21. DOES HE ‘LOVE’ YOU OR ‘LUST’ YOU?

(The Courting or Engaged Series)

Can you tell the difference between the two watches above? What’s the difference, you may ask. Well, one is the authentic watch made by the stated manufacturer whereas the other is a cheap imitation.

This brings me to my topic for today. One of the key tactics used by the devil is imitation. From the Bible days to now, he has always tried to pass off a false thing for the real thing with something that looks pretty close. However, that false thing, while closely resembling the real thing is pure evil because whereas the genuine thing originated from God who is good, the false thing comes from the devil, in whom is no good at all. On the surface, that false thing looks like the real thing and it is created by the enemy to deceive the naive with the intention of ultimately destroying their lives and their souls.

To tell the difference between THE REAL THING and THE IMITATION, we have to stick close to the Word of God which does an excellent job of distinguishing any two closely resembling things. We also need to ask the Lord for discernment, trusting the Spirit that has been placed in us (if we are true Christians), to guide us into all truth.

The Bible states in 1 John 4:1: “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” John 16:13 also gives Christians that are submitted to God’s Word, the assurance that: “…when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth…”

As different verses in the Bible reveal, the devil has created many imitations to try to get people to go down the wrong path. He has created a false gospel, false Christs, false teachers, prophets and preachers, false faith and false professors of Christ.

For example, the Bible has given us the TRUE GOSPEL of salvation for the soul through belief in the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ, confession with the mouth that he is Lord and thereby, accepting the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross when he died for us. Yet, the devil has succeeded in creating and promulgating FALSE GOSPELS that care nothing about people’s souls and where they will spend eternity. Those gospels deceive people into thinking that they need to focus on the here and now, encourage materialism, prosperity, selfishness and self-advancement and change the doctrine clearly set out in the Bible, according to people’s own man-made desires.

The Lord has provided for his children to be fed spiritually and for the unsaved to hear the gospel by raising up TRUE TEACHERS AND PREACHERS of his Word. However, as existed in the Bible days, the devil has also raised up many FALSE TEACHERS, PREACHERS AND PROPHETS today, who do not promote the truth but their own and the devil’s agenda.

The Bible also presents the Son of God, the TRUE CHRIST who is the Saviour of the world, who came to earth, died for our sins many years ago and then was raised from the dead. Not to be deterred, the devil has once again tried to deceive people through imitation, by raising up FALSE CHRISTS in the form of evil men, some of which have since died and some of which are still to be unleashed on the world at a future time, who have fooled and will continue to fool people into thinking that they are Christ. He has also gotten many to create a FALSE CHRIST in their minds, that is not accordance with the Christ in the Bible, this false Christ only being concerned about blessing them with riches, promotion and the ‘good things’ in life, yet never demanding their complete obedience or punishing their sin. This false Christ of their imagination, also misleads them into thinking that they will never suffer at all in this life and that if peradventure they do, it is not God’s will but the devil’s.

Whereas the Bible encourages the true followers of the Lord Jesus Christ to have ENDURING FAITH which lasts until the end, the devil has also created an IMITATION FAITH that does not last but fails when trials, the cares of this life, pleasures and riches come, as distractions. These two types of faith are best demonstrated in the lives of Job and his wife. Whereas Job had enduring faith and could therefore bow and worship God when he faced adversity, his wife who had imitation faith, encouraged him to curse God and die.

Whereas the Lord Jesus has planted TRUE CHRISTIANS all over the world (referred to as ‘wheat’ in the Bible), the devil has busily sown FALSE PROFESSORS OF CHRIST (‘tares’) among them, so that even in a Church that God approves of, there are a mixture of people: Some who are genuinely abiding in Christ and are therefore saved and some who are simply pretending to be Christians or have deceived themselves into believing that they are when they have never truly surrendered their lives to the Lordship of Christ and do not obey his New Testament commands.

THE DEVIL’S CONTINUED TACTIC OF IMITATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

When it comes to the area of relationships, it is no different. The devil has not just orchestrated for counterfeits to come along to try to derail the Christian but he also deceives people by trying to have LUST pass for LOVE.

As I indicated in a previous Article, in the country where I reside, women are being physically abused and killed frequently by their boyfriends and even husbands and this is mainly due to them having entered into a relationship with men who never LOVED them but LUSTED them.

For women, it is sometimes hard for us, as hopeless romantics, to tell the difference between these two. That is why we need to keep our heads in the Word of God. In his book the Bible, all of the answers to our questions are contained, making the distinction between the two very clear. It is only if you know your Word however, that you would be able to tell the two apart.

In this Article, I am going to examine the characteristics of ‘lust’ versus ‘love’, using the story of Amnon and Tamar in 2 Samuel 13:1-19, which was clearly a LUST story, although Amnon thought it was love and then Corinthians 13, which is about LOVE.

LUST

Lust is an extreme longing or insatiable desire to have something for yourself, not so that it can be of benefit to anyone but yourself. It can for example, be a strong desire to have more money or in the case of human relationships, it may be an excessively strong sexual desire on the part of one person, for another, due to physical attraction.

SOME CHARACTERISTICS OF LUST BASED ON AMNON AND TAMAR’S STORY IN 2 SAMUEL 13:1-19

1. Lust is ill-tempered, irritable, easily angered or provoked

What Amnon felt for Tamar was so strong and obsessive, that it made him irritable, angry and upset. The Bible states “And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard to do any thing to her.” (vs. 2)

2. Lust is not healthy and it causes a man to be so obsessed with someone, that it can make him sick both physically and mentally

It is not unusual for a man harbouring lust for a woman, to get to the point where he is depressed, suicidal, paranoid or psychotic. The Bible states “And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar…” (vs. 2)

3. Lust focuses solely on the exterior physical attributes of a woman

Lust is usually based on the exterior physical looks or body structure of a woman and not her inner character or worth. The man usually wants her badly, solely because he likes how she looks and this turns him on sexually. The Bible states “And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.”

4. Lust is self-deceptive

The person who has lust in his heart for a woman, often mistakenly thinks that he is in love with her. Amnon did not love Tamar but thought he did. The Bible states “And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her… And Amnon said unto him (Jonadab), I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister” (vs. 1)

5. Lust clouds judgment, throws reason out the door and is usually perverted in that it flouts the laws of God

It was clearly prohibited in the times that Amnon and Tamar lived (as it is now), for a man to have sexual relations with his sister or to take her as his wife. Yet, in his lust, Amnon had no regard for the laws of God and did not allow reason to reign. He only focused on the strong sexual passion he felt for her, although he knew that she was his half-blood relative sister. The Bible states “…And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar” (vs. 4)

6. Lust is deceptive, dishonest, underhanded, sneaky, secretive, conspires, plots evil and is manipulative

In order to quench his lust, Amnon with the advice of his friend Jonadab, conspired secretly to outsmart both king David his father and Tamar, the objective being to get her from where she was safely abiding, to his house and into his bed.

The Bible states “And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it and eat it at her hand. So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand. Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon’s house, and dress him meat. So Tamar went… And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber that I may eat of thine hand… And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.” (vs. 5-8, 10-11)

7. Lust focuses on the right now and worries about the consequences later

In hatching his plan to sleep with Tamar and carrying it out, Amnon threw every consequence to the wind. He gave no thought to the fact that sleeping with his own sister would result in public disgrace on the family, which was at that time, the royal family. He did not consider that, as a Prince, he would be setting a bad example, not just in having sex outside of marriage but also for raping a woman, who wasn’t just any woman but the king’s daughter and engaging in incest.

He did not consider that his brother Absalom, who was the full blood sibling of Tamar, would be upset and angry with him if he slept with Tamar, nor did he seem to care that he would have to deal with the anger of his father, David, who also happened to be Tamar’s father. He did not even consider that the act would make him lose favour with God which is a dangerous position to be in. Furthermore, he did not consider the possibility that Tamar could get pregnant outside of wedlock from the incident (given that they had no forms of contraceptives back then) or that he could possibly even face death for his crime, although he was the king’s son.

8. Lust is usually willing to sacrifice anything and anyone (even the person to whom the lust is directed), so as to obtain the thing lusted after and it uses whoever it needs to use, to fulfil its purpose

Amnon shamelessly used his own father who was the king of Israel, in his plot to get to sleep with his sister Tamar. He pretended to be ill in bed, so that the king, his father, would be notified and come to pay a visit. When the king came, he then used king David’s position of authority as the head of the household, to instruct Tamar to come and make cakes for him to eat.

The Bible states: “So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand. Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, God now to thy brother Amnon’s house, and dress him meat.”

9. Lust is not logical and considerate but selfish and self-centred

Lust lives in a world of ‘me’, ‘myself’ and ‘I’. It is selfish. It operates with the ideology: Outside of me, there is no purpose for your life. This is idolatry. It requires a person to only consider his wants, his desires and nothing or nobody else, not even God. For, all lust sees is ‘me’ and nobody else. It aims to satisfy itself at all costs irrespective of the outcome.

