(The Single Woman – Batch 4)
Like me, you’ve possibly created a list or have it memorized in your head, as to the traits you want in a man. This is good to have (as I have learned), as it helps you to sift through the clutter, to ensure you get to the gem. It is not nice to be caught off-guard and to let emotions rule your decisions and behaviour and one way to prevent this is to be prepared with a list of qualities that are important to you and that you are therefore looking for, in a spouse.
Apart from that list of must-haves (and by the way, I do not expect the man to be perfect), there are ten (10) things I absolutely abhor and cannot, under any circumstances, tolerate in the character of a man. I call them my pet peeves and for me, if a man has them, they are a serious turn-off, no matter how good looking he is and who he is.
I absolutely hate it and find it quite unattractive, when a man is:
1. Arrogant, abrasive and aggressive
If it is within a man’s character to always be arrogant, abrasive and aggressive, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand being around a man that is loud, arrogant, uncouth, coarse, harsh, unrefined, disrespectful, jungle-like, abrasive, commanding, domineering, confrontational and aggressive, so much so that he barks at you as his main form of communication, overly criticizes almost everything you do, has you in constant fear that he will fly off the handle and throw some insult at you at any point in time and makes you feel as if you have no worth or significance. Such a man does not walk away from a fight of words or otherwise but embraces it, relishing in the fact that he gets the opportunity to crudely put someone down.
I want a man that knows how to be gentle, who is respectful of others, well-mannered and kind.
If it is within a man’s character to always be proud, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand being around a man that is haughty, proud, egoistical, downright full of himself, overly confident, thinks of himself as better than other people, a respecter of persons and condescending to those he thinks is not on his level of self-importance.
I hate it even more when a man thinks that he is somebody special and more so than other human beings because of how much money he has in the bank, the kind of profession he is in, the level he has attained in his career, the people he associates with, the so-called pedigree of his family background, his intelligence, his accomplishments or his good looks.
I want a man that is humble. This is high on my attraction list. This does not mean that I am looking for someone that is timid or afraid or sheepish. That too is a turn-off. However, I absolutely love humility in a man and this trait scores big points with me. It is a trait that all the men that God used greatly in the Bible had and Jesus himself was humble. Therefore, I cannot be with a man that does not possess this trait.
3. Showy, attention-loving and boastful
If it is within a man’s character to always be showy, attention-loving and boastful, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I detest being around a man that expects adulation, who is boastful and loves to parade his accomplishments or the ‘good’ things happening in his life for the world to see. I particularly detest bragging and hate it when a man constantly does things to get people’s attention and wants everyone to focus on him, as if he is the main protagonist in everybody’s story. This boastfulness usually arises from the fact that he is full of himself and prideful, traits that I abhor.
I love a man that does not feel the need to advertise his life to the world, whether on facebook or otherwise, that, if he makes a boast, it is not in himself but in his Lord and what he did for him. I want a man who does not feel the need to put his personal life out there for everybody to digest and who values privacy, especially as it relates to his valued relationships and personal life.
4. Materialistic in outlook
If it is within a man’s character to always be materialistic in outlook, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand to be around a man that lives for money, thinks mainly about money, makes decisions based on money, thinks of those who don’t have the kind of money he has or is hoping to acquire, as not important, as useless and bases his whole life on materialism: the acquisition of things.
Being ambitious is good but when a man bases his whole life on obsessively getting ahead and advancing in life with earthly things to the expense of everything else, like family life and his own health, his outlook is one that I abhor.
I want a man that is ambitious for the sake of providing for himself and his family and so as to be of benefit to society but where he does not set his heart on earthly things that are transient and therefore useless but on heavenly things.
I want a man that is content with whatever portion God has for him in this life and that knows how to behave if he is blessed by God with plenty but also to be thankful if he is not. I want a man where money is not his driving force, where, he understands that it is the currency we use to get stuff on earth but at the same time, he is not fixated on acquiring it or any of the things that money can buy. He understands the fact that the concept of financial freedom is absolute nonsense and not biblical as there is only freedom in Christ. He much prefers to work hard, honestly in the sight of God and to trust Him by faith, to provide all that he would ever need on earth and to open the right doors to enable him to provide for his family.
He knows that he can do without the niceties and extravagance of life once he has God by his side and so he does not go chasing greedily after it, trying to acquire it at all costs and quickly. For, he knows his Word (the Bible) and knows that God condemns such acquisition.
