61. HEARTBREAK – WE BROKE UP!

(The Called To Be A Wife Series – Batch 3)

Sometimes, even as Christians, life throws us curve balls. We may have been courting (dating) someone that we were sure was God’s will for our lives and planned to marry, only to have that relationship end suddenly and our heart dashed into a million pieces. Alternatively, we may have been interested in someone and fancied that this was God’s will for our lives based on signals we received but it may have turned out that that person was not the one for us.

Many times when we think God chose someone for us, it wasn’t him but our own self-will. If it doesn’t work out therefore, we ought never to blame him but ourselves, for not seeking his will and his wisdom in the matter from the beginning and for not waiting on His answer.

Today, I typed up some advice I wanted to give a male brother in the Lord, whose relationship with another sister in the Lord had gone kapunt. It took him by surprise, as he never saw the breakup coming. He knew that there were issues to be addressed because they were both imperfect individuals but he never thought that she would end things. Yet, she did.

As someone who suffered serious disappointment, when a man I once thought was most likely God’s will for my life, turned out to not be, I know firsthand how much this can hurt. Yet, I am so grateful today that God did not allow me to go in that direction. Once you have the Lord as your strength, he always enables you to bounce back and to praise him for his wisdom.

The brother in the Lord has not given up on the situation and is trying to reach out to his ex-girlfriend, although his communication channels are limited because she has pretty much blocked him everywhere she could. Notwithstanding, he has decided to send her a letter and some other stuff by way of post and is now awaiting the outcome.

I decided that, if the package comes back because the recipient refused to accept it or she accepted it but still chooses not to contact him and not to reconcile (which is her entitlement), I would send him my advice which I listed in points.

Given that these points are applicable in any breakup when it comes to God’s children, I decided to share them here. Of course, for confidentiality purposes, when it comes to the names of people, I will only refer to them by fictitious letters of the alphabet. I have also changed things up as if the advice was to a woman about her breakup and not to a man. Other than that, the exact wording has been copied and pasted here.

POINTS TO NOTE AFTER A BREAKUP, WHERE YOU ARE INTERESTED IN RECONCILIATION

Dear Daughter of God,

• POINT 1 – It makes no sense to fight a dead horse which is what the situation will be, if it is not God’s will for you to be together. You will just be wasting effort, time and energy to no avail because it will not work;

• POINT 2 – You have done all you can and prayed about it. Now, leave it in the hands of God. If it is his will for you to be together, he will work things out in HIS own time. He could give him a change of heart 6 months from now, or not;

• POINT 3 – Given that you don’t know the outcome or the future but God knows, just rest in Jesus and let HIM have HIS way, whatever it may be. Focus on Him, remember your first love which is Him and remember that he is a jealous God. He wants nothing and no one, not even X to come before Him and his importance in your life;

• POINT 4 – As you pursue after Jesus alone and spend time in His Word, ask him to reveal character issues with you that you need to fix and to help you fix them, not for a man but for HIM. Use the time to therefore work on yourself with his help and to repent in any areas that his Word reveals you need to repent, not in your treatment of X but in life in general;

• POINT 5 – Ask him to only keep you hoping that things would work out if he wants you two together but if not, to remove the hope from your mind, to heal your wounds and to help you move on;

• POINT 6 – Know that if it is his will to provide someone else for you, that this will be best (even if you don’t want to hear that right now). God never makes mistakes, even when we hurt. If he has someone else for you, you will not be at the altar with regret, thinking that you had wanted X instead. Because God provides exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever imagine or think, the person, though imperfect, will not be better than X or Y or anyone else but will be perfectly suited to you because he has been handpicked by God for you and he knows both of you inside out. You will be saying, thank God I did not end up with X or Y or anybody else because whatever God does, he does well;

• POINT 7 – Remember therefore, that whatever the outcome, you will be okay. You will feel better and be able to look back on this situation (with or without X) content with where God has you and without feeling sad about it.

(Written on 1st September, 2021)