Although Tamar was Amnon’s sister, she was of the view, when she realized Amnon’s intention and given his extreme sexual desire for her, that king David would permit him to marry her (although she was his half-sister). She therefore suggested this as an alternative to the rape that Amnon was hell-bent on carrying out, in an attempt to reduce the ugliness of the situation, so that at least what Amnon wanted to do would be carried out within a marriage and perhaps only to secure her escape.

However, Amnon did not entertain the idea. In his mind, it was all about him and fulfilling his desire. In the world which revolved only around him, he had suffered enough and he was not prepared to wait a moment longer. He desired eagerly the gratification of his carnal appetite and he had clearly vowed to himself that absolutely nothing, not even Tamar’s own protest, would keep him from that which he had even gotten sick over, which was to join his flesh with hers.

Interestingly, if Amnon had loved Tamar as he deludely thought he did, he ought to have welcomed the idea of marrying her and therefore getting to be with her and protect her for a lifetime. However, he did not want the commitment, for he did not truly love her. He only wanted her body.

Scarily, some may think that if a man wants a woman so badly, that he must be in love with her. However, clearly, this desire he had had nothing to do with love or else he would have refrained himself and listened to what she was saying. He would have considered her feelings, sought her best interest instead of what HE wanted, would not have attacked her physically and forced her to have sex with him.

10. Lust lacks self-control, is hasty and impatient

Lust aims to satisfy itself at all costs and quickly, even if there may be a longer, more acceptable route, to establishing the same outcome. There is no waiting patiently or refraining oneself with it. It wants what it wants and it wants it now.

It does not take the proper route because that route is considered to be too long and too difficult. It always looks for shortcuts and ways to circumvent the system because it has no self-control. It has a now mentality and always wants to rush.

Notice how this differs from Jacob in the Bible, who clearly loved Rachel and worked for her father for fourteen long years for her hand in marriage (because that was the bar set by her father). He loved her so much, that he was prepared to wait until it was permissible for him, not to have a sexual fling with her but to make her his wife.

11. Lust doesn’t care at all about the well-being and happiness of the woman that is the object of the lust

Although Amnon claimed to love Tamar, he clearly didn’t. For, he did not care that she would have to bear the shame and disgrace forever, of having had sex outside of a marriage, by force and to her own brother. He fully knew, given the culture back then, that once a woman had been raped, she could never be given in marriage to any other man ever again. Yet, he plotted to spoil Tamar’s life forever, so as to satisfy his strong urge to have her sexually. In his mind, spoiling her life permanently, to satisfy his temporary pleasure was worth it.

As a beautiful young woman, she would most likely have fondly thought of the day when she would marry the man of her dreams and have a family of her own. Yet, all of her hopes were suddenly dashed by Amnon’s dastardly act. She could never get married ever and although she was still young and beautiful, had to resign herself to a life of sadness, shame, depression, singleness, no family of her own and no children.

Although she was a virgin and had therefore also never had a sexual experience with a man, in his selfish lust, Amnon did not consider this but forced her. Her first and last sexual experience was therefore devoid of love, was nothing but traumatic and a nightmare, that was most likely going to affect her for as long as she lived.

The Bible states “…he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly. And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? And as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel…Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.” (vs. 11-14)

The Bible states of Tamar’s grief after the horrific incident: “…she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king’s daughters that were virgins apparelled…And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying…So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.” (vs.18-20)

12. Lust refuses to take no for an answer

Tamar refused to sleep with Amnon, which she was entitled to do but he refused to take no for an answer and therefore raped her.

The Bible states: “…he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me...; Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.”(vs. 11-14)

13. Lust has the potential to become violent or explosive

Lust is not gentle and patient. Amnon did not care that in forcing his sister to have sex with him, he was hurting her physically. Although the scriptures give no details, it is clear that if he forced her, he may have hit and wrestled violently with her in the process, as she tried to escape. It is implied from the scriptures that the actual sex act would not have been gently done either, resulting in further damage to Tamar, who was a virgin and for whom this was a first time experience.

The Bible states: “…he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me;…Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.” (vs. 11-14)

14. Lust is disrespectful

Amnon was disrespectful to Tamar, in her capacity as his sister, as a woman, as a daughter in Israel, as the daughter of his father, the king of Israel and as a person. When he invited her to come and lie with him, he clearly had not an ounce of respect for her sense of decency and dignity. He gave no thought to fact that she, had it not been for him messing up her life, would have surely been somebody’s wife and the mother of somebody’s children. He had no respect for the fact that she was attired in virginal attire and that she was therefore no slut or concubine but a chaste daughter of the king.