If it is within a man’s character to always be miserly, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand a man that is all about dollars and cents and that guards his money the way he would guard his life.
I want a man that is prudent with finances but not obsessed with saving so much, that he finds it hard to give cheerfully and sacrificially to the Lord and to others and watches every transaction with a magnifying glass, especially those that you make.
Usually, a man that is a miser is this way because he loves money and has little or no faith in God.
I don’t want a spendthrift. That is the other extreme but I want a man that does not hug his bank account for dear life, to the point where he finds it hard to spend some to go on vacations or to have a nice wedding or to decorate his home nicely or to take his wife out to dinner some place sometimes or to buy her a really nice gift every once in a while or to give to the poor and the less fortunate and generously.
6. Passionate about politics
If it is within a man’s character to always be passionate about politics, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I hate it when a man considers politics to be very important as if it is what sustains him and instead of pursuing after God, runs after this earthly system of governance, so much so, that he gets upset if you have chosen to not vote and tries to guilt you by misusing scripture to support his position.
I cannot stand a man that highly prioritizes politics and behaves as if it is his life or it is equivalent to the gospel or is like a religion and that without the help of politicians (men, not God), he cannot get ahead, as he believes that one needs to be well-connected and well-known by those in the political sphere in order to thrive.
I want a man that is not into politics at all, although he may have views on the respective parties. I want a man that is passionate about Christ and his Kingdom business instead, who has enough wisdom to know that the answer to our problems does not lie in politicians but in Christ.
7. Selfish, self-centered and inconsiderate
If it is within a man’s character to always be selfish, self-centred and inconsiderate, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand a selfish man who always thinks about himself first, does everything he does to benefit self and who rarely ever considers how his actions will affect others. This is a serious turn-off to the point of disgust, where a man lives in a self-bubble, making every decision according to what will benefit himself.
I want a man that is selfless, esteems others better than himself, considers others and how they will be impacted by his actions or inactions and serves people without a thought as to how in doing this, he can serve himself.
It is impossible for me to be in love with a man that is selfish and so, given the high percentage of selfish men that exist today, I must wait on God to provide me with the selfless gem I desire.
If it is within a man’s character to always be secretive, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand being aligned to a man that is secretive, hates communication and tries to avoid it at all costs.
I want a man that is open, understands the importance of communicating honestly to his wife and that this promotes intimacy in our connection. I want a husband, a partner, a trusted friend and companion, not a secret agent who is always hiding something and feels the need to guard his innermost thoughts, feelings, his actions, whereabouts, imperfections, motivations and vulnerabilities from me. Intimacy is cultivated through openness with each other and this too is how strong bonds are formed.
If it is within a man’s character to always be dismissive, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand a guy who does not address issues that need to be discussed and thrashed out but instead is dismissive, pretends like the issue does not exist or that an incident giving rise to the issue never happened. Such a man finds an excuse so as to avoid having a conversation on a deeper level about the issue and although it still lingers in the air unresolved, he is content to just shove it under a carpet and continue on as if we are good and the issue never transpired. This is not just disrespectful. It is downright unacceptable.
10. Unreliable and irresponsible
If it is within a man’s character to always be unreliable and irresponsible, then my four words to him are: “Get away from me.”
I cannot stand a guy that is irresponsible and unreliable, who always has an excuse for why he did not do this or why he did not do that. In short, he is not a man of his word. He cannot be trusted to honour what he has said he would do but is guaranteed to come up with an excuse as to why he didn’t.
In summary, these are my ten (10) pet peeves. There are other traits I despise in a man, like when a man is immature, childish, irrational, meaning completely incapable of seeing reason no matter how well you put forward your argument or where a man loves to do what many women typically do, which is love drama and gossip. I also particularly hate being around a man that frets all the time or one that lacks confidence, that is sheepish, worse yet, so timid, that he is a mama’s boy.
However, the ten traits listed above are the ones I hate the most. For me, I feel so strongly about them, that they are deal-breakers for me. As the saying goes, to each their own but I prefer to remain single for all of my life than to be in a marriage with someone who has as part of his character, any one or more of these behaviours and attitudes, which, for me are major character flaws.
(Written on 11th October, 2020, added to thereafter)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be useful, interesting, informative or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 68 – ‘My Detailed List – What I WANT In A Divinely Compatible Spouse’
- Note 131 – ‘What I NEED In A Spouse’
- Note 268 – ‘When You Don’t Wait On The Lord To Introduce You To Your Spouse’