(The Information & Edification Series – Batch 7)
What gets me upset about narcissists (or whatever you may call people who display the characteristics of a narcissist) is that they are merely content to PAINT A PICTURE a certain way for the eyes and opinions of people, not to actually WORK ON CREATING OR BEING what the picture purports. That is, they only care about making people THINK of them in a certain way and so expend all their energy PERFORMING, STRATEGIZING, COVERING, MANIPULATING, CURATING and HOODWINKING to achieve this desired result. Incredibly, none is spent on actual introspection (which would require them to be honest with themselves) and trying to change.
It always shocks me afresh, that deep down, they have no desire to change! How could this be? I would ask myself. How could they be doing these horrible things and think that it is okay? Don’t they fear God? Don’t they realize that he sees and he knows?
Yet, narcissists have no desire to have their hearts transformed and for their character to change and so they exert no effort whatsoever, to actually try to become the lovely people that they constantly pretend before people, to be. Their only endeavour, that which they devote much of their time to, is to make people THINK that they are lovely, good, kind and noble people.
This is very troubling. This is very sinister. It is heartbreaking to see persons, people you may even care much about, just content in their bad behaviour, content in all their sin, wearing their wickedness like a badge of honour and stubbornly, rebelliously living life unto themselves, without any fear of God. They may even embrace religion but never the Lordship of Christ. They would not have him to rule over them and their hearts. They wish to remain in control and to do as they please!
It is sad to realize that such people (even if they seem religious and are avid Church goers) are not at all interested in actually repenting before God and changing within. Indeed, so sad is their state, that but for God’s intervention, it seems that they are incapable of repentance!
Once people think of them in the favourable way they want them to and believe their great performance, then for them, all is well in the world. They need do nothing else. Nothing else needs to change. They can continue to be who they are, to abuse those they wish to abuse behind closed doors and to even enjoy it. They take delight in having two faces, one they present to the world and one they dish out to those who know their true selves. They pride themselves on being such excellent actors, that people think they’re so nice and sweet. They feel threatened and will go into overdrive, strategizing, if any person tries to blow the cover on their public persona. In such situations, they don’t think: How can I change my wicked ways but how can I regain control over this situation? How can I make sure that people continue to think highly of me and how can I take vengeance on that person who has threatened to blow my cover?
For the narcissist, the goal is never to try to change, to work on self and to seek God for help in their broken condition but to just fool people. This and many other reasons is why I maintain, that narcissism is not a mental or medical condition or a personality disorder as some people seem to think. It is spiritual and has its roots in satan.
There is a dark and diabolical spirit behind it and only the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ could intervene to break the devil’s hold on that person. Only the Lord could so break them, that they see themselves as they are, become disgusted with their own wicked ways and become able to repent.
Before people can repent, they must see themselves for how they are not how they have fooled people to think they are. They can’t accept or hide behind the false narrative that they have crafted for themselves, that they are wonderful people, when they’re not. They must see themselves for how vile and wretched they really are and be disgusted with what they see. This loathing for what is within is then to lead them to confession before God (based on the truth) and repentance, based on genuine godly sorrow.
If you have had the misfortune (as I have had) of having to deal with a narcissist, there is something important that you should note. You can’t ever change a narcissist, so don’t even try. You can’t get them to see reason, no matter how you present the facts or how well-intentioned you may be or how much you care, so don’t even waste your time. Don’t exert energy either, getting all upset and bothered and fretting over their wicked ways. They love it when you do so. While you stress and hurt and wonder how could they do what they did, they REMAIN UNMOVED AND UNCHANGED. Their hearts are like stone and as I said before, only Jesus Christ could break it.
These are not people that are struggling with their sinfulness or some weakness that they are trying to overcome. No. They are not trying to overcome anything. They are completely fine in continuing on exactly as they are and this is the problem.
The best thing you can do therefore (in my view) is to leave them alone. Let them be and don’t allow the wicked things they will certainly continue to do to try to provoke you (and without an ounce of repentance) affect you. I know that this is hard but be strong in the Lord and in the power of HIS might. Also, take the battle, which is definitely a spiritual one, to the Lord. Fight in the spirit by interceding in love, on behalf of that person. Persistently ask God to deliver that person from the devil’s bondage, so that he or she can see himself or herself as the Lord sees him or her and to acknowledge how wicked he or she really is.
It is wickedness to do wickedness and to be comfortable in it, without remorse and without repentance. It is wicked to make one’s only endeavour, to try to fool people into believing one is noble, without hating one’s wicked way.
Ask God to give that person the ability to repent therefore, as repentance is necessary as a precursor to salvation. If a person cannot repent and does not repent, then even if he or she seems religious, that person is not saved. That person could be frequenting the Church meetings and doing much so-called ‘ministry’ and have everybody fooled but he or she is still unregenerate.
Ask the Lord to therefore enable the person to see how evil and sinful he or she is, to believe HIS WORD, to be sorry for his or her sins and to truly come to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. Those that will gain access to heaven are not those that performed well on earth and got people to think of them in glowing terms but those that have genuinely confessed that Jesus is Lord and submitted their lives to his Lordship, through faith and repentance.
If you’re dealing with someone that is a narcissist, maybe a family member, a Church member or a work colleague, note that only two things work for the narcissist. Only two things have the power to break the devil’s hold and they are EFFECTUAL, FERVENT, PERSISTENT INTERCESSORY PRAYER and THE GOSPEL OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.