He completely disregarded her protest and after he raped her, he insultingly told her to get up and be gone. When she pleaded with him that he take responsibility for his actions, he instructed his servant to put her out the property, disdainfully referring to her, not as his sister but “this woman” and to lock the door behind her.

The Bible statesHowbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her…And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.” And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her. Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me and bolt the door after her (vs. 11-17).

15. Lust loves a fling but doesn’t like to stick around for any long term consequences

Lust hates commitment, becomes bored very quickly and once it has been satisfied, it usually discards the woman to which it has lusted after. This is why there are so many ‘baby mamas’ in the world today. The men duped them into thinking they loved them and would commit to them for a lifetime, when they were only really lusting after their bodies.

In the Old Testament times, the law given to the Israelites was clear, that if a man had sex with a virgin that was not engaged to anyone, that he had to get married to her. Deuteronomy 22:28-29 states:

  • “If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.”

Tamar therefore, in trying to do damage control, hoped that at least after the wicked act had been carried out by Amnon against her, that he would at least do the honourable thing and marry her, according to the law. However, Amnon having fulfilled his lustful desire, wanted no such thing. He wanted a fling and he had got it and now, he could not even bear to have Tamar on the same compound as himself and had her thrown out by his servant.

The Bible states “…He being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her…And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her. Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me and bolt the door after her (vs. 14-17)

Some men behave in this way soon after they have gotten a woman to sleep with them or after they have had sex with her a number of times and they finally get bored of her. Some men however, marry the woman for reasons that they alone know but then are bored in the marriage and look elsewhere.

Some remain faithful in the marriage but because love was not the foundation upon which it was built but lust, they are not emotionally attached to their spouse and are distant. Fortunately for a few, although the relationship and resulting marriage was built on lust, they both come to this realization, humbly admit it and with God’s help (if they allow him to enter the picture), they are able to begin to build a brand new foundation inside the marriage, where they learn to love each other. This is no easy task however and for it to succeed, it requires a strong desire from both parties, for the marriage to work.

16. Lust for a woman is purely sexual in nature and temporary in duration

The strong desire that the man usually has for the object of his lust is nothing more than a pent up, strong physical attraction and excessive sexual desire. Unlike love which never ceases, the interest lust has for a woman is temporary. For, a man in lust cares not about the woman’s soul, her personality, her problems, her character, her God-given purpose or her inner worth. He is only preoccupied with joining himself with her body and having full control over it and when he gets that control and temporary high, he is no longer interested in her.

The Bible states “And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard to do anything to her…but being stronger than she, forced her and lay with her… And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone (vs. 2,14-15)

17. Lust, although disguised as love is moody, unstable and can fester or change into hatred quickly

Where there is lust, there may be mood swings. One day, the man who has lust for a woman may be gentle and sweet to her and the next, verbally abusive and physically violent. Amnon went from one day being sick because he felt he was so in love with Tamar and unable to control what he felt for her (which was nothing but obsessive sexual desire), to excessively despising and scorning her, right after he had quenched his sexual desire for her, by force.

The Bible states: “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone…Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me and bolt the door after her(vs. 15, 17)

18. Lust does not listen to the voice of the woman it has the lust for. The only voice it hears and considers is its own

Lust does not care how the woman to whom the lust is directed, feels or thinks. For to lust, this does not matter, as how she feels is insignificant. Tamar voiced what she thought of the situation both before and after she was raped and gave advice as to what Amnon could do to avoid disgracing her, himself and their royal family. However, Amnon ignored all of her advice, all of her cries, all of her pleas for him not to force her and then not to send her away without taking responsibility for what he had done. The only voice he heard was that of HIS body and HIS will and HIS way.

The Bible states: Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice but being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her…And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone. And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.”

19. The trail that lust leaves is disastrous

Lust leaves more and more disaster in its wake, as time progresses. From Amnon’s lust, the fruit that was borne was disastrous. It went from obsessive sexual desire, to sickness, to deception, to violence, to rape. Then after that, it did not end there. For, after Amnon did what he did, the royal family was disgraced, Tamar was disgraced and ashamed and most likely confined to a life of humiliation and desolation. Amnon now hated Tamar, not a little but “…exceedingly…”

Additionally, David’s relations with Amnon deteriorated (maybe temporarily) as he “…was very wroth” when he heard what had happened. Absalom’s relationship with Amnon his half-brother was also destroyed, although Amnon did not know it until it was too late. For, Absalom secretly harboured hatred for Amnon from that moment on and for two whole years, pretended that he had no problem with Amnon, so as to set up a trap whereby he could have him murdered for what he had done to Tamar.

