(The Faith Forum Series – Batch 6)
There is a person in my life, who has accused me of one thing or another, all my life. For as long as I can remember, even as a small child, this person was always after me, coming to me to tell me something that I did not do good enough or should have done that I did not do and of how I should be but had failed to be, even telling me that I would end up like an aunt who everyone considered a failure, as she had never gotten married, had no children and no proper job like the average person.
To a large extent, due to this and other abuse I suffered from her and other people, I grew up with what one would call extremely low self esteem, feeling worthless, incompetent, nervous, tense, defensive (especially when around her) and fearful of life in general.
Thankfully though, when this person left for another country in her early adult years, I had time for the first time in my life to breathe, to find out who I was in peace and God did a beautiful work in me, healing much of the damage and giving me beautiful confidence in him.
When she realized that I had grown in confidence while she was away, I remember how shocked she was and not in a good way. She even accused me of being condescending during a conversation, which I told her was far better than what I used to be, when I used to cower under her attacks. Needless to say, many years later, as adults, this person has changed her tactics (because she realizes, to her dismay, that I now have self-worth, as given by God, am stronger spiritually in Christ, older and that despite all the damage she worked so hard to inflict, to keep me in my place and suppressed, that the joy of the Lord is my strength). Yet, unrepentantly, she is still at it!
I am truly exhausted to be quite honest. After many years of accusations, accusations, accusations (something that made me cry much in the past) and knowing that it is not done to truly help me but to maliciously inflict hurt, to make me feel bad, guilty, worthless, to make me know my place, to make herself feel better about herself and superior, to take me down a notch and to make me less confident, assertive and joyful (which she hates), I am truly weary of the nonsense.
I have no desire to be competing with this individual but all her life, she has felt the need for some reason, to compete with me. In her mind, this means, among other things, that she must always look for opportunities to insult me or tell me something that will make me feel bad or guilty. For, she has purposed that this will be a popularity contest and that to win, she must present herself as good and loving and me as evil and wicked. She therefore does everything to strengthen this lying narrative, even maligning my name to others, hoping that they too will accept that she is good but me evil. I have refused years ago, when I realized what she was up to, to play and so, I have left her to have her way and to keep manipulating situations and how people regard both of us for her benefit, UNTIL GOD CHOOSES TO INTERVENE.
Believe it or not, what Diotrephes was doing in the Church in 3 John 1:9-11, prating with malicious words against God’s people, who he perceived as a threat to his desire to dominate and to have the preeminence, some people do in families (both immediate and extended), to maintain the spotlight and to be considered the most popular. They try to keep you stuck unfavourably in the corner of people’s minds and work tirelessly to do so, so that they can occupy the most favourable spot and promote themselves as wonderful.
In the Bible, Paul stated of what Diotrephes was doing:
- “I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not. Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church.”
This is similar to what narcissists do in families. To advance, they believe that they must pull whoever they are competing with, down. To flourish, they must drain someone else. They wish to have the preeminence in the minds of others and so they reject whoever they perceive as competition (for whatever reason) and seek to get others to do so as well, by speaking maliciously about you to them. Their intention is to cast you out (not physically from the family) but in the minds of others. In other words, to cause others to dislike, resent and look down at you.
They have decided that they will be the favorite in the minds of others and so they set about calculatedly to do just that, working hard to secure the ‘accolade’ as ‘the favorite’, in the minds of parents, siblings, in-laws, cousins, nephews, nieces and other relatives, working overtime and doing all that will brand them as sweet, while trying to nastily discredit you to these very people, through badmouthing, searching for anything they can possibly use as ammunition against you and other subtle means. They will put on a grand performance for years, to ensure that this lying narrative (which they have concocted in their minds), that they are so good but you so evil, is entrenched as well in the minds of others. Such is the depth of this wickedness.
In short, they work hard to make sure that the story that they have concocted, not just about themselves but about you is believed. In this way, people are manipulated without even knowing it. Their strings are pulled like puppets, without them even realizing it and they buy in to the lies of the devil.
In the case of the person of whom I speak, she has been doing this for years and it has grieved me to the core but when I realized what she was doing, I resolved that I would NOT be playing her games. I refused to join in the competition to be the most highly favoured and so, she has had free rein, to enjoy herself and do as she pleased. Looking on, even on how well she has worked to create discord between me and family members, I have committed the issue to almighty God, who sees all and judges righteously.
