328. ABRAM – LOVING BUT LEARNING TO LET GO

(The Faith Forum Series – Batch 12)

In Genesis 11:27-28, it reads “Now these are the generations of Terah: Terah begat Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran begat Lot. And Haran died before his father Terah in the land of his nativity, in Ur of the Chaldees.”

Abram who God later renamed Abraham, therefore had two (2) male siblings, one of whom died. This deceased sibling, Haran, had a son called Lot and he was therefore Abram’s nephew.

The Bible further states in verse 31 that Abram’s father Terah took him Abram, Lot the son of Haran and Sarai, Abram’s wife and went from Ur of the Chaldees to go into the land of Canaan and that when they came unto a place called Haran, that they dwelt there. Abram and Lot therefore lived in the same place, along with Abram’s wife and father.

Terah later died, which verse 32 informs us and at some point after this, Abram was called by God to leave his country, his kindred, meaning his relatives and his father’s house, to go to a land that he God would show him. Chapter 12:1-3 states:

“Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and FROM THY KINDRED, and FROM THY FATHER’S HOUSE, unto a land that I shew thee: And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.”

What a promise for a man to receive! God was telling Abram that he had a good future and purpose planned for him and that he would bless him but not where he was living. He wanted Abram in faith, to leave his father’s house and his relatives and to follow his leading to a and unknown to Abram but know to God.

In faith, Abram departed with his wife Sarai but he carried Lot his nephew with him. It is clear in the scriptures, although not expressly stated, that Abram and Lot shared a close bond. It may have well been, that, Lot’s own father having died early on, that Abram thought of Lot as a father would a son. Lot had been living in the same area with him and Sarai his wife, so when God make this wonderful promise of a life of blessing for Abram, it may have been only natural for Abram to want and to even expect Lot to share in it and be a part of it, him not regarding Lot as one of the kindred from whom he was to separate from.

Verses 4-5 states:

“So Abram departed, as the Lord had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran. And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother’s son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.”

As Abram moved from place to place, Lot went with him. When a famine arose where he was and he decided to go down into Egypt, he sojourned there for some time and when he was leaving, the Bible states in Chapter 13:1 “And Abram went up out of Egypt, he and his wife, and all that he had, and Lot with him, into the South.”

Although Abram took Lot his nephew with him when he left his father’s house though and every where he went thereafter, it does not seem to have been God’s intention for him to remain with him, Lot being one of Abram’s kindred and of his father’s house. Despite how close Lot was to him and how much he meant to him therefore, it seems that God required complete separation, before he would fulfill the promises he made to Abram.

Many years later, through his prophet Isaiah, God told the descendants of Abraham, “Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you: for I called him alone, and blessed him, and increased him.” No mention here was made of Lot.

Lot was a godly man which the scriptures attest but the call and the promise made according to God’s divine purposes was to Abram alone, not Abram and Lot.

Not surprisingly therefore, while Abram and Lot continued to dwell in the same place and their assets expanded, a strife arose between Abram’s herdmen and Lot’s, due to there not being enough space for all the animals that they both possessed to dwell together.

Verses 5-7 reads:

“And Lot also, which went with Abram, had flocks, and herds, and tents. And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together: for their substance was great, so that they could not dwell together. And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle: and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelled then in the land.”

Abram clearly valuing the relationship that he had with Lot, did not want any strife to fester between them and their herdmen. As a result, he allowed Lot the first choice, to choose between two places for him and all that he had to dwell, stating that he would take the option that Lot did not choose.

The Word of God states:

“And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen: for we be brethren. Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will go to the left.” (vs. 8-9)

This may have been painful to Abram, given that he clearly loved Lot his nephew and had a close bond with him. However, for the sake of preserving the good relations, he realized that it was necessary for them to separate from each other, as they had expanded with possessions, to the point where it was impossible for them both to continue to live in the same space.

There is no record that Lot opposed the suggestion. The Bible states:

“And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered every where, before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar. Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; and Lot journeyed east: and they separated themselves the one from the other. Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.” (vs. 10-12)

Lot therefore evaluated the choices and because all the plain of Jordan looked good to the eyes, it being well-watered everywhere like the garden of the Lord and the land of Egypt, Lot considered this to be the better of the two options and journeyed there. No doubt, he must have considered this to be a good business decision for his future prosperity. However, he gave no thought, it seems, that the plain of Jordan would require him to live in a place where his tent faced Sodom, an ungodly place that was ripe for God’s judgment. In his evaluation, he considered the material possibilities it seems, without considering the spiritual implications on him, his family and what a move in this direction might mean for his legacy. At no point did the scriptures state that Lot sought the Lord for counsel or hesitated in moving to the place he moved, by reason of the wickedness of the people who lived there. No. It seems that Lot was excited about the potential that this well-watered place held for the nourishment of his animals and the further material expansion of himself.

