260. COMMON SENSE TIPS FOR CHOOSING THE RIGHT ONE
(The Single Woman Series – Batch 4)
Don’t let anyone fool you. Whether you’re getting up there in age or the pool of quality men seems to be getting smaller and smaller everyday or people keep pressuring you in your family, at work and in the Church to get married quick, making you feel awful for still being single, the man you eventually marry, if you do, is and will always be a choice that YOU made.
Nobody walks down the aisle by accident. Nobody can make you say yes to a proposal. The fact is when you say ‘I do’, it is a product of YOUR choice. You can’t blame anyone, not even God, as he may guide but he does not force you in any direction and he certainly does not lead astray.
It is important therefore, that when YOU make the irreversible decision to get married to someone, that you get married to the right one.
On this SINGLE Page, I have given lots of advice on some of the things to look for from a spiritual perspective, when you are selecting a spouse, if you are a genuine child of God.
Now, as a supplement to that, I wish to offer you some PRACTICAL COMMON SENSE TIPS you can apply, to help you determine with God’s help, along with other considerations, if you should marry that man you may be interested in or become interested in. This common sense list is not exhaustive but it is a good start.
Here goes. In determining from a practical perspective if that man is the one you should align yourself with and marry, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is he your friend?
Make sure you marry a man where you both like each other as a person, care about each other, enjoy communicating with each other, being with each other, laughing with each other and having loads of fun with each other.
You should marry a man with whom you have a good friendship, where you both genuinely love to spend time together, no matter the purpose, whether it is to just share a meal or to chat. Marry a man that lights up your heart with eager excitement whenever he enters and where you have the same effect on him. Anything else is boring.
2. Is he daddy material?
Make sure you marry a man that inspires you, so much so that you can honestly say that you want your sons to be like him and that he is someone that your daughters can look up to and will admire. He should be setting an example in his life that you want your children to follow. Anything else is asking for trouble.
If you know he wouldn’t make a good father and that his character is not one that you would want your sons to emulate, if you know that he is not the sort of person that your daughters can look up to and regard as having the traits that they should look for in their one day spouse, then practically speaking, you know he is not the one.
3. Is he appreciative of you?
Make sure you marry a man that knows and appreciates your worth, that considers it an honour to be given even one minute of your time and therefore, that it is an invaluable opportunity that he gets to spend a lifetime with you.
As daughters of God, we have value as a human being, as a Christian but also as a woman. God has given this value to us and while not everybody may see it (God may keep it hidden from the eyes of the wrong men, thankfully), it is essential that the person you marry does. Anything else is sure to leave you resentful. This leads me to point no. 4.
(I recommend you read Note 18 entitled: ‘You Cannot Change Him’ and Note 21 entitled: ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth’).
4. Is he in love with you?
Make sure you marry a man that loves you back. The worst thing is to love someone that does not love you back. Love unrequited is painful. Imagine every action or inaction of a person having an effect on you because you love him but he doesn’t care two hoots about you and therefore wastes no time to think how his actions may be affecting you. It is not love itself that is beautiful in my view but mutual love. It is a lovely thought to know that someone that you love a lot, loves you just as much.
Don’t make the mistake of marrying someone that does not love you or that you do not love. This point is linked to point 3 above, as appreciation is one of the factors that will always be present if you are truly loved. If a man says he loves you but takes who you are, all you do and your worth for granted, then he doesn’t. If he is disrespectful in his actions, even if he mouths the words ‘I love you’, know that these are just words. He doesn’t.
Marry a man that genuinely returns your love therefore. Anything else is a recipe for disaster.
(I recommend that you read Note 145 entitled: ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You?’, Note 166 entitled: ‘What Is Romantic Love? and Notes 15 and 33 under the ‘Courting or Engaged Daughters’ page entitled: ‘Does He Love You Fervently?’ and ‘How Much Should He Love Me?’)
5. Is he walking with Jesus?
Make sure you marry a man that doesn’t just go to Church or come from a Christian family or that has religion or is involved, seemingly with ministry or looks like a Christian. Make sure he loves truth, has relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ is submitted to him and lives his life to please him first and foremost.
