18. YOU CANNOT CHANGE HIM

(The Single Woman Series)

Ladies, why is it that so many women want bad boys and then when something starts with those bad boys, they want those same boys to suddenly be good?

If you met him as a bad boy, then why would you expect him to change his stripes? Because of you?

Note this: No man changes for a woman. A desire to change must come from within and only the kind of change that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ is sustainable.

Wanting him to be a good boy will not make him one. Wishing he’d be a good boy will not make him one. Hoping and praying he would become a good boy will not make him into one. Pretending and deluding yourself into thinking that he IS a good boy somewhere underneath that bad exterior, will not make him one.

I have been through it. Somehow, when I was much younger, the idea of having a bad boy in my life was highly attractive. It made me excited and I loved the idea of changing and moulding him into what I would like him to be.

Thank God age brings maturity and I have long come to realize that, nice and kind and sweet as a woman may be, she can’t change a man, especially one that is labelled by society as a bad boy.

Mind you, bad boys can change and have changed but it is only Jesus Christ that can make the difference in their lives, not you!

If you want a bad boy and you get a bad boy, then don’t be surprised when you get bad results in a relationship with that bad boy. If he cheats on you, don’t be surprised. If he hits you, don’t be shocked. If he insults and berates and disrespects you, don’t be upset. If he doesn’t want to go to Church and he wants you to compromise on your God-given standards, well what else did you expect? He’s a bad boy and is merely living up to his name.

Bad boys that don’t yet know Jesus Christ are not relationship material. Healthy relationships require a man that is committed, faithful, kind, trustworthy, respectable, gets his cues from Christ and knows how to pursue you honourably, not just while you’re dating/courting but even into marriage.

Don’t let desperation make you make the mistake of getting involved at any level with someone you know is a bad boy. He may want to change but until he does, you need to stay away from him. And even if he eventually finds Christ (you need to pray that he does), while Christ makes him into the man that he wants him to be, you need to stay away from him. His focus needs to be on the Lord, not you. Then, in the Lord’s perfect time, he will give him to whoever he wants to give him to and he will give you to whoever he wants to give you to. There can be a happy ending, just not with each other.

Please, do yourself and your future a favour and stop chasing bad boys. Apart from you not having the time to waste on those who are not worthy of you, if you’re a Christian, then a bad boy is NOT God’s plan for you because bad boys hurt good women and they don’t know the God you love.

In 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, God’s will in the matter is made quite clear. If you are a genuine Christian and not a person that is just religious, the scripture commands you:

  • “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”

If you make the mistake of disobeying God and entertaining someone that is not a Christian and is therefore a man of the world or a man of Belial, it will not end well. Furthermore, if that man of the world is a bad boy (as he is bound to be if he does not know the good Christ, no matter how well-mannered he may seem on the surface), then when you get hurt (I say WHEN and not IF because it NEVER ends well when a bad boy is in the picture), you will have no one to blame but yourself.

When I got my heart broken umpteen years ago, I knew it was my fault. It wasn’t his. He was simply being himself at the time. I ought to have known better and guarded my heart, just like the Bible says we should do. I was disobedient, quite foolish, rebellious and naive at the time, for thinking that maybe, us being together could work, that maybe, I could bring him to Christ and things would work out and we’d live happily ever after, that maybe, with enough time, God would put his stamp of approval on us.

Yes, I was foolish. When you think you’re in love with someone, it can make you think and do silly things sometimes.

I have since repented (which is so important) before God for my foolishness and sin (because that is what being unequally yoked is – a sin) and I asked the Lord from that point on, to please keep me, not just from the bad boys but from EVERY man that was not his perfect will for me. I asked him to keep me from EVERY relationship that was not his plan and even from good Christian men who were not his will for me and to keep me reserved until he was ready to give THE ONE access to me.

Since then, he has had me under lock and key.

Since that prayer, which I have kept on praying throughout the years, (especially when I saw any guy eyeing me and considering maybe, how to approach me), God has kept me. Some men showed interest in their actions yes but they never indicated in any definite way because they were not THE ONE and so I believed God kept them from approaching me.

I even thought one of them, someone I had to work with at Church for two years and who gave me little hints here and there of interest (like purchasing me a particular snack the very next week after he overhead me mention to someone, that it was my favorite) was THE ONE. It turned out however that he wasn’t. My hopes were dashed but I wish him all the best and God knows best.

One more thing ladies: Not every bad boy wears his ‘badness’ on his sleeve. Some can appear to be quite charming, look and sound respectable and may even have grown up in the Church. That is why you need to let God do the sifting. He knows the heart of all men and he can guide you as to whether you need to allow this man to pursue you or you need to run away as quickly as your legs can transport you.

