8. I WANT A BABY! WHAT TO DO?

To answer this question, I am first going to insert into this Article, an excerpt of what I wrote some time back in another Article on this website, entitled “THE LIMITATIONS OF MAN”.

I wrote:

It does not matter how much a couple exercises, how healthy they eat, what supplements or health products they take or what technology they resort to for assistance. If God wills a woman to be barren, as he sometimes does, there isn’t a thing that she can do about it. If he wills a couple to not have a child, even if the woman is fertile, there may be a problem with the man’s ability to procreate. Even when the doctors find nothing whatsoever wrong physically or medically with both the man and the woman, sometimes that couple still remains childless because God has not given them conception. This could be for a season until he is ready to grant them a child or children or it could be a lifetime.

I have heard couples and even unmarried individuals boldly stating that they are going to start a family or that they are going to have a particular number of children or that they are ready to have children or talk boldly about the time when they will have children and I am always amazed. How do they know that they will ever get the opportunity to be parents? They behave as if it is something that will definitely happen and as if they are in control of this. However, no one can possibly know beforehand if God will give a woman conception or allow a person to be a parent. They should humbly be saying therefore, if the Lord will or we are trusting the Lord to do this or that or we are hoping by God’s grace to have this or that. The pride in which they often speak though, clearly highlights the fact that they have left God completely out of the equation, as if he has no say in the business of procreation. They have considered him as completely irrelevant to their ambitions.

Some of them only remember him and try to include him, when the years begin to roll on and despite their best efforts, no child comes. Some conceive but don’t ever make it to delivery due to miscarriages and others deliver a baby that is stillborn. At the end of the day, when a live baby comes forth into this world, it is not to be taken for granted. For, it is God that miraculously formed him when in his mother’s womb and breathed into him His spirit of life.

God told Jeremiah the prophet, Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

The scriptures are full of examples of women who had children and in most if not all of those cases, it makes it clear that God was the one that gave conception. He is the one, as the giver of life, that is able to give people children. They can be as physically intimate as they wish, this does not guarantee that they will ever have children.

In Genesis 33:5, when Jacob and Esau met and reconciled after not having seen each other for a number of years, Esau saw Jacob’s children and asked him who they were. In reply, Jacob humbly and truthfully stated, The children which God hath graciously given thy servant.”

Similarly, years later in Genesis 48:9, Joseph had enough sense to know that it was God that had given him the children that he had and not himself. When his father asked him in Genesis 48:8 “Who are these?”, Joseph replied, “They are my sons, whom God hath given me in this place.” (vs.9)

In 1 Chronicles 28:5, David stated:

  • “And of all my sons, (for the Lord hath given me many sons,) he hath chosen Solomon my son to sit upon the throne of the kingdom of the Lord over Israel.”

In 1 Chronicles 25:5, it says of Heman, “And God gave to Heman fourteen sons and three daughters.”

In chapter 26:4-5, it states of Obed-edom who had gotten eight (8) sons:

  • “Moreover the sons of Obededom were, Shemaiah the firstborn, Jehozabad the second, Joah the third, and Sacar the fourth, and Nethaneel the fifth. Ammiel the sixth, Issachar the seventh, Peulthai the eighth: for God blessed him.

Indeed, Psalm 127:3 declares, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is HIS reward.”

While Peninnah was busy laughing at Hannah because she (Peninnah) had children but Hannah was barren and therefore had none, Hannah, knowing full well that it was God that gave conception and the ability to have children and that he could revive any barren womb, went to him and poured out her heart in prayer. She requested of him (no one else) a child and God answered. It says “and Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; and the Lord remembered her.” (1 Samuel 1:19).

This last part was important. By saying that Elkanah knew his wife, meant that he was physically intimate with her. Yet, he had been physically intimate with her on many occasions before, them having been years into their marriage. We know this because it says that Peninnah had children and that for years, she taunted Hannah about her inability to conceive. Yet, their physical intimacy in the past had been futile to produce the results. No child ever came from such a union. However, after Hannah prayed to God fervently and humbly asked him for a child, things changed. God used their physical act to bring about the miracle and allowed Hannah for the first time, to conceive. He also took her through the pregnancy safely, gave her strength to deliver the child, a living child and spared her life in the process.