I refuse to vie with her and turned off completely by her tactics (which I find to be utterly distasteful), I have left her to enjoy herself in this regard. To a large extent, she has succeeded in completely fooling other family members into believing that she is so wonderful a person, while making sure that they also believe (and trying hard to make me too believe, through accusations), that I am wicked, evil and horrible.
Not surprisingly, someone exhibiting the accusatory spirit is also sometimes a full blown narcissist and in my case, I have realized that the person is exactly that! I have therefore been praying for the person, for years, as narcissism is a spiritual thing, a diabolical work of the enemy, not a mental condition. Only Jesus could therefore break that deep-seated wickedness, so that the person will have the capability to humble herself, see herself for how ugly her heart really is and repent.
My sincere desire for this person who, despite her hating on me, I love is that by the grace of almighty God, she will one day come to the end of herself, that she will humble herself under the mighty hand of God, see the ugliness of herself and her ways and repent, meaning to have godly sorrow over her sin.
Narcissists are very self-important and want to be all-prevailing. They see life as all about them and are not prepared to share the spotlight. In light of this, whoever they perceive as a threat, they actively compete with even when the person is not competing with them. They will actively work to dull your shine, to discredit you, so that they can shine brighter and secure their place in the minds of people, working hard to get them to believe that they are the best, that they are the kindest, the most good, the sweetest and that you are the opposite and can’t possibly begin to compare. That is the thing with narcissists. They are not content to just proclaim themselves as wonderful. They feel the need to also work hard to discredit or pull down or attack others, to ensure that they shine brightest. They therefore present themselves to the world as awesome and at the same time, actively work to make you look bad in the eyes of others and feel bad, through their constant accusations.
After being accused by the same person of something again recently, which, unfortunately, erupted into an argument (I was in shock as to the flimsy circumstance she was using to launch her accusatory stance against me), I confronted her on what I perceived was a wicked spirit of accusation operating through her and trying desperately to take me down at all costs.
Of course she deflected and projected, trying to throw more accusations my way, telling me I love to give advice but don’t like to take it. Interestingly, she has not been in a position to see any person give me advice or how I respond to it so she meant advice from her. She therefore was trying to hide her wicked accusatory spirit under the guise of trying to give advice. Yet, it was of course rejected as she has long proven in many situations throughout the years, that she is not at all about my welfare. When I’ve been down and out, on most occasions, she has either abandoned me or been there to drive the nail further in and with malicious words, to kick me further down, not to encourage, support or uplift. Additionally, knowing that she is operating under the devil’s instructions and like him, has demonstrated time and time again that she hates the truth of God’s Word, of course, I will continue to reject all of her so-called ‘advice’, which comes laced with contention and a desire to provoke me, not peace.
She also said that I like to give advice, which I knew mainly had to do with my choosing to publish the gospel and the truth of God’s Word on my Facebook page and otherwise. She has always had a problem with this and has tried to silence me in the past. Needless to say, I am not surprised. Instead of being silenced by her voice of discouragement, I went and opened a Website and continued to write as I felt led and today, look what the Lord has done!
During that last accusation, she, a full-blown narcissist and therefore, not at touch at all with reality and having very little, if any self-awareness, had the audacity to accuse me of having no self-awareness. It was not at all surprising, as that is what narcissists do. They take what is true of them and try to hand it over to you.
After years of unrepentant provocation and harassment from her and others, which has riled me up, made me defensive, angry at times and aggressive and which I have long realized as an effect of the abuse I have endured and have been asking the Lord for help for healing and to remove, she also had the audacity to tell me (when she should have been apologizing for her years of wickedness against me) that I behave combative and as if I am in a battle. Once again, that is what narcissists do. They create havoc and do damage and then pretend that they had nothing whatsoever to do with the mess that they created or contributed to.
I told her that yes I was in a battle, that this was spiritual warfare and that despite all that she was doing and all that was happening, I knew that I would overcome because GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME, than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4).
Of course, that would have angered her more but I did not care. I’ve learned to state what the Word of God says, when under attack. The enemy cannot withstand the Word of God which is powerful and sharper than any two edged sword.
I also told her that, having discerned what had been happening and what I’m up against, I have been writing about it. Of course, she dismissed this, scornfully telling me something to the effect, that she hoped my writings would help me. She may have dismissed it but I am mindful of God’s Word, which states about victory in warfare over the enemy, “And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb, and by THE WORD OF THEIR TESTIMONY…” (Revelation 12:11).