He succeeded in doing this and then he had to flee from the presence of king David his father. That then led to a period of estrangement and when he was eventually brought back three years later, he subsequently plotted a scheme several years after that, to try to take the throne from his own father, which eventually led to his own death.

IN SUMMARY

There are other characteristics of lust but I only highlighted the ones demonstrated in the Amnon and Tamar story. For example, lust is excessively jealous, possessive, distrustful and controlling. It also sees the woman lusted after, not as a whole person in her own right but as a mere object that exists for the sole purpose of fulfilling the desires of the man who has the lust for her.

If you are in a relationship and notice one or more of the above symptoms, then I recommend that you sit up and really examine what the real nature of that man’s interest for you is. Does he LOVE you or LUST you?

Should you run?

1 Peter 2:11 cautions: “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.”

2 Timothy 2:22 also instructs: Flee also youthful LUSTS: but follow righteousness, faith, CHARITY, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” This is exactly what Joseph in the Old Testament did when Potiphar’s wife approached him in her lust, wanting to sleep with him. He ran so fast that he left his garment behind, in her hand.

We are to therefore run from LUST but follow or pursue after CHARITY, which means LOVE. Within the context of relationships therefore, for the purpose of marriage, we want to align ourselves with a man that will LOVE us and not LUST us.

LOVE

Love in a romantic sense means to be affectionately endeared to someone, whose best interests you are invested in, who you put before yourself and what you may want and who you are prepared to make sacrifices for. It is usually felt for someone that you admire, deeply respect and accept and who you desire to protect from all hurts in the world, if possible.

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF LOVE BASED ON 1 CORINTHIANS 13

Love, also referred to as ‘charity’ is defined in detail in the above scripture, so much so, that if you study it, you would find that it should not be too difficult to tell if the man you may be seeing, really loves you or lusts you.

The scripture declares that love:

  1. Is prepared to suffer long
  2. Is kind
  3. Does not envy
  4. Does not vaunt or puff up itself
  5. Does not behave itself unseemly or strangely
  6. Does not seek its own interest, so is not selfish
  7. Is not easily provoked
  8. Does not think evil
  9. Does not rejoice in wickedness, but rejoiceth in the truth
  10. Is strong enough to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things and endure all things
  11. Does not ever stop or fail but continues to exist.

It is clear from this description of love, that, although lust tries to camouflage itself as love, it is completely different from it, if not close to being the polar opposite of it. No wonder Amnon went from lusting Tamar to hating her so much and so quickly! Lust is really advancing itself and its interests, no matter the cost to someone else, so really, it is pretty close to hatred.

The best example of love demonstrated in the scriptures was seen in the life of Jesus while here on earth. He displayed all of the above eleven (11) attributes and even more. When selecting a person to spend our lives with therefore, we would do well to check whether he truly resembles the Lord Jesus Christ in character and conduct or not. He will not get everything right because he is human but he should be emitting the beautiful fragrance of Jesus Christ, not just in terms of how he treats you but everyone around him.

If his character is significantly flawed, then chances are, his idea of love also is and if he thinks he loves you when he doesn’t, chances are he is not in love with you but in LUST with you.

As I have said in the past, if a man you are interested in tells you he loves you, don’t get too excited and hit the ceiling with euphoria just yet. Ask him what he means when he says he loves you, first. Make sure you are both on the same page as to what love is defined as, before you move forward.

I say this because I have realized that many people have not a clue what true love is and many people enter into relationships with people that have a totally different idea of what it means to say you love a person. For most people, even in Christian circles, saying you love someone means that they make YOU feel special and YOU like how they treat YOU and YOU can see how YOU will benefit from them being in YOUR life and YOU consider them to be an asset to YOU and YOU feel a strong physical attraction for the person and see how they can meet YOUR sexual needs.

Yet, any emotion that is SELF-seeking, SELF-serving and puts SELF over and above the best interests and well-being of the other is NOT love. It is something else disguised as love. Love denies self. Love puts the other person’s welfare first and self after. As a man of God once said, “Love always sacrifices for the object of its affection.” (Pastor D. M.)

Finally, dear Sister in the Lord, you ought not to take it for granted, that once that man is in the Church and is a brother in the Lord (or you consider him to be a brother in the Lord), that he loves you. Amnon was Tamar’s brother, of her own household and therefore, someone she thought that she could trust. However, we see how that turned out.

(Written on 14th September, 2018)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative or edifying, you may also be interested in the following:

  • Note 15 – ‘Does He Love You Fervently?’
  • Note 31 – ‘What Is Romantic Love?’
  • Note 33 – ‘How Much Should He Love Me?’

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