There is so much that God does in the procreation process but we take it for granted, until we find ourselves in difficulty. If it was not for his grace, the mother of a child could have died in the delivery process, as some women, like Rachel in the Bible did. All and in all, it is God that makes the decision, no matter what physical act human beings engage in, if a healthy living child will come from that union, not man.

In Sarah’s case, although she had been barren for most of her marriage with Abraham and was old in years, God promised Abraham that he would allow her to have a child and made good on that promise.

In Genesis 17:19, it reads, “And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac…” In chapter 21:1-2, at the time that God had purposed, it says, “And the Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did unto Sarah as he had spoken, For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.”

When Isaac was grown and was married, his wife Rebekah had problems conceiving as well. Given that it was God that gave conception and had the ability to open any barren womb, Isaac went to God by faith, even as Hannah had done and prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife.

The scriptures state in Genesis 25:21, “And Isaac entreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was entreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.”

Jacob, the son of Isaac, had two wives initially, Leah and Rachel, two sisters. He loved Rachel though but not Leah. In Genesis 29:31 it says, “And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.”

When Rachel realized that Leah was having babies but she could not, instead of going to God with her petition as Hannah and Isaac had done, she went to her husband in desperation and demanded that he get her pregnant. Of course, him being only a man and only capable of being physically intimate with her but no more, could not. He understood that it was God’s decision to make, whether to allow her to have a child or not. Genesis 30:1-2 states:

  • “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die. And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

It seems that Rachel eventually came to her senses and took her request to God as, some years later, it states in Genesis 30:22-24:

  • And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her and opened her womb. And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach. And she called his name Joseph: and said, The Lord shall add to me another son.”

Indeed, God did give her another son, Benjamin but he did not allow her to survive the delivery. She died in childbirth. Hers was therefore seemingly, a self-fulfilling prophecy, where she earlier on demanded of her husband, when barren, that he give her children or else she would die, disregarding the fact that it was God that had that power and Him alone. She eventually got the children she idolized about having but died right after having her second.

In the New Testament, we also learn of a married couple called Elizabeth and Zacharias, both of whom were righteous before God and obeying his Word (Luke 1:6). Yet, for most of their marriage, they remained childless, although they had prayed to God. It shows that living right before God and him being pleased with your life, does not guarantee that he will give you children at all or in the time that you hope to have them. In their old age though, at the time that God had appointed, he sent an angel to communicate to Zacharias, that Elizabeth would have a child. Verse 13 states, “But the angel said unto him, Fear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elizabeth shall bear thee a son, and thou shalt call his name John.”

God could have had his angel pronounce with such a degree of certainty because HE holds the keys to conception. In fact, he holds the keys over everything, including that which pertains to mankind.

Mankind should therefore remember that he is limited. When it comes to his being born or his bringing other children into the world, none of it could have happened unless God had decided to allow it, whether through his perfect will or his permissible will.

Children coming into the world are not coincidental. If a person conceives and brings a living child into this world, it has only happened because God allowed it. He may not have approved of the path taken towards pregnancy (for example, a woman may have engaged in an act of fornication or adultery, which are sexual immorality and became pregnant as a result). However, the fact that the person conceived, carried the baby to term and delivered it alive, only occurred because God in his sovereignty, decided to permit it to happen, not the sin act but the child being born into the world.

God has the power to close wombs (as he did with Rachel and the people who lived in the household of Abimelech) and he has the power to open wombs, as he did with Sarah, Hannah and Elizabeth.

In the case of Abimelech, the king of Gerar, he had taken Sarah at one point when Abraham and Sarah were staying in his land. He had mistakenly been led to believe that Sarah was not Abraham’s wife, not attached to anyone and therefore, captivated by her beauty, he had taken her for his own.

However, once God revealed to him in a dream that Sarah was another man’s wife and thankfully, before he had committed adultery by sleeping with her, he restored her to Abraham, as it would have been sinful to take a married woman and to have sexual relations with her.

The Word of God then states that Abraham prayed to God and that that in response, God healed Abimelech, his wife and his maidservants. For, from the moment Abimelech had taken Abraham’s wife, as a consequence, God had immediately closed the wombs of all the women in his household and seemingly, had made Abimelech sterile as well. Upon Abraham’s prayer though, he reversed what he had done which was a curse and caused them to be fertile again.

Genesis 20:17-18 states:

  • “So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare children. For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham’s wife.”

God’s involvement, after having formed a baby in the womb, in causing that child to come out safely and alive is also clear in the scriptures. In Job 10:18, Job acknowledged that it was God that brought him forth out of the womb. In his pain, he questioned God as to why he had been born. He said, “Wherefore then hast thou brought me forth out of the womb? Oh that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me!”

David said something similar in Psalm 29:9-11. Giving God all the credit for his birth, he told him, “But thou art he that took me out of the womb: Thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother’s breasts. I was cast upon thee from the womb: Thou art my God from my mother’s belly.

HAVING READ THE ABOVE EXCERPT, IF AS A MARRIED WOMAN YOU DESIRE A BABY, HERE ARE TWELVE (12) POINTS OF ADVICE:

ONE – DON’T FEEL GUILTY for wanting a child or children.

This is a good and wholesome desire for a woman to have and nothing to be ashamed of. By nature, women were created to be nurturers and therefore, it is natural for you to want a baby. As a married woman who wants to please her husband as well, it is understood that you want to give him the gift of fatherhood.

TWO – While wanting a child is not bad, BE CAREFUL NOT TO IDOLIZE THIS DESIRE.

As was seen in Rachel’s case, obsessing over something and elevating it to such a level where you can’t sleep, walk around depressed and are weary even of life without it, is not good. God hates idolatry.

You may consider reading Note 275 under the ‘Single Daughters’ page entitled, “WHAT GOD WANTS US TO DO WITH OUR IDOLS” and Note 146 entitled, “THREE IDOLS IN THE CHURCH – GETTING MARRIED, HAVING CHILDREN AND WORKING A SECULAR JOB”.

THREE – No matter what you want that you do not have, REMEMBER THAT JESUS IS ENOUGH.

You are complete in Him, even on those days when you feel as if you are lacking something or as if there is a void. Colossians 2:10 states, “And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.” Don’t ever lose focus on this truth.

FOUR – AVOID COMPARING with others.

It is important that you stay in your lane, understanding that God’s story for your life will not be the same as that other sister or couple. When you begin to compare your life and what you don’t have to that of others, it makes room for envy, jealousy and resentment to build. The enemy will use that to make you feel as if you have no favour with God, are not loved by him and to even question if you are really saved, when you are. God has a plan for your life and he wants you to trust him to work it out, while focusing in him, nobody else.

There are things that will come easy to some of God’s children and hard for others. That is life and it is entirely okay, as we are all subject to God’s sovereignty.

Even as I write this Article for your edification and benefit, I am still waiting on marriage, God not having yet sent any suitor my way. imagine that! I too have always wanted children but I am not married and there is no suitable Christian prospect that has approached me with any semblance of interest.

Meeting your husband and getting married may have come easy for you but not for me and countless other Christian women. Some of these women may eventually get married after having waited for years and conceive easily, while you, who were graced to enter into marriage early on in life and without having to wait, may be required by God to wait some years before you have a child. Some people never had to wait much for either marriage or children but God may require them to wait or to be deprived in some other area of their lives. It is all a part of our processing as Christians and it is important that we learn the lessons along the way.

You may consider reading Note 244 under the ‘Bible-Believing Daughters’ page entitled, “STAY IN YOUR LANE” and under the ‘Single Daughters’ page, Note 57 entitled, “COMPARISON AND COMPETITION”.

FIVE – Remember, that IT IS GOD THAT GIVES CONCEPTION and allows women to bring forth live and healthy babies into this world, where their lives (the mothers) are spared.

In this realization, nothing is wrong with your looking after your health, exercising and seeing a doctor in the hope that these interventions may help in your desire to conceive but know that no matter what you do in your own effort or how hard you try, no matter how much money you spend or what doctor you see or how much you exercise or how many fruits, vegetables and supplements you and your husband consume, you will only conceive and have a baby if God wills or allows it to happen. If he does not or until he intervenes to grant you, all of what you have done or are doing will not help. You will remain childless.

SIX – AVOID FEELING RESENTFUL OR BITTER AGAINST GOD or giving in to the temptation to WALLOW IN SELF-PITY, OVERWHELMING SADNESS, FRUSTRATION, WORRY AND GRIEF.

Pick up your faith in God and hold on to it tightly. Don’t ever let it go, although you are hurting and feel impatient. Yes you may have never expected that you and/or your husband would be dealing with infertility but life is like that. It throws us curve balls and it serves us lemons. Proverbs 24:10 states, “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.” If you feel weak and hopeless, ask God for the strength to bear this burden and with a right attitude and that his name will be glorified through it.

SEVEN – Given your knowledge of how utterly helpless you are to give yourself a baby but of how powerful God is to do anything, go humbly to him as Hannah did, if you are a Christian and IN PRAYER, BY FAITH, ASK HIM to give you a baby.

Go in faith that he can and will do it, even if it requires a miracle given your age or the medical issues that you and/or your husband may have. For, a prayer to God without faith is a waste of time. Why ask him for something if you doubt that he can do it or don’t believe he will? Hebrews 11:6 states, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

Before going in prayer, consider how your having a baby would bring glory to God. Don’t just think selfishly of yourself. Notice that Hannah told God what she would do to point the glory back to him, if he opened her womb and this pleased God. Her faith, which led to her effectual and fervent prayer, pleased him, along with the promise that she made, that she would give the child over to the Lord.

In fact, so pleased was God by her prayer and her heart, that after he allowed her to have Samuel and he, her firstborn son was given to the Lord, he granted her more children, which she could keep for herself!

In Genesis 25:21, when Isaac (upon whom God had made a promise through Abraham, that he would have children), realized that time was passing and his wife, who God had handpicked for him, was not getting pregnant, he did not try to devise a plan which would involve getting another woman pregnant as his parents Sarah and Abraham had mistakenly done when Sarah was having difficulty conceiving. He did not go to a psychic or any person dealing with the occult, as some people have foolishly done over the years. He did not give up and wallow in self-pity or any other negative emotion.

Instead, he went to the God of heaven and earth, the one who created all things, in prayer on his wife’s behalf. As a result, God heard his prayer and opened up Rebekah’s womb, causing her to have not just one baby but twins! The scripture states, “And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived. And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the Lord. And the Lord said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb…”

On the issue of prayer, you may wish to read Note 14 under the ‘Bible-Believing Daughters’ page, entitled, “PRAYING – HOW TO GET A ‘YES’ FROM GOD”.

On God’s power to do anything, including making a barren woman conceive, you can read Note 4 under ‘Married Daughters’ entitled, “GOD’S POWER – DEFYING THE CULTURAL NORM”.

EIGHT – Be prepared to BE PERSISTENT in your prayer request.

Unless God tells you to stop asking for what you desire, as he did Moses when he kept asking him to enter the Promised Land, God is pleased when you continue to come before him with the same request over and over again, even if you have done it for years! This is because God loves persistence. It demonstrates that you believe that the answer is in him and him alone and that you are depending entirely on him. It also puts your faith on display, as it shows that you truly believe that he is hearing your prayer and is able to grant it.

On the importance of being persistent in prayer over our issues, problems, difficulties and troubles and how God loves it, in Luke 18:1-8, it says of Jesus:

  • “And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint; Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man: And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary. And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man; Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me. And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith. And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?”

If it is his will, God may desire for you to pray for weeks, months and even years, always by faith in him, before he decides to grant you your request. I heard a man who professed Christianity, speaking once of his own experience. He said that he and his wife were childless and that he prayed for years to God for a child but the infertility continued. He said, he one day went to the Lord in prayer and asked him if he was fed up of him coming to him with the same request. He said that after that, God miraculously opened up his wife’s womb and gave them six (6) children, which she bore one after the other in close succession!

For more on the importance of persistence in prayer, you should read the same Note 14 recommended above entitled, “PRAYING – HOW TO GET A ‘YES’ FROM GOD”, where I addressed the issue some more. See also Note 7 under the ‘Bible-Believing Daughters’ page entitled “GOD LOVES PERSISTENCE – FIGHT ON!”

NINE – ENGAGE IN INTROSPECTION. Is your heart right with God?

Consider prayerfully, whether there are areas in your life for which you need to repent. Have you had wrong attitudes? Have you sinned against God in any way of which you are aware but had not yet had godly sorrow over it? Have you wronged someone and have gone on as if you have done nothing? Are you engaging in habits that you know displeases God? Is there someone that you have refused to forgive for something, when you know that you are required to be merciful to others, even as you want God to be merciful to you? Is there someone that has done you nothing but you have harboured a deep dislike for them or have allowed the enemy to infiltrate your mind and delude you into thinking that that person has an issue with you when he or she doesn’t?

