focus on key verses, you will find that there are wise principles that can be extracted to help you with your relationship decisions and to determine if this guy in your life or who you are optimistic, would one day be in your life, is the one that God wants for you. If you really apply the Word, you would realize that there is a lot of counsel there. You can’t go wrong with the Word of God, as it is a sure, sure compass.

For example, James 1:17 states, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

Three (3) wise principles can be derived from this one verse, as follows:

ONE – When the Lord sends someone for you, there is no variableness or shadow of turning.

This does not mean that you will not have challenges and conflicts. However, if a man is inconsistent, flighty, in that one day he wants to be with you, the next day he is not so sure, one day he wants to work things out, the next day, he wants to break up, if he has you like a yo-yo, in that one day he has you feeling great and on cloud nine because he demonstrates that he is interested and the next, down in the dumps because he has you wondering and questioning and doubting, so that there are a lot of jitters there and inconsistency and an up and down sort of effect, this is a possible red flag or an indication that that man is not the one that God wants for you. For, according to James 1:17, when the Lord sends someone for you, there is no variableness or shadow of turning.

TWO – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will accept all of you.

He will not like everything that he sees in you, as every person has good, bad and ugly and you are no exception. However, if he is from God and for you, he will accept all of you without reservation.

This does not mean that he will not take the time to prayerfully consider if it is God’s will for him to pursue a relationship with you and for you to eventually be his wife or that he will not point out issues that you need to improve on or that you are expected to work on or that he will never criticize you constructively or rebuke you lovingly where there is need for that.

If someone truly cares for you, he should. However, you will find that that man generally, accepts you and is satisfied with you. He will therefore not be like: “Oh, I don’t like you because you are too fat or because your hair doesn’t have enough texture and I want a woman with hair that has texture or you are too dark or your physical attributes are not enough to my liking from what I am seeing or I don’t like this about you or this is where you have failed or if it wasn’t for this about you, then…”

In short, you wouldn’t be getting the vibe from this man, that you are not good enough, that he wants better, that you don’t quite measure up in his mind and are beneath his standard. Instead, you will find that the man that God sends will accept all of you, despite your weaknesses and imperfections. Even if your teeth are protruded, he accepts all of you, along with your cocked teeth. Even if you are not a perfect model, he likes you just the way you are and are attracted to all of you.

Whether you have little or a lot, have a good job or not, if God sends him, none of this will faze him to the point of desertion. He is in your life to stay because God sent him and there is no other place that he would rather be, than with you.

THREE – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will be a good gift.

In Matthew 7:9-11, Jesus said to human beings:

“..what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”

Jesus was saying that God is perfectly able to give good gifts to those who belong to him and he will not deceive his children, by sending them something that is bad for their welfare, when they have asked for something else.

This is in keeping with James 1:17 which states that, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above…”

Gifts are meant to bring you delight and to bless you. What God sends is intended to be a gift and not just a gift (as people can give you bad gifts) but a good gift. This means that it is intended to bless you and whatever God intends to do, he achieves.

If the man in your life is a good gift for you, then you ought not to be feeling sad and crying.

God gives good gifts. He will therefore not send trouble your way. The person he sends will by no means be perfect, as he will have issues as everybody has. However, God will not be sending trouble under the guise of it being a good gift.

If the man is therefore causing you trouble and headache and contributing to stress in your life, whether this is directly or indirectly (as some people are very subtle and passive-aggressive with their wickedness) or you feel upset and sad and depressed and down and drained and overwhelmed and anxious and uncertain, all of these things are telling you, that what you have in your life is not a good gift. What you have in your life is trouble and that is most certainly not from the Lord.

You therefore need to be honest with yourself. Can you say that what you have is a good gift? I am not just referring to superficial things like his physical appearance. The man might be good looking and very physically attractive but can you really say that he is a good gift when you look beyond his appearance to his character? Can you say that you feel at peace with him and secure in his presence? Do you feel like a future with him is a future in good hands?

If your answer to these questions are no, then how can you say that he is a gift and a good gift? He is not a gift. Trouble is not a gift.

Proverbs 10:22 states, “The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, And he addeth no sorrow with it.”

This contains a fourth wise principles as follows:

FOUR – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will enrich your life and be a blessing, not add sorrow to it.

How are you feeling about the relationship and the man you are interested in? Are you uneasy, anxious, sad, depressed, uncertain and doubtful because of the way that this man is treating you or causing you to feel? Is he making you feel insecure, ugly or as if you are not good enough?

A man can make you feel this way without even saying a word. He can do this through his actions, meaning the way he treats you basically.

If this is how you are feeling and he is the cause, then he is adding sorrow to your life. There are people who are in relationships with other people and are sad and depressed for the most part because the person is contributing to them feeling that way. The person is making them feel unworthy, as if they are not good enough and as if somebody else is better than them or they could do better. Yet, whatever the Lord is giving as a blessing, it enriches your life and does not add sorrow to it.

Sorrow suggests a state of constant grieving and sadness and worry. In a relationship, you will not always be happy and bursting with elation but it is not a good sign if you are always or frequently in a state of sorrow over it.

Song of Solomon 2:3-4 states:

“As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.”

This leads to another wise principle:

FIVE – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will make you feel safe, protected and secure.

The fact that the woman being referred to in the scripture, sat down under the man’s shadow, speaks of protection, a place of safety and security on his part and complete trust on hers. Are you feeling protected and safe with this guy or fearful and sensing that that he is dangerous or toxic to your wellbeing?

She “sat down”, so that also speaks of rest, contentment, peace, stillness (not drama) and stability. She also sat down “under his shadow”, which tells me that there was a willingness on her part, no doubt inspired by this man’s character and wisdom, to submit to him.

She also did what she did “with great delight”. There was no mention of her being sorrowful here or of there being uncertainty, where she was not sure where she stood. There was no fear and no anxiety.

SIX – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will embrace his leadership role in the relationship and be decisive.

The fact that the man “brought” the woman to the banqueting house, speaks of leadership. He is the one that is bringing her or leading her to the banqueting house and not the other way around. She is not dragging him to where she wants to go but is submissively following his lead and gladly so. He is decisive and is therefore leading her with a purpose in mind, in a particular direction and to a particular destination. He is making progress on the journey in which he leads and his intentions are noble. His banner over her is love and he is taking her to somewhere good!

Does the man you are interested in have the ability to lead and to guide you? Does he embrace his role as leader or would he prefer you take the reins of your relationship? Does he initiate or are you the one always having to make the first move?

Proverbs 18:22 states, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.”

This verse tells me that the man should be the one that is looking and finding. In my view, this does not mean that a man sees a woman he is interested in for the first time or someone that he has known but is now interested in and nothing else. Instead, it speaks of pursuit, in that he has to consistently woo this woman and demonstrate the sincerity of his intentions, so as to get her to the point where she agrees to be his wife. It further speaks of him being mature enough to come to the point in the courtship that he leads, where he makes a decision that this is the person he would like to marry. In making his proposal, if the woman agrees to marry him, he has found a wife.

As stated before, the man in Song of Solomon brought the woman to the banqueting house and in so doing, demonstrated leadership.

Does the man in your life wait on you to make all of the decisions? If so, this is not a good sign. Is he taking you somewhere meaningful or is he playing games with you and carrying you around purposelessly in circles? Where are you going? Are you making progress in your relationship and are you being taken to somewhere good or not? Is marriage on his mind when he thinks of you or not?

Song of Solomon 2:16 states, “My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.”

This highlights another wise principle as follow:

SEVEN – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will be exclusively yours and openly committed to your relationship.

In verse 16 of Song of Solomon, the woman had no need to hide what she had with her beloved. She was not unsure of what he was to her or what they were to each other and so she publicly and confidently declared that he belonged to her and she to him. This speaks of exclusivity, commitment and no clandestine arrangement. It was okay for people to know that they were together and belonged to each other and she had the right to call him by the endearment she pleased, as her beloved.

Some women are in relationships with men that they cannot define and they cannot confidently boast of what it is they have because the man refuses to put a label on it. He refuses to introduce her to his friends and his family or even if he has, he does not want to commit to being a relationship with this woman as boyfriend/girlfriend and worse yet, to a lifetime in marriage.

If you are with someone or interested in someone and he seems to be a professional player (and I don’t mean that he is an athlete) and people don’t know what exactly the two of you are and you don’t even know for sure yourself, if he seems to have one foot in but one foot out or does not want to commit fully to a life with you or wants to hang out with you in secret, then this man is not from the Lord.

EIGHT – When the Lord sends someone for you, the man will uplift you and confirm the truth of your worth.

