(The Single Woman Series)
A woman once told me that I needed to show cleavage in order to attract a man. If I’m not mistaken, another told me my skirts were too long and that I needed to show more leg to get a boyfriend.
Well, I told them that I didn’t want any man that expected me to dress like that. I am attracted to the kind of man that expects the woman at his side to dress honourably and respectfully and that is the man I am WAITING for, not any other.
I also told them (if I recall correctly), that if that is what it took for me to get a man, then I preferred to stay single.
I am not perfect but I refuse to dress immodestly because I respect myself, my body and know my worth. Over the years, I have learned that I do not need to expose any part of me to get a man. I have enough in terms of character and personality, to attract and keep the right man attracted.
I am convinced that the man that weds me will NOT have a boring life. It is simply not possible. When he signs up to be with me, he signs up for continual excitement, unpredictability, fun times, bountiful love, selflessness and so much more. I don’t need to advertise this, by exposing my body. All I need to do is to take care of myself, dress stylistically, know my worth, keep under the covering of the Lord Jesus Christ, pray for his perfect will and WAIT for the Lord to present me to him.
I always dress fashionably (not according to the latest trends and fads, mind you but in a classy, stylish manner). I also ensure that I am looking presentable in public and when any man sees me, he KNOWS that I respect myself. I don’t need to tell him. He just knows and the way I dress is part of it.
There is a time and a place for everything and believe me, there will be a time for me to expose everything but within a marriage and within the privacy of a bedroom with my God-given husband. Until then, what God has given me is precious and certainly not for the eyes of the general public or even for the eyes of the man I am courting. Until he weds me, I belong to Jesus and even after, I am merely being entrusted to him by my heavenly Father (my owner), to cherish and love, for a time.
To support what I have been saying about modesty, I will add that this is what God expects of his Christian daughters. He expects Christian women to differentiate themselves from the way women of the world dress and to represent him in our attire. If you claim to belong to the royal family of God, then this is a high calling. You can’t dress like a cheap bimbo or promiscuous woman.
When a woman, especially a woman that professes Christianity, dresses in such a way as to deliberately expose her body, not only is it shameful but it also sends a message. It tells society and every respectable God-fearing gentleman:
- That she does not value or respect herself.
- That she loves attention at any cost.
- That she does not care what Jesus thinks.
- That she has self esteem issues.
- That sadly, she thinks that her mind and who she is as a person is not enough to attract and keep a decent man.
- That she feels inadequate and to compensate for what she perceives she lacks in internal value and beauty, she needs to reveal some of her physical wares.
- That she loves the ways of the world and not the ways of God.
1 John 2:15-17 states to Christians:
- “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.”
James 4:4 also states: “…know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.“
It is sad when a woman dresses in a promiscuous and immodest manner to attract a man because although she may attract one, it may not be a quality man.
Some Christian women have been wondering why they keep attracting the wrong kind of guy and keep getting treated badly. In some cases, in addition to how you carry yourself, it is largely because of the way you dress! If you dress cheaply and expose what should be valuable and only for the eyes of your husband, then you will be valued (or devalued) accordingly.
Furthermore, God’s sons who are genuinely serving him and pursuing him, while they may be attracted to your body (because they are men), will not consider you (despite all of your talents, gifts and wonderful personality) as wife material. See, a true God-fearing man is more concerned about your heart and Godly character, than he is your body. For, he knows that whereas your soul will live on, your body will one day see corruption when it dies. Compared to your soul, your body is therefore not as important because it is temporary.
I have said for years that I do not want to be sexy or look sexy. As an unmarried woman, that is not my place and you will never hear me use the word ‘sexy’ in my vocabulary. Christian women who are single, should not aspire to look sexy but attractive. There is a big difference. If sex, (which is the root word of sexy) is to be reserved for marriage, then why would I want to be giving off sex-vibes to a man that I am not married to and to the world in general?
Furthermore, being sexy is only about the body. Being attractive means that when a man considers ALL that you are, including your mind, your heart, your personality and your character, he finds himself gravitating toward you. He may find you beautiful to look at physically as well but what cements his interest in you is who you are as a person, not your wares.
People often say that marriage is a ministry and I agree. However, how you represent Christ with your clothing is a ministry as well. How you dress speaks volumes about how you view yourself and the God you claim to love.
Here is what 1 Timothy 2:8-10 states about modesty:
- “I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in MODEST apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But which becometh women professing godliness with good works.”
Sadly, the standards in the body of Christ are dropping and the worldly culture of immodest attire has crept into the Church. You see it especially at Weddings where even so-called Christian brides try to show as much skin as possible, when the focus should be, not on their body or nakedness but on the spiritual beauty and significance of the union.
Nevertheless, although the standards for modest dress are dropping rapidly in the Church, God’s expectations and high standards remain the same. For, he never changes (Malachi 3:6).
As I have stated before, you can’t expect to get a decent, quality guy and live happily ever after, if you dress like a cheap slut. Quality Christian men are looking for women that know how to dress like the precious royal daughters of God they are. That means keeping their precious assets and body parts covered, in honour to God and to their future husband.
Sometimes, we sabotage our own future happiness by our blatant disobedience. When we deliberately dress to be provocative with our bodies, we are exalting the flesh and not the Spirit of God that is supposed to be in us. We may be Christians but carnal ones and when we exalt the flesh, we can expect to reap nothing but corruption.
Galatians 6:7-8 states, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.”
(Written on 7th August, 2016)