Nevertheless, although it did not happen immediately, Abram was finally separate from all of his kindred and those of his father’s house, which was the command that God had initially given him. Interestingly, it was only after Lot had left, that the scriptures state:

“And the Lord said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward: For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever. And I will make thy seed as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be numbered. Arise, walk through the land in the length of it and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.” (vs. 14-17)

God therefore renewed his promise with more specific details to Abram, after Lot had been separated from him.

Yet, for Lot, although he had entered and was sojourning in a place that looked like a good place to live for the future prosperity of him and his family, he had some unpleasant surprises. For, a war among kings arose and Lot found himself in the middle of it! On the one side, there was the king of Shinar, the king of Ellasar, the king of Elam and Tidal, the king of nations and on the other side, the king of Sodom, the king of Gomorrah, the king of Admah, the king of Zeboiim and the king of Belar.

What Lot may not have known when he looked in the direction of Sodom and saw that it was well-watered and therefore materially promising business-wise, was that Sodom, Gomorrah and other lands were in bondage to the king of Elam at that time or would end up being in bondage to this king, after he set up his tent to toward Sodom. Such lands were not as free as they appeared therefore. Sodom, Gomorrah and the other servant lands served the king of Elam for twelve (12) years the Bible states but then in the thirteenth year, they rebelled. As a result, the king of Elam joined forces with the kings mentioned earlier, to fight against the kings and their people.

During this battle, the Word of God states that the people fighting on the side of Elam “…took all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their victuals, and went their way. And they took Lot, Abram’s brother’s son, who dwelt in Sodom, and his goods, and departed.” (Ch. 14:11-12)

Lot therefore found himself caught up in the politics of the people where he lived and was taken captive. As a stranger in that land, he had no one there to save him. Yet, his uncle Abram heard about what had occurred and no doubt motivated by his love for Lot, he did not sit and mourn what had befallen him but got up and acted. He was determined to save lot and therefore risked his own life and that of the servants living with him, to deliver Lot from his captives and to ensure that he was safe again.

In verses 13-16, it reads:

“And there came one that had escaped, and told Abram the Hebrew; for he dwelt in the plain of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol, and brother of Aner: and these were confederate with Abram. And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan. And he divided himself against them, he and his servants, by night, and smote them, and pursued them unto Hobah, which is on the left hand of Damascus. And he brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people.”

Lot was therefore saved because God allowed Abram to come to his rescue. Had he not chosen to live where he had chosen to live, all that had occurred would not have, yet, Lot did not relocate even after this ordeal. He did not open up his spiritual eyes and say to himself that the place he was living was no place for him, as a righteous man and his family to dwell and to therefore move on to somewhere more distant. No. Lot chose to remain in the land where he had pitched his tent despite the wakeup call he received, him apparently not realizing that, despite all of the glitz and glamour that this land seemed to represent in terms of the potential for material advancement, expansion and prosperity, it was a cursed land and one earmarked by God for imminent destruction.

In Genesis 18:20-33, the Lord appeared unto Abram with whom he had a close relationship and among other things, informed him through three men who he had sent, of his plans to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.

Abram had no interest in the people of Sodom and Gomorrah which were undoubtedly wicked and were steeped in homosexuality, among their other sins. However, given that Lot was living in the vicinity of these people, this seemed to be his motivation, as he sought to change God’s mind. He clearly was concerned as to what would befall Lot and his family, if God destroyed the land. He therefore advocated it seems, on his behalf, although he did not mention him specifically by name.

The Bible states:

“And the Lord said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous; I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know. And the men turned their faces from thence, and went toward Sodom: but Abraham stood yet before the Lord. And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked? Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein? That be far from thee to do after this manner, to slay the righteous with the wicked: and that the righteous should be as the wicked, that be far from thee: Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?

And the Lord said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes. And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes: Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it. And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty’s sake.

And he said unto him, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there. And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty’s sake. And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten’s sake.

And the Lord went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.”

It seems that, having put forward his best case and realizing that it was altogether too weak, Abram finally came to the realization that, as much as he loved Lot and wanted to ensure that he was protected and safe, there had to come a point where he had to let go.

When God told him to leave his kindred and his father’s house, he took Lot with him and as he had moved from place to place, Lot remained with him. Clearly, given that God had promised to bless him, it would not have been farfetched to believe that he wanted Lot to benefit from this as well. However, they had to part ways and as he continued in one direction, by faith, Lot went in another, based on what appeared good to his eyes.

When Lot was in danger, Abram showed up to fight against his enemies and to deliver him and all he had from their captivity. Yet, Lot did not make the decision after this to leave the place that he lived and to travel further, trusting God by faith, to take care of him. No. He remained in the place which was well watered, although he knew the people were wicked and their ways vexed his righteous soul everyday.

In 2 Peter 2:6-8, it says of what God did to Sodom and Gomorrah and of Lot’s experience when he lived there:

“And turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrha into ashes condemned them with an overthrow, making them an ensample unto those that after should live ungodly; And delivered just Lot, vexed with the filthy conversation of the wicked:(For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds)”.