If he is abiding in Jesus, then you can trust him with your hand in marriage because he is tapping into the source of life and God will give him guidance and wisdom on how to be a good husband to you, how to love you selflessly and how to lead a family successfully. Anything else is an unequally yoked situation that will not have a happy ending.
(I recommend that you read Note 144 entitled: ‘Before You Say ‘I Do’ and Note 166 entitled: ‘Are You Serving The Real Jesus?’)
6. Is he hardworking and ambitious?
Make sure you marry a man that is not lazy with a bad work ethic and with no vision for his life. Yes God will guide the steps of the man that is submitted to him and that man would be dependent on HIS empowerment but a man should still have some kind of vision as to where he would like to see himself maybe five (5) years from now and seriously thinking of ways to move closer to that goal with God’s help.
If you marry a couch potato, then get ready to do all the house work and to receive little or no help from that man throughout your marriage. Cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing the clothes, washing the wares and other general upkeep, will be your sole responsibility, even if you have a full time job.
Get ready to also do most of the work from a career perspective, to bring in all or most of the income for the family and to do all or most of the work involved in raising your children, if you have any.
This can be taxing, stressful and may result in you losing respect for your husband. For, deep down, a woman, in keeping with how God made her, wants a man that works (or at least is willing to work), so as to provide, as the main breadwinner, for the family and who has a vision for where he wants to take her and their family in the future.
Anything else will leave you frustrated, for you were designed to be a help, meet for a man. If he has no vision and is just wandering through life mindlessly and lazily, then he has nothing for you to help him achieve and no place of purpose for you to help him to go, which will make you miserable.
7. Is he a man of integrity?
Make sure you marry a man that is reliable, honest and keeps his word. He will not be perfect but make sure you marry a man that has integrity of heart and is guided in all his actions by that integrity. The last thing you want is a man that lies with a straight face, sees nothing wrong in cheating on you is secretive or is willing to cut corners in life and in business to get ahead, to make money, including getting involved in shady dealings.
You want to align yourself with a man who measures his integrity, not by what pleases the world or what they can or cannot see but by God’s divine standards, mindful that the eyes of the Lord are always upon him and sees his every action.
If you marry a man that thinks it is okay to lie, cheat or otherwise cut corners and engage in dishonest behaviour, this will not just be an embarrassment to you but will surely put your marriage on the rocks.
(Written on 22nd August, 2019; adjusted on 06th October, 2020)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be informative, edifying or interesting, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 8 – ‘My Quick Ten Point Checklist – Is He The One?‘
- Note 51 – ‘Characteristics Of A Counterfeit‘
- Note 18 – ‘You Cannot Change Him’
- Note 21 – ‘When He Doesn’t See Your Worth’
- Note 53 – ‘God-sent vs Devil-sent – The Difference’
- Note 58 – ‘To Tell If He’s The One Put On Your Spiritual Glasses’
- Note 68 – ‘My Detailed List – What I Want In A Divinely Compatible Spouse’
- Note 69 – ‘Taking On His Last Name – Is It Significant?’
- Note 128 – ‘God-sent Or Just God-ly?’
- Note 130 – ‘Ladies, How Long Are You Prepared To Wait?’
- Note 137 – ‘Who To Marry?’
- Note 144 – ‘Before You Say ‘I Do’
- Note 145 – ‘Does He Love You Or Lust You?’
- Note 146 – ‘Three Idols In The Church – Getting Married, Having Children And Working A Secular Job’
- Note 147 – ‘How To Tell If He’s Your God-sent And Not Just God-ly’
- Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever’
- Note 258 – ‘The Man Of The World vs The Man Of God’
- Note 260 – ‘Common Sense Tips For Choosing The Right One’
- Note 268 – ‘Making The Wrong Decision Can Be Costly – When You Don’t Wait On God To Introduce You To Your Spouse’
- Note 271 – ‘Not Just Any Man Will Do – My Top Ten (10) Pet Peeves In A Man’
- Note 274 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven’
- Note 275 – ‘How God Wants Us To Treat With Our Idols’
Additional Article under ‘COURTING OR ENGAGED Daughters of God’ Page:
- Note 15 – ‘Does He Love You Fervently?’
- Note 16 – ‘Dear Christian, Does God Approve Of Your Relationship?’
- Note 33 – ‘How Much Should He Love Me?’