Ironically, this person has no problem fraternizing, socializing and even taking pictures with people of the world, blatantly unrepentant ‘professers’ of Christianity, who use their time daily, not to promote God’s Word and the things that edify but folly, adulterers and even those guilty of sodomy, who have still not accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as Saviour and therefore are still in their sins. She sees no need to accuse these people or to separate from them (although she calls herself a Christian) but considers them her close and chummy friends, worthy of respect and honour but you, a child of the King, who, though not perfect are genuinely trying to live for the Lord, she has a problem with and feels the need to come after relentlessly, to accuse, of anything that she can find.
Last evening, in reflecting on the incident, I wrote:
We have the victory. Hallelujah!
The enemy of our soul is relentless. He hates truth and one thing he loves to do, in addition to deceiving people is to accuse the brethren. He is at it day and night, never letting up and watching their every move like a hawk with the intention of getting opportunity or the semblance of same, to accuse God’s people. He does not do this for their profit or because he cares about their welfare but for their hurt and to further his diabolical agenda.
Knowing that they are imperfect and hating the fact that they have been perfected by Christ and therefore are justified, loved, special and favoured of God (when he is not), he sets for them, overly eager to spot anything that looks like failure (both real and imagined) or that could even remotely be used to further his evil purpose.
NEVERTHELESS, he and all his minions are but DEFEATED FOES. For, it is written:
- “And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him. And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: FOR THE ACCUSER OF THE BRETHREN IS CAST DOWN, WHICH ACCUSED THEM BEFORE OUR GOD DAY AND NIGHT. And they overcame him by THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB, and by the word of THEIR TESTIMONY…” (Revelation 12:9-11).
Psalm 37 echoes the same sentiments as the above. It tells us that, “The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.” (v. 32). Praise be to God though, who is always faithful to those that are his. For the scripture continues, “The Lord will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.” (v. 33)
It is also written:
- “There is therefore now NO CONDEMNATION to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit…What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, WHO can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
- WHO shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. WHO is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. WHO shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
- As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS through him that loved us. For I am PERSUADED, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:1,31-39 KJV)
If you realize that the enemy of your soul is constantly using someone or people to advance his wicked purposes and particularly through a spirit of accusation, calculated to suppress, derail, distract and undermine your efforts, to keep you from being all that God has called you to be, to prevent you from doing his work, making God-ordained progress in life and to reach your full potential IN CHRIST, then:
- ONE – Take it to the Lord in prayer. He always operates from a neutral perspective, sees the entire picture and loves truth. He will guide you as to whether you should completely dismiss the accusation or if there is any aspect or fragment that you should take note of and in love, help you to fix it. Sometimes he will let you know that you can dismiss it because the accusation is nothing but frivolous and vexatious or one where the person or people desperately grasped at straws, using any nonsensical thing or situation they could find so as to pick a fight with you or took a molehill and deliberately tried to turn it into a mountain.
- Sometimes, there is some truth or inkling of truth in what has been said and indirectly. If so, if there is any aspect that you should take note of (and it is usually couched in a sea of lies, half-truths and innuendoes (meaning sly insults) because that is what the devil specializes in and so he distorts, exaggerates, insults and tells half-truths), the Lord will bring it to your attention and in love, help you to fix it. He is about helping to fix and uplift, not accusing to destroy and pull down. If this is the case, then although the accusation was maliciously meant for evil, God uses it for good (Genesis 50:20).
- At the same time, he protects and upholds you, while dealing with the venomous foe, whose intention is never to build, edify, encourage, support, uplift or help but only to undermine, guilt into paralysis, suppress, take you down a notch and to destroy.
- TWO – Separate yourself if need be and to whatever extent necessary. Proverbs 22:10 puts it nicely. It says, “CAST OUT the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease.” In the case of those hiding within the Church membership as sheep but really being wolves and advancing the devil’s purposes, trying to undermine you and your purpose, Romans 16:17 states, “Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”
As Believers, we need to stop seeing people and begin to see that it is the devil operating through people, to get at us. It is written: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS in high places.” (Ephesians 6:12)
The greater a threat you pose, the more intense are his attacks. But we have the victory, hallelujah! As it is written: “Ye are of God, little children, and have OVERCOME THEM: because GREATER IS HE that is in you, than he that is in the world.” (1 John 4:4)
Therefore, as it is written:
- “FRET NOT thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. TRUST IN THE LORD, and DO GOOD; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. DELIGHT THYSELF ALSO IN THE LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. COMMIT THY WAY UNTO THE LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And HE shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
- REST in the Lord, and WAIT patiently for him: FRET NOT thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. CEASE FROM ANGER, and FORSAKE WRATH: FRET NOT thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be. But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
- THE WICKED PLOTTETH AGAINST THE JUST, AND GNASHETH UPON HIM WITH HIS TEETH. The Lord shall laugh at him: FOR HE SEETH THAT HIS DAY IS COMING. The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation. Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be BROKEN.”
