81. AN UNLOVING FATHER

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Earthly fathers are expected to love their children, even as God our heavenly Father loves those that are his children. Sadly though, some fathers do not follow God’s example by loving their children but instead, neglect and are abusive to them, whether this be verbally, emotionally, physically, psychologically or otherwise. This is sad and is not the model that God has set for the home and family relationships. In fact, so important is the father-to-child relationship in God’s sight, that in Malachi 4:5-6, he communicated to his people through his prophet Malachi:

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.”

When it comes specifically to the father-daughter relationship, given that women are the weaker vessel, it is expected that fathers would be even more careful, gentle, kind and considerate when dealing with their daughters, as opposed to their sons. However, some are not. They are equally abrasive, harsh and insulting to their daughters as with their sons and sometimes even moreso. In some cases and in some cultures, sons are held in high regard and the daughter completely disrespected or one particular daughter may be singled out for this abusive treatment.

When a father treats his daughter harshly, it sends the deeply wounding message to her that in his view, she has no dignity, no worth, that she is scum, garbage and that he is entitled to bark at, shout or speak roughly to her at any time if he pleases and to attack or insult her, even without justifiable cause.

This then sends the daughter out into society vulnerable, insecure, anxious, afraid (mainly of men), having a low estimation of herself and her worth and on many occasions (except where the grace of God intervenes to protect her from such), it sets her up to align herself with wrong men, who, while they may start off as what appears to be loving boyfriends and spouses, eventually ill-treat and abuse her as well. In the beginning, she thinks of this man as her knight in shining armour who has come into her life to rescue her. She thinks to herself, he is so respectful, treats me with so much dignity, even opens the car door for me when I am getting in! Such treatment where she is treated as special is new to her. Her father at home treats her like garbage. And just like that, she falls for this guy. She tells herself she is in love and the devil uses him to try to mess up her life. Little does she know that it is all an act. The enemy has seen her hurt and pain, knows where she is vulnerable and uses it by sending a man with ulterior motives. She wants to be loved badly because her dad rejected her and the guy plays the part because he is after her body, her future and her legacy.

As a woman, it is important to know what characteristics constitute good fatherhood, as this will give you insight into what traits to look for in a future spouse, not just for yourself but for your children. Don’t just consider whether he is marriage-material but ask yourself the question, “Is he daddy material? Will he set a good example to our children?”

Knowing what qualities a good father possesses, will also help you, in the case where you may be dealing with issues in your life, to realize that some of your insecurities and relationship difficulties may have arisen in part, due to the fact that you either had a father that was never or hardly ever present or who was a poor father to you.

That having been said, guided by God’s perfect example of heavenly fatherhood, I have compiled a list of some of the traits that I believe a good earthly father generally possesses, below.

CHARACTERISTICS OF A GOOD FATHER

1. A good father considers his children to be a BLESSING, not a burden or a curse.

Psalm 127:3-5 states “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.” Based on one definition provided online, the word ‘heritage’ means “a special or individual possession”. If children are considered by God to be an heritage and his reward and that they are expected to bring happiness to a man who has been graced by God to have them, then this means that any good and decent father would regard his children, though imperfect, as precious blessings from the Lord and nothing else.

2. A good father takes DELIGHT in his children.

Psalm 149:4 says of God, “For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people…”. God clearly takes delight in his children and enjoys being a Father to them. Similarly, a good earthly father enjoys fatherhood and finds pleasure in developing and strengthening the relationship he has with his children.

3. A good father is LOVING to his children.

A good father loves his children, no matter what they do, while not approving of their wrongdoing. While God never condones sin, he loves his children dearly. Of such love, 1 John 3:1 states “Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God”.

Where a father genuinely loves his children, certain attitudes will be evident. For example, of what genuine love (charity) looks like, the Word of God states in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.”

As I wrote in an earlier Article, love does not hide. Where it exists, it is felt and known. When a father loves his children, they know it. They feel loved and cared for, even if he does not say the words because his actions demonstrate this. Conversely, children know when they are not loved by their father. He is either indifferent to them (as if they do not exist or are not human beings) or he outrightly exhibits the hatred he feels for them with his words and behaviour.

Any father that does not love all of his children, especially where those children make genuine efforts to win over his favour, to please him and to have a good relationship with him, is a bad father.

4. A good father considers his children to be of great VALUE.

Children are to submit to his authority but a good father understands that his children have God-given worth, value and purpose and treats them accordingly. In the Bible, God makes it clear to his heavenly children that they are precious in his sight and of great value.

His Word states, “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29-31). In Matthew 6:26, Jesus also stated, “Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?” Additionally, in Isaiah 43:4, God conveyed to his people through a prophet, “Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.”

5. A good father RESPECTS his children.

Given the God-given worth, value and purpose of his children and that he loves and cares for them, a good father then naturally treats them with respect, kindness and dignity, in his tone, words and approach.

6. A good father PROVIDES for his children.

A good father works hard to provide food, clothing and shelter to his children, as best as he could.

1 Timothy 5:8 states “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

In Psalm 23, the Psalmist states of God’s wonderful provision to him as his child, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.” God is so faithful in his provision to his children, that in Matthew 6:31-32, after Jesus reminded his disciples of how much better they were to their heavenly father than the fowls of the air which he fed, he stated, “Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.”

7. A good father is INTERESTED in his children.

A good father realizes that his children are human beings with their own issues, problems and needs. Knowing this, he is keenly interested in their lives and what is happening with them at every stage of development and even into adulthood.

8. A good father PRIORITIZES his children.

Life can be busy for fathers but because his children are important to him, he makes time to spend with them, so as to strengthen that father-child bond which he knows is significant. He does not put them on the back-burner while he pursues other ventures or treat them as an after thought. They are at the very centre of his attention, always. Even if he is busy, he makes sure to make quality time for them.

9. A good father LISTENS to his children and has an open-ear policy.

A good father is always ready to listen to what his children have to say, gives them a dignified audience even if he disagrees with their point of view and if so, he voices his disagreement respectfully. He also lets them know that he is available if they ever need to talk about anything or any problem or issue, so that they feel welcome at any time, to go to him with their concerns. The children feel at liberty to come and enjoy his presence because he has made them feel secure in his love.

God loves his children dearly and invites his children into his presence, to pray to him about any issue. In Hebrews 4:16, it states, “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

A bad father is not approachable. Instead of his children feeling safe to come to him with anything, they avoid him, even run for cover and hide, cowering in their rooms when he arrives home because by his actions, he has made them feel afraid and petrified of him. It is sad when adult children still living in the home, still feel the need to do this because they don’t know what mood their father will be in when he gets home. If he is in a good mood, he might laugh with them but if in a foul mood, he might bark roughly at them. The fear these children feel is not the good fear that all children should have for their parents but that which the devil causes. Children tend to fear arrogant, aggressive, rough, harsh, abrasive and abusive fathers and want as little to do with him as possible. Instead of making his children feel secure, he makes them fearful, anxious and terrified by his actions.

10. A good father is INVESTED in his children.

A good father is invested in the holistic success of his children and if he is a Christian, he is mainly rooting for their spiritual success. He is therefore not indifferent to what is happening to them in their lives or uncaring as to how things will turn out but if he is a Christian, he is concerned about their welfare and is always praying for them, not routinely but effectively and fervently.

11. A good father WANTS THE BEST for his children AND GIVES THE BEST to his children, nothing less.

In Luke 12:32, it says of God in relation to his desire to give the best to his children, “Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” Similarly, a good father gives good gifts to his children.

In Luke 11:9-13, Jesus stated: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?” James 1:17 also states that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

12. A good father ENCOURAGES AND UPLIFTS his children.

Psalm 147:3 says of God, who is a good Father to his children, that “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Life can be difficult and a father’s encouragement and support can go a long way. A good father supports, encourages, builds up with his words and helps his child, whenever he can. If he is a Christian, he also edifies.

He is careful not to provoke his children or to pull their spirit down with hurtful, discouraging or harsh words, although he lovingly rebukes when there is need for it, so that they can turn from the wrong path.

Ephesians 6:4 commands “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Colossians 3:21 repeats the instruction, stating, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Proverbs 15:1 also warns, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

In Matthew 18:6, Jesus stated particularly of little children who were Christians and the danger of offending them with words and actions, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.“

13. A good father APOLOGIZES to his children when wrong.

When he does his children wrong, his conscience bothers him and if he is a Christian, a good Father is ashamed of his behaviour and gets convicted of his actions. As a result, he does not cause insult and injury and leave it, as if he has not done wrong and there is no problem but after repenting before God of what he did, he goes in humility to the child and without excuses or pride, says sorry. Some fathers may not do this with words (which is ideal) but they will at least try to make amends by doing something for the child, so that the child will know that he is sorry for what he has done and that this is his way of saying sorry without actually using the words.

14. A good father is EMPATHETIC, KIND AND MERCIFUL to his children.

A good father is merciful and compassionate to his children because he loves them and because they came from him. The Bible says, “Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him.” Psalm 103:13. Although there are times when he may get upset or angry and this may be justifiable therefore, a good father is generally patient and gentle with his children. Anger is not the norm and if he does get angry, it is not without just cause. Even so, he does not hold on to that anger but because he is merciful, he lets it go. This leads to the next characteristic.

15. A good father is FORGIVING to his children.

In Isaiah 1:18, indicating a readiness to forgive his children upon their repentance, God stated through his prophet, “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

In Hosea 14:1-6, longing, out of a heart of love, mercy and compassion, to forgive his people of their iniquity, so that he could then pour blessings out on them, God urged them to come and to acknowledge their wrong, which was necessary for them to receive his pardon.

Through his prophet, God stated:

“O israel, return unto the Lord thy God; for thou hast fallen by thine iniquity. Take with you words, and turn to the Lord: say unto him, Take away all iniquity, and receive us graciously: so will we render the calves of our lips. Asshur shall not save us; we will not ride upon horses: neither will we say any more to the work of our hands, Ye are our gods: for in thee the fatherless findeth mercy. I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him. I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon. His branches shall spread, and his beauty shall be as the olive tree, and his smell as Lebanon.”

In Hebrews 10:17, it states of God in relation to his people and that time in the future when he would put his laws into their hearts and write it on their minds, “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.”

Micah 7:18-19 speaks of God’s willingness to forgive his children. It reads:

“Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.”

Following from the example of our heavenly Father, a good earthly father does not hold on to grudges and vendettas, is not vindictive to his children or vengeful but even when they have wronged him or he perceives that they have, he forgives them completely and does not love or regard them any less. His love for them covers the multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Proverbs 10:12 also states that “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.”

In Luke 15:20-24, the father forgave his prodigal son completely, although he did him wrong. When his son came to his senses and decided to return home to him, the Bible states:

“And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best rose, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.”

16. A good father is THANKFUL for his children.

A good father is thankful to God who gave him children, knowing that they are a blessing from the Lord. He does not take them for granted therefore, as he appreciates them and the privilege afforded to him by God, to be their father.

17. A good father FEARS GOD AND RECOGNIZES HIS FATHERLY RESPONSIBILITY to his children.

A father fearing God is moreso if he professes to be a believer in Jesus Christ. A good father who fears God, understands that he is not always right simply because he is the father and that being a father does not mean he has license to say and do whatever he pleases. He understands that even as he is an authority, he is under authority and the authority he has been given, is from God. He understands and takes seriously therefore, the role of fatherhood afforded to him and operates in the fear of the Lord in his dealings with his children. He knows that God hears and sees all that he does and how he treats them and that if he ill-treats them, vengeance is the Lord’s and he will repay.

In Matthew 18:2-6, it says of Jesus:

“And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

18. A good father SETS A GOOD EXAMPLE for his children.

Proverbs 20:7 states, “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.”

A good father is not perfect by any means but he is a man of character. He is more concerned with living right and pleasing God (if he is a Christian), than appearing to be what he is not, before people. He is not pretentious and about performance but genuinely aims to be a good example to his children. In terms of character, he has traits that are like those of Boaz in the Bible and the Old and New Testament Josephs. He has traits that are like those of his Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ and where he fails, he repents with godly sorrow and tries to make amends. He is always trying to be better than the person he was yesterday and is not content to just remain the same.