Are you humble or do you think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, contrary to God’s Word in Romans 12:3? Do you promote peace or drama, division and contention, especially among God’s people? Are you prone to gossip about and badmouth others or to accuse them before others?

Are you truly submitted to God’s Word or are you rebellious and stubborn? Is Jesus truly at the helm of your life or are you still holding on to the reins of control?

If things are not right in our relationship with God and others, sometimes the brokenness we feel is a blessing and God depriving us of what we want and badly, is good for our spiritual growth and development.

You may be interested in reading Note 64 of the ‘Bible-Believing Daughters’ page entitled “PAIN – GOD’S TOOL FOR OUR SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT”, Note 24 entitled “THE BLESSING OF BROKENESS”, Note 149 entitled “SUFFERING? BAD ATTITUDES THAT WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE” and Note 97 entitled “SEVEN (7) MINDSETS THAT WILL KEEP YOU STUCK IN THE LAND OF STERILITY”. You can also read under the ‘Single Daughters’ page, Notes 43 and 44 entitled, “CLAIMING THE PROMISES OF GOD – PART I AND PART 2” and Note 51 entitled “I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU…”

TEN – Be prepared to ADD BIBLICAL FASTING to your prayer.

This takes your prayer to another level, once done right. It cannot change the mind of God if he is resolved not to grant you a baby but it is something that he takes note of, as it conveys that you are serious, to the point where you are prepared to forego food for your flesh, so as to connect with him on a deeper level spiritually, over your issue.

The issue of fasting and how it can work well in combination with prayer, was also explained in Note 14 entitled “PRAYING – HOW TO GET A ‘YES’ FROM GOD”.

ELEVEN – DON’T STOP PRAISING AND SERVING THE LORD in faithfulness and through Ministry.

Note that before Zacharias was given the mind-blowing news that he and his wife Elizabeth, who had been barren all her life, would finally have a child, he was in the service of the Lord, doing God’s work. As a matter of fact, the scripture states that they were both righteous before God. They continued being faithful to him in service, not allowing the years and shame that came with it of being childless, make them develop resentment or bitterness against him. Luke 1: 5-11 states:

  • “There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judaea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the course of Abia: and his wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless. And they had no child, because that Elisabeth was barren, and they both were now well stricken in years. And it came to pass, that while he executed the priest’s office before God in the order of his course, According to the custom of the priest’s office, his lot was to burn incense when he went into the temple of the Lord. And the whole multitude of the people were praying without at the time of incense. And there appeared unto him an angel of the Lord standing on the right side of the altar of incense.”

On how praise can move God’s hand at times, you should read Note 14 entitled “PRAYING – HOW TO GET A ‘YES’ FROM GOD” where the topic of praise was addressed and also Note 173 of the ‘Single Daughters’ page entitled “CAN SONGS OF PRAISE MOVE GOD TO INTERVENE?”. You can also consider reading Note 210 entitled “PRAISE HIM ALL THE DAY LONG” and Note 26 entitled “MUSINGS FROM THE PIT – PRAISE YOUR WAY OUT…”

TWELVE – SURRENDER THE ISSUE TO THE LORD. LET GO AND LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY, WHATEVER THAT MAY BE.

Accept that God will do whatever he purposes to do and you can’t change that. Love and trust him to the point where even if the answer is to wait or no, that as painfully disappointing as this may be, that you know that God will get you through it and you will be okay. It is not the end of the world if you end up waiting longer to have a child than you had hoped and expected or if God should decide to give you no children.

Undoubtedly, waiting for long periods and deprivation can be painful but come what may, you are more than a conqueror through Jesus that loves you (Romans 8:37).

Childlessness or waiting long for one does not mean that you are of any less worth to almighty God. He loves all of those who are his children but he has different paths and different timelines for them in this life.

Get to the place where you turn it all over to God therefore, your hurt, your disappointment, your hope, your impatience, your shame, everything. Ask him to have his way in the matter, whatever it may be and that, whether he graces you with children or not, that HIS name will be glorified in your story.

Whether it is that you will have children one day after waiting a while or not, you can still be joyful in your current season. You can still do life and well, to the honour of God. In Isaiah 54:1, it states, “Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.

(Written on 06th October, 2024)

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