Proverbs 31:10-11 states, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”

If you are a virtuous woman, then the Word of God states that you are full of worth, more so than precious rubies. A man from God will remind and confirm you of this by the respectful and honourable manner in which he treats, you, addresses you and regards you. He will see your worth and treat you as the precious daughter of God that you are. He will be grateful and thankful always that you are with him, knowing that God provided you as a help meet for him.

He will be seeking always to uplift, support, edify and encourage you, not pull you down and discourage you. Instead of constant insults, you will hear compliments. Instead of harsh words, you will generally hear loving (not flattering) and kind words. He will want you to shine and will not worry about you outshining him. He will be about your holistic success, rooting for you to win and celebrate your achievements, even as you are expected to do of his.

If the man you are with or interested in constantly criticizes you, devalues you and makes you feel like garbage or worthless by the way he treats you, then he cannot be from the Lord. If the man in your life feels more like an albatross around your neck, than a support and one that uplifts, this is because he is not from the Lord.

The sooner you loose yourself from this heavy burden (provided you are not already married), so that you can be free to wait on the man God may want to send you, the better.

(Written on 16th May and 07th and 08th June, 2024)

ADDENDUM

On 19th July, 2019, I uploaded the quote below on my Facebook page and wrote next to it.

In happening upon it today and reviewing what I had written, I thought it would be perfect to add to the above Article. As a single woman then (and I still am now), I wrote:

“Someone told me today that I was too picky… but not really.

Men have crossed my path but I haven’t met THIS MAN (described below) yet. I believe I will know him when he comes, for he will remind me of my Lord Jesus Christ and emulate the kind of love he has for me: A forgiving love, an ardent love, a selfless love, a patient love, a gracious love, a fiery love, a merciful love, a respectful love, a precious love, a faithful love, a pure love, a giving love; a love that waits, a love that covers, a love that conquers, a love that protects, a love that cherishes, a love that rejoices, a love that is not puffed up and which does not boast, a love that realizes my God-given value, worth and is humbled by the fact that God has allowed him to cross my path, not temporarily but permanently for as long as we both shall live.

I am waiting on the sort of man that I can’t happen upon and that no earthly person can set me up with. I’m waiting on the sort of man that only the true and living God can send to me, as a gift.

And yes I know the wait has been long but I believe that when that kind of love comes, the wait would have been worth it. In the meanwhile, God is working on me, ’cause the Lord knows, I have areas in my life that need to be fixed, mended and healed.

Am I too big a dreamer? Is it nothing but wishful thinking? Well, I will have to wait and see. I know that I know that I know, that my God is able and this is easy for him to bring to pass.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (James 1:17)”

(Addendum written on 09th June, 2024)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following for more details:

Note 8 – ‘My Quick Ten Point Checklist – Is He The One?‘
Note 18 – ‘You Cannot Change Him’
Note 21 – ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth’
Note 51 – ‘Characteristics Of A Counterfeit‘
Note 53 – ‘God-sent vs Devil-sent – The Difference’
Note 58 – ‘To Tell If He’s The One Put On Your Spiritual Glasses’
Note 69 – ‘Taking On His Last Name – Is It Significant?’
Note 128 – ‘God-Sent Or Just God-ly?’
Note 130 – ‘Ladies, How Long Are You Prepared To Wait?’
Note 144 – ‘Before You Say ‘I Do’
Note 145 – ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You?’
Note 147 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-Sent Or Just God-ly’
Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever’
Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God’
Note 260 – ‘Common Sense Tips For Choosing The Right One’
Note 271 – ‘Not Just Any Man Will Do – My Top Ten (10) Pet Peeves In A Man’
Note 275 – ‘How God Wants Us To Treat With Our Idols’
Note 300 – ‘God’s Traffic System’
Note 322 – ‘Should I Allow Him To Pursue?’
Note 323 – ‘When God Gives You The Green Light’
Note 336 – ‘Letter To A Love Prospect’
Note 339 – ‘I Like Him! What Should I Do?’

Additionally, under the ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED’ Daughters Page:

Note 68 – ‘Wilt Thou Go With This Man?’
Note 16 – ‘Dear Christian, Does God Approve Of Your Relationship?’
Note 42 – ‘Making The Wrong Decision Can Be Costly – When You Don’t Wait On God To Introduce Your Spouse‘
Note 62 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven’
Note 63 – ‘Who To Marry?’
Note 67 – ‘Are You Making The Right Choice?’