19. A good father GUIDES his children.

In Genesis 18:19, God spoke commendably of Abraham’s future parenting skills, stating, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment” Proverbs 22:6 states, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” In 3 John 1:4, of those who were his spiritual children, in that he had brought them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, John stated, as any good father would, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”

The Psalmist said of God his father in Psalm 23:3 “…he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

A good father does not therefore leave his children to their own exploits and to live life as they please but he gives guidance and good counsel to them, so as to help them make the right decisions in life and prevent them from going astray. He does not sit by, neglecting his responsibility to lead (under the guise of love) and leave them to do as they please, as Eli the Priest in the Bible seemed to have been guilty of. Instead, he guides them on to the right path, especially that pertaining to righteousness and godliness, if he is a Christian. This means that he spends time to instruct them out of God’s Word the Bible. Solomon did this in the book of Proverbs, telling his son in chapter 1:8-9, “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.”

Paul, Silvanus and Timothy, in writing to the church of the Thessalonians, indicated how they had exhorted, comforted and charged them, as a father does for his children. They wrote, “As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.”

In Psalm 78:5-7, it says of God and of his desire for the Israelite fathers to teach their children his Word:

“For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments“.

In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Moses told the Israelites:

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

As a father, Joshua made it clear that he would not neglect his leadership role in his home and his responsibility to both live right and guide his household in the ways of the Lord. In Joshua 24:15, he declared “…as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

For as long as a child remains under a father’s roof, him being the God-given leader of the home, if he professes to be a Christian, he should always seek to impart godly wisdom to that child and to instruct that child according to God’s Word. Even if the child is an adult and no longer lives in the home, he should give godly counsel wherever he can, so as to guide that child in the right path. Of course, the best instruction that he can give is to live right before God and with others, setting a good example to the child to follow. If he lives in rebellion to the Word of God but yet claims to be a believer and seeks to give the child what he regards as guidance, this will most likely be rejected, as the child would consider him to be a hypocrite, which is what he would be.

In any event, the counsel of a father that claims to be a believer but who does not live according to the Word, cannot be trusted. It is bound to contain error. If the child is a Christian, he or she will therefore need to take the counsel with a measure of salt and measure it against the yardstick of God’s Word. If it contradicts God’s Word or what the child believes God’s will is, then the earthly father’s counsel should not be followed on the matter, it being overridden by the Word and will of God.

20. A good father DISCIPLINES his children because he loves them and out of love, genuinely wanting to see them improve and change.

A good father metes out discipline to his children. He does not discipline because he loves the power he wields and enjoys inflicting pain on the child but only for correctional purposes, motivated by the love he has for that child. Indeed, it pains him to physically have to discipline where there is need for this or to deprive the child of something where he utilizes other punishments but he does it out of love because it is necessary for that child’s development. Proverbs 13:24 states, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Proverbs 19:18 further instructs parents to, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

Proverbs 3:11-12 states of God’s discipline of his children, “My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction: For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.”

Hebrews 12:5-11 similarly states:

“My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

When children know that they are being disciplined because the parent loves them and wants them to take the right path and the extent of the discipline is appropriate to the wrongdoing, that is the right kind of discipline.

21. A good father PROTECTS his children.

In Psalm 23:4, the Psalmist states of the protective nature of God his father, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” A good father is alert, watchful and vigilant for potential threats and aims to protect his children from them. He is not nonchalant when it comes to safeguarding the people he loves and does not leave them defenseless to wolves who wish to destroy them or mess up their lives, while he is distracted with other pursuits. The security of his children is high in importance. He perseveres to keep them from harm and that which will hurt them and he is prepared to fight fiercely, if need be, to keep them safe.

Although Lot was a righteous man, in my view, he failed in this regard when living in Sodom and Gomorrah. When the two angels came to Sodom (in the form of men) and Lot invited them into his home to show hospitality, the Word of God states that the men of the city gathered around his house and demanded that he bring them out so that they could have sexual relations with them. The men in that evil place openly practised homosexuality which is wickedness in God’s sight and one of the main reasons that he eventually destroyed that city.

In seeking to protect the angels (who Lot apparently realized were servants of God but did not seem to know at the time that they were angels), Lot did the unthinkable, by offering his unmarried daughters to the men, instead. The Bible states:

“…the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter: And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them. And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him, And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.”

This offer did not appease the men and they sought to get into Lot’s house by force. Thankfully the angels intervened then and smote the men with blindness. However, Lot failed to act protectively of his daughters who were still living under his roof. He was prepared to give them over to these horrible men to be sexually abused by them, maybe even to the point of death, if it meant that the angels would be protected. While it was noble that he sought to protect the angels who were his guests, he practically was prepared to throw his daughters to the wolves, so-to-speak. This was not good parenting, as a good father seeks to protect his children at all costs, not expose them to danger when it seems justifiable to do so.

