(The Single Woman Series – Batch 3)

On the 20th October, 2017, as a single woman, I wrote:

Sex is not a taboo subject, although at times, we tend to shy away from talking about it. It was created by God and it is beautiful (I am sure) because God blessed it, within the institution of marriage.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about sex (and yes, although I am a single woman and am yet to experience all it entails, I’ve been thinking about it!):

1. It is a significant act.

So much so, that life comes out of it. It therefore ought not to be taken lightly or engaged in recklessly. It is serious business.

2. It should lead you closer to God.

Since God is the creator of sex, our bodies and the one within whom love originated, sex is an experience that should make you feel closer to God and his love, which is only possible when, as a Christian and therefore having relationship with him through his Son Jesus, you engage in the act with God’s approval, blessing and encouragement.

That is why his perfect will is important, in terms of who he wishes for you to marry and to be aligned to. If the sex act when done, did not draw you closer to God, then who or what did it draw you closer to? This is why I cannot just marry anyone or give my body to anyone. I need to feel closer to God after engaging in sex with my husband, one of God’s sons, not farther or estranged from Him.

3. It is much more than just pleasure.

Pleasure is a by-product of sex, I’m sure. That is how God designed it, so that married people would enjoy the act that led to procreation and the population of the world. However, sex is much more than just pleasure. It is about worship, sacrifice, selflessness, mutual submission, vulnerability, unity, patience, a demonstration of love, covenant, a demonstration of the covering role of the man over the woman, humility, acceptance and even forgiveness.

All of these beautiful aspects are what sex, done God’s way and with his blessing is about and what it produces in a marriage that is God-approved. Sadly, what the world and even those who are in marriages that were not approved of by God engage in, only yields pleasure but none of the other things. They therefore sell themselves short of the fullness of what God designed and intended sex to be and the beautiful virtues he intended to yield from it.

4. It is a beautiful thing if done within a marriage and within one that God has orchestrated and sealed with his approval.

It should therefore not be viewed as something dirty or filthy. It is a beautiful thing that the devil and the world have spoiled. It is only ugly and sinful when we don’t wait and engage in it outside of a marriage and therefore, outside of God’s blessing.

5. Outside of the marriage union or even within a marriage that God has not approved of, it could never, in my view, be as fulfilling as a union between a man and a woman that God has personally put together and has given them his stamp of approval.

A couple that God has put together according to his perfect will, get to experience so much more from the sex act than what other random, immoral or wrongful couplings will experience.

This is because sex, when done with 100% God approval, gives a couple, in my view, a small taste of the bliss of heaven.

When two people are genuine Christians and God deliberately brought them into each other’s path, guided them through an honourable courtship that brought him glory and then put them together in a marriage, their lovemaking sends up a sweet fragrance to heaven and brings glory to God. In such a situation, it is not just about two people. It is two people singing a beautiful chorus, so to speak, in a melody that heaven hears, understands and embraces and where God is ultimately glorified in the midst of it.

Sex was therefore intended, once done within a marriage, between two believers of Jesus Christ and according to God’s perfect will, to be a sacred act of worship, as I mentioned before, to the true and living God. By lesser comparison, when it is done outside of a marriage or within a marriage that God never approved of, the goal is likely to be the glorifying of self, the devil and the pleasing of the flesh.

6. It holds a beautiful promise to those that wait on the Lord to send the person that he wants them to marry and who then engage in it after they get married.

The beauty of sex, done God’s way and not according to man’s inferior wisdom is worth the wait. If you take a shortcut other than the path down the aisle that God intended or you marry the wrong person, you will be selling yourself short, as the beauty of sex is only experienced in its fullest form, by those who choose to do things God’s way.

For those who don’t, it is important to note, that sex does not just involve the joining of two bodies. There is a spiritual dimension to it, as it exposes you to the spiritual realm. Whereas sex within a marriage and between two believers therefore, connects that couple with God (who is a Spirit) and his holiness, pre-marital sex and all forms of sexual immorality done outside of God’s protective covering of marriage, exposes you to Satan and his demons. It holds a horrible spiritual curse, that will literally haunt you and mess up your life, until you repent, turn away completely from it, confess your sin to God and ask him to cleanse and forgive you.

As Believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, given that our bodies are not our own but his, we must therefore possess our vessels with honour and sanctification, while we wait on God to experience what he may have in store for us within the wonderful folds of marriage.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-5 states:

  • “Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more.For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God.”


It is important that I note, that although sex done God’s way with the person of whom he approves and within a marriage is beautiful because that is what God intended it to be, it is not everything. That is, the world and life do not revolve around it.

Many times, taking our cues from the world and the bombardment of messages from social media, the television, the internet and radio, we erroneously buy into the thinking that sex is like some god that everybody must aspire to experience and keep experiencing, so that those who know not what it is about are strange, of little worth as human beings and ought to be ashamed.

The truth of the matter is that it is the other way around. It is those that have elevated sex to idol status and that recklessly abuse their bodies by committing fornication, adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, that ought to be ashamed. Unless they repent, they ought to walk with their heads hung low because their actions are despicable and seen as horrendously ugly and sinful in the sight of God.

The world revolves around Jesus Christ, not sex. We must be careful therefore, not to base our lives and our significance and our worth around this act or else sex would be an idol in our hearts, something that God hates.

As beautiful as sex within a marriage that God approves of is it must be put into perspective and given its rightful place. It is important but it is not that important to the extent where you throw caution to the wind and just enter into a marriage union to get to engage in it.

Decisions in life, like whether to get married to a particular person or to remain single, (while not wrong), should not, in my view, be based solely or predominantly on your desire to get to sleep with that person. A marriage based on sex is one that may be in for major disappointment and boredom, as, while I have never been physically joined at the hip with a man, I am certain that sex itself, could never, on its own, build a sustainable, satisfying and enjoyable marriage in the long term. It is certainly a pillar of marriage yes but it is not the core or the essence of marriage.

A woman who is not married and that has not yet had sex should therefore not feel unworthy, like a second-rate human being or lesser as a woman. Society will try to guilt her, to make her feel as if she is missing out and as if she has not yet begun to live life (even as a lady who was shacking up immorally with a man told me some years ago, when she found out, after enquiry, that I was still a virgin). This is the tactic of the devil, who, upset that we have not gone the course of the world and have kept our virginity (although he tried so hard to get us to give it up), want us to mess up our lives as so many others have done.

As a Christian, always remember that your worth is in Jesus Christ, not in a sex act and contrary to the world’s warped beliefs, virginity is and will always be an honourable thing, of high value in God’s eyes and something that pleases him. As God’s royal daughters, we are aiming to please the Lord, not the devil. We are aiming to please the Lord, not ourselves.

It is the desire of my heart, that if I ever am to experience the beauty of sex (and I truly hope that I do!), that at that point and on that day, I would be where I am supposed to be and with who I am supposed to be with because God has orchestrated our union, brought us together, his hand of blessing is upon us and he approves fully of what we do in the marital bed. For me, it is either God’s full-fledged approval or nothing. Until and unless he presents me to who he wants for me according to his perfect will therefore, I will remain single, even if it is a lifetime.

(Written on 20th October, 2017, last paragraph added to thereafter)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be useful, informative, interesting, beneficial or edifying, you may be interested in reading the following:

  • Note 138 -‘Excerpt Of The ‘Conversation’ Of Mr And Mrs Doe – After The Wedding’

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