(The Courting or Engaged Series)
Below, I have outlined fourteen (14) reasons why, in my humble view, you should keep yourself from casually and mindlessly dating around and from engaging in sexually related acts (even kissing), until you are married. This is especially relevant to the Christian woman.
You may not agree with them all, especially the kissing part. That is okay. We can agree to disagree. The reasons I have advanced below though are what I feel strong conviction about when I consider God’s character and how I believe he views the issue.
FOURTEEN (14) REASONS TO KEEP YOURSELF UNTIL MARRIAGE
1. It is God’s perfect will for us to keep sex and all sexually related actions for marriage. This has been made clear in his Word. We are commanded by him to flee fornication and to not engage in any kind of sexual immorality before marriage. To do so would be to disobey God and reap dire consequences;
2. While being within a marriage is not a safeguard against sexually transmitted diseases, engaging in sexual acts outside of the marriage, increases the likelihood of you catching one or more of them;
3. You can get pregnant and this can change the trajectory of your life and your ambitions for it, forever. If you get pregnant, there is no guarantee that the man who impregnated you is going to marry you. In fact, many men leave women that they are not married to, soon after they give birth to a child. Being unmarried and with a child, makes it even more difficult (although not impossible with God) for you to be shown interest by a good and upstanding Christian man, who is intentional and marriage-minded. Most men would prefer that the women they marry don’t come with the baggage of a child or children from a previous relationship. Contrary to popular belief, virginity is highly desirable among good, God-fearing Christian men and so is a decent Christian woman that does not come with children.
4. You cannot erase your past. Once done, it is done. If you repent, God forgives and cleanses you but your past is still your past and you may find yourself battling guilt and shame for years after, until and unless God delivers you from these.
5. If you are a Christian, it can ruin or undermine your testimony for those observing your life and it also undermines your Ministry due to you dealing with guilt or people viewing you in lesser estimation. Even after you have repented, confessed and God has forgiven you, you may have trouble forgiving yourself and the devil is always there to remind you of what you did. This may make you feel like you are not good enough to re-enter into Ministry and that you are the worst sinner in the entire congregation.
6. Your reckless decisions can affect others, outside of just you and the person or persons you got sexually involved with, including your parents, who may be hurt by your actions.
7. Living impurely is downright dangerous. Whether or not you are a Christian, God could decide to take you out of the world suddenly, as a consequence of your sin.
8. Issues from your past can have residual effects that haunt you for a long time into your future. For example, images may be difficult to erase once impressed upon your mind and you may find yourself dealing with other spiritual issues that arose from the actions you took in the past, which you had not bargained for, like bitterness, anger, resentment, non-forgiveness, depression, feeling of worthlessness, emotional ties, jealousy, envy, addictions, further temptations, desires to rekindle the connection although you know it is not of God and unwholesome thoughts. Once again because you have given the devil a foothold in your life through your sexual actions, he will try to use it mercilessly against you for a lifetime, if he can. These fruit of the flesh require deliverance by God.
9. It impairs your relationship with God. The closeness of your walk with God is damaged whenever sin rears its ugly head. Your hedge of protection may therefore be removed, which renders you vulnerable to anything, including hardship in life, attacks from the enemy, lack of progress, depression and the chastening of God which can be quite painful. Thankfully, there is forgiveness with God if you genuinely repent before him but sometimes, even after you have been forgiven, consequences for your actions (like having a child that you can’t send back or losing out on the man that God would have presented you to, for the purpose of marriage, had you waited on Him), remain.
10. Meeting an ex or someone you were involved with to any extent in the past is awkward and embarrassing, whether you are both still single when you happen to see each other or one of you are or you are both married. It is especially embarrassing and awkward when you happen to meet each other, in the presence of your respective spouses. What do you say? How do you introduce each other? Do you pretend not to know each other at all? All of this could have been avoided, if you had kept your hands and your lips to yourself, until marriage.
11. It is difficult to break the news that you have previously engaged in sexual activity, to a Christian guy that you really like, when he has upheld the purity principle. Even if he hasn’t, before you find this out, it can cause you tremendous worry and discomfort, as to how he will take the news that you have a past and if he will not want to have anything to do with you, after you tell him. Hiding it from him is a bad idea, as this is not a good foundation for a marriage, should the relationship reach that far.
12. It is discomforting to know that when a person that you were involved with to any extent gets married, they inform their spouse of everything and I mean every little thing that you both did, when you would obviously prefer that they don’t. However, they are obligated to their spouse to let them know of their past and all the persons that they were involved with and to what extent. Once again, this embarrassment could have been avoided if you had preserved your lips, your hands and your body for marriage. This could also extend to the friends and other family members of the person you were involved with. You could find yourself wondering whenever you see one or more of them, whether the person informed them of what you both did. This can lead to awkwardness on your part and you can’t exactly ask them if they know.
13. Not only can there be residual issues from your past but it can affect the person that you are married to in the future. It can create insecurity and other serious issues within the courtship, the marriage and the marriage bed.
14. The marital bed is all the more sweet when you both kept yourself for each other. I know this because it is God’s way and God’s way is the most beautiful, without comparison. There is a special blessing and beauty, when a husband and wife do things God’s way. After all, he is the author of sex and sexual relations. It is my firm belief therefore, that purity leads to a more sexually satisfying and intimate union, in marriage.
Dear Daughter of God,
If you have not kept yourself entirely, you are not hopeless. No matter the situation, once you are sorry for your sins and repent before God, he will forgive you. Go to him in prayer now and confess what you have done. Let him know that you are sorry for your sin and ask him to forgive you. Then, turn away from that sin forever.
In addition, it is important to note that some healing, like deliverance from guilt and shame, may only come when you confess what you have done to other Christians, who genuinely care about your spiritual development, in whom you can safely confide and who can give you sound advice and pray with you.
Ask God for help in locating such a person or persons and go speak to them about the issue. It may be advisable to meet with at least two such persons at one time, as opposed to just one person, who may feel burdened with the responsibility of what you have shared.
Finally, know this: It is God’s will that you be restored and that you not stay in the place that you fell. The Word of God says that if you confess your sins, he is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9)
If on the other hand, you have been keeping yourself but are tempted to give in and to engage in sex or any sexually-related activity due to peer pressure, your age, curiosity, that guy you are currently seeing or any other reason, do NOT give in. In fact, if you are a Christian and the guy you are seeing is pressuring you to have sex or to engage in any sexual-related activity, then I can tell you from now, that he is NOT God’s will for your life. Let him go. God will never send you a man that wants you to disobey God, so as to please him.
The temptation is a ploy by the devil to mess up your life. The temporary pleasure is not worth a lifetime of pain and regret, as many women wishing they were still in your shoes, can attest.
Keep yourself. Your purity is precious and of great price to God. 1 Thessalonians 4:4 states of the standard required for believers in Jesus Christ: “That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification.”
If you are a Christian, make sure a good man that loves God, walks you down the aisle first before he gains access to your body. It was always God’s intention that sexual relations and all sexual-related activity be reserved for marriage only.
Wait on God even when it seems difficult and your curiosity is at an all time high. Ask him for strength on the days that you feel weak and find yourself longing for intimacy.
God is faithful and makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
(Written on 30th May, 2018)