- “The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him. The Lord will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.” (Psalm 37:31-15, 32-33 KJV)
By the way, when you quote scripture, the enemy gets MAD. He hates truth so he hates it. Keep on quoting it therefore. Keep on stating ‘It is written’.
It is what Jesus, our perfect example did, when the devil tried to tempt him. The Word of God is part of your armour, the Sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17). It is a weapon that you must use to pile blows upon the enemy. He is bound to retreat. He is bound to flee (James 4:7). For the enemy CANNOT withstand the Word of God because it is like a fire and a hammer that BREAKS the rock in pieces (Jeremiah 23:29 KJV)
P.S: The enemy knows the Word too and so will try to use it in his diabolic plan to try to take you down. He did it with Jesus so you are not exempt. Be prepared therefore.
In closing, a verse in Romans 8 states, “It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us…”
This reminds us of something important. The devil makes accusations for our hurt but the Lord Jesus Christ, our good Shepherd, makes intercession for our welfare. Even when he rebukes and chastens, it is done in love for our benefit, so that at the end, it will yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11).
Whereas an hireling gives the impression that he is there to help the sheep (much like a person commissioned by the devil to constantly accuse someone, tries to give the impression that he is saying what he is saying out of concern), he doesn’t really care for the sheep but Jesus, the good Shepherd, does. This is quite clear as when the sheep is in serious danger, the hireling does not help. He leaves the sheep to fend for itself. Ironically, I have noted the same to be true of the person that keeps accusing me. She is never usually there for me when I’m in a pickle but abandons me and even insults and ridicules me, to make me feel as bad as possible.
Finally, whereas the devil is all about killing, stealing and destroying and that is the real intent of the constant accusations from the accuser, Jesus is about uplifting and helping. His motive is pure. The motive of the accuser of the brethren and his minions is not.
In John 10:10-15, Jesus himself stated:
- “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep. The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
(Written on 22nd and 23rd May, 2022, added to thereafter)
Dear Reader, if you found the above Article to be interesting, informative, beneficial or edifying, you may also be interested in reading the following:
- Note 242 – ‘Note To Self: Feeling Defeated? Check Your Armour’
- Note 161 – ‘Overcoming Oppression – Spiritual Warfare’
- Note 203 – ‘How Important Is Truth To Christianity?’
- Note 224 – ‘Dear Enemy Of My Soul, I Will Not Retreat!’
- Note 241 – ‘Fearless Against Our Foes’
- Note 242 – ‘Note To Self: Feeling Defeated? Check Your Armour’
- Note 246 – ‘Imposters Among Us’
Additionally, under the ‘SINGLE Daughters’ page:
- Note 35 – ‘Who Are Your Enemies?’
- Note 36 – ‘Stressful Attacks – How David, Hannah and Jehoshaphat Handled It’
- Note 41 – ‘Silencing The Naysayers’
- Note 103 – ‘I Will Trust God With My Enemies’
- Note 105 – ‘Are You Putting Yourself In The Line Of Fire?’
- Note 107 – ‘After They Have Done Their Worst, Yet Still I Rise’
- Note 111 – ‘What The Enemy Is After’
- Note 39 – ‘Why The Enemy’s Attack Is My Cue To Sing’
- Note 208 – ‘Signs That That Work Colleague, Relative Or Church Member May Be Toxic’
- Note 270 – ‘Did You Imagine The Abuse?’
- Note 277 – ‘When Family Disappoints’
- Note 291 – ‘Can A Narcissist Be A Christian?’
Also, under the ‘BROKEN Daughters’ page:
- Note 24 – ‘Are Some People Intent On Painting You Black?’
- Note 38 – ‘Is Your Family Dysfunctional?’
- Note 42 – ‘When You Are For Peace But They Are For War’