Lot also failed to protect his daughters by the decision he made in the first place, to go and live in Sodom and Gomorrah, an evil and ungodly place. In Genesis 13:10-11, he had only apparently considered what he could gain naturally from living in Sodom with his family and gave no thought to the spiritual ramifications and danger. Of his decision, the Word of God states that:

“Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar. Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east…”

In so doing, Lot exposed his family to the wicked ways of the people there, even failing to protect some of his other daughters by allowing them to marry wicked men from that place. Abraham sent his servant on a long journey to the people from his household to seek a wife for Isaac his son, so that he would not marry the ungodly women in the place where he sojourned. However, Lot did no such thing for his daughters. He allowed them to marry the ungodly men right in Sodom and Gomorrah where they lived. Needless to say, it appears that his married daughters were eventually killed along with their husbands, when God destroyed Sodom. For, Lot tried to warn his Sons-in-Law to leave Sodom due to God’s plan to destroy it but they did not take him seriously and remained, seemingly with their families, which included their wives (Lot’s daughters) and any children they may have borne them in their marriages.

22. A good father is SELFLESS AND SACRIFICIAL when it comes to his children.

A good father is prepared to make sacrifices for the well-being of his children. He is prepared to do without if need be, so that they can be provided for. He does not also selfishly use his children as pawns to the benefit of himself and his schemes but looks for opportunities to enrich their lives always.

In 1 Samuel 18:20-21, Saul made the decision to use his daughter as a strategy in his evil plan, to destroy David. He was willing to give her to David in marriage, in the hope that she would be a snare to him. He was therefore clearly not a good father to his daughter and could not love her, him being prepared to use her selfishly to further his agenda and to give her to a man he considered to be his enemy. The Bible states:

“And Michal Saul’s daughter loved David: and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain.”

Saul did this because all he was was himself. He was self-centred, only concerned about his own interest and was prepared to use his own daughter to that end.

IN SUMMARY:

A man who is a poor father does not consider his children to be the blessing they are, takes no delight in his role as a father and is not loving to them. He does not discipline his children where there is need for this or does it but not out of love but motivated by power. He has no respect whatsoever for his children and instead, has a low estimation of them. He therefore treats them as if they have no dignity.

He does not do his best to provide for them when they are still under his care, is not interested in them and their life story and rarely if ever, makes them a priority. He does not set a good example but is hypocritical, pretentious and of bad character. He fails to give his children wise counsel and guidance and in any event, given the life that he lives, it is hard for them to take anything he says seriously.

He does not generally take the time to listen to what his children have to say and because he is not approachable, they do not go to him with their problems and issues. He is not at all invested in their future and could care less how they turn out, once they don’t embarrass him in terms of the public image he projects.

He is all about himself primarily, a selfish man that thinks mainly of what is best for him, inconsiderate of the feelings and different needs of his children. He may provide food and clothing but neglect their psychological and emotional needs. He does not encourage his children or look for opportunities to support them where he can but is a source of discouragement, often provoking them to anger by his behaviour.

He is unmerciful to his children and unforgiving, using any opportunity he gets to lash out at them, insult them, attack or abuse them. He cares not if his children get hurt in life and in fact, he himself inflicts pain and hurts them, whether through grievous words which stir up anger or his actions. He does not apologize, at least not genuinely so but is wrong and strong, believing that parenthood gives him this privilege. On the whole, he is not thankful for his children’s existence, as he sees no value in it. He considers himself entitled, as their father, to tell them whatever he wishes, however he wishes, considering fatherhood as a blanket licence to treat them as he sees fit, he taking complete credit for their existence, him forgetting that God merely used him as in instrument to bring those children into the world for HIS divine purposes. On the whole, he operates proudly and callously in relation to his dealings with his children, having no fear for the fact that God is looking on.

As women, some of you have fathers that ill-treated you as a child and maybe even still do to this day. Sadly, some of you are adults living in your father’s home still and his verbal, emotional and psychological abuse has continued. On the one hand, the Lord who made you tells you that you have incredible value and worth but on the other, your father tells you (whether expressly or indirectly from his harsh, hurtful, rough, accusing and malicious words) that you are garbage, worthless and treats you like the scum of the earth. Sad to say, there are even fathers that claim to be Christians, who regularly attend Church are well-respected in the gathering and even preach on the pulpit, that treat their daughters in this way and without remorse or repentance.

I say “claim” to be Christians because something is obviously wrong with their faith. If not, how is it then, that they side with the devil to constantly abuse you with their words and/or otherwise and to treat you like a dog, so as to ensure that you feel completely worthless, discouraged and depressed, when God’s Word makes it clear that you are so precious in HIS sight? How can they leave you in tears and broken at home and repeatedly, as a result of their verbal attacks of you and then go to Church like normal, sing the songs, get up and pray and even preach to the congregation? How is it that they do this over and over and never see the grave error of their ways and repent for their great wickedness?

This I do not know. One thing I know though is that vengeance is the Lord’s and he will repay (Romans 12:19). As the Word of God states, such a daughter need not avenge herself, although she will and rightly so, be angry and grieved in heart. All she need do is pray to God, seek his succouring strength and wait on HIS divine timing.

You can ask the Lord to help you to forgive and to keep forgiving if need be, not to become bitter, to still love your father (given that love covers the multitude of sins) and you should pray for him that he will be delivered from the clutches and influence of satan. Rejecting the lying words of your abusive father, you should cling to God’s Word which contains the truth of who you are and your incredible worth in HIS sight and you should walk in your God-given dignity, knowing that you are special, you are loved of God and he has seen and continues to see all you have been going through. You can ask for deliverance from the situation, especially if you are still living at home and are being oppressed by an aggressive father and you should always remember that, even where earthly fathers neglect their responsibility to be good fathers, God never does for those who are his children.

In Psalm 27:10, the Psalmist confidently declared and the same is true of you if you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.” Psalm 68:5 describes God as “A father of the fatherless” and in Hosea 14:3, it says of him, “for in thee the fatherless findeth mercy.”

(Written on 20th – 25th April, 2025)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following:

Under the ‘VIRTUOUS Daughters’ page:

Note 2 – ‘Woman, You Have Worth!’
Note 8 – ‘Your Royal Lineage – Daughter Of Dignity’
Note 9 – ‘Who Is A Nice Person?’
Note 13 – ‘A Virtuous Woman’s Immense Worth’

Under the ‘BROKEN Daughters’ page:

Note 9 – ‘When Family Disappoints’
Note 19 – ‘What Jesus Thinks Of You Is All That Matters’
Note 24 – ‘Are Some People Intent On Painting You Black?’
Note 25 – ‘The Bummer Lamb’
Note 38 – ‘Is Your Family Dysfunctional?’
Note 41 – ‘Do You Feel Broken?’
Note 42 – ‘When You Are For Peace But They Are For War’
Note 50 – ‘Hedged In – A Sea Of Hurt’
Note 52 – ‘You Matter!’
Note 53 – ‘Character Assassination’
Note 54 – ‘Afflicted And Tossed With Tempest’

Also, under the ‘SINGLE Daughters’ page:

Note 36 – ‘Stressful Attacks – How David, Hannah and Jehoshaphat Handled It’
Note 208 – ‘Signs That That Work Colleague, Relative Or Church Member May Be Toxic’
Note 270 – ‘Did You Imagine The Abuse?’
Note 320 – ‘Wanted – Real Men’

Additionally, under the ‘BIBLE-BELIEVING Daughters’ page:

Note 36 – ‘Faith In God vs Faith In Our Circumstances, People’s Opinions And Our Own Feelings’
Note 125 – ‘When God Promises To Write-On A Write-Off’
Note 127 – ‘Left For Dead…Then Resurrected’
Note 161 – ‘Overcoming Oppression – Spiritual Warfare’
Note 176 – ‘How You Gonna Curse Who God Has Blessed?’
Note 177 – ‘What A Love!’
Note 182 – ‘How It Feels To Be On The Wanted List’
Note 219 – ‘Languishing Leadership’
Note 243 – ‘Overcoming That Accusatory Spirit’
Note 249 – ‘Called To Honour People, Not To Worship Them’
Note 256 – ‘When You’re A Target Of Raging Warfare’
Note 308 – ‘Respectful But Resolute’