Nothing else you do, trying to mend bridges and create peace, will work. Taking them to a Psychologist or having a sit down and chat will not work. They will NEVER see reason because they live lives in rebellion to the truth. Deep down, they hate truth and so, despite the wickedness they do daily, are content to believe the false narrative that they are lovely people, without any need to change.
I have addressed this issue of narcissism at length in earlier Articles. If you wish to know more about it and in particular, what the Word of God has to say about it, I recommend that you read the following:
- Note 270 – ‘Did You Imagine The Abuse?’
- Note 291 – ‘Can A Narcissist Be A Christian?’ (See under the SINGLE DAUGHTERS page)
- Note 203 – ‘How Important Is Truth To Christianity? (See under BIBLE-BELIEVING DAUGHTERS page)
If you are a Christian, then whatever you may be faced with don’t let a narcissist steal your joy. They will certainly try to do so but hold fast to God’s Word and use the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT. Remember, “…we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
There may be much that grieves you but they don’t care. Their hearts are like impenetrable walls that you cannot get through to. They are content in their folly, content to continue being who they are. You may desire peace but it is impossible in your own strength because war is in their heart. As the Word of God states in Psalm 55:19 of wicked people and therefore, it definitely includes the narcissist, they have no changes. The Psalmist concludes that therefore, this is evidence that they have no fear for God.
In Psalm 55, the Psalmist prays to God, due to the oppression of the wicked. What he says in his prayer is about the wicked in general but to my mind, it describes very well and even with precision, the exact experience a person has when having to put up with a narcissist. It mentions the deception, the war in the narcissist’s heart against those they have purposed to target and how, such people are completely devoid of repentance.
It talks about the accusatory spirit that is a hallmark of the narcissist, always eagerly looking for opportunities to accuse those that they target of any weakness they can spot but also with lying words, forever trying to “…cast iniquity upon…” the child of God.
It also conveys the deep pain and sometimes helplessness that one feels, pain that the narcissist inflicts and pain at the situation in general, especially if the person is someone that is supposed to be close to the one being oppressed and is supposed to therefore be giving off the opposite of what he or she is doing. There is nothing more that a person who has to put up with a narcissist on an ongoing basis desires, than to escape from it all. For, a narcissist is toxic and continually creates tempests and storms. He or she hates peace and so is forever creating drama and trouble, even if he or she uses subtle means to do so.
The Psalmist knew enough to realize that only God could deliver him from what he was going through. Only he could sustain him. Despite the wickedness of mankind, he knew that God was still faithful. In the midst of the storm and the turbulence, despite all of his pain, God remained faithful. HE was still KING UPON THE FLOOD.
Psalm 29:10-11 states: “The Lord sitteth UPON the flood; yea, the Lord sitteth KING for ever. The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.”
The Psalmist in chapter 55, therefore resolved to pray to God about the issue he faced persistently, without giving up, until God sent relief. He prayed:
- “Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication. Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise; Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked: for they cast iniquity upon me, and in wrath they hate me.
- My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and BE AT REST. Lo, then would I wander FAR OFF, and REMAIN in the wilderness. Selah. I would HASTEN MY ESCAPE from the windy storm and tempest.
- Destroy, O Lord, and divide their tongues: for I have seen violence and strife in the city. DAY AND NIGHT they go about it upon the walls thereof: MISCHIEF also and sorrow are in the midst of it. WICKEDNESS is in the midst thereof: DECEIT and GUILE depart not from her streets.
- For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.
- …As for me, I will call upon God; and the Lord shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and HE shall hear my voice. He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many with me.
- God shall hear, and afflict them, even HE that abideth of old. Selah. Because THEY HAVE NO CHANGES, therefore they fear not God.
- He hath put forth his hands against such as be at peace with him: he hath broken his covenant. The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but WAR WAS IN HIS HEART: his words were softer than oil, YET THEY WERE DRAWN SWORDS.
- CAST THY BURDEN UPON THE LORD, and HE shall sustain thee: he shall NEVER suffer the righteous to be moved.”
(Written on 10th September, 2022)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, beneficial, edifying or informative, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 161 – ‘Overcoming Oppression – Spiritual Warfare’
- Note 203 – ‘How Important Is Truth To Christianity?’
- Note 224 – ‘Dear Enemy Of My Soul, I Will Not Retreat!’
- Note 241 – ‘Fearless Against Our Foes’
- Note 242 – ‘Note To Self: Feeling Defeated? Check Your Armour’
- Note 243 – ‘Overcoming That Accusatory Spirit’
- Note 246 – ‘Imposters Among Us’
Under the ‘SINGLE Daughters’ page:
- Note 35 – ‘Who Are Your Enemies?’
- Note 36 – ‘Stressful Attacks – How David, Hannah and Jehoshaphat Handled It’
- Note 41 – ‘Silencing The Naysayers’
- Note 103 – ‘I Will Trust God With My Enemies’
- Note 105 – ‘Are You Putting Yourself In The Line Of Fire?’
- Note 107 – ‘After They Have Done Their Worst, Yet Still I Rise’
- Note 111 – ‘What The Enemy Is After’
- Note 39 – ‘Why The Enemy’s Attack Is My Cue To Sing’
- Note 208 – ‘Signs That That Work Colleague, Relative Or Church Member May Be Toxic’
- Note 270 – ‘Did You Imagine The Abuse?’
- Note 277 – ‘When Family Disappoints’
- Note 291 – ‘Can A Narcissist Be A Christian?’
Also, under the ‘BROKEN Daughters’ page:
- Note 24 – ‘Are Some People Intent On Painting You Black?’
- Note 38 – ‘Is Your Family Dysfunctional?’
- Note 42 – ‘When You Are For Peace But They Are For War’