(The Single Woman Series – Batch 6)

When it comes to a potential suitor and a marriage prospect, if I have any interest in him, for this to be sustained and for things to go anywhere (with God’s guidance), it is necessary for me, that this man take up the mantle and pursue me.

I refuse to pursue a man, as I believe any honourable, God-fearing woman and self-respecting woman will also agree.

In short, these are the eight (8) reasons why I need him to pursue:

ONE – Proverbs 18:22 states, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” I take this to mean that it is the man’s responsibility to find a wife, not just in seeing someone he is interested in but in pursuing her right up until she accepts his proposal of marriage and he takes her down the aisle.

TWO – When a man takes deliberate steps to pursue, it sends the message and convinces me that he has seen something that he definitely likes or else, he would have made no move in my direction. This is very flattering, incredibly satisfying to know but humbling as well.

THREE – When he takes steps to approach me, it tells me that he does not just like me but is sufficiently attracted so as to decide that he wants to know me better and to take steps to do something about it. He could have had some interest in me and not approached but whatever he felt was strong enough to compel him to do something about it.

FOURDespite the risk of rejection or that it may turn out that we are not to be an item, he musters the courage anyway, due to the strength of his interest and motivated by the fact that we may be a possibility, especially if he has been praying about it and feels led along by the Lord, hopefully. He takes the initiating action – to approach, to introduce himself, to observe some more with intent and then to make his declaration of interest clear, without any games.

FIVE It demonstrates that he has the potential to be decisive, to act on his decisions and to make his intentions clear, therefore demonstrating maturity. This tells me that he has potential to lead a home as the man of the home, as he knows what he likes, what he wants and is prepared to bravely take steps in that direction, understanding that, it is the man’s place to take charge, to take decisive action, to take risks, to hunt and pursue a woman in a relationship. It is his place to expend the effort, to try to impress, to woo the subject of his interest, while she prayerfully sits still to see what God will do. This is where boys and men differ.

SIX It reaffirms my worth. I know I have worth in Jesus Christ but it is refreshing and wonderful to have someone reaffirm this truth, as, once they are God-sent, they are pursuing me because they’ve caught a glimpse of my worth. No one pursues that which is worthless or that for which they don’t consider valuable. In Him pursuing me, he is saying of my worth, I see it, I am impressed and excited by what I’ve seen so far, I want to know more about you in light of this and hopefully, if it is God’s will that things work out, I can one day have such worth in my life, as my own.

SEVENIt is exciting. To know that someone likes you and is interested in you with the possibility of marriage and you like that person back and are interested in him as well, especially if you are both praying about it and believe that God is giving the green light, is quite exciting and fun. The man-woman attraction and dynamic are beautiful and and when done as God intended, far outweighs what happens in the world. It will involve the pattering of the heart and I may feel intense physical attraction to the person but once I keep God in the picture and allow him to be central, he will keep both me and that guy, despite the explosives happening in the heart on both sides. We will therefore honour him and not ourselves, at every stage, from our first meeting and hopefully, to marriage.

EIGHT – While not a guarantee in every circumstance, it is a good indicator that God may have sent him. I do not believe that God will send a man into one of his daughter’s life for the purpose of marriage and have her run behind him desperately in pursuit. That is dishonourable to the woman of God, whose price is highly valuable. Don’t get me wrong, a man of God is also of great worth but God is a God of order and his design for men is that they lead, in society, in the Church, in the home and at the start of relationships as well.

If God has appointed you to be the wife of a man according to his perfect will, then this means that you have something that that man wants (or will eventually realize that he wants) and needs. God equipped you with that and this man, the right man, will therefore gravitate toward you because it is God’s design. He will not do so because he considers you a prospect for a plaything but because he can sense, by the grace of God, that you have the potential to be his wife.

You can therefore afford to sit still and wait on God, to see what he will guide this man to do. He can’t be God’s will for your life and you miss out on having a life with him in God’s timing, once you both are submitting to Him. If he never approaches you, thank God. This is because God never appointed him to be your husband, despite how much you like him or find him interesting and attractive.

Trusting God when you see a guy you like is therefore important. You don’t need to do anything but pray to God for his continued guidance and to help you guard your heart and to spend time in his Word for continued wisdom. If that man is meant to be yours and you him, sure enough, he will approach you when the time is right. You don’t need to force or manipulate anything. Being your self, even though you don’t have the perfect looks, the perfect shape and the perfect everything is enough.

It is important to note though, that while every honourable Christian woman should be pursued and not the other way round, we must be careful not to be so naïve as to assume, that once a man pursues us, that this man has definitely been sent by God and is his will for our lives. Not every man that pursues us, has been sent by God. There is the adversary, the devil, which like a roaring lion is walking about to see whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).

The truth is, some men have been sent by the devil to derail us and for destructive purposes. We must therefore be vigilant, sober, use prayerful discernment and measure everything by God’s Word the Bible, even as we are pursued. We want God’s perfect will for our lives and so, no one else will do. God is capable, if we rely on him from the start, of guiding us to a halt and letting us know not to allow anything to advance with a guy. Alternatively, he is able to give us the green light when it is his will, letting us know that it is okay to allow a particular guy (one of his sons) to pursue us.

Proverbs 3:5-6 advises us about life in general, of the importance of allowing God to direct us. It therefore holds application for issues of the heart. It reads: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

(Written on 10th and 20th May, 2024)

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