(The Single Woman Series – Batch 3)
By the grace of God, THE GOD-SENT one will.
I don’t consider myself fussy or picky but given my past hurts and those I have observed from others, I have set a list of safeguards to guard my heart on the road to meeting and marrying THE ONE. When I say THE ONE, I don’t mean my soul mate (I don’t believe in that because as nice as it sounds, it has no scriptural basis) but THE ONE that God has approved of and ordained for and assigned to me for HIS purposes.
When I walk down the aisle on that blessed day in the future that only God knows the date of, it will be with deep respect for the one I am about to marry because that man would have been tried, tested and proven and with God’s strength, emerged victorious.
These are the tests that he would have been put through:
TEST 1 – Whenever he notices me, He MUST be the one to approach me first and not me him. If I see a guy I find attractive, if he doesn’t approach me FIRST, then he has failed before anything even began. If a guy (whether saved or not) is interested in a woman, he WILL approach at some point, even if he is shy, unless he is really, really messed up. If he is really, really messed up, then I don’t want him. If he is a Christian and in that condition, then he still needs to be processed by God. If he is a Christian + is interested in me + is not messed up + God approves of him approaching me, then he WILL do so. It may not be when I want him to or expect him to but he WILL eventually make his way across to me so that God can begin to do his thing.
TEST 2 – He MUST first convey his interest in getting to know me better as in a relationship and with marriage in mind. If he walks up to me and talks to me or even becomes friends with me, yet never expressly and unequivocally indicates that he is interested in pursuing me (and by unequivocally I mean without playing games and dropping subtle hints and all of that nonsense), then that will be the quick end of that.
TEST 3 – He MUST accede to my wish for us to get to know each other for a few weeks or months solely through social mediums and technological forms of communication like the phone, skype, Facebook, whatsapp, etc. without us going out anywhere together or beginning any courtship. This phase is important as I want to be able to assess the extent to which he is spiritually sound and whether we are compatible at a basic level of communication, standards, philosophy, values, beliefs etc. without us having the visual as a distraction or becoming involved or invested in anyway. I don’t want him focusing during that period on how hot I look in my date dress or me on how handsome he looks over dinner but for both of us to assess whether there is any real depth to our attraction for each other and whether the other is really worth entering into a serious courtship. This time spent would serve to also strengthen the relationship and increase the excitement when and if we both, along with the Lord, decide it is time to move forward and commence a courtship. Whoppee!
TEST 4 – He MUST keep his hands and his lips to himself during the courtship (and pretty much until we have said our I Do’s at the aisle if we reach that point). Once the communication phase ends and we begin to formally court, he MUST treat me honourably during that period. By that I mean, he must exercise self-control and NOT try to kiss me on my lips (my forehead and cheek is acceptable) or to touch me in any sexual way and must be careful to keep us both from sinning against God by taking responsibility to ensure that we avoid tempting situations, places and circumstances and that our speech is pure and edifying to each other.
TEST 5 – He MUST be the one to propose to me without any prompting or pressure from me or anyone else. I don’t expect a massive or expensive affair but I expect sincerity, humility, respect, a genuine heart of love that wants to spend the rest of his life with me and yes, I expect him to go down on one knee.
TEST 6 – He MUST accept my conditional acceptance. That is, he must agree to my premeditated answer to his proposal, that as much as I love him and want to be his wife, I can only accept if we have successfully gone through a discussion session (between us only where we discuss the hard questions people avoid asking during the courtship) and a counselling session (where we bring in a third party). If he walks away at this stage, then I will know that he didn’t really want or love me and that his motives for wanting to marry me were not right. This is an excellent test, although very difficult, to examine his heart and what is really in it. This is not an easy test but once he agrees, it will tell me that he is humble, respects me and my wishes, genuinely loves me, sees the spiritual significance of what I have indicated and this will give me further confirmation that he is indeed THE ONE.
TEST 7 – He MUST still want to marry me and me him at the end of the sessions in Test 6 – Despite the good, the bad and the ugly that we have learned about each other and our past in the sessions, we must still believe that our union is God’s perfect will for our lives, still love and accept each other and still be excited about our future nuptials and life together.
So as I indicated previously, the man I marry has to go through these seven (7) hurdles before he can have my hand in marriage. I don’t have them to be difficult but to protect myself and to ensure that we build on a good and solid foundation in Jesus Christ.
When you see him in his tuxedo or whatever he chooses to wear on that special day of our wedding, know that he did not have it easy but God kept him because I was worth it and his name was being glorified in the midst of it.
When THE RIGHT MAN makes it through these hurdles, I can willingly see myself offering my heart to him on our wedding day and all of me on our wedding night and for the rest of our married life because he would have EARNED it.
There is a saying that good things don’t come easy, nor are they cheap. I am convinced that the Lord will cause THE ONE he wants me to marry to see the value in me and equip him with the strength to pass these tests, while using them to grow him even more spiritually.
It may be wishful thinking but it would be all the better if he came with his own tests as well. Whatever his criteria, I am trusting God to pass it with flying colours!
ON A FINAL NOTE:
Ladies, men are still supposed to EARN our hands in marriage. We are not supposed to settle, compromise or give ourselves to him freely or too easily. Jacob in the bible, worked fourteen (14) long years just to marry Rachel, the love of his life. The extent a man is willing to go to get you and to eventually make you his wife, demonstrates the extent of his love for you. If he doesn’t want to work to get you or not too much, then that is a reflection of how he truly feels about you. He may be hyped about your body but he does not love, value, cherish or appreciate you.
Too many women today don’t know their worth and men are having a field day obtaining their services and all sorts of benefits for free without ever putting a ring on their finger and giving them his last name.
I am sorry but if I can’t have your last name, then you can’t have me or any of the benefits reserved for married people. God didn’t create me to be your one night stand, fling partner or baby mama. He created me to be a wife and that is what I am going to be.
Don’t let any man make you sell yourself short. Despite that foolishness I have been hearing over the airwaves in a rap song recently, your price is NOT too high and you DO NOT need to cut it. You need to remember your worth and that you are valuable and kick any man trying to undervalue and under-price you, to the curb.
With that said, to the man that I have not yet been presented to but who I will marry, all of the best with these tests, darling. All of the best! I’ll be faithfully waiting for you when you have successfully completed them all and will wholeheartedly commit to you.
(Written on 23rd October, 2016)