God knows best what a Godly man looks like and what he has in his heart and he is able to give such a man to you, if you would only trust him, wait on him and obey him.

Don’t allow yourself to be deceived by a counterfeit. When the devil knows God has a special someone planned for you, (a good man) he usually tries to mess that up and mess you up, by sending someone that is outside of God’s plan for your life.

Don’t allow him. Stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ has set you free and WAIT on your PRINCE CHARMING.

People say that Prince Charming is a fairy tale and does not exist but actually he does. First of all, all of God’s Christian sons are Princes because they are in Christ Jesus and Jesus is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And if they have his DNA in them, they are supposed to be charming (meaning mannerly), along with a whole lot of other Christian virtues.

Prince Charming does exist therefore and I may have been single for a very, very long time but I am prepared to STILL wait on God’s perfect timing to send him.

I am done with the players, the confused, those who have commitment issues, don’t know how to lead, are afraid of marriage, are all about the physical, don’t know how to value and respect a woman, are mama boys and so on. I want a REAL man that I can look up to and admire and respect and only God can give him to me.

So, I’ve been going about my life while I wait for God to present me to this special someone. I’ve no idea when that will be, as God has not given me any insight as to when he will do it. Yet I believe he has said he will and he is a God that keeps ALL of his promises.

When he does, a whole lot of people will be surprised because they figured too much time had passed and I wasn’t ever going to walk down the aisle. BUT GOD!

They’ll also be amazed at the quality of the guy in my life and wonder how on earth I got him.

That’s the thing. I don’t know what he looks like, how he sounds, how he walks or anything about him but I know that he will be a HIGH QUALITY guy. I know this because God doesn’t give garbage to his children and he doesn’t give average to those who joyfully wait on him.

James 1:17 states that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

God knows my wait has been long and I believe he rewards his children marvellously when they wait. Apart from my disobedience when I was about 20-22 or so, I have not been involved with any man at any level and I am now in my mid thirties. You do the math. (I don’t look it though. People keep thinking I’m still in my twenties and are shocked when I tell them otherwise. Thanks to the God that has preserved me!)

When God sends THE ONE, a good man, it would have been in answer to my prayers and my fasting over the long years and a demonstration of God’s forgiveness and grace and mercy. My relationship will serve as a testament of God’s awesomeness and I have asked him to humble me by the quality of the man he brings into my life and for that man to be humbled by my being in his life as well.

Simply put, a good man may be long in coming but he is worth waiting for. A bad boy is worth leaving alone.

The Bible says in Proverbs 6:27-28, “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?”

A word to the wise is sufficient.

If you know you want a man that will treat you well, will see your worth, pursue you honourably, commit to you, propose to you in a way that makes your heart melt and your eyes water, take you down the aisle and marry you and then spend the rest of his life treating you like the royal daughter of the King you are then you need to leave the bad boys alone and let one of God’s sons (the one he wants for you and has assigned specifically to you), pursue you.

I have gotten over that craze of liking the idea of having a bad boy in my life. Now, my heart is reserved for an honourable, God-fearing, Jesus-knowing and respectable man, who understands God’s design for relationships and has the level of maturity required to be the head of me and the family God will give to him. He needs to be able to cover me, not just physically but also emotionally and most importantly, spiritually.

I need someone who can not just kiss me but can pray for me and fast for me and encourage me with God’s Word and stand in the gap for me, as my godly head. I choose to wait on this person and I have lost all interest in bad boys.

If you still have some kind of preoccupation with bad boys, please let it go. Trust me, bad boys will not take you where you want to go. Wait on the Lord to send, not a bad boy but a good man. Like night to day, there is a big difference.

The sooner you let go of your boy toy or your fantasy of captivating a bad boy’s heart, the sooner God will be able to send you something far better and worthwhile. Stop sabotaging yourself. Please. Give God the space he needs to write you your love story.

(Written on 20th August, 2016)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, edifying or beneficial, you may also be interested in reading the following:

  • Note 148 – ‘What Does The Bible Say About Being Unequally Yoked With An Unbeliever?’
  • Note 137 – ‘Who To Marry?’
  • Note 271 – ‘Not Just Any Man Will Do – My Top Ten (10) Pet Peeves In A Man
  • Note 274 – ‘I Being In The Way, The Lord Led Me – A Match Made In Heaven
  • Note 275 – ‘How God Wants Us To Treat With Our Idols

Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *