50. HEDGED IN: A SEA OF HURT

Tweet Pin Like Share Email

I wrote an Article about a month ago entitled “A Sea Of Trouble”, not realizing when I named this new Article, “Hedged In: A Sea Of Hurt”, that the titles were so similar. The themes of both are the same but in this Article, I am not going to be giving any advice as I often do or extract any principles of wisdom from the Word of God, for application in our lives. I am simply going to document how I feel, right this moment and how accurate some of God’s servants, in speaking about their trouble, described how I am feeling about all that I am going through, at present.

See, when you consider how hard you’ve tried in life, how far you had hoped to be (because you have always been ambitious and hard-working) and where you are pathetically and you consider the great disparity that lies between…

when you consider how much you’ve been rejected throughout the years, in practically every sphere of life and you see yourself weak, tired, frail, afraid, confused, pressured by those who demand you find a solution to your problems but yet you are not sure what to do next, feel overwhelmed by their many voices and see yourself lying helplessly among the ruins…

when you think on your difficulty, your trouble, the wrongs inflicted against you, consistently from early childhood, to date, by people that don’t even care that they have done so and who have moved on as though they’ve done nothing and left you to pick up the many pieces…

and you think of the shut and padlocked doors in your life which you have been banging desperately against for years, yet they remain firmly intact despite how much you’ve prayed and fasted and repented of sins…

and you think on all that’s STILL coming against you, of all who hate you and are hoping you fail or have already declared you a colossal failure…

or of those who take delight in your trouble or consider you completely worthless, incompetent and treat you accordingly, as if you are a dog, as less than human and therefore afford you little or no dignity…

and you think on those who consider your pain as entertainment, a reason for ridicule, ostracism, condescension, contempt, malice, attack, accusation and condemnation…

and also on the endless wave of discouragement which surrounds you like a torrent and that no one is really rooting for you or cares enough to really help you and all have given up on you, as if you are not even in the land of the living…

and you look out in the horizon through tears and weakness…

all you feel is incredible pain, shame and some level of anger and frustration at being stuck in life with no power of yourself to get out and all you see is A SEA OF HURT.

In light of this, I can therefore identify with the persons who prayed or penned the words in the scriptures below. I often weep as I read them because they are a record of my own life story and experience thus far. They put into words, EXACTLY how I feel.

The scriptures to which I refer are these:

“O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee: Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry; For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave. I am counted with them that go down into the pit: I am as a man that hath no strength: Free among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, whom thou rememberest no more: and they are cut off from thy hand. Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps. Thy wrath lieth hard upon me, and thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves.

Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me; thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I AM SHUT UP, AND I CANNOT COME FORTH. Mine eye mourneth by reason of affliction: Lord, I have called daily upon thee, I have stretched out my hands unto thee.

Wilt thou show wonders to the dead? shall the dead arise and praise thee? Shall thy lovingkindness be declared in the grave? or thy faithfulness in destruction? Shall thy wonders be known in the dark? and thy righteousness in the land of forgetfulness? But unto thee have I cried, O Lord; and in the morning shall my prayer prevent thee. Lord, why castest thou off my soul? why hidest thou thy face from me? I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up: while I suffer thy terrors I am distracted. Thy fierce wrath goeth over me; thy terrors have cut me off. They came round about me daily like water; they compassed me about together. Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintance into darkness.” (Psalm 88)

“O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath: neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore. There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin. For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me. My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness. I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh. I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart. Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee. My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.

My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off. They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long. But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth. Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs. For in thee, O Lord, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God. For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me. For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me. For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin. But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied. They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is. Forsake me not, O Lord: O my God, be not far from me. Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.” (Psalm 38)

“Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life unto the bitter in soul; Which long for death, but it cometh not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures; Which rejoice exceedingly, and are glad, when they can find the grave? Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath HEDGED IN? For my sighing cometh before I eat, and my roarings are poured out like the waters.” (Job 23:20-24)

“Behold, he breaketh down, and it cannot be built again: HE SHUTTETH UP A MAN, AND THERE CAN BE NO OPENING…Wilt thou break a leaf driven to and fro? and wilt thou pursue the dry stubble?” (Job 12:14; 13:25)

“He breaketh me with breach upon breach, he runneth upon me like a giant… My face is foul with weeping, and on my eyelids is the shadow of death…My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God… He hath made me also a byword of the people; and aforetime I was as a tabret. Mine eye also is dim by reason of sorrow, and all my members are as a shadow.” (Job 16:14, 16, 20; 17:6-7)

“He hath FENCED UP MY WAY THAT I CANNOT PASS, and he hath set darkness in my paths. He hath stripped me of my glory, and taken the crown from my head. He hath destroyed me on every side, and I am gone: and mine hope hath he removed like a tree… He hath put my brethren far from me, and mine acquaintance are verily estranged from me. My kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me…All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me.” (Job 19:8-10, 13-14, 19)

“But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people. All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, He trusted on the Lord that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him…I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.” (Psalm 22: 6-7,14-15)

“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come unto thee. Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily. For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth. My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread. By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin. I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow ALONE upon the house top. Mine enemies reproach me all the day; and they that are mad against me are sworn against me. For I have eaten ashes like bread, and mingled my drink with weeping. Because of thine indignation and thy wrath: for thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down. My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass. But thou, O Lord, shall endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.” (Psalm 102:1-12)

“Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication. Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise; Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked: for they cast iniquity upon me, and in wrath they hate me. My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.” (Psalm 55:1-8)

“Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God. They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away. O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee. Let not them that wait on thee, O Lord God of hosts, be ashamed for my sake: let not those that seek thee be confounded for my sake, O God of Israel. Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face.

I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother’s children. For THE ZEAL of thine house hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me. When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach. I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them. They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards. But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O Lord, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation. Deliver me out of the mire, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters. Let not the waterflood overflow me, neither let the deep swallow me up, and let not the pit shut her mouth upon me.

Hear me, O Lord; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies. And hide not thy face from thy servant; for I am in trouble: hear me speedily. Draw nigh unto my soul, and redeem it: deliver me because of mine enemies. Thou hast known my reproach, and my shame, and my dishonour: mine adversaries are all before thee. Reproach hath broken my heart; and I am full of heaviness: and I looked for some to take pity, but there was NONE; and for comforters, but I found NONE.” (Psalm 69)

CONCLUSION

The Word of God is truly for everyone. There are words for those who are on cloud 9, enjoying glorious sunshine and basking in their mountainous experience (which is wonderful) but there are also scriptures that those who are in the valley, dealing with endless turbulence, adversity and trouble at the moment and maybe for weeks, months and even years, (like me), can identify with.

People may not get us or understand the depth of what we are going through but God does and in his Word, there are scriptures recorded of what his children went through, which describe what we are experiencing and how we are feeling, PERFECTLY.

This does bring some measure of solace, as we realize that we are not the first and only person to have gone through these things and to have these deeply painful experiences. We also are reminded that those who serve God are not exempt from sore trials and pain and grief. We are also encouraged, as we are reminded that the God to whom these people prayed and who eventually intervened in their situation to deliver and to bring them out of the horrible pit of pain they were in, is the same yesterday, today and forever. He has not relinquished his throne. He still sits upon it and rules in the affairs of men.

We may not understand what we are going through therefore and truly feel as if we have no more strength to continue to endure what we have been enduring for one more day but in all our pain, in our SEA OF HURT, we know, that God sees us. He hears us. He knows exactly what he is doing, even if we never understand and even if we spend our entire lifetime in our horrible pit of adversity. His ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts and this life, this world, is not about us. We merely have little roles to play in his grand scheme of things and so, our experiences also serve to put things into their proper perspective and keep us humble.

Thank you Lord. Your Word says that in everything we should give you thanks and so I say thank you, for whatever you are doing in my life and whatever you using my little life and my painful experiences, to do. Thank you even for this SEA OF HURT, which, even if I never understand it fully, is not without purpose. Give me the strength to get by each day, each hour and each moment that it should please you to continue to grant me breath (because I truly feel like I can’t bear one more moment of this), in Jesus’ name, Amen.

(Written on 30th December, 2022)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying or you are going through something really difficult (even as I am right now) and need encouragement, guidance or biblical advice, you may be interested in reading the following:

Under the ‘SINGLE Daughters’ page:

Note 14 – ‘Feeling Depressed? Realign Your Focus!’
Note 42 – ‘When That Door Wouldn’t Budge’
Note 50 – ‘Making Sense Of The Awful Stillness – The Process Of Metamorphosis’
Note 70 – ‘Has He Forgotten Me?’
Note 31 – ‘God Loves Persistence – Fight On!’
Note 112 – ‘Lessons I Learned From The Lazarus Story’
Note 135 – ‘Are You At A Low Point In Life And Feeling Depressed Or Distressed?’
Note 154 – ‘They Say I Can’t But By God’s Grace I Will’
Note 196 – ‘A Hopeless End Or An Endless Hope?’
Note 305 – ‘The Lady With The Issue Of Blood’

Also under the ‘BIBLE-Believing’ page:

Note 36 – ‘Faith In God vs Faith In Our Circumstances, People’s Opinions And Our Own Feelings’
Note 71 – ‘…But God’
Note 74 – ‘Whose Report Will You Believe?’
Note 80 – ‘We Serve A ‘Let There Be’ God’
Note 81 – ‘Are You One That Has To See Before You Can Believe?’
Note 82 – ‘Unbelief Cannot Come’
Note 104 – ‘If That Tree Could Talk’
Note 106 – ‘They Can Think Whatever They Like – God Will Do Whatever He Pleases.’
Note 124 – ‘It Is Well’
Note 125 – ‘When God Promises To Write-On A Write-Off’
Note 127 – ‘Left For Dead…Then Resurrected’
Note 174 – ‘Grace And Glory – The Lord Will Help Me’
Note 242 – ‘Feeling Defeated? Check Your Armour’
Note 267 – ‘The Christian And Cloud 9’