29. WHY I DON’T FANCY CASUAL WEDDINGS

(My One Day Dream Wedding Series)

Weddings don’t need to be opulent, extravagant and expensive. However, I have noticed a trend in contemporary society where the formality and nobility that once existed for such an honourable affair is going out the door, even in Christian circles.

For many, a Wedding is now viewed as a casual, laid back and simple every day affair and people have even begun to dress casually. This casual vibe has been reflected to a large measure in some of the Wedding themes that people use, which can be hilarious and sometimes downright disrespectful to the institution. It is as if society has begun to view Marriage, which God calls honourable, to be a joke and so the day is treated as not important or even worse, as a comedy.

However, while people should dress according to their means and a Wedding should be planned according to what the couple can afford and based on their own tastes and wishes, I am of the view that the whole casual trend or vibe which is fast catching on and becoming more and more popular is on a spiritual level, a strategy by the enemy, to undermine the significance, sacredness, seriousness and beauty of what a marriage, a one-time milestone event and an institution that God has declared in his Word to be honourable, represents.

No matter how society today may try to downplay it, marriage is not and will never be an every day affair. It is not about throwing one hell of a party and then going home afterward with your best friend. It is the joining together of two individuals who, if they are Christians, the Lord intends to use mightily to demonstrate the love relationship that the Lord Jesus Christ has for the Church and for his Kingdom purposes. It is the start of a whole new family, out of which (if it is God’s will), a new generation will come forth. It is the vehicle through which God desires to have Ministry, the husband and wife coming together to be blessed by each other and to be a blessing, serving as inspiration to others and promoting God’s Kingdom agenda.

Although a formal Wedding with all the frills is no guarantee that the consequent Marriage will be successful, I fear that a casual approach to Weddings, where anything goes and the atmosphere is light, laid back, cavalier and a time where everybody just chills (just like what takes place in an outdoor barbecue event), may lead to a casual, cavalier, anything goes approach to Marriages as well.

When I look in the scriptures and I compare how Marriages were back then to how they are becoming now, it is clear that we are slowly moving away from the formality and grandeur of what previously existed.

Don’t get me wrong. A couple can have whatever kind of Wedding they decide to have and having a casual Wedding is not a sin.

However, when I look in the Bible, I see that Marriage back then was a formal affair, both in the Old and New Testament. It was viewed as very important, so much so, that by New Testament times, it was expected that the finest quality of wine would be served to guests.

For example, at the Wedding in Cana, where Jesus, his mother and his disciples attended, when the wine ran out, it was embarrassing to those hosting the Wedding, so much so, that Jesus had to be sought to save the day. Upon his instructions, a miracle was performed and he did not create any old tasting, low quality wine. For, he knew that Weddings were a quality affair and understood that people wanted to put forward their best. When the miracle had been performed and the governor of the feast, a man of high societal standing, had been given a cup, the quality of the wine that Jesus made from water was so much higher than what was initially served, that the Bible states:

  • “When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.”

It was also clear that in the Bible days, guests were invited to what appears to be a high quality affair and a grand supper. The bride was not attired in any old outfit or casual clothing either. She did not wear slippers as I’ve seen some brides doing now at casual beach weddings. She made it her business to look the very best she possibly could and to wear very high quality, precious material. She aimed to look classy, honourable and beautiful, for she was about to be the bride of the bridegroom, in an honourable affair!

Psalm 45 which is titled: ‘A Song of loves’, speaks about a bride who is about to be presented to her spouse, a king and of the fine material that she is arrayed in for that day. In verses 9 and 11-15, it refers, in my view, to the bridesmaids, the guests and the bride, who, like the person she is about to marry is of regal identity. This is true of any bride today that has been redeemed by the blood of Christ and is therefore a child of God. For, from the moment she was accepted in God’s royal family through her belief in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, God’s Son, she became royalty and in my view, this should be reflected in the way she dresses, especially on her Wedding Day.

Psalm 45 reads:

  • “Kings’ daughters were among thy honourable women: upon thy right hand did stand the queen in gold of Ophir…So shall the king greatly desire thy beauty: for he is thy Lord; and worship thou him. And the daughter of Tyre shall be there with a gift; even the rich among the people shall entreat thy favour. The king’s daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold. She shall be brought unto the king in raiment of needlework: the virgins her companions that follow her shall be brought unto thee. With gladness and rejoicing shall they be brought: they shall enter into the king’s palace.”

On the whole, you get the idea that a Marriage back in the Bible days was no simple affair. It was fancy, it was formal, it was high quality and it was significant. In fact, Revelations 19: 7-8 in speaking of the relationship of the Church (which is likened unto a bride) and Christ (which is the bridegroom) states:

  • “…for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in FINE linen, clean and white: for the FINE linen is the righteousness of saints.”

In Ezekiel 16:8-14, the Lord, in speaking through the Prophet of the spiritual marriage covenant he had entered into with Israel, his chosen people, referred to fine quality material and fine jewelry of the bride. This was definitely not a casual, ‘anything goes’ affair, as is the trend today.

The scripture states:

  • “Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord God, and thou becamest mine. Then washed I thee with water; yea, I thoroughly washed away thy blood from thee, and I anointed thee with oil. I clothed thee also with BROIDERED work and shod thee with badgers’ skin, and I girded thee about with FINE linen and I covered thee with SILK. I decked thee also with ORNAMENTS, and I put BRACELETS upon thy hands, and a CHAIN on thy neck. And I put a JEWEL on thy forehead, and EARRINGS in thine ears, and a beautiful CROWN upon thine head. Thus wast thou decked with GOLD and SILVER; and thy raiment was of FINE linenand SILKand BROIDERED work; thou didst eat FINE flour, and honey, and oil: and thou wast exceeding beautiful, and thou didst prosper into a kingdom. And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord God.”

Every bride is entitled to decide what kind of Wedding she wants and if the casual affair is what she desires, then she can certainly do that. However, I see something different and much more solemn and formal for what existed for God’s chosen people in the Bible days and for me personally, I envision a Wedding that is so close to the scriptures, that it brings them to life in my love story.

I believe in the sacredness of Marriage and for me, it is definitely not a casual affair but a very special, once-in-a-lifetime event. I therefore want a certain level of formality, excellence and beauty to reflect that, as I see clearly occurred in the Bible days but of course, within reasonable monetary means.

I want to put my best foot forward on that Day, should God permit and I want it to be a high quality affair. I don’t want people putting on any old thing and behaving in any old way at my Wedding. People have every day to do that. The casual vibe is for a birthday party or some other less important affair.

On my Wedding Day, should God be so gracious as to bless me with one, I want everyone to be on their best manners, as they would certainly be on, if they were invited by the Queen of England for dinner. See, a Wedding involving God’s daughter and his Son is much greater and grander than being invited to dinner with the Queen. For, Jesus will be present (provided the union is approved of by him) and He is far greater than any earthly royalty.

I envision a Wedding conducted in the presence of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and therefore, high quality is the general theme I want for that day.

As stated before, it doesn’t have to be expensive and it must be within our means but by the grace of God, I am trusting him to provide for the vision. What I want and have dreamed of is not necessarily extravagance but solemnity and formal excellence.

(Commenced on 21st June, 2018; Completed on 10th September, 2020)

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