Now that God was determined to destroy this very place, Abram seems to have come to the realization, that as much as he had done for Lot and had willed him to be blessed, as much as he had fought for him, both physically and with arguments, there was nothing more that he could do at this stage. He could not keep saving Lot from the consequences of his choices.

So after God communed with him, Abram returned to his place. God was merciful but given that he had purposed to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, it was clear that although Lot was a godly man, there were not even ten righteous souls living in that place, which was shameful.

Abram therefore gave up it seemed, resigning himself to accepting the inevitable. God knew that Lot was a righteous man, although living among unrighteous people and so Lot’s portion was in his hands.

There is no indication that God let him know at anytime that he had plans to save lot out of Sodom and Gomorrah before he destroyed it and that he would give even his ungodly sons-in-law advance notice and the opportunity to get out. There is also no indication that Abram asked anything further. He seemed to have accepted that, whatever the just God decided to do would be best, even if it meant this his beloved Lot would be destroyed.

In Genesis 19:24-25 and 27-29, after God’s angels had led Lot, his wife and two of his unmarried daughters to safety, it reads:

“Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven; And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground…And Abraham gat up early in the morning to the place where he stood before the Lord: And he looked toward Sodom and Gomorrah, and toward all the land of the plain, and beheld, and, lo, the smoke of the country went up as the smoke of a furnace. And it came to pass, when God destroyed the cities of the plain, that God remembered Abraham, and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, when he overthrew the cities in the which Lot dwelt. And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.”

Certainly, the extent of Abram’s love for Lot his brother’s son was commendable. So strong was it that God, in his mercy, remembered Abraham, how his heart was for Lot and sent Lot out of the midst of the overthrow, for his sake, it seems.

Whether Abram eventually heard of Lot’s portion in the aftermath of the destruction and that he and two of his daughters had been spared by God and were living in a cave, is not known. He may have heard, he may have not. It does not seem that they ever crossed paths again.

In any event, it is sadly clear that Lot’s legacy, although he was a just and righteous man was marred. One decision to go where he went and to remain there, perhaps in complacency, caused him to lose everything. Specifically, he had lost all of his earthly possessions which he had to leave in Sodom when he was taken out by God’s angels from it. He lost his wife, who, although she left Sodom, had disobeyed the instruction not to look back and so was turned into a pillar of salt. He seemed to have lost even his self-respect, his dignity and the opportunity to leave a good testimony. For, he ended up living what appeared to be a lonely life with just he and his daughters, in a cave and away from other people and as if this was not sad enough, his daughters having apparently learned the immoral ways of Sodom where they had had their upbringing, gave him alcohol to drink to the point where he became drunk and then had sexual relations with him, so that they could both get pregnant. Lot’s legacy therefore, was shamefully, the people of Moab and the people of Ammon, the names of the sons that his daughters bore.

Contrastingly, Abram went on to be greatly blessed of the Lord, as he told him he would be and had a lasting legacy, so much so that many generations later, Paul wrote to the churches at Galatia and it remains true even today, “So then they which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham.”

In meditating on the account given of Abram and Lot this morning, the lesson was clear.

There are people that we may be affiliated to, whether it be a family member, a friend or even a love interest, where it is difficult and painful even to break off our relations with such people or to separate from them. However, by reason of the choices that they have made and keep making, in addition to what God wants to do in our lives, where he wants to take us and what he has called us to, we have to leave them and their baggage behind.

We have to accept certain things, including our limitations. We may went the best for these people but we are limited in what we can do for them. We cannot will those we love to make the right choices in life, to take the right steps and to value the spiritual above everything else. We cannot always be there to save them from danger or to prevent them from getting hurt and suffering immeasurable loss. There is only so much that we can do and the truth is, there are some things that we just need to let go off and to accept that we are powerless to change them or to influence a positive outcome.

The persons that we love, want the best for and are eager to protect, must at some point, accept responsibility for their own choices, their own decisions and their own actions in life. What they reap, even if it is pain, hardship, shame and a messed-up legacy is beyond our control. We may grieve, we may weep for them but we cannot avert the disaster that awaits, if they persist on making bad choices, of doing as they please and not allowing God to lead their lives.

We cannot spend our limited time here on earth running after them, ensuring that they are safe and delivering them whenever they find themselves in a mess because of their poor choices, no matter how much we love them. We have our own lives to live and if God has called us unto purpose, we cannot afford the constant distraction that comes with a loved one who keeps ending up in trouble due to bad decisions and does not turn from the way of error to the way of life.

We cannot be weighed down forever with their burdens There comes a point when we must let go and leave them in the hands of almighty God. There comes a time when we must simply accept that what is, is and focus on our journey and relationship with Christ. We can continue to pray for our loved ones and to hope for their welfare but we do not have the power to save them from disastrous outcomes. Like us, they have the power to seek the Lord, to humble themselves under his mighty hand and to allow him to fill them with his wisdom, so that they will do the things that please him and not themselves and in so doing, secure a bright future and a lasting legacy.

(Written on 20^th September, 2025)

Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following: